OH MY GOD! How long has it been?! I can only apologise for the lack of updates, life has been hectic to say the least! I've read this back so many times that its partially lost meaning so God knows what you lot will think of it! Given its been so long, all I ask is that you're kind! Reviews are most welcome, try and be nice as I'm feeling quite delicate at the moment. Death by flu is never fun!

Oh and the name of the chapter is after the Keane track of the same name, I suggest you listen to it as you read this as it was the inspiration for most of the chapter. Hope you enjoy! xxx

Allie Dunham stared down at her feet in mild disgust, only now in the faint light coming from the bedside lamp, becoming aware of just how muddy they were. Grass and small twigs clung to her toes whilst streaks of wet mud marred her skin, tracing patterns over the delicate bones as they wiggled against the wooden floors of her and Pete's bedroom.

"I thought you'd be asleep," Pete muttered, perching on the edge of one of the bedside tables as he watched her.

"Huh?" she looked up from her feet and blinked almost as though she had forgotten he was there. "Oh um…I couldn't really sleep that well…so I just…"

"Thought you'd head out to the swings?" Pete finished for her, the hint of a smile just evident in his voice.

Allie stared back at him for a moment, drumming her fingers on the bedrails she was leaning against. He looked like hell; the dark circles hanging under his eyes making him seem much older than his 29 years.

"Where'd you go?" she asked finally.

"When?" Pete frowned.

"Tonight," she clarified. "After you left…I didn't want to follow you in case…"

In case you rejected me again, her brain finished for her mockingly. Because that's ultimately what happened, kiddo. You asked the man you love to be there for you and he knowingly shot you down.

"Follow me?" Pete shook his head.

"I saw you," Allie admitted. "When I was watching the video…I don't think you knew I was watching but I could see you in the reflection of the screen." She bit her lip and wrapped her arms around herself. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Like what?" Pete shrugged.

"I don't know," she snapped. "Anything you wanted! I was sat there and you just…"

"I just what?" Pete prompted.

"Ignored me," she glared at him. "Again,"

"I'm not ignoring you, Allie," he half laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Fuckin' 'ell you 'ave no idea how much I wish I could,"

"You wish you could ignore me?" she repeated. "Jesus, that's just what I wanted to hear,"

"Don't make this harder," he whispered, shaking his head.

"What? What the hell are you on about, Pete?" Allie almost shouted, catching herself at the last minute, not wanting to wake the kids.

Pete looked down at his feet and sighed, closing his eyes and taking a much needed deep breath before pushing himself upright and away from the table.

Allie followed his movements as he shuffled from foot to foot, her heart dropping down to her stomach as he twisted his wedding ring off of his finger and rolled it back and forth.

"Pete?" she asked, her voice shaking as she too stood upright. "What's going on?"

Pete didn't answer her; instead he just stared at her from across the room with tears in his eyes.

"Pete?" she whispered, a sole tear running down her cheek as she shook her head lightly. "Baby?"

"I can't do this anymore, Allie," he shook his head.

"Can't do what?" she cried, gritting her teeth to stifle the sobs that were building up in her throat.

"Pete," she snapped, running over to stand in front of him, Allie cupped his face and forced him to look at her. "You brought me up here to talk, so talk…"

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this," Pete whispered brokenly as he pressed his cold lips against her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Allie," he whispered, making her stomach seize and her throat tighten. "I'm so, so sorry…"

"Stop talking like this…" she spat, trying to pull back from him. "Just stop it…"

Pete looked down at her for a second, his blue eyes trained on hers with a fierceness that she didn't know whether to fear or not.

"Allie…" he whispered, shaking his head.

There were so many questions buzzing around her head in that moment, so many thoughts that she was too scared too voice in case she didn't like the answer she got.

"Are we ok?"

The words left her mouth without her knowledge, her voice sounding like that of a stranger as it echoed through the cold, blustery room.

Pete simply continued to stare at her, his breath coming out in harsh pants as he clenched and unclenched his fists by his sides, a sure sign that he was stressed and struggling for control.

Not knowing what else to do, Allie simply cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, her heart skipping a beat as his eyes closed and he began kissing her back. His tongue swept over hers and she moaned lightly, running her fingernails over his shoulders, knowing that it drove him crazy.

"No," Pete mumbled against her lips. "Allie…stop…"

Her eyes snapped open and she recoiled almost as though he had slapped her.

"We're not doin' this…" Pete shook his head, meeting her eyes with a hardness that she didn't see often.

"Do what?" Allie whispered. "I'm just trying to make things better…"

"How?" Pete half shouted. "What's your plan, Allie? How is this gonna make anything better? We're fucked! Look at us!"

He gestured between them wildly before linking his hands together behind his head and turning away from her to look out of the window.

"So tell me what to do…" Allie begged. "Christ, help me out here, Pete. I'm lost, I don't know what I'm meant to do or say or…"

"What if there's nothing we can do?"

His voice was so quiet that she barely heard it and what she did hear, she prayed was a mistake.

"What?" she hissed.

"Allie, since Lara died…"

"It's got nothing to do with that!" she shouted angrily. "Don't you dare fucking throw that back at me!"

"I'm not throwin' anything at you!" Pete snapped, spinning on his heel and coming to face her again. "I'm just tryin' to suss out when the fuck you changed…"

"I'm the one who's changed?" Allie snorted. "I'm the one stood here trying to work out our marriage and you-…"

"What fuckin' marriage, Allie?" Pete screamed, seemingly forgetting that his son and daughter were asleep down the hall. "We barely talk anymore, you won't let me touch you, you close up around me every time I get close…what kind of marriage is that?"

"Oh so this is all my fault, right?" she laughed.

"No," Pete shook his head. "No its not, but you ain't exactly makin' it fuckin' easy for me."

"I lost my best friend!" Allie shouted, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Yeah, well so did I!" Pete snapped. "I 'ad to sit there with 'er when she was dyin' Allie. I had to hold her hand while she struggled to breathe, knowing how much pain she was in, knowing that there was fuck all I could do to help her and the whole time I felt lower than shit because part of me was glad…part of me was so glad that it wasn't you."

Allie looked at him in shock, her bright green eyes brimming with tears as she shook her head slowly.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I've been keeping it in for the past fucking month!" Pete screamed. "Because I should 'ave been able to tell you this weeks ago but I couldn't because I was too fuckin' busy walkin' on eggshells around you to even think about all the shit that I was going through!"

"I know how hard it was for you to lose Lara, I know how much you loved her but what about me? Why do I have to lose you as well as her?"

"You haven't lost me," Allie shook her head.

"I haven't lost you?" Pete snorted. "Allie, I don't know who the fuck you are anymore! I watched our wedding video the other night and all I kept thinking was 'what happened to that girl'? What happened to the woman I fell in love with?"

"She just lost her sister!" Allie cried. "That's what happened, Pete and if you don't have the patience to-…"

"Patience?" he squinted at her. "Allie, I've had all the fuckin' patience in the world but there's only so much I can put up with. You ignore me, you won't let me touch you, you practically refused to look at me the whole way through the funeral I mean…" he shook his head.

"I'm sorry," she cried, clasping her hands together and taking a step towards him once again. "God, Pete I don't know what else to say, I just…"

"I think I need to get out of here for a while,"

The words stopped Allie in her tracks and she stared up at him in horror, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she actually managed to let out a short, startled laugh.

"W-what…" she shook her head. "Are you joking?"

"Allie…" Pete sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Sweetheart…"

"You're leaving?" she whispered brokenly. "You're leaving me?"

Pete's head snapped up and with more power than he was sure he had in him in that moment, he pushed himself up away from the wall, striding towards her until his body was but a hairs breath from hers.

"No," he told her firmly, cupping her face and forcing her to look at him. "No, alright…"

"Then why…" Allie's voice broke, her eyes trained on his, her breath coming out in harsh pants.

"We can't keep doing this, babe," he whispered. "If we keep pretending everything's fine we're gonna end up going fuckin' nuts…"

Allie stared at him in horror, shaking her head as much as she could with his hands still holding her in place.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, the silence passing between them anything but easy.

Brushing his thumbs over her delicate and tear soaked cheek bones, Pete let his hands drift down from Allie's face until they were at his side.

"I should probably get some stuff together…" he whispered, his eyes trained on the floor. "I'll uh…I'll take enough for the rest of the week and see what happens,"

"No," Allie sobbed, shaking her head as he stepped away from her and bent down, pulling a suitcase out from beneath the bed. "Pete, please…"

"Allie," he murmured, standing up straight and rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. "Babe, I don't want to do this…"

"Then don't!" she cried, running over to him and ripping the case from his grasp. "You don't have to do this, alright? I don't want you to…just stay…stay with me and we can…"

She trailed off, her heart breaking as he shook his head and looked at her with tears in his eyes as he yanked a drawer open and threw some clothes in, not letting himself really think about what he was doing. He just needed to get out of there. He needed not to look at her, every time he did he felt his resolve weakening and even if it was killing him to walk out, they both needed the space right then.

Allie stumbled backwards as she watched him pack, her stomach clenching as she fought the urge to sob any louder. He was leaving her. Pete was leaving her.

"I'll call you," he told her, his voice quaking as he zipped up the case. "I promise,"

"Pete," she begged. "Baby, please don't do this…"

"You'll be alright," he whispered, placing a fast kiss on her forehead. He turned quickly, wanting to get out of there as fast as he could without meeting her eyes but suddenly she was tugging on his hand, throwing herself into his arms and pressing her lips against his.

Pete deepened it instantly, dropping the case to the floor and gripping her hips, pulling her so close that he could feel every inch of her. The sensation made his stomach flip and his heart pound, his fingers playing with the hem of her camisole, pleased when he felt the goose bumps on her skin, the soft moan of his name passing her lips.

The feel of her fingers on the buttons of his shirt served as some kind of wake up call and with more force than he'd intended, he pulled back panting as the lust and adrenaline pumped through his veins.

"No," he shook his head. "Fuck, Allie we're not doing this, we can't,"

She didn't say anything, she didn't even look at him, instead turned to brace herself on the bed rails, her head hung low in defeat.

"Allie…" he reached for her, his fingers barely brushing against her back before she recoiled.

"Don't…" she snapped. "You want to leave, then leave, I'm not stopping you,"

"I love you," Pete told her honestly, meaning the words in that moment just as much as he had when he'd first uttered them to her. "I love you so much,"

Allie closed her eyes and bit her lip hard as yet more tears poured down her face, the taste of his kiss still on her lips making her feel slightly sick.

"You have to know that this isn't it for us," he told her firmly. "I still love you, ok? This isn't the end,"

He waited for a few minutes to see if she would say anything, to see if she would at least look at him before he left. Part of him didn't want her to, knowing how broken he must have looked in that second. The tears streaming down his face were stinging his eyes, making the dimly lit room seem nothing more than a soft amber blur.

Closing his eyes for a second, he whispered the words again and then stepped out into the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind him and not letting himself look back.

Allie waited until the door had clicked shut before she opened her eyes, the echo of his voice still drifting hauntingly around the room.

"I still love you…this isn't the end…"

"Then how come it feels like it is?" she whispered to herself, meeting her own eyes in the mirror for a second before taking a deep breath and with a scream that would no doubt wake the whole house, throwing it along with everything else on her dresser onto the floor.

"Don't wake him up,"

"He looks like shit, what happened to him?"

"He left Allie,"

"He did what?"

"Would you lower your fuckin' voice? I said he left Allie,"

Pete opened his eyes and squinted at the ceiling, the light thankfully blocked by the forms of Benjamin and Chris as they stared down at him.

"Sorry brother," Benjamin smiled tightly before glaring at Chris. "I told 'im to be quiet but…"

"You daft bastard," Chris snapped. "Have you lost you're fuckin' mind?"

"Chris!" Benjamin snapped, slapping him around the head. "Shut your fuckin' mouth,"

"No," the younger Ellis brother shouted, pointing down at Pete. "You had the keys to the golden kingdom and you threw them away! What are you gay or something?"

"Fuck off," Pete grumbled, rubbing his eyes and forcing himself upright. "Either make me some coffee or fuck off,"

"I'm not making you shit," Chris folded his arms. "Not until you explain yourself,"

"You do realise I could kill you with one punch, don't you?" Pete mumbled.

"Yeah, but you do realise I'll still think you're a tit, don't you?" Chris shot back.

"Christopher," Benjamin cleared his throat. "Be a good little girl and go and make the coffee, yeah?"

"But…"

"Chris," Benjamin shook his head, giving his brother the look that he knew better than to mess with. "Please, mate,"

Snorting at Pete in disgust once more, the younger man turned on his heel and stomped into the kitchen, not bothering to try and be quiet as he slammed the door behind him.

"Sorry mate," Benjamin winced as Pete stared up at him angrily. "You know what he's like,"

"Yeah," Pete nodded, standing up and preparing to make up the sofa bed as he had done for the past four mornings.

"So have you uh….have you spoken to her yet?" Benjamin asked tentatively.

"Nope," Pete shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Fuck me, what is this? 20 fuckin' questions?" Pete snapped. "I've only just woken up bruv, do you fancy backing off a little bit?"

"I'll back off when you grown some balls and pick up the phone," Benjamin shrugged. "Fuckin' hell Pete, you've been here four days and you've not so much as sent 'er a text,"

"She knows I'm alright," he grumbled. "I told her I'd call,"

"She's your wife, Pete!" Benjamin laughed. "Fuckin' hell brother! You can't keep ignoring her,"

"The reason I left Steve's was because I couldn't deal with this shit," Pete glared at him. "He's got an excuse for being a cunt, he's my brother. What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Benjamin laughed. "I don't know brother, what is it that you want me to do? You rock up here at 5 in the fuckin' morning telling me you've left Allie and you want me to do what? Ply you with beer, take you to a strip club and try and get you laid? Fuck off,"

"You know that's not what this is," Pete snorted. "I 'aven't left 'er…it's just…we need the space,"

"God, you sound like such a little bitch," Benjamin laughed. "So you've got problems? Boo-fucking-hoo! Do what everyone else does and grow some balls and talk to her about it,"

"Get him, brother!" Christ cheered, backing into the room with two mugs of coffee.

"Chris, fuck off," Benjamin pointed at him before turning back to Pete. "You've got two more days here and then you're going back home,"

"What?" Pete frowned. "Ben, you're supposed to be my mate!"

"I know brother," the dark haired man nodded, his icy blue eyes trained on Pete's. "That's why I'm not gonna sit here and watch you fuck up the best thing you've got going. Two days," he held up his fingers to emphasise the point. "Then either you call Allie and tell her where you are or I will."

Pete watched as he left the room, brushing past Chris who continued to stare at him.

"Go on then," he snorted. "Throw your two fuckin' words of wisdom in,"

"I'm not saying a word, Pete," Chris laughed. "If you want to fuck up your life then be my guest, but I just think you're fucking selfish for willingly throwing away something that most people would kill for,"

"And what do you know about it?" Pete shouted. "Do you have any idea how hard the last couple of months have been?"

"Yeah mate, I do," Chris nodded. "But that just makes it even harder to understand…you've already lost so much, why the hell are you risking losing Allie as well?"

"I'm not losing anything," Pete snapped, his anger getting the better of him. "Allie knows that this is just a break,"

"Right," Chris snorted. "And what if when you're done moping around, she's not ready to take you back? Have you thought about that?"

"It was my idea to leave," Pete shook his head.

"I know," Chris nodded. "And that's why you'll only have yourself to blame if she does what you've always been afraid of,"

"What's that then?" Pete raised an eyebrow.

"Realise that she can do better," Chris shook his head. "Because for years I thought that you two were perfect for each other, but you know what? You were right to begin with…you're not good enough for her."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Pete gritted his teeth, striding over and slamming the younger man back against the wall.

"Yeah I do, brother," he smiled sadly. "Because you know as well as I do that Allie would have never left you,"

Pete's eyes widened and his hands fell away from Chris' t-shirt where he had pinned him.

"See," Chris met his eyes. "You know I'm right, don't you?"

Pete didn't bother replying, instead he walked out of the door, slammed it behind him and headed for the one place he knew no one would bother looking for him.

Natalie Dunham stared at the handsome blonde as he squinted down at the piece of toast on his plate, his bright green eyes glued to it as though he'd never seen it before.

"Are you gonna eat that or what?" she asked finally, forcing Harry Harding's eyes up from the kitchen table.

"Huh?" he frowned. "Oh, uh…no actually, I'm not hungry,"

With a shrug, Natalie reached across the table and snagged the bread, crunching into it and wrinkling her nose in disgust as the taste of lime marmalade filled her mouth. What was it with posh people not having any taste buds?

"Is Allie awake yet?" she asked, spraying a few crumbs down onto the material of her sweater.

"I don't know," Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I knocked earlier but she didn't answer so…"

"She can't keep doing this," Natalie shook her head. "Staying in bed all bloody day and only coming down at night when she thinks we're all asleep…its fuckin' weird,"

"Yeah well if you're prick of a cousin hadn't upped and left we wouldn't have this problem, would we?" he snapped, snatching the plate off of the table and storming over to the dish washer where he all but threw it inside.

"Hey, this wasn't all Pete's fault ok?" Natalie frowned. "I know he can be a right fuck up when he wants but even you've gotta admit that the Pallie Express was bound to crash and burn at some point,"

"Like you know anything," Harry snorted. "You're probably doing a happy dance inside…you hated my sister from day one,"

"'Course I did," Natalie nodded, completely unfazed by the accusation. "She was a bitch but that doesn't mean I don't like 'er now,"

"Then why are you so happy they've broken up?" he asked her.

"I'm not, Harry," Natalie shrugged. "All I'm saying is she can't keep sitting up in that room all day its not good for her or Poppy and Alex. I mean, what the fuck is she even doing up there?"

Looking up at the ceiling, Harry frowned and shook his head.

"You're asking the wrong guy, kiddo," he shrugged. "I don't have a fucking clue,"

"Well, there's only one way to find out," she raised her eyebrows, swallowing the last of the toast and pushing herself up from the table.

"What are you doing?" Harry frowned. "Nat…"

"I'm just gonna go say hello," the brunette shrugged.

"And then tell her to get the fuck up and sort her life out?" Harry finished for her as he followed her upstairs.

"Oh Harding," Natalie grinned over her shoulder. "You know me so well,"

"Nat, you can't just storm in like this ok?" he jogged after her. "Allie's in a mess, alright? She's lost and she's confused and she's…"

"Not here," Natalie finished, frowning into the room as the door swung open revealing a perfectly made bed and no sign of the blonde in question.

"What?" Harry snapped, shoving past her and glancing around the room. "Allie?" he called. "Allie?"

"I think its safe to say she's not here," Natalie scratched the back of her head. "So what now skipper?"

"Fuck if I know," Harry breathed. "All I know is that I'm not really in the mood to play Where's Wally with my sister,"

"Oh come on, this is Allie," Natalie scoffed. "She's gonna be one of three places, work, with Pete or with Lara…"

At the mention of Lara's name, Harry gulped and looked down at the floor, trying not to show how much it had affected him.

"You really think she'll be there?" he asked.

"I think it's worth a shot," Natalie nodded. "You want me to go there?"

"Nah," Harry shook his head, not quite meeting her eyes. "I've got to go there some time, right?"

Allie sat with her back to the cold tile wall, staring at the strange faces as they boarded the train, pushing past each other in a feeble attempt to get to their destination quicker.

Drumming her fingers against her tight clad knees, she tried to ignore the glint of her wedding ring, taking a deep breath and swallowing against the cold.

It seemed so odd looking around her now eight years on how big a part this little train station had played in her life. How one night, one decision had led her to be sat here today.

Picking up her half empty cup of coffee, she sipped it half heartedly, shuffling out of the way when she heard someone cough behind her.

The footsteps which had built up behind her didn't pass and she tilted her head up, prepared to tell whoever it was to go to hell but upon meeting the eyes she knew all too well the words got stuck in her mouth.

"Hi," she practically whispered.

"Alright?" he met her eyes and she found herself unable to look away even though she wanted to. "I uh…I reckon we're long overdue a talk, don't you?" "Yeah," she nodded numbly, clambering to her feet, congratulating herself for not reaching for his hand to help her. "Yeah, I think so,"

Ooooh...who could it be?! You hopefully won't have to wait too long to find out. Given I've lost my voice and am bed ridden, I don't have a lot else to do with my time! :D Please leave me a nice review to cheer me up! Thanks for reading and for being so patient with me! xxx