Chapter 8: Choices
Rose wakes up the next morning with a dreadful feeling in her stomach. She has a slight headache from the beer last night, but the dread she knew would come from talking to Cal. She gets up and dresses. She walks out to breakfast and sees that Cal is waiting for her. She folds a napkin in her lap and tries to avoid his gaze. They are halfway through breakfast when Cal speaks to her.
"I had hoped you would come to me last night," Cal says, eerily in a gentle voice.
"I was tired," Rose mumbles
"Yes. Your exertions below decks were no doubted exhausting." Cal growls.
"I see you had that undertaker of a manservant follow me," Rose mutters
"You will never behave like that again! Do you understand?" Cal warns her.
Rose's stomach drops out and she can feel Cal's temper rising. "I'm not some foreman in your mills than you can command! I am your fiancée"
It is then that Cal explodes, sweeping the breakfast china off the table with a deafening crash. He moves to her in one shocking moment, glowering over her and gripping the sides of her chair, so she is trapped between his arms. Rose's heart is in her throat as she is forced to look Cal in the eyes.
"Yes! You are! And my wife... in practice, if not yet by law. So, you will honour me as a wife is required to honour her husband! I will not be made out a fool! Is this in any way unclear?" He barks angrily.
Rose's tears are frozen in her eyes and she breathes heavily, scared to say anything. Cal then gets up and leaves the room as if nothing happened. Trudy, her mother's maid comes in. Rose swallows hard and looks at the maid.
"We... had a little accident. I'm sorry, Trudy," she says pathetically.
...
She then goes to dress for church. Her mind is still reeling from the shock of Cal's outburst as she laces up her mother's corset.
"You are not to see that boy again, do you understand me, Rose? I forbid it!" her mother says.
"Oh, stop it, Mother. You'll give yourself a nosebleed." Rose snaps, angry over everyone having control over her life. She turns to walk away from her mother.
Ruth pulls away from her, and crosses to the door, locking it and preventing Rose's escape. Ruth grabs her daughter to face her.
"Rose, this is not a game! Our situation is precarious. You know the money's gone!"
"Of course, I know it's gone. You remind me every day!" Rose moans.
"Your father left us nothing, but a legacy of bad debts hidden by a good name. And that name is the only card we have to play. I don't understand you? It is a fine match with Hockley, and it will ensure our survival."
"How can you put this on my shoulders?"
"Do you want to see me working as a seamstress? Is that what you want? Do you want to see our fine things sold at an auction, our memories scattered to the winds? My God, Rose, how can you be so selfish?"
"It's so unfair," Rose growls under her breath.
"Of course, it's unfair! We're women. Our choices are never easy." Her mother says, signalling to Rose to finish up the corset.
...
Meanwhile, down a few decks, Emma and Peter wake up cuddling in each other's arms, still in the same clothes from the night before.
Emma rolls over to look at Peter.
"Good morning my handsome husband to be..." she smiles.
"Good morning my lovely future wife," Peter says.
"I had an amazing time last night," she smiles. She leans forward and kisses him. "Thank you."
A happy squeal interrupts their embrace, but neither is annoyed by it. Emma gets up and goes to the cradle. Sybil squeals again when she sees her big sister. Emma lifts her up and nuzzles noses.
"We missed you too," Emma says as if the baby can understand what her sister is saying. She brings Sybil over to the bed and sits her down next to Peter.
"We have something special to tell you," Peter says, poking Sybil's belly.
"We're going to be getting married today at sunset," Emma says.
Sybil continues to smile as if she understands what is happening.
"None of this will ever stop us from loving you, we just want you to grow up in a loving family," Emma says. She kisses her sister on the cheek and then kisses Peter on the lips.
The family gets up and dresses for church. They each pick out the outfit they are going to wear for the wedding. For Peter, a simple black suit, and blue tie. For Emma, she got out her mother's white dress, something her mother had made for her own wedding, which was also quite simply done with lace. It was the most beautiful thing her mother ever owned. Emma had originally thought that her mother would want to be buried with her most prized possession, but the will clearly stated that Emma was to keep it. Her eyes fill with tears, knowing that her mother had always planned to save the dress so that her daughter could wear it. Emma had also brought a family heirloom with her, which her father had requested in his will that she wear it when their ashes were spread.
"Don't be sad," Emma mutters to herself. "This is the happiest day of your life."
She dresses Sybil in a small lace gown, also made by her mother, and puts a bow in her sister's hair to complete the look.
The mass is long and quiet, with Sybil falling asleep in Emma's arms. After the mass, the couple goes up to the pastor and explains to him what they are planning. They also mention that Sybil is Emma's sister, so he would not get the wrong idea. The pastor is more than happy to perform the ceremony and he even gives Sybil a small blessing before they leave.
The couple goes down towards the third-class area and Jack's Italian friend, Fabrizio finds them and tells them what is going to happen. Emma cannot believe how nice everyone is being and how thoughtful they all were. She says that they are all welcome to come, there just wouldn't be dinner afterward. Most people are from the party last night and everyone is pleased to help with arranging the ceremony. Emma and Peter then rush about for the rest of the afternoon to make preparations with everyone.
...
Back down a few decks. Jack has left Tommy, Fabrizio, and everyone else who has volunteered to help with the couple's wedding preparations. Tommy had spilled the beans at breakfast and Fabrizio found Peter and Emma and told them everything that had happened. Emma was more than flattered that so many people wanted to help, and she told them when and where the ceremony was going to happen. Even with all the excitement, Jack couldn't feel happy for his new friends. His mind was on Rose the whole time. He hadn't stopped thinking about her at all.
It literally broke his heart to have to say goodbye to her last night. He knew that he was in too deep with Rose and she was engaged to another, better well-off man, but she was in his blood now. His heart beat so quickly when he thought about her. She was a first-class girl and way out of his league, she was spoiled, but in every other way, she was perfect. He saw something in her he was sure no one else saw, freedom and love, something he hadn't felt in a long time.
He had tried to see her at first class mass, but he was turned away. He was now doing something completely insane; sneaking up to first class and try to find Rose again. He had swiped a man's first-class jacket and hat to disguise himself with, with the intention to return it as soon as he saw Rose.
He weaves in between the upper decks until he sees Rose walking with some other people by the lifeboats. He slips into an area he sees as the gymnasium and waits till Rose came around. He signals to her and he feels slight relief when she excuses herself from the others.
Jack closes the door behind her and glances out the window to see if they were followed. Rose's heart beats quickly and her face flushes. She tries to hide the excitement of seeing Jack again and at the same time the same dread she had this morning. She thought maybe if she didn't see Jack again, she could forget about him.
"Jack, this is impossible. I can't see you." She says, trying to sound annoyed.
Jack suddenly takes her by the shoulders, a lot more gently than Cal ever did.
"Rose, you're no picnic... you're a spoiled little brat even, but under that, you're a strong, pure heart, and you're the most amazingly astounding girl I've ever known and…"
"Jack, I..." Rose starts.
"No, wait. Let me try to get this out. You're amazing... and I know I have ten bucks in my pocket and I have nothing to offer you, Rose. I know that. But I'm involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing that you're going to be all right."
Rose feels the tears coming to her eyes. Her heart beats so quickly whenever she's around Jack. She's never met anyone so open and passionate. She wants desperately to take him into her arms and never let go, and it takes all her strength not to do so.
"You're making this very hard. I'll be fine... Really." she says, trying to sound as convincing as possible.
"I don't think so," Jack says. "They've got you in a glass jar like some butterfly, and you're going to die if you don't break out. Maybe not right away, 'cause you're strong. But sooner or later the fire in you is going to go out."
"It's not up to you to save me, Jack," Rose says sadly.
"You're right. Only you can do that." Jack sighs. He can feel her pulling away again.
"I have to get back, they'll miss me. Please, Jack, for both our sakes, leave me alone." She turns to leave.
"So, I guess that means you're not coming to the wedding?" Jack asks. Rose can hear the sadness in his voice.
Rose bites her lip. She wants to say no, but she can't bring herself to say anything.
Rose turns from him, tears filling her eyes and she exits the gym to go and find Cal and the others.
...
Later in the day, Rose sits on a divan, with a group of other women arrayed around her in the first-class lounge. Her mother Ruth, the Countess of Rothes, and Lady Duff-Gordon are taking tea with her. Ruth is telling the ladies about the upcoming wedding preparations.
"Of course, the invitations had to be sent back to the printers twice. And the bridesmaids' dresses! Let me tell you what an odyssey that has been... and of course, Rose wanted lavender for the wedding and..."
Rose turns away from the conversation and stares lazily at anything severely more interesting. She spots a girl about four years old, wearing white gloves and daintily picking up a cookie. She is reminded of little Cora, the girl Jack danced with the other night, except this girl is sullener and much less playful. Rose watches as the mother continuously corrects her daughter on her posture and the way she holds the teacup. The little girl is trying so hard to please her mother. Rose just thought about how wrong this seemed. Little girls should be free to play, run around and make mistakes, not be badgered constantly by what is right and wrong. The conditioning that starts at such a young age in order to become and Edwardian geisha.
A lump forms in Rose's throat when she thinks of Emma. The free spirit that has grown up in such a different setting from her. She recalls the way Emma talked about her childhood and the loving parents that she missed dearly. She had more opportunities than Rose ever had and now the debutante was quite envious. She wanted the love that Peter gave her and the support they gave each other. And most of all these were friends that Rose had made on her own, not based on her mother's influence. She likes Peter and Emma and she owes them enough to be present at their wedding.
She calmly and impulsively turns her teacup over, spilling tea all over her dress.
"Oh, look what I've done," Rose says aloud.
Rose excuses herself from the table and she goes to her room. She sorts through the assortment of dresses she owns and picks something that she liked. Something simple... she picks a dark blue colour, she wears a white laced undershirt and pulls the dress over the top which also has a dark sash and skirt. She then pulls a cream coloured wrap to drape around her shoulders. She fixes her hair and heads down, careful not to be seen by anyone. She knows she will be seeing Jack and what happened at the gym broke her heart, but it is about Emma and Peter tonight. It was a celebration of their love, not a reflection on the tragedy that it hers.
Rose goes through the dividing gates from first to second class. She looks at the paper the couple had given her the night before and finds the cabin door. She knocks loudly.
A bright and cheery Emma answers with a small girl in her arms. The redhead recognizes the baby as Sybil.
"Hi Rose, come on in," Emma says. "Sorry about the mess."
Rose comes herself into the room, which is indeed a mess. Typical for a young family with a child.
"Would you mind holding Sybbie for a second" Emma asks, struggling with a few things. Rose is given the sister and tries awkwardly to hold.
Emma looks at Rose as she struggles to cradle her sister. Sybil squirms uncomfortably and begins to pout slightly.
"Here," Emma says. She puts everything else down and shows Rose how to hold her sister properly. Sybil settles down immediately and sucks on her fist contently.
"I do apologize," Rose says in the most polite voice she can muster. The way Rose speaks makes Emma's stomach twist. She knows this is not the way Rose likes to talk. "I've just never been around babies that much."
"It's fine," Emma says, going back to preparations. "It takes some getting used to."
Rose sits on the edge of the couch and attempts to bounce Sybil in her lap like she's seen many nannies do to children. Sybil squeals in delight and it eases the pain Rose is feeling.
"You like that Sybbie don't you?" Emma coos to her sister.
"Sybbie?" Rose asks in confusion.
"It's a nickname my dad thought of when she was born," Emma explains cleaning up the cabin a bit. "Luckily she doesn't understand it yet. His nickname for me was Emmy and I told him to stop the moment I could talk."
"My father called me Rosey until I was in my teens," Rose smiles contently, thinking fondly of her father.
"That's not too bad," Emma says.
"My mother hated it, though. She told him that one should be addressed by their God-given name."
"Sounds really silly if you ask me," Emma says impulsively then stops guiltily. "No offence."
"None taken," Rose says, continuing to bounce Sybil. "Where's Peter?"
"Bride and Groom can't see each other before the wedding," Emma explains. "He's down in the third class with Jack and his friends."
Rose's face flushes. She had not stopped thinking about Jack and she felt so torn and confused than ever before. She attempts to distract herself when she sees Emma sort through her stockings and shoes.
"No corset?" She asks.
"Are you kidding?" Emma says. "Those things are so uncomfortable, I recently read a study saying that they screw up your spine and restrict breathing too much. It's probably why women faint so much in hot weather."
"That and the heavy petticoats," Rose adds.
"I never understood why they wear so many folds of a skirt, just to make their butts look bigger. It's just weird. Women are people too, we should not be asking men to look at us more than they already do"
Rose can't help but laugh at this. Despite her ladies training, she never understood the petticoats much either. She avoided them at all costs, despite her mother's nagging.
Rose likes Emma, a lot. She is such a free thinker, seeing women as people and believing that they had rights too; something her class, Cal, and her mother attempt to suppress in her. Rose again feels the envy of Emma's world. She was raised to be whoever she wanted to be and free to make her own decisions.
"So no to answer your question, I will not be wearing a corset to my wedding," Emma adds to the conversation. "I want to be comfortable."
"I know the feeling," Rose mutters.
Emma stops and looks at the clock. She has finished cleaning the room enough for it to be presentable. Rose had to remind herself how spoiled she really was and how she had never cleaned anything in her life. She felt guilty letting the bride clean up, she should have done it.
"Well, I have just enough time to get into the dress before we need to leave."
Rose smiles and is left with her thoughts as Emma goes to get ready.