Chapter 19: Dark Water
Where am I right now? Everything is dark...
Is this what it's like to be dead?
Dark and cold.
I can't really breathe... I must be dead...
It's not as painful as I thought it would be...at least I could see my parents...and Nana... They miss me... As I miss them.
Why does my arm hurt so bad? I really can't breathe...
Where is the light you see when you die?
What is that pounding? Do I still have a heartbeat?
My arm is stinging... I must be alive...
Where am I?
Where are Jack and Rose? Peter and Sybil?
Sybil!
Emma's eyes open and she sees lights of the sinking Titanic reflecting back at her. Emma pushes herself to the surface, fighting the unbearable cold and her sore arm. She breaks the surface and gasps for air. Her eyes and nose are burning. Her arm is killing her, and she can't tell if she's crying or not. She knows she must swim away from the ship...the suction will certainly kill her...just like her dream!
Emma kicks as hard as she can, going back to those days on the lake where her father and mother taught her how to swim. Keep the legs straight and use the arms...arm. The pain! It's so intense she must stop and gasp for air. Now she remembers everything. The gun! Someone shot her and she went over the railing... it wasn't an accident...
Emma snaps back to the reality at hand. She needs to get away, a ship as mighty as the Titanic will have a lot of suction.
She does side-strokes to give her wounded arm a chance to rest. She kicks desperately to get away, but the cold is slowing her down. She doesn't want to bear to look back any longer. All the people still aboard.
Something hard hits her gut and the cold multiplies it by a thousand. Emma turns to see a deck chair floating amongst the waves. It must've washed off in the chaos. She grabs a hold of it. It doesn't provide much buoyancy, but it can keep her head above water. She sits on it for a few moments, trying to collect her thoughts.
Please, God help me! Emma thinks desperately. Everything in her dream is coming true, the ship is going down...on its maiden voyage. This will be a story for the ages. She can't tell if she's crying or not, she's soaked to the bone and her hair is frozen stiff.
Don't look back! For the love of all that is good and pure... Don't look back!
Emma slowly turns her head, putting pressure on her shoulder wound. Through glossy eyes, she looks.
The mighty ship is tilting ever so slowly upwards, higher, and higher into the air. The lights are still burning brightly, above and below the water. There's a certain beauty to its appearance, the lights illuminating the dark waters and the staunch form of the ship, rising towards heaven. That could be something to draw...
Shame washes over Emma, seeing beauty during tragedy and death. She can see people struggling on the upper decks to stay away from the water. They look like tiny bees buzzing, trying to stay together. The ship creaks eerily over the screaming. Then four explosions can be heard within the ship. Emma watches, not knowing that ship is going to make her final plunge.
The lines snap and the second funnel falls into the water. Two of the Funnels of the massive ship have gone down, how much longer until the other two go? They are sinking into the sea and a terrible noise rips the cries for help as it collapses on struggling and screaming forms of people already in the water.
Clinging to the deck chair, Emma watches, tears frozen to her face. Emma continues to kick the chair in front of her, further and further away from the scene of terror.
I want to drown now, then I don't have to hear this... I don't want to hear…
The lights suddenly flicker and go out. Darkness descends upon her like a brick wall. Her eyes barely have time to adjust as a tremendous boom rips across the water. The horrible sound of metal screeching and exploding sends the helpless survivor into a frenzy of fear. Emma does her best not to look back, but in her heart, she knows what is happening. Like in her dream, the ship is breaking in two. The screams become more intense and the horrible sound of metal and wood breaking apart and splashing into the water. The silhouette of the once mighty ship turns at a sharp angle, the third and fourth funnels are gone, and the ship is being pulled into the sea faster than a heartbeat.
Kicking onwards, Emma knows she must get as far away as possible. She closes her eyes as she does so. "Only God can help us now."
The sound of the sea hissing and bubbling can be heard as it consumes the last of the ship and the god awful screams of those still on it echo along the surface.
Now the cold will just kill me... I can't die now. I need to see Sybil again! Peter needs to see me again. I won't be taken like this. Sybil needs to have a family to love her!
She continues to swim forward in a random direction, not sure where she's going, but away from this hell upon earth. Her hand hits something. She reaches up and feels the texture of this large object.
A boat!
Emma's heart skips a few beats. God is trying to save her...the only problem is... it's upside down and there are no people in it!
It can still save my life...! She thinks.
Swimming underneath she reaches up, under the boat. She feels the seats underneath and pulls herself out the water. Despite the blinding pain from where she was shot, she pulls herself until her stomach rests on the seat of the lifeboat and she's completely out of the water.
"Exposure can kill as easily as a knife," she whispers to herself.
Emma does her best to curl up into a ball and conserve the heat she has left. She knows the wood can provide some insulation and keep her warm. The coat the officer gave her provides little protection anyways. She feels like she's in some sort of shell, providing some protection...Some... The screams of all the people freezing and dying in the water still echo in her head. The boat is constantly rocking about above her. Emma's stomach flips a few times with the motion. There must be people trying to get on top of the boat. Emma wonders if she should try and find room for herself up there. She notices the more people try to climb on, the more air is being let out from underneath her, and the closer she gets to the water.
She can feel fresh tears coming to her eyes. They are warm… something to keep her as such. Emma prays that Jack and Rose aren't among those in the sea. Peter...what he is thinking? He's probably crying, cursing Rose and her for going back onto the ship, while cradling her baby sister. There are a million ways she could have died tonight. Trapped in the flooding halls, the shot could have hit a little higher, one of the funnels could have crushed her or the suction could have dragged her under to join the ship at the bottom of the ocean. The cold water can still kill her, but she's out of it for now. There is a possibility that this part of the lifeboat will run out of air eventually, but she decides to stay put. She could still bleed out from her wound, but she has to hang on for as long as possible.
There is very dark water below her. Not an ounce of light is showing. It's dark and cold, void of anything at all. Emma tries to look away and ignore the sound of the lapping water. She knows that any minute the darkness would swallow her further and pull her down, down to join the ship at the bottom. As a child, she had always been afraid of the dark, but her mother always told her the dark could never hurt her. Never had her mother's words seemed so wrong. This darkness could kill her, it was killing so many others at this very moment. Then she remembered what else her mother had said. If she was ever in a dark place, she should close her eyes and even though it was dark there too, she could picture herself in a place filled with light. Then everything wouldn't be so scary. Taking a shallow breath, she closes her eyes and tries to imagine herself anywhere else, not trapped in her own nightmare.
Maybe on a beach somewhere. Warm and safe, with the sounds of the waves and the sun beating down on them. There'd be a slight ocean breeze blowing along and seagulls would fly overhead in the crisp, clean blue sky. She'd take Sybil into the water and teach her to splash among the waves. Peter would come and splash her from behind and she'd get him back. Jack and Rose could be there too, happy, and free from Cal's wrath. Jack drawing the horizon line and Rose reading a book on a blanket. Then Emma would take Sybil into the sand and build a sandcastle with her. Peter would bring out some lunch and they'd lay in the sun for a long time until their noses peeled, and their toes were full of sand.
Then they'd watch as the sun went down along the horizon and Peter and Jack would lean over and kiss their sweethearts. Sybil would be sleeping in her big sister's arms and they'd watch the stars come up like they did the other night.
The night of the party...it felt like such a long time ago...and their wedding. Had it only been a few hours since the sun had set and she and Peter had said their "I do's", promising to be together forever?
Who would've thought forever could be severed? She thought. By mother nature...
There are suddenly bubbles beside her and Emma's heart goes into her throat. She wants to move, but her shoulder is in pain and her dress is frozen to the wood.
A head pops up and a man gasps for air.
It's so dark underneath the lifeboat that Emma can't see who it is. She realizes that the man has the same intentions as she does, to wait out of the water.
Emma assumes the man can sense her presence because he turns.
"Is there somebody here?" he asks in a frail, raspy voice.
"Y-Yes," Emma says in a soft voice.
"Is there a chance I can join you? This damned boat fell on me and I've been under a few times already."
"I can't do anything otherwise." Emma sighs.
The lifeboat rocks again and the sound of water dripping comes as the man climbs up and grabs a hold of another seating area. Emma can barely see the man's silhouette as his dark shape joins her under the boat. She can see that most of the man's body is out of the water except for his feet which dangle limply on the surface. He's not as tall as Emma so he must make do with what is given.
His breathing is laboured and harsh as he settles into some comfortable form.
There's a long silence, except for both of them breathing in the darkness.
Emma doesn't know what to make of this man, he seems to be fairly calm despite the chaos that must've been going on around him. She doesn't know who he is, or where on the ship he came from. He was probably not in the water as long as she was but was thinking clearly when grabbed the underside of the lifeboat. She is no longer alone in the darkness and even though they couldn't see each other, there was the comfort to be had with this stranger.
"W-Who are you?" Emma asks.
"Harold Bride."