See you Later, Eren Chapter 14
Title: A Different Choice
SYLE SUNDAY WHOOP WHOOP. I'm so sorry it's late. It's actually even later than last week. I know that won't stop any of you from reading, but I truly do feel bad for making those who look forward to Sundays have to wait until basically the end of the day :( It won't be the norm, but I'll just have to show that through my actions rather than my words. Thankfully there's not much else to say so I hope you enjoy!
PS This may be wonky cause I haven't had the chance to fully edit it yet, but I'll finish that tomorrow haha. -Y
Response to The r3wr1t3r: Thank you for your compliments of the chapter! And also, I absolutely appreciate your honest criticism. I think that, especially at the start, I focused a bit too much on Jean's thoughts on the matter, without anything major happening. I think the word count for the start of the chapter up to when they meet Armin is somewhere around 2K words, which is just too much. I get the impression that chapter 13 was enjoyable, but not filled with much in the way of content, and I hope I've remedied that with this chapter, but you'll just have to let me know, so enjoy!
Response to SpiralNemesis: It's so great to know you didn't find the chapter boring. It seems to be mixed on whether people thought it dragged on for too long, but most people have told me it was still a good chapter, which is great to hear. I agree that it would have been strange to gloss over such a big portion of the timeline and not get any Jean POV. Both Jean and Marco are characters I have relatively big plans for, so establishing their characters and dipping my toes in the water as for how to write their POV was good for me. There are plenty of big moments here, so be sure to tell me what you think, and enjoy!
Response to dareaderreads: Thank you so much for the big review! Your honest criticisms are truly appreciated. It's good to know the aspects of my story that I could improve on, because I always want to make my writing better! Yeah, I totally get how you feel like its more or less a recap of Jean and Marco going through the motions, as that's certainly how it felt when writing. But you're so nice to say everything you did about my writing ability, it means so much! I don't know if I'm that good, but as long as you enjoy it, then that's what matters! I'm so glad to have you hyped up as well, I think you'll really like this chapter, but you'll have to make sure and let me know what you thought haha. Don't worry about negativity, it was all constructive criticism for me to learn from, and your compliments made my day. Thanks for leaving such a kind review, and enjoy!
The enraged titan's fist shoots back into the one pinned beneath it, forcing its head deep into the ground. The stubborn parts of it that refuse to be buried are crushed by the blow, blood gushing out of the sides and sticking to the streets, rapidly steaming as soon as it's exposed to the air. It was just the head, though. It's far from dead. But the titan appears to miraculously note that as well, jabbing its other hand straight into the neck, forcing its way straight through it. And just like that, the nape is gone, the titan finished.
Ymir's jaw drops. It falls, dangling in the air like a spider, hanging by a self-produced thread that connects to a great web of lies.
She's been deceived, she knows it, because that titan is so obviously Eren fucking Jaeger. "Who is Mikasa trying to fool?" she begins to think, but halts herself.
"She's fooled you, Ymir... this whole time Eren was a titan. It makes too much sense. Mikasa isn't sad at all at Eren's 'death,' even though she'd be crying her eyes out if it were the truth."
And with each passing second the weight of this truth hits her harder and harder. "Shit! Eren's a titan! W-What?!"
"You've got to be fucking kidding me." The words slip out of her mouth involuntarily, not that anyone should care, seeing as how they're all surprised to see a titan killing another titan. Who wouldn't be?
"So Eren didn't die in her future? I fell for that?"
"You goddamn idiot, Ymir. You fell for everything, didn't you?"
"Eren? A titan? How did I miss that? Why... it doesn't make sense."
But at the same time, it makes too much sense. Eren was always such a fast healer, and it only corroborates further why Mikasa is so dead set on protecting him. Not only does she obviously love him, but he's an invaluable asset.
"Were they working together? No... Eren's an idiot, there's no way he knows what Mikasa knows..." she desperately tries to rationalize the situation, reassessing everything she thought she knew. Eren, with all his stubbornness and stupid bravery, was really playing a long game? Working with Mikasa to achieve... whatever goal they're set out to do. This whole time Ymir knew Mikasa was hiding something, quite a bit, actually. The raven haired girl even admitted to it, saying there's too much to go over, and that she only gave her the important parts. But of course, the one who decided what was important, what was worth telling, was Mikasa.
Ymir always put great confidence in her ability to perceive the thoughts and motivations of others. She's no psychic, but you can learn a lot more about a person from what they do and how they act rather than what they say. Perhaps, though, she overestimated that ability, because if Mikasa was able to lie to her so systematically, then can she dare to make any assumptions about Eren? Maybe she's the idiot. Just like how she was evidently unable to catch Mikasa in her act, Eren has been deceiving her, too. Maybe Eren is in on it, and Mikasa wasn't bothered to tell her about his knowledge because they have a plan of their own, and are simply playing Ymir like a fiddle.
And her heart stops as it realizes why. "Krista..."
Maybe she saw too much of Mikasa in herself, too empathetic to her feelings towards Eren to realize that that wasn't even close to the main reason why she was doing anything that she was.
But as she takes another glance at the raven haired girl, eyes cold as the cogs so clearly turn in her head, Ymir's gut screams at her. It tells her that Eren couldn't have been a part of this plan. He was never the least bit suspicious towards anyone, and she struggles to believe, even in the slightest, that had Eren known about Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie, he could have kept his mouth shut and hung out with them. No. He's always been filled with such passion and anger towards the titans, to learn about the truth of the warriors would ruin him, right?
Either Eren wasn't in on what Mikasa had planned, or he's an incredible actor, far above Ymir's ability to read people.
"I have to think about this logically. Mikasa's beaten up to a pulp. There's at least a hundred scratches on her face alone. If she's been with Eren this whole time, who's decided to turn into a titan, there's no reason for her to look like that. Obviously she tried to get here quickly so no one would see her with him and learn too much, so it's something she's trying to keep under wraps, too."
She looks back at the titan, Eren, as it moves onto another one. This one is quite smaller, able to grab onto his shin and bite, which he responds to by flinging his foot forwards, sending the titan high into the air.
"A titan... killing another titan?" Connie stutters.
"But if she was trying to keep it a secret, she wouldn't have Eren transform in the first place. If I were her, and I decided to work with Eren's titan for whatever reason, I wouldn't wait until I'm all beat up to do it, and there wouldn't be a point in keeping it a secret. No... Eren becoming a titan couldn't have been part of her plan. But if Eren was working with her, then why would he have done it? Did he not know he was a titan? It's possible... after all, I had to put the pieces together myself after I woke up outside the walls with no memories. He might have not had any reason to think he was a titan..."
So what does that mean for her? Clearly Mikasa isn't surprised by the notion that Eren's a titan, so regardless of whether Eren was in on it or not, she knew, and she didn't tell Ymir. Mikasa always said that she was telling Ymir everything that was important, but, if you ask her, having another titan shifter on their team is pretty goddamn important.
Her deliberation is quite rudely interrupted by Jean, however. "I-If that abnormal is fighting out there, then this building should be safe for now."
"So we need to resupply before it's finished by the others," Marco finishes, face hardening as he stares in contemplation. "But... it's impossible with those three to four meter titans that have flooded the basement."
Their conversation, though extremely pertinent not ten minutes ago, now couldn't be farther from the front of her mind. Instead, a question remains fixed in her head. One that she doubts she'll get the answer to in short order, if ever. Who did he eat to get his titan?
He couldn't have gotten from a warrior, right? Mikasa wouldn't have allowed for such a significant altercation... would she? Was she there when it happened? Is a titan Eren a part of her plan? That isn't possible, she'd sooner kill herself than doom Eren to a lifespan of only thirteen extra years. But what could have happened that allowed him to attain a titan? Was it dumb luck like Ymir's?
Mikasa is now a mystery box to the freckled woman. Anything she's ever said is in question, and everything she hasn't is suddenly extraordinarily relevant. It doesn't take long for Ymir to realize that she can't possibly predict what's going on now. All she knows is that Eren probably transformed by accident, Mikasa wants to keep it a secret for whatever reason, and Ymir not knowing any of this beforehand was something Mikasa wanted, possibly even a part of her endgame.
"I-I have an idea," Armin calls out from the back, still clearly shaken up by the events that have played out. His eyes are still wide, his movements trepidatious, but there's a hidden confidence, deeply rooted behind his eyes. His blue irises hide a sea of knowledge, and she's glad to know it's finally paying off. Despite the overwhelming revelation that's hit her, her priorities are still clear. Get out of Trost and keep Krista safe. She may not be able to trust Mikasa, but the knowledge of Krista's heritage is something the raven haired girl can never take back. She'll keep it in mind, keep her away from the interior and away from the warriors.
"She could have been lying about Krista. Just because the facts you know line up, doesn't mean she's not manipulating you..."
Ymir quickly disregards the possibility, however. Living in the slums of Wall Rose and the interior have taught her a thing or two about deceit, and she knows that withholding truth and crafting an outright lie are very different things. She has to trust her gut, and her gut tells her that Mikasa is not a good liar. Her mind flashes back to their conversation in the mountains.
"So, spill the beans. I know you're not telling me everything. What happens to Eren in your future where they break down Trost?"
"He dies." She responded.
"Figured as much."
Ymir scowls at the realization. "I guess that wasn't technically a lie, right Ackerman? You know about the thirteen year curse, so if the titans or Marleyans didn't get him, his power would have anyways. You sneaky little-"
"Ymir!" Krista places a hand on her shoulder, startling her out of her stupor. She looks at the blonde, irked, but she only gestures with her eyes towards Armin. He too is looking at Ymir expectantly.
"Huh?" she lets out, eyes asking Armin to repeat whatever he must have said to her.
"This plan involves you too, Ymir. I... don't see Reiner, Bertholdt, or Annie here, but we need to make use of our most skilled soldiers."
She bites back a sigh. Perhaps it wasn't the most expertly held secret that she was skilled with the gear, purposefully doing poorly in training to ensure Krista's spot in the top ten, should becoming a member of the Military Police become the best course of action. And if anyone has the brain to understand that fact and use it to their advantage, it's Armin.
He turns to Jean. "I need you and Marco to accompany some of the members of the supply team. They'll guide you to the ammunitions room. From there, you need to find the scatter shots used by the Military Police, there will be some there. You two always wanted to become Military Police, so you'll know what to look for."
"Right. Let's go, Marco." The two depart with some of the supply team in tow.
"You said there were seven small titans down in the gas supply room, right?" Armin turns to one of the older looking supply soldiers.
"When we retreated... but there might be more by now." His voice is shaken by fear.
Armin pauses, looking down at the ground as if to count in his head. "There shouldn't be. I need you to raise the elevator lift, it will be crucial to the plan."
"A-Alright." The man leaves as well.
Ymir struggles to keep her mind from wandering as Armin leads them all to the far interior of the building, where the lift is in the process of being raised. Mikasa's eyeing the crowd, assessing each and every detail to whatever end she's seeking out, and Ymir finds herself bringing Krista closer to her. Mikasa can look mysterious and threatening all she wants, but she's not laying a finger on Krista.
"So you tricked me before, but so far you haven't been lying, technically. I've just been too stupid to realize just how much you were keeping from me."
Her priorities might be largely the same, but one thing is for certain. She's not trusting nor working with Mikasa anymore. Not until she tells her everything.
As they move into the secure, candlelit interior, the trainees begin to huddle around as Armin finds a piece of paper and begins to draw on it. The loud clamor of the lift slowly making its way up to them echoes through all of their ears as Ymir plops her butt down onto the stone. Krista does the same right next to her, sitting in a criss cross position, and though they're too far away from Armin to hear his "important" plan, she doesn't have a mind to care. If he wants her over to him he can damn well call for her.
Mikasa is by Armin, watching him map out his plan with a measured interest. It's clear that it's just as feigned as Ymir's, though. It seems that the both of them have something else dominating their minds at the moment. Ymir wonders if they're thinking about the same thing, or if Mikasa has a hundred things in her mind, all clamoring, fighting for space. The weight of those thoughts, of what Ymir couldn't possibly fathom, dogs at her mind. It makes her stomach churn with uncertainty, because now she has to face the truth. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie are titan shifters, Krista is the true heir to the throne and is in terrible danger, and Ymir has to protect her from both.
All of this time, she hid, like a pathetic stray cat, behind Mikasa. Her knowledge was comforting, it reassured her that their plans could work, and that she'd have someone to depend on when things went south. It was all Mikasa's problem, she was simply here to help, for a price, of course. Maybe she even preferred not knowing everything that happened in Mikasa's timeline. That's why she didn't fight it, didn't push Mikasa harder to get all of the information, Ymir realizes. It's because not knowing made it feel like less of a burden, it gave her blind faith that what Mikasa wasn't sharing was for her benefit, as if she'd magically pull something out of her ass, out of her pool of foresight, to save the day if and when things truly went wrong.
Now she understands how foolish she's been. Now she cannot trust Mikasa. That safety blanket is gone, but the threats that Ymir's now painfully aware of remain. It's her and Krista against the world, and she'll be damned if she can't save the blonde, at the very least.
"Ymir... keep your head up. We're not out of this yet." Krista reassures, placing a hand on hers.
The brunette's eyes widen, and she tries hard to resist the urge to bury Krista between her arms and shield her against the world. "Sorry..." she lets out, instantly regretting it, because she knows it's something she would never say. Krista catches on to this, lifting her brow. Yet, she lets silence play out between them, as if she had some sense of the turmoil and blossoming fear that casts Ymir's mind. She's always been good at that, though. Understanding. Ymir knows it's fake. Almost all of the time, she forces it to prove to the world that she's worth existing, and if that forced positivity shouldn't work on anyone, it's her. But it's starting to. And she might just let it. For now, at least.
"You look scared..."
Ymir sighs. "That's your enlightening observation? We're all going to die, of course I'm scared."
The blonde lets out a huff. "I mean more than usual. We've been facing death for hours, and a part of me thought you were going insane at the start... but I figured it was you dealing with all of the destruction in your own way. Now, you look terrified." Her eyes are thick with concern, which is strange, Ymir thinks. All of that death and destruction Ymir witnessed is what Krista also saw, and yet she's worried about how she feels first and foremost. At least Ymir is comforted by knowledge, knowledge that the titans are not unbeatable or that either of them are truly going to die. If things do go to shit, Ymir will just transform and save her and Krista. They'll live in Wall Sina until for as long as the walls remain, and when Reiner and Bertholdt break it down too, maybe she can negotiate with the warriors, ensure Krista's safety if Ymir is willing to give the Jaw Titan back to Marley. That's the plan, and Ymir has that security, at least. Krista has no such luxury.
But her sapphire eyes still bore into hers, languidly drawing affection and worry from the layers of Ymir's confusion. Confusion at why Krista would bother, even as part of her act.
"Tell her, Ymir. Tell her you're a titan. If you want out of here alive, she's going to have to find out eventually. Don't risk your trust with her. If you do, you're no better than Mikasa."
But she stays her breath. She can only get lost in the ocean of Krista's eyes, the radiance of her soft lips and her golden brows.
"Is it about that abnormal? The one that was attacking the other titans?" Krista asks.
"Who knows anymore..."
"Ymir." She holds her hand in a firmer grip. "For now we're safe in headquarters. There's a titan out there protecting us, Armin is working on a plan, and we have Mikasa here. Things are looking up."
Ymir stays silent as Krista tries at a reassuring gaze. "Mikasa is indeed here..." Ymir thinks. But is that such a good thing anymore? She looks back at the best cadet in the corps, and her eyes have shifted, ever so slightly, since last she looked. She doubts many others could tell by a glance, but Ymir can, she knows the familiar hardening of her brow. She knows the more worried Mikasa gets, the greater the juxtaposition shows on her face. Her features become more stern, and they clash with her eyes, as she's unable to hide the intense worry lurking under those pools of ink.
There she sits, face bruised and bloody, though nothing there is as deep as the scar that's sat below her right eye for so long now. And with it Ymir realizes something. Before she does anything with Krista, anything with the warriors, and anything more related to helping Ackerman, she's going to get answers from her first.
"Yeah. That's why I can't tell Krista about my titan, not yet. I need answers from Mikasa. Whatever I can get will have to suffice."
Regardless of it all, however, she can't stop anxiety from seeping through the cracks of her addled mind. Before she can stop herself, the words fall out.
"Krista, whatever happens, remember to trust me, got it?"
Krista blinks. "Huh?"
"It's... things will probably go to shit, and there are some things I haven't told you yet. I..." but she halts her words, realizing how much she's allowed to slip. There's nothing she could say to make Krista understand, not until she can show her what she means. And now is hardly the time to do it, what with everything that's going on now.
"I need you to trust me, whatever happens," she finishes. Her stomach clenches, hoping for Krista to say something that would reassure her, even though she has no reason to even understand why Ymir is bringing up matters of trust here in headquarters, during a mission where their joint cooperation is necessary and implied.
"Sometimes you say the silliest things, Ymir. I will always be your ally."
The brunette widens her eyes, stomach somehow relaxing and clenching even further at the same time, lost for words as the blonde smiles back at her.
"We'll worry about it when we get to the walls. For now, let's focus on escaping."
Ymir realizes that she's losing herself in Krista's soul again, and her logical side, the one that is almost always so predominant, screams at her to "Stop right now."
But she says it anyway. "I'm a t-"
"We found it!" Jean's voice cuts into the room, raising the heads of the scattered trainees. He leads the group of supply soldiers with, all holding boxes of ammunition and guns as they come into the room. "This is the Military Police stuff... it was covered in dust," he notes, grabbing one of the rifles and feeling around the triggers and knobs to assess the stability of the gun. "Are scatter shots really enough?"
The group walks over to where the majority of the trainees have huddles, Armin and his piece of paper the focal point of their attention.
Krista stands and walks over to them, and Ymir begrudgingly does the same. Her heart races in her chest as the realization of what she was about to say hits her. "What the hell was that, Ymir? Are you trying to jeopardize everything? It's idiotic enough sticking your neck out for Krista, so shut up and wait to see what happens!"
She lets out a tired sigh, moving over to Armin as Jean continues to deliberate upon the rifles. "Will these rifles actually be of any use against the titans?"
He looks to Armin, who's spread his hands over the paper, which Ymir recognizes as the schematics for headquarters. "They're better than nothing... Jean."
The blond sighs through his nose, looking to the rest of the trainees with a focused expression. "If there are still only seven three to four meter class titans in the supply room, even this small amount of firepower will be enough to blind them all at once."
He guides his hands towards the center of the paper, pointing to the crudely drawn lift. "First, we'll use the lift to lower a large number of people through the central ceiling. They'll fire in the faces of the seven titans in unison to blind them." He circumscribes the lift with his finger, indicating the direction in which they'll have to fire.
"And then, the next instant will be critical. The seven of us hidden among the ceiling beams will strike the blinded titans in a coordinated ambush. In other words, in this plan, all of our lives, will depend on this one strike. As such, the most competent of us should be the ones to deal the killing blows. Mikasa, Jean, Marco, Connie, Sasha, Krista, and Ymir. This plan will depend on you. You must kill the seven titans at the same time, with a single strike. The seven will be the ones whose skills give us the best chance, but..." he looks down at his hand, moving it back and forth as his eyes flash in a deep contemplation. "Never mind. This should work. You'll be bearing the weight of everyone's lives, however."
"Sounds like we all die if we fail, so the risk is the same," Ymir adds, with Historia and Marco nodding in agreement.
Marco puts a hand on the blond's shoulder, noticing his concern. "This is our only option, Armin. There's no time, and this is the best plan we'll have. We just have to give it all we got!"
Armin doesn't respond, keeping his eyes trained on the ground, clearly not believing what Marco has to say. Mikasa looks to Armin as well, but says nothing as she quickly looks back down, as if she had something to say but refrained. The sight makes Ymir grimace, although at this point the shrewd realization has hit her that she isn't so different from the raven haired girl.
Before long, the entrance to the lift slams onto the ground with a loud clang, the supply soldier Armin had talked to earlier shouting out to them. "The lift's ready! The guns, too! They're all loaded!"
And as the troops gather onto the lift to be descended into doom, Ymir joins ones who remain: the six soldiers to walk down willingly, among them Krista.
Ymir knows that her titan should feasibly be able to operate in the cramped space of the gas supply room. It's one of the few advantages of being a titan that's so much smaller than the other shifters. If need be, and she expects it will be needed, she can transform to protect Krista. Would that throw a dent in Mikasa's plans? Who knows, but it doesn't matter to Ymir anymore. The only thing she has left to concern herself with when it comes to Mikasa is getting the answers she wants and leaving this titan forsaken city.
"Didn't think I'd be charging at a titan with nothing but my swords today," Jean mutters as he walks down the stairs. His sigh is lost in the footsteps of his comrades, somehow rapid but agonizingly slow at the same time.
"When you put it like that, it makes me feel like I'm walking into a suicide mission. We need to trust in Armin's plan," Marco adds, reassuring the wary group.
"I trust Armin, but..." Sasha lets out a loud, nervous groan. "I'm starting to regret being placed in the top ten."
To that, no one has a true response, as everyone there likely shares similar sentiments, even if they know that they're the cadets' best shot. Well, everyone except Ymir, who never even made it to the top ten. It didn't stop the ever perceptive Armin from recognizing her skill, though, so it doesn't matter. It's not like this isn't exactly the place Ymir wants to be right now, and her reasons are twofold.
For one, Krista, being number ten in their rankings, is here as well. Whether she's better than Ymir is debatable, and if you ask the brunette, the blonde is far less competent. Not that Ymir blames her. Using the ODM gear is deceptively tricky, and despite the advantages of being smaller when in active combat, it's apparently tougher when you're short. Keeping Krista safe is her top priority, anyways. Ymir wouldn't care if she was number ten or number fifty, so long as she's by her side.
However, the other reason she's glad to be down here is that it gives her the perfect space to confront a certain raven haired girl. She may be the most proficient soldier in this group, but to Ymir, she's absolutely the least dependable. "You get your answers, kill the titans down in the supply room, and be on your merry way, Ymir. Nothing more, nothing less."
"But can we kill titans without maneuver gear?" Connie worriedly asks them, and, surprisingly enough, it's Jean who answers.
"Yeah. No matter what size, the target is always that one spot on the neck."
"One meter long, ten centimeters wide!" Sasha lets out, a forced positivity in her voice to mask the fear, Ymir can tell. Judging by the nodding blonde to her right, however, she's the only one to spot it. She bumps Krista on the shoulder, whispering into her ear.
"Can I talk to Mikasa for a second?" she asks plainly, bobbing her head back to where Mikasa walks, a couple of steps behind the rest of the group. Krista's eyes widen ever so slightly, and it doesn't take long for Ymir to realize that a part of the blue eyed girl is hesitant to leave her side. It makes her insides crinkle a bit, the desire to wrap an arm around Krista and keep her safe incredibly strong in that moment, but Ymir manages to steel herself, letting her gaze rest on her, a hint of consolation behind her eyes. She's not well versed at showing her softer side, but she hopes that her eyes are enough to communicate to Krista, to tell her that "It'll be fine. When I get my answers, we'll be safer."
"O-Okay..." she finally responds, and Ymir doesn't waste a second, slowing her steps down and letting the rest of the group go farther and farther away, until she's side by side with Mikasa.
She can almost feel Mikasa's dread as she maintains her pace, the two walking together, but neither speaking. And Ymir soaks it all up, lets herself look domineering, hoping that she demands the girl's respect with her attitude despite how utterly weak she is compared to her. As the silence plays out among them, Ymir's quick to understand that Mikasa won't be talking unless spoken to, and she'll have to fight for every drop of information now.
"Not even pretending to still be on my side, are you?"
So she opens with the first thing that comes to mind.
"You lied to me."
Mikasa keeps her eyes fixed ahead of her as she responds. "I know."
Her voice is tired, Ymir notes.
"I guess there probably isn't any point in asking why. But I'm surprised. You didn't seem like the type of girl to trick people for your own gain." It was smart of Mikasa, Ymir has to admit. Something she would have been far more wary of if she still lived in the slums of Wall Sina, where liars were a dime a dozen, so she can respect the girl's ability to trick her. But just because she can respect Mikasa's cunning, it doesn't mean she has to like it, nor appreciate it.
"I wasn't trying to trick you. I really did need your help. But now things have changed. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the whole truth."
"Things have changed?" A part of her wants to say that that's obvious, seeing how Eren Jaeger is a titan, the magnitude of which Ymir still struggles to wrap her head around. But it's ominously vague at the same time, exactly what she doesn't have the patience to hear right now.
She lets a frown sharpen her features as she says her next words. "I stuck my neck out for you, you know. I thought about using your future knowledge as blackmail for my own goals, but for some reason I managed to convince myself that what you were fighting for was worth it... It's because I liked you, and I wanted to keep Krista safe. I was blinded by both."
And blinded by Mikasa's power, is what she doesn't let herself say. Not her physical strength, though that was always encouraging, but her knowledge. It made her seem to Ymir as omnipotent, in a sense. The power of foresight she had made her practically unmatched, Ymir told herself, and that was a power she wanted to be on the side of. Now she knows better than to trust those whose goals never aligned with her own.
"Now I realize you were bullshitting me." Ymir finishes.
"Believe me when I say that if I had it my way, you would have never had to know."
"Why the hell would you want that? We could use him. First you try to keep the warriors alive for no good reason back in training, and now you won't use your greatest weapon against them? I'm starting to think killing the warriors was never your goal, even though that doesn't make a lick of sense. Care to explain?"
Her eyes pry into the dark, infinite voids that are her eyes. But through looking at her now, and how she's acted in this conversation, Ymir wonders if those eyes really do hide a universe of knowledge, just waiting to be opened. No... right now, she looks like a scared little girl, deep down. If Eren transforming and Reiner breaking down the gate weren't a part of her goals, then just what has happened today that has gone according to plan? Just how helpless is Mikasa, truly?
But the raven haired girl finally answers. "It wouldn't be beneficial for me to tell you now."
Ymir sighs, looking back ahead at the soldiers far in front of them. "Fair enough. I guess this is the end of our arrangement, then."
"It is."
And that's all they have left to say. As disappointed as she is, Ymir recognizes how fruitless getting information out of her is now. Though they're walking towards a battle that they will risk their lives together to overcome, she can no longer consider Mikasa an ally. But before she can jump to any conclusions, Mikasa speaks up again.
"I'll still fulfill my end of the bargain, though. Krista will stay safe."
Ymir's eyes widen, certainly not expecting a response like that. "How can you ensure that? And why? I haven't even helped you, really."
"I gave you my word."
Maybe Ymir didn't expect it, but she's glad to hear it. She has absolutely no idea how Mikasa plans to maintain her end of the deal, but that relief, that reassurance that comes with a faith in Mikasa's boundless knowledge, settles her stomach. It nurtures her heart, growing thankfulness that threatens to blossom off of her tongue, but she halts herself.
"Eren's your priority. I'll say what I did back when you first told me about all of this shit. I won't help you, but I won't stand in your way."
Mikasa finally looks into Ymir's eyes, and what shines isn't the eyes of a nineteen year old time traveler. It's of a bunkmate, the one she had for three grueling years of training, the one of her friend.
"Thank you, Ymir."
She only grunts in response. When stuck between contradicting emotions of gratitude and anger, all Ymir can do is grunt.
Jean balances himself on the wooden beam that sits high up, supporting the ceiling. It squeaks, the wear and tear of the old wood elevating Jean's anxiety, worried that he could end up falling to his doom. Even if he doesn't break any bones with the fall, he won't be able to escape the titan's grasp. The worst part, though, is that his comrades won't be able to do anything, not unless they want to jeopardize the mission. They'll be forced to stand back and watch as he's devoured, just like Jean had to do back in the streets of Trost.
There are no words to save him. Armin's plan will either work, or it won't, and though he has trouble placing hope in it, he knows it's their only choice now. It's just as well, Jean thinks. Hopeful words have not ended up doing much for him in the end. Eren was always one to inspire that kind of hope within his comrades, and he was good at it, too. He inspired them not only through his words, but through his actions. But after hours of intense fighting, Eren is dead, and Jean remains. Jean has to be the one to lead now. To inspire his comrades. And he's god awful at it.
But should he be the one to carry on Eren's legacy? Is that really the best thing to do? His headstrong attitude, his idiotic, suicidal tendencies when it came to fighting titans, is that really what humanity needs in a leader? It would only subject Jean to the same fate, should he fill those shoes. Or is Eren needed? No matter how dangerous it is, no matter how inevitable Jaeger's death may have been, is someone like him needed nonetheless? Is someone like him necessary to accomplish anything?
What has Jean accomplished in his stead? He's gotten into a titan infested building. It's nothing to shrug at, he supposes, but it's also not terribly impressive, especially considering the lives he sacrificed to get here. And all of it, in an effort to what? Escape Trost? What does that do for humanity? What have the people who Jean sacrificed truly died for? They're simply unlucky souls who failed in their endeavors, and Jean, the ruthless bastard, took advantage of that.
It's nice to have Armin lead for once. For him to craft the plan and see it to completion. Though Jean's job is risky, the burden is somehow lesser. So as the wooden beams threaten to crumble under the weight of himself, he reminds himself of what his death would mean.
"You're no better than Tom, or Zack, or Ruth, or Franz, or anyone. You'll be eaten just as fast, and you'd deserve it, too. When your luck runs out, there will be no reason to complain, because your comrades will have no choice but to let you die."
He readies his swords as Marco whispers to him from a nearby beam. "It's okay... their numbers haven't changed."
Jean nods, hearing the loud clangs that accompany the lift's descent, and once it's in view, he sees as many soldiers as can fit, all wielding rifles and positioned to where even the ones in the back can get a shot off. Those in front kneel, the ones in the middle lean, and the ones in the back stand upright, and they fill the square of the lift, guns pointed at all sides. He sees Armin among them, gaze steady as he eyes the multitude of small titans that saunter around the room.
Seeing their terrified faces does no favors for Jean's confidence, so he looks away, focusing on the titan he's been assigned to kill by Marco. The titan stops in front of the lift, and after a painful few seconds, quickly turns its head to them. Its wide smile shocks the young soldiers, but Armin is unabated, reminding them to "Stay calm! Remember to draw them in!"
And the titan approaches, each languid stomp shaking the ground, shaking the beams, and shaking the hearts of all who are there to witness it.
"Avoid fighting from a disadvantage. If you don't want people to die, finish them all with this strike!" he repeats the phrase in his mind as his heart begins to beat faster and faster. The moment approaches, and he feels helpless to slow it down. Whether he likes it or not, he's going to have to jump sooner than he's ready.
They get closer, closer, closer. Their faces are wide now. They stare deep into the souls of the near equipment-less soldiers. They smile. Armin tells them to wait. One of them gasps in fear. It takes one more stomp. Armin tells them to ready. Their eyes are so close. And
"FIRE!" Armin shouts, and a volley of bullets erupt out of the lift from every direction. The lights that emit from the guns are brighter than the torches that dot the room, causing the soldiers above to shield their eyes, and the loud, multitudinous crackles of sound fill the previously silent space with a powerful force, filling Jean with an ironic hope. This single move is one of the few times humanity has dealt an offensive to the titans, and he feels invulnerable, despite himself. The titans eyes steam profusely, and Jean knows it's his one chance. He steadies himself, dashing across the beams and leaping outwards. He falls, and without the familiar weight of his ODM gear, it feels strange in a frightening type of way, but he steels himself. He slashes, the blades hitting the tough flesh of the titan and continuing, blood spurting out in his wake.
As he falls to the ground, rolling to avoid the rough landing focusing itself on his feet, he feels a mighty crash behind him. "I got mine!" Relief fills his entire being, but as he only hears three other booms, the sinking feeling returns.
"And the others?!" he wonders as he takes a look to his left to see Marco successfully cutting out the nape of his titan, and Ymir doing the same on the far end of the room. To Jean's right, he can also see Mikasa slice the nape with great efficiency. Unfortunately, that's where their luck appears to run out.
As Connie swings at his titan, it abruptly turns around to greet him, its eyes not fully destroyed by the rows of gunfire. Connie gasps as the titan swipes at him, which he just manages to dodge as he tumbles to the ground, his head harshly banging on the floor as he does so. Sasha isn't much luckier, because though she is able to slice at the nape, it isn't enough to fully kill it. Krista is in a similar situation, bringing her blades down onto the titan but failing to finish it off with a wide enough swing.
Sasha lands square on the ground with her own two feet, but from her position, she can only look up and stare with horror as her titan turns around, quickly healing at the place she cut. It's eyes are bulging, angry as it takes fearsome steps towards her, and Sasha can only smile in return. There's a desperate plea in her eyes, as if acting pleasant towards the monster could spare her life.
"U-Um..." she takes steps back, her "smile" only growing wider. "So sorry to attack..."
"Shit..." Connie lets out, standing up and regaining his bearings as his own titan takes rapid steps towards him.
"from behind..." she finishes, tears well up in her eyes as her fear starts to freeze her. Marco shouts, shaking Jean out of his stupor with his words.
"Sasha and Connie!" the freckled boy yells as Mikasa runs over to Krista's titan without hesitation. Jean's stomach twists sharply, the idea of losing some of his best friends after having lost so many others darkening his features as he shouts. "Let's hurry and help them!"
"I'm..." Sasha squeaks, the titan rearing its ugly face straight towards her. It leaps, mouth agape, and Sasha barely jumps out of the way in time, screaming "So sorry!" with choked, high pitched syllables. Jean and Marco take their golden opportunity, planting their feet on the flesh of its back and bringing both their swords down at the nape, meeting at the middle and cutting it out into two pieces. When steam begins to emanate from the entire body, Jean sighs in relief, knowing that that's one less titan they have to deal with. But Marco is quick to remind Jean of their fight. "We still need to help Connie!"
Krista's titan crashes its side into the wall as Ymir takes a desperate swipe at its heel, but it's not enough. The titan, with its short, blonde hair coated with blood, continues to eye Krista with a malicious intent. It hoists itself back upright with its hands, its own ankle healing far too fast for Ymir to keep cutting at it. Krista grimaces as the titan moves for another grab, but before she can even think about dodging it, Ymir tackles her, shouting "Outta the way!" as the arm bolts at the two with a surprising speed.
The girls gasp, with Ymir turning the blonde forcefully in the air to cushion her fall into the ground. They both end up landing on Ymir's right arm, an audible crack echoing through the air. "Ymir!" Krista shouts as the brunette is forced to drop her right sword, her arm going completely limp.
"It's fine! Watch out!" she cries, eyes wide as the titan moves for them again, wholly undeterred by the pain of the hand it just forced into the wall. Before it can move for another attack, however, Mikasa enters in between its legs, twirling around in the air with the inertia of her dash and slicing both of its inner ankles. Her strength is incredible, as both attacks cut deep into the bone, as evidenced by how it falls to its hands and knees, dust flying from the crash sites of its large body.
"M-Mikasa!" Krista stutters out, probably due to the fact that despite how worn the raven haired girl looks, she's still able to deal debilitating blows to enemies five times her size. But the monster isn't dead yet, and this time Krista is able to fulfill her duty, shaking out of Ymir's weak, one armed grip and quickly climbing up the crawling titan as it juts its left hand out at Mikasa. She digs her blades deep into its skin and slices the entire nape with a shout. Blood rushes out of it and onto her face and torso, but she's unabated, riding the titan all the way back to the ground as it finally slumps in place.
Compared to Connie's titan, however, even that looked easy, Jean thinks. This one is voracious, rapidly turning from side to side as it struggles to decide which one of them to eat, exactly what Jean doesn't need right now, seeing as they're trying to find the best way to cut it. Connie, Marco, Jean, and a recovered Sasha surround it on almost all sides, and it moves its feet often. With each turn of its head, it lifts a foot into the air and slams it back down to adjust its position, looking dumbly at the sight of the four tiny cadets yelling and waving their swords wildly at it. What makes Jean's heart truly plummet, though, is the revelation that this titan isn't nearly as dumb as it looks, as eventually, it moves its gaze over to where most of the humans are congregated. The undefended lift.
Armin is sooner to recognize it than anyone, luckily, and he cries his command to "Reload, quick!"
The titan smiles wider, if such a thing is even possible, and it paces over to them with startling speed, completely ignoring Jean, who was the only thing standing between it and the twenty-odd soldiers. "Shit!" He manages to sidestep the titans harsh stomps, but he's powerless to stop its crash course with the defenseless soldiers. As has become quite a common sight today, all he can do is watch as their eyes widen, tears escaping a few of them as they process the inevitability of the titans approach, and the picture that ensues is ungodly.
The titan grabs a couple of unfortunate soldiers. Bones crack with the force of its grip and terrifying screams rupture out of their throats, and they keep rupturing, all the way until they're bitten in two. The other trainees on the lift can only cower in fear, tucking their heads into themselves and ducking as blood, human blood, rains on top of them. The tears and the red and the entrails fall, and Jean is stuck in place, eyes wide in absolute, arrant horror.
A familiar, feminine grunt alerts him, however, and he sees Mikasa running straight at the titan. Jean scowls then, utterly disgusted at himself. "You've been standing here for long enough for Mikasa to be the one to kill it!" Mikasa, the one with purple and dry red staining her face, the one who was truly able to go and charge at headquarters without any reservation. Some leader Jean is...
But now isn't the time to lament, it's time to act. "Everyone cut at it's legs, keep it from eating anymore people!"
All of them, save for Ymir, who must have gotten a lot of titan blood on her with the amount of steam that wafts off of her body, charge at the titan, roaring in unison as they reach it and hurdle their blades at any amount of skin and muscle they can reach. "We can't be afraid of being crushed, otherwise we'll never be able to finish it off!"
Fortunately, it's a realization that they all seem to come to, and the cuts that begin to grow on its shins are numerous. Some are deeper than others, but the sheer amount of them is enough to make its entire frame wobble, and soon, come crashing down. It falls on its side, pieces of stone are displaced and sent flying with the impact, but it isn't enough to deter the soldiers as the overwhelm the titan, all stabbing into various places of the body to cripple it while Sasha deals the finishing blow.
"Die!" She yells, a fire in her eyes that was completely absent when cornered into a wall by the previous titan. Blood comes out with a loud gushing sound as the now separated nape hits the cold floor, flopping over like fat from a cow. And with it, the fight is done. Steam begins to leak out of every part of it, and all of them, with the exception of Mikasa and Connie, fall to the ground on their knees.
The silence is near deafening, compared to the loud rumble of stomps Jean's grown so used to hearing for the past ten minutes, at least. But it isn't completely quiet. There are still a few up by the lift who are whimpering, others who are vomiting, and others still who are completely silent. Jean's heart shrinks with guilt as the sheer weight of those who died buries him under the earth. The titan couldn't have been up there for longer than thirty seconds, so the actual number of deaths should be small, but it's still a total failure.
A part of him is upset at Armin, upset that his plan resulted in those lives lost, but he stops himself. "No... Armin's plan would have gone off without a hitch if it wasn't for us. If I had been able to stop it... I..."
His thoughts are interrupted by the clanging of Connie's swords as he drops them. The short haired boy's eyes are wide as he looks across the room where the brown corpses of titans are in the process of disintegrating. "We... actually did it..."
"Ymir!" Krista shouts suddenly, walking over to the freckled brunette, who's begun to approach them. "Are you okay?! Did you break your arm?"
Crosses both her arms, showing that, indeed, she did not injure herself as much as any of them thought. Jean could have sworn he heard a crack, but as long as she's not injured, he supposes he has no reason to give a shit.
"Huh? What are you talking about? I'm fine." She shoots Mikasa a sidelong glance, but moves her eyes back to Krista quickly. Krista gapes, but Ymir wiggles her right arm in front of her, just to drive the point home.
Jean sighs. Though he's thankful to see his comrades in one piece against all odds, he knows today can't be considered anything but a total and abject failure. But they aren't out of Trost yet.
"We got them all!" he raises his voice for the people on the lift. "Begin the resupply." Gasps are heard from the soldiers on the lift, though if they're from relief, excitement, or just an inability to fully comprehend the gruesome sight they just witnessed remains to be seen.
"We did it..." Armin lets out, blood dripping from his shoulders as he wipes his face. Jean's thankful that they at least have water to coat themselves in before they leave.
The sharp, sucking sound of gas being transferred from the supply station to their canisters has always been a strange noise to Jean, but right now, there isn't a sound that fills him with greater relief. The bustle of his comrades moving to a fro, refilling their gas and brandishing new blades, fills the secure corridors of the headquarters. Well, it's secure for the time being at least, so long as that abnormal continues to fight for their side.
It's a damn good thing, too. When he first laid eyes on that titan, the rage in its eyes and the sharpness of its muscles inspired a heavy fear within him. Somehow, it looked significantly more formidable than the others, which he supposes was a well placed impression, as, to Jean's knowledge, the titan is still out there, fighting for them. He wonders if the other titans are smart enough to catch on. They almost never attack each other, but if one went on the offensive, would the others try to kill it? He knows he'll find out as soon as he's out of here, but the answer probably doesn't matter. He's sure if he tried to approach it, it'd kill him like the fly he is to it. He's just happy that he has the luxury to be thinking these kinds of thoughts.
The greatest trial is truly done for. They have enough gas to where they could fly high above the city if they wanted to, and still get to the walls with plenty to spare. That's something all the others seem to recognize as well. Despite the horror they've just faced, it's hard to be unhappy when faced with the knowledge that, unlike a couple of hours ago, you know you're going to live. And yet, though the trainees around him and Marco are brightened by that hope, some letting out comments such as "We're saved now," And "The titans aren't coming in! It's thanks to that other titan fighting them," Jean is sure they're all struggling with what they've faced today.
He knows he is, that's for certain. And as he sits near the back, refilling his gas side by side with Marco, all he can think about is Eren. Jean always considered himself smarter than the boy. And he is, don't get him wrong, but he can't help but feel like a pale imitation of him. Today, brains ended up meaning very little. Today he had to be courageously stupid in order to lead him and his comrades to victory, something that Eren was always far too good at. Perhaps "victory" isn't the right term, though, because all Jean was able to lead them to was a way out of here, with plenty of trauma and death on the way. He thinks about what he could learn from Eren's death, what he could do to avoid a similar fate, but he's at a loss. He's in limbo, not cowardly enough to save his skin and not risk his life, but not stupid enough to lead his comrades and avoid so much death.
And as he sits next to his best friend, the one who had pushed him to take on this mantle in the first place, he finds his words tumbling out of his mouth. "I don't think I'm cut out to be a leader... Don't say things like that again." He keeps his focus on his gas canister as he hears Marco let out a light sound of surprise, looking to him.
Marco unhooks his gas, placing it down and moving to his other canister as he begins to talk. "I hope you won't get mad when I say this... but you aren't a strong person. So you can relate to how the weak feel."
Jean glances to him, interest piqued at what he has to say, now that they have a moment to breathe.
"In addition, you excel in sizing up any situation. Isn't that why you immediately know what should be done?"
A light gasps escapes Jean.
"You gave the right orders. That's why I could jump, and it's why I'm alive."
Jean fights back a scoff. "Tell that to the people who died. I don't immediately know what should be done. I froze when the titan started attacking the lift, and people were eaten because of it. I only moved because I saw Mikasa moving first, just like when I saw her on the rooftops. She's the one you should be praising."
Marco looks back down, knocking on the side of his canister to gauge how much gas is in it. "Mikasa is strong, but she isn't like you. It's like I said, you can relate to how the weak feel. It inspires more confidence when you're able to run into the battle. I can only speak from my experience, but if it were just Mikasa who flew towards headquarters, I wouldn't have followed."
He finishes filling up the gas, putting both canisters down and looking at him face to face again. "It almost feels like whether we went with her or not wouldn't affect how successful she is. She just runs in, and she would have kept going if no one went with her. You're the one who told us to move. You can't save everyone on a high stakes mission, but you did save us. Without you, we'd have all died out there without any gas."
Jean's eyes are wide now as he processes the information. Did he really have that great of an effect on Marco? And what about the others? Their friends, and Marco's never been one to shy away from praising people, he could just be lying to stroke his ego. But what good would that do?
Marco only smiles, clearly pleased with the result of his encouragements.
"You ready? Let's get out of here!" Connie shouts to the remaining trainees as they all leave for the courtyard. Jean and Marco follow suit, and soon the sun shines on them again, the shadows long from the late afternoon's gaze. It's a far cry from the gray, rainy despair he faced earlier today, and he's glad to see it.
"We'll all head out together! Scale the walls! Rendezvous with the rest of the army! Go!" A trainee hollers, hooking to the wall and taking to the skies. A swarm of gas is expelled from the multitude and soldiers, with Jean and Marco taking off with them. However, on a nearby rooftop is where Jean spots two figures overlooking the abnormal that was fighting for them, and he flies to them. As he approaches, he realizes that it's Armin and Mikasa that stand there, and he's thankful he's come over here so he can hurry them up.
As he lands, though, the words that come out of Armin's mouth are the last thing he wants to hear.
"If we can solve the mystery of this titan, it may give us a way to overcome our predicament. Should we try and capture it?"
Mikasa's eyes widen, and she's quick to let out, "No... we've risked enough lives. It's about to be eaten anyways, look." She points to the titan, it's body nearly covered by other, smaller titans that bite their way into it.
"Yeah, Armin. You've thought up some pretty smart stuff, but that's insane," Jean adds. It appears that the titans are eating the one that's been fighting them, which, if nothing else, hints at a greater intelligence than humanity might have realized, Jean supposes. "Still, it's not reason enough to kill ourselves trying to capture it. Trost is lost."
Armin stares at Mikasa, his eyes soft but prying as he furrows his brow.
"But what if it can help us? It could be humanity's greatest weapon!"
"Help us? Are you serious?" Jean stutters. "We can finally get out of here, we can't risk that."
Suddenly, the titan roars, eyes practically glowing in wrath as it moves its legs with extraordinary strength, slowly shrugging off the titans that cling to it. It moves towards one titan in particular, and though both its arms are torn off before it can reach it, it remains undeterred. It bites at the nape with its own mouth, lifting it into the air with its sheer strength. Jean sees its ribs crack with the weight of the titan in its mouth, and it lets out a pained groan. But with a final, booming roar it swings the titan at two others with such a force that it launches them straight into the wall of a large building.
"Come on..."
The titan lets go of its prey, letting out its last roar that echoes throughout the city, shaking the nearby observers to the bone.
"It doesn't need help."
But perhaps he spoke too soon, as not a second later it falls to its knees and then plummets face first into the earth with a mighty crash. The dust from the impact combines with the steam, creating a mixture that cloaks its entire body. Jean gasps. "I guess it finally exhausted itself... That's enough, we're leaving. That thing couldn't possibly help us. A titan is still a titan." He makes sure he's loud enough for the other two to hear, but neither move.
A large burst of steam shoots out from the nape of the corpse.
But before Jean can take so much as a peek, Mikasa jumps.
"Mikasa?" Armin whispers.
"Mikasa!" Jean shouts. But she will not stop.
She runs over to it with an incredible bout of speed, and soon she's right at the nape, inside the cloud of dust and steam.
"W-Wha-" Armin is interrupted by the bolt of the ODM gear, and she shoots herself out towards the other direction of the street, away from them.
"Where is she going?" Jean asks, features wide with confusion and astonishment.
With what seems like as much gas as possible, Mikasa rockets away from them. If Jean didn't know any better, he'd say she's carrying something in her arms, but it isn't like he's a good judge of that, given her distance to them by now.
"She's going to the walls..." Armin says.
"Huh?! But why that way? It's so much farther!"
But she won't stop. And Jean's heart races with worry and confusion. What is she doing? What did she pull out of that titan, if anything? Why...? One thing is certain, however. It's that he's not about to let another comrade die for no reason.
Armin appears to have the same idea, hooking onto the house across the street and readying himself. Jean does the same, but before they can go anywhere, the all familiar dreadful stomp of a titan rumbles across the landscape. And when he hears a second one, his heart falls.
"Shit! Not more of them! Armin, we need to let Mikasa get to the walls on her own. We can't risk our lives for no damn reason!"
Armin ignores him, flying across the street with a determined look in his eyes. Jean grimaces. "Well I'm not letting you die, too!" he thinks, following the blond. They titans stand in their way by now, however, and they split up, each to take on one of them. Jean goes for the one on the right, dodging its telegraphed swipe and hooking around to its neck. It turns at the last second however, its mouth wide open, forcing Jean to sharply adjust course, which sends him to the far side of the street.
Armin is more successful. Though his titan also turns in time, he pushes himself upwards with a well timed puff of gas, hooking onto its scalp and bringing himself down head-first into its nape. He swings wide, cutting it out. Though he stumbles a little from getting himself upright again, he manages, planting his feet on the quickly falling titan and jumping off back in Mikasa's direction.
"Armin, wait!" Jean tries to shout, but his own titan is bent on eating him. It reaches out once again, and Jean is forced to dodge. He lands back on the roof he started from, seeing Armin zipping away on his gear.
"He's too far gone now... following him would only risk my life." He scowls, realizing what he has to do. He can't follow them. Not with this titan on his tail, and not without pointlessly endangering himself. "I just got gas... I need to make it out of this damn city. They'll do the same. Mikasa can handle herself."
He can only hope that Armin can as well, even though he knows it's not true.
Mikasa sits atop the wall. Her eyes are tired. Her body is tired, and she trembles. She trembles because Eren is in her arms, she has him back.
It was only about an hour... that's how long he was in his titan form, that's how long she had to play along with things. But it felt like an eternity. She's gone longer without Eren, sure. She's gone days, weeks... even months, back in Marley... but in this singular hour, she can't say she's ever been more scared.
She's so happy to have him back, to hug him. He sits, unconscious, wrapped up in Mikasa's arms as the weight of reality drowns her. For an hour she had to wonder what to do, and Eren was away from her. It was all for him, and that's what pushed her, but having him in her arms again makes everything better. At the same time, though, it makes everything real again. The feeling of his body against hers, it reminds her of what she's trying so hard to save.
He's warm. Warm with the steam of being in a titan for so long, and she's so angry that he had to transform. He's completely intact, which means when he wakes up with no memories, he'll have no reason to think anything's out of the ordinary. That's not considering the memories he could gain, though. After all, she has no idea what caused it last time.
But there's nothing else to do now. She's made her choice, a different choice. Now her comrades don't know about Eren. Now the military doesn't know about Eren.
She's thought a million thoughts about what to do, how to go about it, but as she listens to his heartbeat, it all phases out of her mind. Her love and worry pours out of her soul, it pours and pours and she hugs him tighter. It pours so much that, as she pushes her head against his chest just to listen to his heartbeat, it starts to form tears. This sight is sickeningly familiar. When she first got him back, in her last timeline, she did this. She cried. Because she was alive again. She was ready to live a life without Eren, but she didn't have to. She could protect him even more for as long as they both lived.
But with the "benefit" of foresight... that moment was ruined. It signaled the beginning of the end. When Eren's titan would be used to oust the warriors, retake Shiganshina, and cause the Rumbling. And she didn't know any better back then. She cried for a boy who hated her.
And now she's doing it again. She's sobbing, trying desperately to protect him in her arms as much as possible. Because he's her Eren.
The salty tears drip off of her cheeks, coating his right shoulder, the one she has her head propped up on. She's crying because she doesn't want him to hate her. Because she doesn't want him to kill so many people and abandon his humanity. Because she loves him so much. She doesn't want to destroy her home.
So what can she do? Originally, when the warriors were taken care of, she thought she could let Eren join the Scouts. Without the titan, it'd be fruitless endeavor after fruitless endeavor, and if they did manage to get to the basement, perhaps Eren wouldn't have such a negative impression of the outside world... She'll be the first to admit that she didn't have a comprehensive plan, but it was enough. As time passed, she could adapt, keep Eren safe whenever she needed to like she always did.
But now none of it matters. She failed, betrayed Ymir's trust, tipped the warriors off to her knowledge, and let Eren turn into a titan. And she cries, because things could not have gone more poorly.
"Eren cannot join the Scouts now. Erwin is too smart, he might be able to make the connection between Eren and the Attack Titan, now that humanity knows there's a titan that kills other titans. But that's not the only reason. I still committed insubordination, I could be hanged without Pyxis' intervention. And if Pyxis does intervene, he'd use Eren's power to take back Trost..."
It's an unwinnable situation.
She has to run away. Run away with him, like she always wanted to.
She thought she could be strong and save all of her friends, but with Eren between her arms, she feels like she has to keep him safe. She has to run away.
To where? Where could they escape to? And how would Eren deal with not being a part of the military? "This is a horrible plan..."
"Eren... What should I do?" she whispers through choked sobs. Silence is her only companion.
Until the zip of ODM gear wires catches her ears.
Her heart stops. Despite how exhausted she is, strength flows through her, even though she can't stop the tears from flowing.
But when a familiar small frame leaps onto the top of the wall, blonde hair swaying with his speed, her heart calms, if only a little. She knows that Armin seeing Eren alive is a huge deal, and might change all of her plans, but... in truth, she has no coherent plan to speak of. There's nothing to ruin.
His eyes look weak, strained. But also fluid, as if surprised by their own power. She sees it as his teary eyes move from her inky pools to her cheek, where the tears fall profusely. She realizes that Armin hasn't seen her cry in so long, not like this, and it must be shocking for her confused friend.
"M-Mikasa...? Mikasa? Mikasa?!"
She finds it ironic that he's saying her name over and over again, despite the very visible Eren in her arms. The one she told him was dead.
"What's happening? I...I don't understand..." his eyes pool with tears as his oceanic blues move to Eren.
She sniffles, forcing herself to calm down so she can answer Armin's questions.
"...Do you?" he finishes.
No explanation Mikasa offers will clear all of his confusion away, she knows. And with half her mind still racing as to what to do, she doesn't have the energy to explain it all.
"Eren is a titan."
His silence is short lived. His eyes, rather than widening, furrow. "Mikasa..."
"The military... the military will surely kill him. I won't let that happen."
"What?" is all he can say, undoubtedly still in the midst of processing all of this information.
"Please. Don't tell anyone about this. Don't tell Jean, or Marco, or Sasha, or anyone." She lets her eyes, all red with blood and tears and exhaustion, stare into his. Confusion is clearer than day on his face.
"I... Mikasa, this doesn't make sense! What have... why didn't you... what are you planning on doing?!" tears finally start to shed past his eyes, dotting the ground below him. "This isn't right... I... don't understand anymore..."
At the sight of him crumbling before her, she has to fight tears of her own yet again. So she does the only thing that comes to her mind. Mikasa slowly approaches, and wraps Armin in a hug, and he can only shake his head as he trembles in her embrace.
"You have to keep this a secret. Please..." she says softly, letting go of him and moving over to grab the unconscious Eren, one arm supporting his back as the other wraps under his knees.
"Goodbye, Armin."
She jumps off of the other side, the titan's side, and hooks back onto the walls. The wind flows through her hair and face, blowing the tears away as she uses her ODM gear to travel across the outer side of the wall. She doesn't know her destination.
But she knows it will be far away from Trost.
There you have it! This is very much the turning point of the series... the first one anyways. Mikasa has made a completely different choice, and only time will tell what this leads to!
Apologies for how late in the day this was, once again. And as always, let me know what you thought! I have my worries but overall I thought this chapter was much more solid than the previous one, but what did you guys think? Was it enjoyable? Was it poorly written? I'd love to see your thoughts and have a nice day! -Y