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Chapter 13: "... As my Guitar Gently Weeps…"
Kozo looked down at the crimson circular 'vortex' that rested over the South Pole.
"It's hard to accept that that's our earth," he mused to the only other occupant currently seated with him in the spacecraft. "It breaks my heart to even look at it."
"It's even worse knowing there are other human beings who wanted this outcome," Gendo responded "to see the extinction of their own species to cleanse the earth of original sin."
"I prefer the living chaos of man, instead of this barren wasteland of death." The old professor mused as he shuffled in his spacesuit.
Why they were still wearing these inside the cabin was a mystery to him.
"Chaos is merely a human construct, the world only knows its own natural laws, of harmony and order."
"So, you're saying it's the human heart that throws the world into confusion?"
Both men were quiet at that question, there wasn't even a glace over to him from his superior.
Then he had to ask.
"Do you believe it was the chaos of man that brought your son back, surely it couldn't be nature itself?"
The eldest Ikari just closed his eyes. "What happened is not relevant, as long as it does not impact our plans."
Kozo just looked back out the window, trying to accept that this could still be the young man he had met all those years ago.
"Do you believe Kaji Ryoji is going to continue to be of assistance?"
"He brought us the Key of Nebuchadnezzar, that's enough for now. As long as the man doesn't dig too deep, he's of no concern."
ʡʘʘʢ
Unknown to the two older men, thousands of miles below them in Tokyo-03, a boy was setting a guitar case down on a rooftop.
Shinji let his feet dangle over the edge of the apartment blocks roof and lifted the musical instrument onto his thigh.
Stretching out his right hand, he gave his knuckles a quick flex and stretch.
As he plucked each string, the boy's face fell at how horribly this thing was tuned, probably by some student who hadn't know what they were doing. That was alright, it wasn't like the thing was broken.
He worked his way through the six strings, letting each reverberate their note a few seconds before adjusting the nob at the top of the instrument.
The Third Children was sure that if there were Section 2 personnel out there, they would see him, at least if they were watching the apartment directly.
But there was no reason for them to really interfere, he was just a kid practicing his instruments in the fresh air.
It just happened to be on the edge of the rooftop.
Looking down at the streets below, there were only a few people who were out and about at this time of night. He had been sure to sneak out after Misato had fallen asleep and Asuka wouldn't be out of her room for the rest of the night.
It wasn't like he would sleep either. He figured this was at least better than just staring at his ceiling and being tormented with the memories of his failures.
Not to mention how those feelings had once again been stirred up by his talk with Kaji.
Truthfully, he had felt slightly better after leaving the man, like the tiniest weight had been lifted from his shoulders. When was the last time he actually talked with someone about those things? Even if he managed to obscure most of the details, it had just felt good despite the pain of actually saying those things… admitting those things.
"Oh, just stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with it already!" the specter growled, looking to his left, he just watched as she balanced herself while she walked along the very edge of the roof.
Her figure wobbled from time to time as she walked, her one eye focused solely on the ledge.
Shinji might have felt a bit of worry, if it wasn't for the fact she wasn't really there. He hadn't said a word to her since their talk in the locker room after the sync test and it seemed as if she was irritated by that.
Resting his forearm against the top of the instrument, he let his hand hover over the strings, waiting for his mind to remember a song.
His fingers came to life on their own, letting out the same three notes over and over again. It was a simple tune, but one that he remembered well.
Letting himself insert different strings as he went along, he began to shake off the rust of this skill.
These might not be the muscles that learned how to play, but the mind was.
He kept going, letting the song build until its speed began to increase. He was no longer plucking at the strings, instead he was lightly strumming them.
It was such a simple song, but… it just came out on its own. It seemed to make him feel the weight of time itself and how long he had been going.
How long he had been fighting.
The notes made him feel tired, like he could sleep for a thousand years and still not feel rested.
It seemed to fade as fast it came, like a spirt of energy, before he was back in the same three note repetitive loop.
Finally, his fingers finished, and his hand just fell, hanging there. They burned due to the lack of calluses, but he relished the feeling in his fingertips.
Why had he let himself play that? Of course it was going to make him feel miserable, wasn't he doing this to feel the opposite?
She was sitting beside him now, just looking out over the city with that sparkling blue iris, he could see her out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't dare turn to face her.
He was expecting her to mock how he had chosen such a sad song, or to berate him on how he had lost some of the sharpness of his skill. But she remained quiet. Just letting her feet dangle off the edge of the building, kicking them out every so often and letting them swing.
The Third Children just looked out over Tokyo-3 letting himself drink the sight in, the twinkling of ten thousand lights before him and the few stars above that were still visible. It wasn't quite the sight he had with Rei before the Sixth Angel, but it could be worse.
It gave him the same feeling he felt when all three of them had laid down on the hillside overlooking the city in his first life. Still in plug suits, just waiting for the power to be restored and enjoying the galaxy that was on full display for them in the night sky.
And it made him feel even smaller than usual.
.
.
.
"I wish I could've saved you."
Those words just came out on their own, in a hushed tone, his shame, guilt, and everything else abruptly bubbling up with the girl so close to him yet being so quiet.
"Me too,"
There was no malice in that voice, no venom, no uncontrollable anger directed at the Third Children.
Just sadness.
"me too..."
ʡʘʘʢ
She had stared at screens and data for hours before she came to this conclusion.
In that time, the city had been evacuated, it had been a monumental task, but its match could easily be made in the backing up of the MAGI.
With the codename 'Wunder', even if the damn thing was in Austria, whoever had made the decision to name NERVs vault should take a look at their life choices. With the majority of NERV personnel having English as their second language it was hard enough with the language barrier.
She had to get on the phone herself to speak German when one of the technicians couldn't get past the whole German W pronounced as an English V. The situation had taken up too much precious time if she was being honest.
Now Katsuragi was standing here in a warehouse with an irritated scientist just glaring at her.
"You're hesitating."
That, Misato wouldn't deny, she was.
"Its just…" the woman stumbled over her words.
"Yes, it was you who sent Shinji out, yes you're worried about him getting hurt again, but you need to get over than Misato."
"Last time I checked he hasn't quit, he's still here Misato, and he's a soldier, just like the other two."
Misato shook her head, "They're not Rits, they're not soldiers."
"Where's the Katsuragi that boldly asked for the entire power supply of Japan hmmm? First, you're practically mothering the Third Child, now you're not willing to do anything!"
She turned to the blonde, half thinking about smacking her across the face.
"Dammit Rits of course I am, this is the only chance we have, that doesn't mean I have to like it. Got any better ideas?"
Ritsuko sighed "No I don't, and neither do the MAGI, they wouldn't even give me a percentage for success."
The woman could see Misato's struggle on the surface, she knew what drove her to be part of NERV
Revenge.
Revenge against the Angels.
It was something that almost everyone could understand, Ritsuko couldn't remember a time when the woman wasn't driven by that burning hatred.
Except for now.
She was witnessing it firsthand, the struggle between the woman who wanted vengeance against the things that had taken her family from her, and the woman who had grown close to the Third Child, who had seemingly found a new family.
"You're too close to him." The blonde accused.
"Maybe, I am," the Colonel mumbled.
"but last time I checked; I'm still the commanding office here."
ʡʘʘʢ
"Whaaa? You want us to catch it?" Asuka practically shouted at Misato.
All three of the pilots were currently standing in front of a whiteboard, below them, in what amounted to a train terminal, their Evangelions were being brough up from the GeoFront.
Shinji was doing his best to ignore Soryu as she hung her feet off the side of the catwalk while pushing herself up on the railing. It reminded him a little too much of how she had acted on Over the Rainbow.
"Exactly as the target descends, you'll max out your AT field to stop it." The way she said it, it sounded so simple. Shinji knew there was going to be more to it than that.
And he was willing to bet there would be more than one surprise in store if they had skipped over Israfel, Sandalphon, and Matarael… things were moving way too fast.
"The target has scrambled its position so we can't accurately calculate its exact point of impact. In order to narrow the possibilities, all three EVAs will be simultaneously deployed in three different locations."
She explained, pointing to her diagram on the board.
"Listen, I can destroy this thing on my own!" the fiery redhead growled back at her.
"No way, it's impossible, the projected target area is too vast for one EVA to cover,"
"Oh, so you don't trust my abilities that's it?"
"Asuka," Shinji pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not every Angel is going to be beaten through straight combat, sometimes we're going to have to get creative."
"And we're going to have to be creative as a team."
She looked over at him and just scowled at the comment. Technically even to them here, he had the most combat time and the most Angel kills.
Experience outranks everything, wasn't that the saying?
"How do you know where to place us?" Rei asked in her monotone voice, speaking up for the first time since they arrived at the briefing.
"Woman's intuition." The colonel said with a smile.
"Oh, that's reliable!" Asuka grumbled, crossing her arms.
ʡʘʘʢ
As they went their separate ways to their own Evangelions, Shinji took a deep breath and let himself feel that cross that dug into his chest underneath his plug suit.
"Shinji…"
He turned around; the violet-haired Colonel just stood there. Had anyone else looked at her, they would have seen an unmovable, unbreakable person, someone who had unshakable confidence in her plan.
He knew her long enough to see the truth. The woman was terrified.
But not of the Angel.
To his eyes Misato was practically having a nervous breakdown in front of him, and just to confirm his thoughts she reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into an embrace like she did on the occasional night after a dozen beers.
Only this time there was no reek of alcohol on her. There were no slurred words, no tearless sobs.
There was just her, Misato Katsuragi, latching onto him like she might lose him again.
"Promise me you'll come back."
Shinji just gave her a squeeze with his arms as well.
"Promise me you won't leave me again."
The Third Children felt a stab of pain in his heart at those words. If only she had been like this the first time…
He knew what happened to her Shinji right before he ended up in this life had eaten away at the woman, enough for her to open herself up to him.
But he couldn't recall her ever being this attached, ever.
"I'll come back Misato."
"I promise."
Shinji just added another promise to the list of ones he knew he wouldn't be able to keep.
If you're curious as to which song I based Shinji's tune off of, go check out Remembrance by Balmorhea. It's pretty popular background music for people to use so you've probably heard it somewhere, but if you haven't, if you want to get a bad case of melancholy check it out, you've been warned. I might make a cover image based off that rooftop scene, cant promise it'll be any good though… EOE cover anyone?
SHOUTOUTS!
Akomis – Thanks, I think that's probably the hardest thing for people to write, because you have to make it sound natural and that's where I always second guess myself.
UltraSpink of Da USA- Well remember, Kaji is the closest thing to a father figure Shinji ever really had. In the manga he lives with his aunt and uncle and in the anime, I think it's a 'teacher'. Regardless of whichever backstory you like more, its obvious neither treated him very well. So, it makes sense Shinji can open up to Kaji even more than Misato, even remembering Kaji's words about how we can never truly know other people. Plus, Kaji's a spy, it's kinda his job to extract info without people even realizing it.
poBBpC - I'm glad you like it! I'm gonna be honest, I had no idea what you were talking about until I looked it up on Youtube and I was like 'yeah, he's got a point…' (love that older graphics esthetic btw).
Dyinglittelstar – Thanks a lot!
Until Next Time!