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Chapter 16: "...I couldn't face a life without your lights …"

Three o'clock in the morning, damn that had to be a record.

Misato thanked whatever was watching over her that she didn't crash her car, as she dragged herself into the apartment. She'd go in late tomorrow, grab an extra hour of sleep, and that would be that.

Cleaning up half of Tokyo 3 that was flooded wasn't exactly an easy thing to deal with after all.

Being as quiet as she could, the colonel entered the kitchen and pulled a nice cold beer from the fridge, it'd help her sleep after all.

She forwent a shower, if she didn't get one in the morning, she'd take one down in the GeoFront.

Her eyes sagged as shuffled to her room, cracking the beer and chugging half of it, all her mind was focused on was just feel that sweet mattress.

The door was already open, but she thought nothing of it till she flicked on one of the lights as found him there.

Shinji, curled up, his limbs tensed, muscles bulging against his skin. The Third Child's face was scrunched like he was in some terrible pain, and for some reason his SDAT player laid next to him.

If she didn't know the boy, she would have thought he was having some sort of seizure.

Instantly she was awake, adrenaline snapped her out of her sleepiness and her beer was sent flying somewhere into the mess that was her room.

Her brain begged that this was another sleep walking episode and despite her knowing what might happen to her, she rushed down to grab him.

Latching onto his wrists and steadying him on his back, the face he was making was worse that when he had been injured piloting.

"Shinji!"

It hadn't taken much to wake him up, his eyes snapped open to her, and instead of fighting as he had the first time, he lunged at her, not to hurt her, but embrace her.

She didn't even know what to do, she had always been the one who had given him a hug first, with him only returning the affection.

Now he was holding onto her, like she was some raft in the middle of the ocean, the only thing keeping him from drowning.

Despite his action there were no tears, no sobs, just the occasional muscle twitch.

She didn't even bother to ask about his dreams, she was sure he wouldn't tell her about it, just as he always did.

But that was alright, he was fine, he was here, and with that heart that she could feel pounding away in his chest he was alive.

For minutes they just stayed like that, before he pulled away from her and looked around.

"You got home pretty late." He said, his voice uneven, seemingly trying to ignore what had just happened.

She just shrugged, not minding his redirection.

"Long night… for both of us." He said softly.

"Yeah," he said, running a hand through his hair.

For a few more moments he said nothing, and she couldn't bring herself to break the silence between them.

"I'll get back to my room now."

"All right Shinji," Misato said softly allowing them to leave.

Neither of them saw the redhead peering out from the other side of the apartment.

ʡʘʘʢ

Misato yawned as she sat at the table, groggily eating the food left out by the only person in the apartment who knew how to cook.

Asuka sat there alongside her, lazily picking apart what the Third Child had made for them.

Shinji took the time that the girls had abandoned the shower and proceeded to get himself ready for the day.

Misato couldn't help but notice the behavior of the two, no comments, no jabs, nothing.

She would have thought the morning peaceful if she didn't know any better. She half expected Asuka to complain about some fight they had the night before, but it never came.

Finally, the redhead spoke up.

"So where were you two when I killed the seventh Angel?"

Misato blinked, maybe it was unexpected question, morning drowsiness or a combination of the two, but the question didn't register.

"What?"

The redhead picked at her food in annoyance at having to repeat herself "After I killed the seventh Angel, Shinji told me you two had visited someone."

"Oh, I must have missed that."

"You speak German!"

"Well I wasn't expecting you two to start talking so... fast!" she exclaimed, it had been rather sudden when the boy spoke to her in German.

Misato sighed, should she even tell Asuka, was that something Shinji should do? Was it any of her business anyways?

She was the one who forced him to go after all… well not quiet, even if she was under orders, the woman was sure that they would have made the journey.

"We went to a cemetery." she said quietly.

"What, the daddy's boy went to see his Grammy?" Asuka sneered.

Misato looked down at her food, her appetite suddenly vanishing. "Asuka..."

"I bet he cried…"

The colonel frowned at the girl's attitude, she hadn't exactly been peaceful with Shinji since they first met, but this was something else.

"Why do you think Shinji lives with me?" she asked, no longer eating.

Asuka rolled her eyes and put her own utensils down.

"Because we're supposed to be 'harmonizing." she muttered with the air quotes.

"He lived with me before you got here."

"Why? His father is the director of NERV you'd think the kid would have premier housing." She grumbled.

"Shinji hasn't lived with his father in years." Misato said with a hint of sadness in her voice. The memory of her own transgressions with her own father suddenly finding their way to the surface.

"What his mommy couldn't handle the stress of living in Tokyo-3?"

Misato leaned forward. That comment she would not tolerate.

"Shinji's mother was a founding member of NERV… you arrived on the anniversary of her death." Those words came out as if she were delivering them to an underling in the GeoFront and Asuka slunk back as if she were one.

"Oh."

ʡʘʘʢ

He had been quiet the entire walk to school, he had been quiet the entire class and since when did he listen to music.

Even the stooges seemed a bit taken back by the fact he had an SDAT player with him.

Lunch came, and only then did the girl realize, she didn't have anything.

Had he actually made lunch for her this morning? She hadn't really noticed, the girl had eaten the breakfast he prepared and went to get ready, after all he had done it since she got there, it wasn't like she made her own.

Toji went off to get his own food, while Kensuke joined him. Asuka watched as the Third Child went and pulled out food for himself and another.

She breathed a sigh of relief, she wasn't going to have to starve for the rest of the day, but it wasn't that simple.

The Second Child thought he was bringing it to her, if she had bothered to move her seat next to him it would have only taken an outstretched arm, but he instead stopped short of her seat, standing next to a certain bluenette.

Asuka couldn't hear what he said, but the First Child defiantly thanked the boy, much to her surprise.

When he went back to his seat and didn't get back up that was the final straw for the German.

Pushing herself up, she marched to the back of the room where he was sitting, earbuds back in, slowly eating food and just looking out the window.

Slamming her hands down on his desk, be barely made any indication she was actually there.

"What?! Everyone else gets food while I have to starve!?" she exploded, she was sure that the whole class would be looking at her, but she didn't care, not when the boy was obviously trying to get back at her for leaving him last night.

How petty.

Was that her or him she was referring to?

Shinji just looked up at her, those eyes almost seemed to be unfocused, far away.

He said nothing as he leaned down to his bag and pulled out one last bundle.

"You forgot to your lunch on the counter." He said in a monotone voice that almost rivaled Rei.

Her eyes narrowed; she'd never seen the boy like this before. Where was that life and energy he had that she had come to know? Where was that kid that confidently brought her lunch for the very first time?

Where was the boy that called her the Roter Drache?

Swiping the bundle from his desk she glared at him "I didn't forget it!".

"I know you didn't." he said, turning and looking back out the window.

ʡʘʘʢ

"Leaving the cooking up to Shinji?" Misato rolled her eyes at the man setting a coffee down next to her "that's good, I'm glad you're not just eating instant ramen."

Misato pouted "Yeah unlike you, some people have work to do and not waste time on cooking."

Flipping open her laptop she just heard him pipe up again.

"Serious as ever about your work, that's good, it's a strength most of the time at least,"

"Why are you here Kaji?" she snapped at the man, who took a seat next to her without even blinking.

"Shinji made some interesting points." He smiled, she rolled her eyes, if that kid was trying to play matchmaker when he couldn't even stand to…

"and…"

"Of course," she muttered.

He cleared his throat, "well first let me ask if you wanted to get something to eat, I know a great place southside that'll blow the kid's cooking out of the water."

"I'll think about it." she grumbled, not wanting to give the man any hope.

.

.

.

"What else?" she asked him.

He frowned "I don't want you to think less of me for this." He started.

She half-heartedly laughed, like that'd be hard.

"Shinji…" Oh god, what now "he, well I don't even know if it was confiding, maybe I just hit a nerve."

"What is it?" now he had her full attention, Shinji and what he was describing didn't usually go together,

"Don't… if anything comes from this… don't let him suspect me, I feel bad enough since it was two men having a straight talk."

She snorted louder this time "Shinji can hardly be called a man and you know that."

He looked at her seriously, not taking the joke at all.

"God, he must've said something to change your attitude this much."

He nodded.

"I think…" he stopped reassuring himself.

"I think he's got a broken heart." He said frowning.

Misato half shrugged "Well he can join the club with plenty of other people, it's a little weird sure, you'd think a kid his age couldn't bounce back from one crush but…"

"Katsuragi," he looked at her "he wasn't a kid talking about an unrequited crush, what he told me, confessed to me, it…"

"What?"

"I was jealous."

"He described it, it sounded so... pure, so… I pushed him why he didn't call her, 'a dashing EVA pilot' I called him." he chuckled.

"He said he couldn't, no matter what he said it wasn't possible until he practically told me he failed her."

.

.

.

"I think whoever he loved killed herself, and he feels responsible for it."

Miasto's heart dropped, an empty mass filled her.

She looked away from the man.

It would explain a lot actually…

Her head spun, no child should have to feel that way, no one in general should feel that way.

"There was nothing in his reports before he came here?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

"There was nothing in his reports about him knowing German either…"

"or multiple instruments..."

He raised an eyebrow, "He keeps brining home different ones from school…" she said with a sad smile. "Keeps telling me that he wants to learn another instrument, I don't think he's asking to borrow them though."

"A bit of teenage rebellion?"

"Ha, if you could call it that, it's better than stealing from convenience stores, he takes them back at least."

.

.

.

"One more thing…"

"Hmm?"

"Are you alright?"

That question, she hadn't been expecting at all, and it took a bit of effort to keep her mouth from falling open.

"Huh?"

"I heard the rumors about what happened with the Sixth…"

"No!" She cut him off, slamming her hands down on the table with fire was in her eyes, and a pain he could see.

He'd seen it only one other time, when she was walking out his front door.

"Read the report yourself." She hissed "that's all that happened."

Kaji frowned, so it was true…

I am not a fan of the middle of 2.0, at least trying to adapt it into writing, works good for a movie, but damn cinematic time is a bitch.

Shoutouts

Akomis – Hey I didn't set the ground rules, Anno did. The one ray of hope you guys got is the fact it's Rebuild 2.0, so we might just have a window of time here…

UltraSpink of Da USA- I basically spent a few days just writing bits and pieces of lives Shinji might've experienced when I started writing the story, some are interesting concepts that I'm not sure would make very good individual stories. I'm sure there will be plenty that aren't going to make it in.

EvaPilotFair- Even? No way, Shinji only got impaled by six spears, to Asuka's nine. She'd totally hold that over him. All jokes aside thanks, the middle of 2.0 is just kinda annoying to work through.

A Guy- You gotta be more hopeful! Fanservice that is neither earned nor set up is a disservice, I've scrapped nearly a dozen meta jokes just because I thought they were too jarring, I'm not going to just randomly promise things that don't belong.

calborghete- It is sad, but I honestly think that's what she would done if Shinji had been braver. She's not Soryu, who would have loved that, it's why Advice and Trust works so well, because you can believe that if Shinji had reached out and held her in that kiss, it would have blown that relationship wide open. It's their tragedy, that all it would have taken was a few words for them to understand how similar they are. Our Shinji and Shimikazi… well (without spoiling anything) it's not that simple.

luis3007- Thanks a lot!

Alright, you guys will probably get a double header this weekend, just because the next chapter is probably gonna be short and the one after that should be extra-long.

Until Next Time.