Oh my God. This is it.
I know its late and I'm so sorry, I'll be honest, this took so many re-writes because this is huge for me. I know Rise is still in the works, but this is the first time I've said a semi-official goodbye to my GSE universe and so it was hard. "Rise" will continue (I'm very excited about it) but will it most definitely be my last trip into the world of Pete/Allie so if I'm this much of a wreck now imagine how I'll be when I finish that!
This chapter is dedicated to everyone who is kind enough to cast their eyes on it but in particular to those of you who have stayed with this story since its inception in 2006 (yes, really). Thank you for all your support, please keep an eye out for Rise and be a darling, leave a review. Love always, El xxx
Green Street hadn't seemed nearly so long when he was a young man. Back when his bones had been nothing but instead of held together with metal and his lungs could carry him further than five steps without folding in on themselves.
The sign of a good life, the nurses often told him. A damn good life it had been at that. He had no regrets, even now as he walked past through the trees to the building he knew so well. The Abbey had been rebuilt years ago after the fire in 2005. Now of course it was one of those gastro pubs, all slate and stained glass but the ghosts it held were still of his youth. Gripping his walking stick, he winced as arthritic knuckles clacked together, fingers wrapping around the head of the cane as he came to a stop. The breeze seemed to pass through him and he realised not for the first time that his body wasn't long for this world. But hell if he was going out without one last pint with the boys every now and then.
Stepping into the road, his blue eyes a few shades lighter than they had once been focused only on the distressed concrete, the cracks in it not unlike the ones marring his bones and skin. The sound of traffic seemed distant as he focused on the door, his footing less than stable as he turned to see a taxi peeling towards him.
Fucking hell was this really how it ended? A warrior all his life and here he was being taken down by a taxi outside of a pub. Some people might call it poetic justice. Some people were arseholes.
"Easy fella!"
A hand grabbed his elbow and yanked him forward onto the pavement; he yelped, hating himself for it but unable to ignore the pain that shot through his wrist –an injury from fights long ago- and stumbled forward, catching himself in the stranger's arms. Instantly straightening himself, he stepped back, regarding the young man with a smile which he returned. His piercing blue eyes reminded him of himself, years before when he had been happy. With her…
"You ok?"
Clearing his throat, he nodded, straightening his jacket nervously and throwing what he hoped was a devil may care look in his direction.
"Unfortunately for my health insurance, I'm sure I'll live to see another day." He grinned as the young man laughed and nodded towards the pub.
"Heart breaking, ain't it?"
"Son, you don't know the half of it," he snorted, tapping his cane against the crumbling brick wall. "I knew this place way back when and let me tell you. You were lucky if you left with all your teeth, there was none of this tart tatin bollocks,"
Seemingly shocked by the older man's language, the blue eyed boy laughed shaking his head and folding his arms.
"Don't go telling me you're a hammers fan," he quirked an eyebrow.
"Don't be wasting my time if you're not," the old man shot back, drawing more laughter.
"Ah, once upon a time," he looked up at the building with an affection in his eyes that danced with ghosts he would probably never speak of. "A different life,"
"Better than the one you've got now?" the old man asked him, seeing so much of himself in the youngster that he worried for a moment that the car might well have hit him and he was in some Dickensian Christmas Carol-esque hell.
The young man's eyes seemed to set, the ghosts vanishing into their sapphire depths as a slow smile spread over his handsome features, lighting them from the inside out.
"Not even close," he half whispered.
A moment passed between them, both of them seeing in the other what they had gained and lost before the wind picked up around them and ruptured the calm.
"I should get going," the young man clapped him on the shoulder. "Look after yourself, if you're this bad sober, god help the lot of us after a few pints, eh?"
The old man laughed and waved him on, pressing his old wrinkled hand to the door and catching his wedding ring as it glistened in the sunlight. God he missed her. 5 years. That's how long it had been and still, there wasn't a day when his heart didn't hurt when he realised he would never hear her voice, laugh at her jokes, listen to her harp on about shoes.
"Son," he called over his shoulder, frowning when he realised in the time it had taken him to turn around, the young man had jogged all the way back to him. Fuck, he really was getting on.
"The girl –and there's always a girl," he smirked. "Treasure her. Whatever there is in your life that pulled you away from this…never let yourself forget how lucky you are that you found it,"
With that, the old man turned and stepped into the Abbey, letting the music and voices spill out into the otherwise tranquil street for just a moment before the doors swung shut and everything turned still once more.
"Not a chance old man," Pete Dunham smiled, turning on his heel and heading to the station. Home. "Not a chance."
"Hit me one more time, bitch, see what happens,"
Bovver frowned as from somewhere beneath the sea of balloons, he heard Benjamin giggle. Glancing at Dave who was pretending not to laugh as he and Swill were throwing strings of fairy lights into every tree and shrub they could see. Wearing a tux was alien at the best of times for someone like Bovver, but with the Scot pissing him off a treat by smacking him in the head with balloons every five seconds and setting off party poppers in his ears, he was on thin ice. As it always did, Grenville House which had played home to Pete and Allie Dunham for the past eight years, looked like something from a fairy tale. Its amber lanterns broke through the early dusk, dragon flies circled lazily over the surface of the pool which mirrored the azure sky above them.
"Surely he's got people to do this shit for him now," Swill frowned, lighting a cigarette and glancing down to make sure no ash fell onto his suit.
"I probably do," Matt Buckner laughed, jogging out into the garden to meet them and grabbing a beer from the ice bucket as he did so. "But its way more fun making you guys do it,"
"Alright Mr Big Bollocks," Dave smirked. "Getting one poncy book published doesn't give you the right to be a shit,"
"He's a yank," Bovver grumbled. "The fuck do you expect?"
"Dickhead!"
They all turned to Ned who was sat on one of the sun loungers by the pool, his hands held up in exasperation as he glared at them.
"I'm not in it," he held up the book and shook it in Matt's direction. "How many fucking pages do you spend yapping on about the colour of Allie's hair and I couldn't get one fucking mention?"
Matt laughed and shook his head, glancing around and wondering how the hell he had come to be here; against the odds –and many threats from Bovver- he had submitted his book to a publisher and they had picked it up. Obviously he had omitted a lot of the less legal activity from its pages but the story of the yank who came to London as a stranger and ended up being a member of the most notorious Firm the UK had to offer was now a best seller. Bending down to pick up the book Ned had thrown to the floor, he fumbled through it until he spotted his name and held it up in front of his face.
"Oh…well," Ned grumbled. "The very last page. Fuck me, won't my mum be proud."
"Consider yourself lucky, mate. Swilliam's mother will more or less disown him when she gets to chapter 13," Dave wiggled his eyebrows and took a long sip of beer, collapsing down onto one of the loungers and ignoring his friends look of pure panic. "So how long until these bellends show up?"
"Hey," Matt frowned, trying to supress his laughter.
"Aye aye," Benjamin smirked, straightening the lapels of his suit and casually setting off another party popper behind Bovver's head as he headed out into the garden. "Let's not get nasty, ladies. We all know this is Matty's big night and I for one would like to propose a toast,"
"Oi, oi, not without me you don't," Pete laughed, jogging into the garden and snatching Swill's bottle of beer, slinging his arm around his friends shoulders and ignoring the mutter of 'cheeky fuck' that was thrown his way.
"Timing as ever Dunham is on your side," Benjamin winked, lifting his own bottle and clasping his chest with his free hand as he feigned a tear. "To the yank, may the royalties from your book keep us happy, drunk and knee deep in ladies for years to come."
"Amen to that," Dave laughed as they clinked their glasses together, the sharp noise piercing the peacefulness around them.
Peacefulness, Pete thought with a smirk. Peacefulness and the Dunham household didn't go hand in hand by any means.
"Anyone seen the missus?" he craned his head back, glancing up at the balcony on their bedroom as though he might see her there.
"Not for a while, mate," Bovver shook his head and pointed to the fairy lights in the trees. "Cheeky bint came out here barking orders and then pissed off inside,"
Pete caught the look in his eyes and it still amazed him to see it was pure affection; to think how tumultuous Bovver and Allie's relationship had been when they had first met, verging on hatred and now they were thick as thieves.
"Sounds about right," he laughed, clapping Benjamin on the back and downing the dregs of his champagne. "I'm going to have a cheeky peek,"
"See you both in about an hour then," Matt rolled his eyes causing the other boys to grin as Pete stared at them open mouthed.
"Oh come on," Swill laughed, throwing a hand gesture his way. "You two are fucking horrendous, all I ask is that you leave the doors open so I can 'ave a look."
"You're damaged, mate," Bovver grimaced.
"What?" he smirked, making kissing noises at his friend as he stepped around him, shaking his head in despair.
Pete left them bickering and bantering with one another, jogging through the kitchen and nodding at the various catering staff littered about, the smell of lamb following him through the hallway and making his mouth water.
Taking the stairs two at a time, he made his way past Natalie's door, frowning when he heard raised voices.
"I told you to stop smiling,"
"You look gorgeous,"
"Oh seriously fuck off,"
The door slammed open and he blinked in surprise as his cousin stepped out, her dark hair which was longer than it had been years before falling around her face in gentle waves. Her eyes flashed as they landed on him and he froze, wondering if he could either run past her or back down the stairs without her seeing him.
"And you," Natalie Dunham spat. "The fuck are you smirking at?"
"Nothing!" Pete laughed, craning his neck around her to glance at Chris Ellis who was shaking his head, his bow tie dangling from his hand as he winked at Pete. "What did you do to her?"
"Nothing, brother," he chuckled, mirroring his brother Benjamin as he did so. "The lady can't take a compliment,"
"You know what?" Natalie scowled at him. "Not a day goes by when I don't regret that one New Year's Eve pity fuck turning into this monstrosity of a relationship."
At that Chris Ellis merely laughed harder, throwing his arms around her and trying to kiss her cheek; the brunette in his arms feigned disgust by the grin on her face was unmistakeable, as was the soft giggle that escaped her lips as she rolled her eyes at Pete.
"If you're looking for Allie, she's next door," Natalie grabbed Chris' hands and dragged him down the hallway, turning to look at her cousin and shooting him the trademark Dunham smirk. "Tell me the bar is open already,"
"Swill's down there," Pete snorted. "What do you reckon?"
"Jaeger's all round then," Chris threw his arms in the air before playfully slapping Natalie's behind and earning himself an elbow in the ribs. "Ow! Jesus, woman, don't damage the goods,"
Their voices became a distant muffle as they descended the stairs, a faint cheer drifting up as the boys greeted them; pushing himself away from the door frame, Pete started down towards his own room, stopping only when he heard music playing faintly from the room on his right.
Lara's room.
Three years had passed since her death and whilst the pain was as raw as ever, her name brought with it pleasant memories as opposed to bitter ones these days. Her room had become a sanctuary for Allie, the door always remained open so that Poppy could dart in and out, sneaking tubes of lipstick and shoes as she did so. Lara Knight had been a force of nature and even in death as Allie had once said, she couldn't be contained.
Nudging the door open, he felt his breath catch; his wife sat on the bed, her back bared by the extreme cut of her dress which was all white gold and lace, her hair curled softly and plaited around her head. Her long, slim fingers danced over what he could see was a photo album and he blinked, jumping as her voice broke through the silence around them.
"I hear its jaeger's all round," he could hear the smile in her voice but only saw it when she turned to face him, her emerald eyes twinkling. "Am I falling behind already?"
Smirking, Pete straightened his suit and took the small step down into the bedroom, marvelling at how after all this time it still smelled of Lara's perfume. Crawling onto the bed, he dropped his chin onto Allie's shoulder and closed his eyes, just letting himself breathe her in for a moment before he spoke.
"You're always behind, Harding," he told her with a grin. "And probably best you don't play catch up, you're a fucking terrible drunk."
"One of the many reasons you love me," she laughed. "And before you go pointing that finger, need I remind you of the world cup 2014?"
Pete winced, remembering vividly how he, Benjamin and the boys had thought it would a world class idea to try and jump the swimming pool. On Poppy's scooter.
"Well played," he nodded, shaking the memory off and softly kissing her shoulder, his arms coming around her so she was leaning back against his chest. "You ok?"
"Yeah," Allie smiled tilting her head and resting it against his. "I was just thinking how much she would've loved being here today,"
"You mean how much she would've loved the fact that Matt gave her arse a ten out of ten in his book?"
Pete grinned to himself as she laughed loudly, shaking her head and turning to face him, her hands on his face.
"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" she asked him, biting her lip.
"You going soft on me?" he teased her, pulling her into his lap and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Oh sod off," she slapped his hand away with a giggle. "I just…need you to know that. No matter what's happened in the last few years, how much we've lost, how hard its been. I've always loved you more than anything on this earth."
"Right back at you, Harding," Pete whispered, leaning forward and kissing her forehead, frowning when she clambered off of him and reached for her shoes.
"Oh come on," Allie grinned. "You didn't seriously think you were about to get some did you?"
"You're fucking evil," Pete laughed, grabbing for her and shaking his head when she shrieked and dodged his touch. "I'll get you back for that later,"
"Oh I don't doubt that for a second," Allie winked, holding out her hand and cocking her head in confusion when he just stood there, looking at it as though he didn't know what it was.
"I do know how much you love me," he told her, his voice no longer playful. "And it will never come close to how much I love you. Nothing will."
Allie felt tears sting her eyes and crossed the space between them in three strides, her arms coming around his neck as she swept her lips over his. The world seemed to close in on them as it always did, everything else coming to a standstill as his tongue brushed hers, his hands skimmed the rose petal skin of her back.
"You're still not getting any," Allie whispered against his lips and he smirked, grabbing her and throwing her over his shoulder. "Put me down!"
"No can do, blondie," Pete laughed, slapping her behind as he carried her out into the hallway, past their daughter's room, their sons nursery, their photos and memories etched into the walls around them. He dropped her gently to her feet as they descended the stairs, his lips brushing her forehead as he did so.
"I met someone this morning," he told her, forcing himself not to become distracted by her scent or how delicious her skin looked.
"Oh yeah?" Allie raised an eyebrow. "And what was her arse out of ten?"
"He," Pete stressed with a smirk. "…was about 90 and a four if that,"
Allie giggled loudly, tugging at the front of his shirt and bringing him closer so she could link her arms around his neck.
"Outside the Abbey of all places," Pete searched her eyes with his own and tried to remember a moment in his life when he had ever felt so content. "He was an old boy, probably knew my old man but we didn't get that far. He said that he'd spent his life in there, pissing it away until he met a girl."
"Mmm hmmm," Allie smiled softly.
"He asked me what had made me turn my back on it all and then he said it had to be a girl. That there was always a girl." He shook his head as he looked at her, still unable to believe she was his. "And I realised that for years, the way I've seen it is that you changed my life, but you didn't. I didn't have a life until I met you. You gave me everything I wanted, everything I didn't know I wanted. I thought that I'd done it, you know. Reached the point of my life when I had it all sussed and everything was the way it was supposed to be. If I'd known then what it meant to have you, to love you, to see Poppy take her first steps, to hear Alex say his first word…." His eyes filled with wonder. "Point is, I love you." He grinned boyishly. "And I like your dress,"
Allie gawked at him, her mouth open as she fought for words; how the hell did he do this to her after eleven years together?
"I uh…" she licked her lips, blinking back the tears as she looked down at her dress and laughed. "Thank you."
"AYE!"
The shout caused them both to jump and then peered over the bannister, not in the least bit surprised to see Swill and Benjamin holding a tray of shots each.
"You two pansies coming down 'ere or what?" Swill demanded, throwing a shot back and wincing.
"Yeah," Benjamin pointed at them. "Last time you two took so long to come downstairs for a party, Alex happened."
"Huh?"
They turned to face the toddler as he wondered in from the garden, his face already smudged with mud as he pulled at the shirt he was wearing.
"Nothing, buddy," Benjamin grinned, handing Swill the tray of shots and scooping up what was looking more and more like a miniature version of Pete every day. "Where's your sister?"
"On the trampoline with Uncle Bovver,"
Swill and Benjamin looked at each other, their eyes wide with glee.
"This I have to see," Swill laughed, launching himself at the doors while Benjamin and Alex followed, yelling something at Pete and Allie as they did so.
"You willing to miss that?" Allie raised an eyebrow.
"Absolutely fucking not," Pete laughed, grabbing her hand and running out into the garden. The evening had begun to warm, leaving them in their own little world before the rest of the guests descended. They had become a family and as they ran and danced about the garden that was where they knew they were all at home.
It wasn't long later that Pete found himself sat alone on the steps of the gazebo, nursing another glass of champagne as he watched his wife and his friends laughing and running around like lunatics. He turned the book over in his hands, letting it fall open to the last page where Matt had included a photo of all of them from when he had first moved to London. Natalie, Benjamin, Harry, Bov, Ned, Ike, Swill, Dave, Steve and Allie all stared back at him, younger and less worn by the world than they were now but still the same souls. Catching the look of pure disdain Natalie was throwing in Allie's direction, he couldn't help but laugh, wondering what the scowling young woman in the photo would have thought it he had told her than that the Sloaner would end up being one of her best friends and more often than not, the voice of reason when it came to her relationship with Chris Ellis.
Downing the dregs of his champagne, he let the bubbles coast through his veins and blinked a few times before casting his eyes over the last paragraph, feeling the sting of tears as he always did.
"Hey Dunham!"
He looked up at his wife, his beautiful wife that he loved more than life itself and smirked as she crooked her finger at him, her cheeks rosy and her feet bare in the grass.
"You brave enough?" she cocked her head to the boys behind her where a football game had seemingly kicked off.
"Depends," Pete rubbed his chin as he stood up and walked over to her, resting his arms on her shoulders and leaning down so their noses bumped against one another. "You on my team?"
"Always," Allie whispered against his lips, her hands on his chest.
Pete met her eyes for a second before he kissed her hotly, his hands cupping her face, a moan escaping her mouth as her feet left the ground for a short moment. He pulled away and let her catch her breath. The old boy this morning had been right; there was always a girl. But there was never a girl like this.
"Well then," he licked his lips and cast a wicked glance over at their friends. "Let's show these wankers how it's done,"
With that, he grabbed his wife, his best friend by the hand and ran into the fray, picking up his son as he did so and placing him on his shoulders. Around the pool, Poppy sat with Swill, painting his face a million different colours, Steve and Swill fought over teams as they always did, Harry swerved through them all, handing out drinks as he went and refusing to let Allie put hers back until she gave up and practically jumped on Pete, force feeding him the shot of sambuca. The music started up and he twirled her, watching her glow beneath the fairy lights as his friends and family darted about them. It was as it always had been and now he knew, as it always would be. It was the story Matt had told for them, it was the ending that Pete had always wanted. Casting his eyes back to the book he had left on the grass, he recalled that last paragraph once more and smiled.
We had never pretended to be functional, we were in disarray most of the time we had known each other, the life we led dictated that; the GSE didn't allow for normality all that often. But amongst that madness, in the eleven years I had been in England these people you've come to know in these pages and I have come to love, have been my family.
We had lost so much that for so long, even when the anguish from losing Lara had somewhat subsided and the GSE had all but crumbled, we were lost. But we were each other's constants.
See I don't remember the first thing I ate in this country, I don't remember my first time on the underground, but I remember the first time I sat on Pete Dunham's roof top with him and argued about the best choice of pizza topping (its sausage by the way, I won't let him win that one). I remember the first time I saw Allie Dunham and how making her laugh is enough to make you feel like the world is at your feet. I remember Harry Harding getting me so drunk that I climbed into a trash can instead of my taxi. I remember Swill, Dave, Ike and Bovver lying to me about how to play snooker and how pissed they were when I still managed to beat them in spite of it. I remember the first time I saw Poppy Dunham walk and just a few years later seeing her brother Alex do the same. I remember watching Pete and Allie become the people I always knew they were, I watched them overcome things that would have reduced anyone else to nothing but dust and still love each other unconditionally and with such intensity that I can safely say the rest of us are screwed because their love...its once in a life time, universe altering stuff.
My life has been much the same since coming here; everything has felt like it's a once in a lifetime, universe altering event and I've shared them with you openly, the rise and fall of an empire, the love that could never be broken, the brother's I've inherited, the love I've found is something I will never, ever forget. This was my story, my family and I will love and remember them for the rest of my days.
Oh and Ned. I remember Ned.
The End