A/N: We feel like this is the time we need reemphasize: canon-ish.
Disclaimer: We don't own Chuck. We aren't making any money from this fic.
Chuck was holding onto the dashboard, his knuckles white as they pulled into the parking space. This was insane. With about twenty miles to go, Chuck told Sarah it was a shame she couldn't outrace the Awesomemobile. One evil grin on her face later, and Chuck thanking God and anyone else who was listening he didn't throw up anything he had eaten over the past twenty years, they practically slid into a parking space. Chuck opened the door and began to kiss the ground.
"Now you're just being dramatic," Sarah said, laughing at him.
"I'm walking everywhere the rest of my life," Chuck said, his face plastered against the concrete. A car horn blew at him and he jumped back up, nearly knocking Sarah over as she had begun to help him up before he had been scared by the horn. "Whoa! Sorry, Sarah." He looked around, trying to keep his emotions in check. He felt her hands around his bicep. He noticed she did that at times. Maybe it was her way of recognizing when he needed support and giving him what she thought he needed. It was on brand Sarah kindness and he liked it.
"You okay?" she asked.
He looked at her. "Truth?" She nodded. "This is really freaking me out. It's like nothing has changed. Five years and it's...the same."
She gave him a look. "Is that good or bad?"
"It's, uh... It's, you know—Yeah, it's—Yeah." He sighed. "That made no sense, did it?"
"Absolutely none, and yet, it did? It's like I'm learning to decode nerd or something." He gave her a flat look and she giggled. "Seriously, is this something that talking out would help?"
He cocked his head to the side and grinned at her. "Bet you never thought when you signed up for your job that nerd-babysitting would be at the top of your daily to do list."
"You're right, but I can't say I'm not enjoying it," she said, grinning.
"You must be into some weird stuff," he replied, not thinking. He reddened and noticed she was trying and failing to hold back a laugh as she shook her head.
She leaned toward him. "Well, your family thinks I'm into you, does that count?"
He made a sarcastic "haha" face at her, and grinned when she laughed again.
"You know what I hate?" She looked at him, her face sobering. "It's like everywhere I look, oh, that's where Bryce and I did this, or that's where Jill and I did that. Everywhere here is depressing in its own special way, and I'd been having such a good time here until the end. I hate that Stanford is this negative for me now, but it is. It just hurts."
She squeezed his bicep. "Hey, think we can make it through this, and then when we get back, you and I...well, you talk and I listen?"
He gave her an appreciative smile. "You don't have to do that, but thank you."
She slid her hand up to his shoulder, turning him to her. "Actually I do, that's what friends do, right?"
Chuck looked around to make sure no one was close. "Sarah, I'm over here basically bitching about your ex-boyfriend, and that's not exactly fair to you."
She studied him a minute. Chuck watched her eyes, stormy, but not...not with him...if that made any sense. She looked at the ground. "I'm not sure boyfriend was...the correct term."
Chuck looked away, a little uncomfortable. When he looked back, she locked eyes with him. "If it was, it wasn't a two way street." Chuck was silent. "I was trying. In that life…." She trailed off, and he nodded. "It's hard to be in any kind of...real relationship. There are aliases, and sometimes, um, trust issues. And it gets all...tangled up in this web of lies, and you never know what's true and what isn't. There's also...I mean, either of us could've died at any…" Her voice trailed off and he got the meaning. Bryce had died. It was a dangerous life. Something he didn't want to be a part of. It was already dangerous enough being an asset. "And anyway, things weren't like that. There was a disconnect and neither of us cared enough to...change that. He liked being a spy more than he wanted to have something real with me. Which was...okay, I guess."
"Do you think him being a spy had something to do with him getting me kicked out?" Chuck watched Sarah as she considered.
After a few seconds, she looked him in the eye, lifting her chin. "My spy senses—and I swear to god if you make a Spider-Man joke I'll kick you in the shin—" Chuck made a zipping motion. "—tell me something is going on, and it doesn't make sense. So the best I can give you is a maybe, but if you absolutely forced me to guess, I'd say yes."
"You think he loves being a spy so much he sacrificed his relationships with both of us?" Sarah nodded and Chuck scoffed. "He wasn't like that when I met him."
"Charming, easy-going, seemingly kind?" Sarah asked.
"You forgot easy on the eyes," Chuck added, making Sarah laugh. He smiled at her, then sobered significantly. "I never saw this betrayal coming."
"You think I did?" Sarah asked, making Chuck laugh. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "Chuck, they screwed you over; don't let it change who you are." She bit her lip in hesitation, then squinted up at him in the sunlight. "There's bitterness in you when you talk about Bryce and Jill, and I get it, but don't let them have this control over your life. You're too good for that, Chuck. You deserve better."
"You do, too, Sarah," Chuck said. "You do, too." There was a second of tension and then she took a deep breath, and nodded. Chuck felt like they had formed a bond, another one, and when the day came that Sarah had to leave, he wondered what he'd do. If Jill had nearly broken him, what was he going to do when this wonderful woman left—when she had to leave. They turned and began to walk in silence, not an awkward silence but one that was comfortable, that both recognized what had happened to the other.
They made their way into the quad where everyone was tailgating when Awesome ran up, shirtless, tossed Chuck a football, and grabbed Ellie. "Woo! Go Bruins, huh?"
"Devon, put me down. Put me down." Ellie was yelling, but she was smiling, Sarah was smiling, and Chuck realized he was starting to. The talk with Sarah had...helped.
Devon finally put Ellie down and rushed off to do other pre-game football stuff, most likely. "Uh, you wanna meet us at the stadium? I think we're gonna hang out here until the game starts." Ellie was waving at people she knew.
Chuck knew this was a chance for the two of them to find Bryce's hiding place. "Yeah. I'm gonna take Sarah for the Chuck Bartowski memorial tour." Sarah smiled and looked away. "So call me if any rabid Stanford fans decide to put Awesome in the hospital."
Ellie looked so pleased with that. "Ah. See you," she said, and took off.
Chuck and Sarah made their way through the quad and saw Casey, dressed in mostly black, storming up to them.
"Do you wanna go with politics or someone asked him to save the planet that has him in such a lovely mood?" Chuck asked.
"I don't know but I'll bet you a Wii rematch there was a growl and a 'hippie' involved," Sarah replied.
"I'm not much of a spy, but even I know that," Chuck retorted making Sarah laugh. He looked at Casey. "Nice job blending in with the crowd. Who you rooting for, death?"
"Enh," Casey growled. "Leave the quips to me." Casey started looking around.
"The library's this way, across the quad," Chuck said, taking off. He glanced around, taking it all in and just stopped walking.
Sarah must've noticed he wasn't with them and stopped, walking back to him. "What is it?" she asked.
"I don't know, I figured this'd be tough, but this place... is just a lot to take in, you know? I used to have so much fun here, and then…"
She tilted her head to the side. "And then?"
His voice nearly broke. "It was the worst day of my life, getting kicked out of here. Having to hear Ellie's voice when I told her I was coming home. Packing up all my stuff and leaving as Bryce just stood there. He said I brought it on myself."
Sarah studied him a second. "I know what I said earlier, but why do you think that Bryce betrayed you?"
"I don't know." Chuck studied Sarah for a moment. "He's had four years to call and set the record straight. I'm guessing he never mentioned me?" Sarah shook her head. He sighed. "And now that he's gone…" Chuck trailed off and he locked eyes with Sarah. "You know what? Forget it. Bryce has betrayed a lot of people, hasn't he?" Sarah nodded.
"Mm. Roger that," Casey said as he clapped Chuck on the shoulder and the three of them dove right back into the mission. They made their way to the library, and Casey's head was on a swivel. "We have to play this really cool. Magnus has the book number. He could have beat us here."
"You think he's in there?" Chuck asked.
Sarah turned toward Chuck. "Maybe you should stay here."
Chuck grinned at her. "Yeah, because that always works so well." She rolled her eyes at him. "You can't find the book without me. I'm going in." Chuck walked into the library and up to the security gate, and started checking his pockets. "Oh, no, no, no."
"Looking for this?" Casey asked, smirking.
"You stole my ID?"
"I borrowed it to reactivate it," Casey replied. "Sorry, I couldn't wipe the idiot grin off your face in Photoshop."
"Mm," Chuck replied, making a face but having no comeback. Back into the library...no...back into the Stanford library. Things were just coming up ducky today. They made their way through the library, Chuck remembering as he went. When they got to the spot he had been trying to remember, books were on the floor, thrown haphazardly.
"Oh, no," Sarah muttered.
"We're too late. Magnus beat us to it," Casey added.
Chuck wanted to say something smart—that he didn't need to be a spy to realize that—but he thought back to his and Bryce's dart gun games and how Bryce had always kept a hidden dart in a secret compartment. "Hold on," he said, studying the shelf. How did Bryce know there was a secret compartment there? ...A dead drop, isn't that what it was called? Was that what it was for that whole time? It was a dead drop and Bryce had used it to beat him in a game. Chuck shook his head, felt underneath the shelf and popped open the compartment. He pulled out the disc. "Gotcha," he said with a grin.
"The intel," the surprise clear in Casey's voice. The smile on Sarah's face was one of pride. He hadn't let the past beat him.
"The book number was just a way to mark the spot," Chuck explained. "Bryce used to hide darts there, when we'd….you know what, never mind."
"Bryce used a dead drop location to hide stuff for a game?" Casey asked, glancing at Sarah. She shrugged, appearing to look as confused as Casey and Chuck were, but Chuck caught her eye, and he didn't see confusion in it. He saw wheels turning. She was coming to the same conclusion he had earlier.
She looked at him. "Let's get out here before Magnus realizes that book he has is worthless."
"Hey, you, don't move," came the voice behind Casey. "Charles Bartowski?" Casey put a hand out stopping the scholarly looking gentleman from getting any closer. "You still owe the library $294.68 in late fees."
Casey gave Chuck a look, and saw Sarah's amused smile as she put the knife back from her hiding spot. "Do-do you take credit cards?" Chuck asked.
"Bad enough you cheat on the test and get kicked out of college, but basically stealing a book?" Casey retorted, smirking.
"This isn't funny," the librarian said, nearing outrage.
"Wait, why so much? The book can't cost that much," Chuck replied.
"Fine, $29.99," the librarian conceded. Chuck noticed Casey's eyes get wide and he turned around to see a figure go by the bookcase, getting into the same position Bryce used to when hunting him in the library.
"Chuck, run." Chuck heard Sarah say. He bolted past them. "Head for the back door, Chuck," he heard Sarah call out to him. Chuck bolted from the library with a bad guy on his tail. He cut through the tailgating madness and heard a crash behind him after he yanked down a banner. Hopefully the pursuer got tangled up in it and crashed into a table. He kept running, but stopped when he saw Ellie and Devon. He didn't want to bring them into this. He crawled under a table, trying to lose the bad guy.
He stopped in front of a pair of boots. A hand grabbed him and yanked him to his feet, and he thanked God it was Casey. "There you are," he said calmly. Chuck heard someone yell, "Hey, you, freeze!" And got an elbow to his face from Casey for his trouble.
Chuck was trying to catch his breath. "All right, they spotted us," Sarah said. "Okay, we have to go."
"I swear this school has it in for me," Chuck lamented.
He felt her take his hand and looked over at him She gave him a look of reassurance. "Come on." They took off again, and entered one of the buildings. They ran into a lecture room to hide while they tried to figure out their next move. Casey pushed the door open to check and see if the coast was clear, Sarah bent down and looked below him. Chuck, not wanting to be left out, crouched down and looked as well. It was Stanford. Maybe they had gotten into the robotics lab and one of those little droids like in Star Wars was rolling around close to the ground.
Casey closed the door and looked around the huge lecture hall. "We're safe for now," Sarah said to Chuck.
"I need to see what's on this disc," Chuck said heading to the computer. Sarah looked at Casey and Casey looked back at Sarah.
"Numbnuts, that's top secret, so…" He halted. "...you didn't see it." Chuck and Casey locked eyes and Chuck nodded. Sarah walked over to him.
"There could be answers on this disc about why I'm in the Intersect," he said to her, putting the disc in the computer.
"That's testing data," Sarah explained.
Chuck opened a file. "And videotaped interviews," he said. "These are students." He was getting more confused by the second.
"Exactly," Sarah said. She glanced at Casey who crossed to them. "Students that were recruited into the CIA by Fleming. Ten years' worth. It's all of their current information."
"No wonder Magnus wanted it so badly," Casey said looking at the data. "Foreign governments would pay for that."
"Look at this right next to 2002: Bryce Larkin," Chuck was pointing at the screen in disbelief. "Bryce joined the CIA our junior year?"
"Enough," Casey said. "Now we know what he's after."
Chuck continued to scroll. "No, wait, that's me! That's me!" Chuck looked at them. "I'm in here, too." Sarah and Casey shared a look and then glanced back at Chuck. "Click it," they said together. "I never applied to be in the CIA," he said turning back to them.
Sarah yanked her head toward the back of the lecture hall. "Chuck, get down!" What seemed like dozens of armed men came in and a fire fight began.
"You think this would be a good time for me to be waiting in the car?" he asked. Sarah gave him a flat look. "Sorry, when I'm scared I make jokes."
"I shoot people," Sarah quipped. Chuck raised his eyebrows and Sarah shrugged.
Chuck eyed the computer, and ejected the disc. "I have an idea," he said. "Get me out of here."
Sarah was in a crouched shooting stance. She looked him right in the eye. "Chuck, when I say go, run out the side door. Protect the disc. We'll cover you." Casey turned and shot a beaker, causing a chemical reaction...How did he know to do that? "Go!" Sarah shouted and he ran. Sarah laid down cover fire as he left.
He found the computer lab while crawling. "All right. Computers. Here we go." He got up, put the disc into the computer, found a number, and made a phone call.
"Hello?" came the voice on the other end.
"Hi. Hi, is this—? Is this Glenda Mitchell? We're in the science building. It's an emergency. Bring lots of big guns."
"I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number." Glenda replied.
"Crap, there's a code phrase." Fleming had told him the phrase before he was shot… "Are you coming to the toga party?" Chuck went down the list calling everyone he could, asking if they were coming to the toga party, telling them to bring ammunition and equipment for bad guy killing. He assumed guns but ever since he had met Sarah, he realized knives, plates, and just about whatever she could get her hands on did the trick. Suddenly his phone rang. "Agent Katz?"
Morgan's voice came over the line. "Yeah, hey, Frodo, is that you? I thought my codename was Samwise Gamgee."
Chuck bit back a scream. The last time he had called like this was during the bomb that he'd disarmed. "Morgan, this is really, really not a good time."
"It's not a good time here either, okay?" Morgan replied. "I'm stuck in The Hole doing customer service. Ow! These kids are animals."
"I'm at Stanford. What do you want me to do?"
"Do you have the code to Harry Tang's master remote?" Morgan asked. "I think I can use it to bargain for my freedom."
Chuck nearly broke the phone from frustration. "Okay, okay. The code is O-U-8-1-2-pound."
"Dude, this is why you're my hero. Thank you so much."
Chuck hung up, ejected the disc, and heard a sound behind him. He dove for the ground just before the crossbow bolt hit the PC where he had been sitting just a second earlier. He looked up from where he was splayed out on the ground as a plume of smoke rose from the destroyed machine. "WHAT IS WITH THE CROSSBOW?!"
But he shut his mouth quick and scrambled as fast as he could to the end of the aisle, swinging himself around into another aisle and crawling the other way, trying to be as quiet and as sneaky as possible.
As he reached the end of the desk, he halted, finding the tip of a crossbow bolt pointed at his face. He slowly turned and looked up at the Icelandic spy, eyes widening. "Please don't. I'm just—I'm just a guy. Kneeling in front of a spy. Asking him...not to shoot me in the face...with a crossbow." He gulped. "You don't look much like Hugh Grant, though, I gotta say."
Magnus slowly leaned closer, something twitching in his jaw as he did so. Chuck winced.
"Beeeecause you're much, much handsomer. Than Hugh Grant." The spy snatched the disc out of Chuck's hand. "Oh. Right. That." But then the crossbow was leveled at his face again, Magnus' finger closing in on the trigger.
Chuck's life didn't flash in front of his eyes or anything like that. Instead, he found himself wondering how the government would sell his death to his family and friends, the community, the papers. How do you sell death by crossbow in even a slightly normal way? He went back to Stanford for a football game and had a crossbow accident in the computer lab?
"DON'T!"
He looked up just as Magnus spun to point his crossbow. A young woman was flying at him boot first. It crashed into his chest and sent him to the ground right in front of Chuck, and without hesitation she went in for the KO, knocking the Icelander out cold.
She didn't even blink as she put her hands on her hips and looked down at him, calmly asking, "Are you Chuck Bartowski?" He nodded. "Just got your message. Are you okay?"
Relief spilled through him so hard and fast that he rolled over and collapsed onto his back. "I'm just glad you check your voicemail."
She smirked and shrugged, before reaching down to help him up. He just hoped the other recruits had understood his instructions. Otherwise Sarah and Casey were toast.
}o{
Sarah heard something at the back of the room that sounded like someone making a run for it, a grunt, boots moving across the floor, so she popped up just enough to shoot, catching the man trying to make for the door Chuck had gone through in the arm.
She didn't stop to see if he hit the ground, turning to shoot at the guy who'd popped up to take her out while she was distracted, but Casey got him right in the forehead before he could pull the trigger.
Two more of them started trying to make their way towards the front, one of them even leaping up onto the desks to foolishly charge at them in plain view. He was an easy target, and as Casey shot at the other guy, she buried two bullets in the idiot's chest.
As he crashed into the chairs behind him and hit the ground with a sickening thud, a third popped up and emptied a round towards her and her partner.
They ducked behind the desk in the nick of time and she covered her head as shards of wood rained down on her.
She let out a breath, hearing the guys who were left talking to one another, planning. And she knew she had almost nothing left in her gun. They were pinned down. She took the magazine out of her pistol and checked it. Well… shit. One bullet left. Hopefully Casey was fairing better. And then she thought maybe she shouldn't let him know just how fucked they were. "I got half a pack," she lied, slamming the magazine back in and pointedly not looking at him.
"I got two rounds left." Well, that was something. Not enough. But something.
"Drop your weapons and stand up!"
Sarah rolled her eyes. As if that was happening. They were even stupider than she'd thought if they really believed that crap would work with federal agents.
"Hands where we can see them!"
Casey let out an amused grunt next to her. At least they were on the same page.
She glanced at him, adrenaline pumping through her veins, making her breathe harder, and she used everything in her to try to slow her heart rate. She'd need to be cool and calm for this. One bullet… She had every reason to believe she might die today. But if Chuck got away, it would be worth it. There was no way to know if he'd gotten away.
Casey finally looked back at her and she saw there was steely resolve on his face. He opened his mouth and she thought she knew what he was going to say. Maybe he was gonna say he'd cover for her so she could go after Chuck. Or that he was going to go out with guns blazing. She didn't know if he knew what was going through her mind, or if he could tell she was ready to go out next to him. He'd been a really good damn partner, all things considered. If not the best partner she'd had, and in such a short amount of time that she'd worked with him, too…
But she cut him off before he could say anything. She'd save him the breath.
"I'm goin' for it," she panted. "You in?"
She knew he was. But he fixed her with a crooked smirk, his eyes lighting up. He didn't have to even say anything. There was respect there. And that meant more to her than she'd ever thought it might.
"I hate long goodbyes," he growled and she nearly laughed. Funny how these moments always seemed to happen at death's doorstep. Moments of connection, humor even, before going out in a blaze. She wasn't fool enough to think this would be a blaze of glory or anything as cinematic or epic as that. But she was going down next to a worthy partner, and in this job, sometimes that was the best you could hope for.
As long as Chuck had gotten away...
Nodding at one another, they popped up from behind the desk, weapons up and ready, but the door at the back of the classroom burst open then. Four armed...students?...rushed in, weapons drawn and pointed at the remaining men who'd all but won the battle just a moment earlier. At least, they thought they had.
They hadn't.
These were CIA recruits, she realized. But how in the hell…?
"Actually, why don't you drop your weapons?" the girl yelled, the shakiness in her voice belying what might've been an epic line in some action flick.
Magnus' friends slowly lowered their weapons, dropped them onto the ground, and held up their hands.
"Looks like someone called in the cavalry," Casey muttered, shock in his voice.
"Good," she said, gun still pointed. Now that she knew they weren't going to die—at least not today—she felt the need to throw a curveball at him. "Because I only had one shot left."
She felt him do a double take next to her, his jaw falling open. And then she heard a low whistle, relief spilling out of him.
"Aren't you in Econ with me?" the girl recruit asked the guy standing next to her. Sarah glanced up, brow furrowed, and watched as he gave a crooked grin in response and nodded. It reminded her of… oh… oh God.
"Chuck."
She spun to look at Casey. He blinked, then clenched his jaw. "Me an' the kids'll handle this. You go."
Not needing confirmation, she'd already taken off, staggering towards the door Chuck had gone through and sprinting through two whole classrooms, realizing belatedly she still only had one bullet left.
If something had happened to Chuck, she'd put that bullet somewhere it'd do the most damage.
She shouldered open the next door and burst into the front of the classroom, surveying the room. But the second the door hit the wall, she saw Chuck pop up from where he'd been leaning against a desk and spin towards her with his hands up.
The young woman standing next to him had her gun drawn and was pointing it down at...she didn't know what...but she pointed her gun at her just in case.
"Hey, hey! Ho! Whoa!" Chuck held his hand out towards Sarah. "She's a recruit. She's...She responded to my call." Sarah lowered her gun to her side and breathed out in relief. "We've got a Magnus and a crossbow over here, though…"
And as she moved up the steps towards the back of the classroom, sticking her gun in the back of her pants, Chuck ducked down and popped up again with the crossbow in hand.
"I've always wanted to hold one of these...surprisingly light...whoa…"
Sarah ignored his genuine silliness, his coping mechanism, she knew by now. He'd just lived through yet another harrowing situation, this girl had probably saved his life in the knick of time, and he was dealing with it by being a damn goof. She didn't care who else was in the room; she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight.
"Hey, who is this guy anyway?" the recruit asked.
Sarah pulled back from Chuck, keeping her hands on his arms, and she glanced at her. "You did good today. Really good. And your mentor is going to hear about it from me. But it's best not to ask questions."
Without arguing or questioning, the recruit nodded seriously.
And then she remembered what Chuck said when she first came into the room, and she spun to furrow her brow at him. "She responded to your call?"
"Y-Yeah…" His body was quivering a bit under her hands, she realized belatedly. "I had just enough time to find a few of the recruits who were still on campus using the, uh, ahem, the disc and I called their cells, gave 'em the code phrase, told them where you and Casey were pinned down, and… This one over here checks her voicemails." He pointed at the recruit and grinned, earning a proud grin in return.
"My mom might drive all the way over here from Iowa to yell at me in person if I don't call her back in a timely fashion. It's just self-preservation."
Chuck let out a chuckle that sounded almost a little manic. And Sarah couldn't help it. She turned to look at him, the absolute freaking nerd—so quick to solve problems, to think of solutions, to think on his feet—and she was filled with...she didn't know what. Pride?
She grabbed his head in both hands and planted a hard kiss on his cheek.
He'd saved her life. He'd saved the disc. He'd saved the mission. "You are incredible," she said warmly, smiling at him.
And even though he didn't seem to have anything to say to that, a slow, crooked smile spread over his face and he shrugged. It looked so ridiculous with the crossbow in his hand still. But she was too focused on the speck of pride she saw there in his face, that confidence she hadn't seen through this whole screwed up Stanford experience.
However long that ended up lasting, it was worth the moment of unprofessionalism in front of a recruit.
}o{
"Sure you don't wanna jump in with us, bro?" Captain Awesome put his hand directly on top of Chuck's head. He was still probably a little drunk from the football game, though that was less about the beers during the tailgate (and the ones he apparently had during the game, too), and more about UCLA stomping Stanford in their home stadium.
"You know? I'm good, Awesome, thanks."
His sister's boyfriend chuckled and clapped him on the back this time. "Who'd choose a minivan full of gloating Bruins over a sleek and sexy Porsche, huh?"
The big grin was pointed towards Sarah as she sidled up next to Chuck and he heard her giggle warmly. "I'm just glad you were referring to the car and not me when you said sleek and sexy," she quipped.
"I've got my own sleek and sexy wom—"
"Okay, that's enough!" Ellie interjected, grabbing her boyfriend by his shoulders and starting to guide him towards the van. "We'll meet you two back at the apartment? Make sure that one doesn't fall asleep behind the wheel, huh, Sarah? Bring him home safe."
"Got it," Sarah said emphatically. And Chuck watched as Ellie reached out to squeeze his "girlfriend's" hand while the two women shared a smile.
"Does that mean you're gonna let me drive your Porsche?" he asked as they stood side by side and watched the caravan start to pile into vehicles in the parking lot.
Sarah laughed and crossed her arms, turning to give him a critical eye. "After that comment your sister made about you falling asleep behind the wheel, maybe not."
He held his hands up defensively. "Hey, now. I've never fallen asleep behind the wheel in my life. She was just making a crack. I'm a very safe driver. Hands at ten and two. And I use all of my mirrors before merging."
She snorted and put a hand on his arm, leading him towards her car. "In full seriousness, I am going to let you take the first leg. After we stop, I'll take over."
He noticed the way she rubbed her hand over the crook of her neck, moving it to her shoulder. And he stopped next to the car, not making a move towards the driver's side just yet, instead just watching her when she probably thought he wasn't looking. He couldn't figure out what he was seeing on her face in that moment, but it stuck in his mind. And he couldn't get it unstuck as he finally went and got in the car.
Sarah was relinquishing a bit of control to him, letting him take the wheel—literally. And it felt...strange. It almost made him a little worried.
So as they finally made their way onto the freeway to begin the five and a half hour drive, he found he couldn't stop himself from asking…
"Hey, um...Are you okay?"
He glanced at her, then turned back to watch the freeway in front of him. He felt the power of the car under his foot, under his hands, and it was making him feel a surge of adrenaline. This was why people liked sports cars, wasn't it?
That wasn't important. What was important was that Sarah was giving him a long look, like she was studying him in the dark interior of the car.
"I'm fine," she said finally. "Why?"
"Oh, I'm just asking. I mean, we were shot at today. And then we had to sit in a group of loud, rowdy not-in-college-anymore frat guys to watch the second half of that dumb game. Not sure which is worse."
She giggled quietly. "The guns, Chuck. Definitely the guns."
He gave her a crooked grin. "So you are okay, though?"
"Yes." There was a pause at the end, almost like she had more to say. "It's just been a long, tiring day. Guess I'm ready to debrief and sleep."
"You have to debrief when we get back?"
"Yeah. Figure I'll drop you off and pretend to leave, park down the street, and sneak back to Casey's place where we'll debrief."
"Am I coming to that?"
"Not this one."
There was something in the quiet tone of her voice that made him feel the need to ask, "Why not?"
"We still don't know why you're in the Intersect. Not you now, but you in college."
"That was a recruitment list and I was on it, Sarah."
"I know." She didn't look at him. "But there's a lot we don't know, and I have a sneaking suspicion both Graham and Beckman have the answers, always had the answers. I'm going to try to get to the bottom of it, though."
The disc he'd surreptitiously slipped into his front pocket in his pants was suddenly poking him in the thigh. As if reminding him it was there. He hadn't handed it over to Casey and Sarah yet. He probably should've. But he still hadn't seen what was on it. He hadn't pulled up the file with his name on it, and he needed to know.
"And I can't be there for that."
"They don't want you at the debriefing, Chuck. But I won't keep what's said there from you. I promise. If it is something important. Something you need to know."
He nodded. And then he licked his lips, eyeing her while she stared out of her window into the Northern California landscape as they began to enter farm country. "And you're sure you're okay."
She sent him a look, furrowing her brow. "I said I am. Why do you keep asking? Do I look like I'm on death's door or something?"
"No, no...You look the way you...always look. Which is to say, your usual stunning self." She ducked her head a little and nibbled on her bottom lip. "No, um...it's just that you're not only letting me drive, you're also...quiet. Not that you're usually loud. I'm not gonna pretend I know you super intimately—that wasn't the right word, I just mean I'm not making assumptions. I just feel like you're...subdued. A little."
"I told you, I'm tired."
"No, I-I got that. Right. Sorry." He swallowed thickly. "What happened? I mean in that room, after I left with the disc. All those guys—Magnus' guys—were still in there."
"Oh. Um...well, they-they pinned us down, and the recruits showed up thankfully. That's all. Then I went to find you and make sure you got away from there safely."
Chuck nodded. "They had you pinned, huh?" He licked his lips slowly, keeping his eyes on the road. He meant what he said, about not wanting to make assumptions about Sarah. But he couldn't help wondering if today's hairy situation had gotten hairy enough for her that it had rattled her. He didn't want to ask. She wouldn't like it if he asked. Not just because of her pride, but he imagined she had other reasons for keeping that stuff locked away. But he still had to ask. "Do you ever get used to that?"
There was silence for a few moments. And then, "Used to what?"
"Being shot at, getting pinned down by bad guys, surviving by the skin of your teeth… Is that something a spy gets used to? Or are you still terrified in a situation like that?"
When he looked at her, he thought maybe she didn't know how to answer, that he'd pinned her down for the second time today—this time with a personal question instead of the bullets Magnus' men used.
"You don't have to answer that. I ask a lot of questions, I know. I just know I can't imagine myself ever getting used to this. Running for my life, holding...a fuckin' crossbow some Icelandic freelance spy dude was just about to skewer me with before a CIA recruit interceded on my behalf…"
"No, it-it's okay, Chuck," she interrupted. "Yeah, I'm...I still get scared. For a second there, I guess I thought that was gonna be the end for me, and for Casey. It's not a good feeling." She shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "I wouldn't say that I'm used to it, I've just learned how to handle it. How to compartmentalize to survive. I'm not impervious to fear."
Chuck shook his head. "No, of course not. You're a human being. A particularly bad ass human being, I gotta say."
She let out a one-note giggle and shook her head. "I was trained for this. It's my job."
"Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't. And you're still just...Well, anyway…" He cleared his throat. "I've got my playlist still if you want to listen to it. Or we can just do the quiet thing for now. That works, too. I'm not tired at all. Still got that adrenaline goin'. I mean this was a day, huh?" He could feel her eyes on him, quiet and soft, and it was making him a little nervous because he had no idea what she was thinking, or why she was looking at him like that. So he began to ramble. "I genuinely thought that Stanford parent was going to knock Awesome's friend all the way out when he gloated about that last touchdown. What's his name? Gavin? Yeah, Gavin. Honestly, that guy has been a dick since forever, so he would've deserved it if he'd been laid out. I don't know why such a nice guy like Captain Awesome lets that big ol' dick hang out with them still. Probably just a frat brother thing. But…"
And he kept rambling, even once they decided to put music on after all. And the only thing that finally made him stop was when Sarah fell asleep at the beginning of the second hour of the drive.
It was the first time in the last month or so that he'd known her that she'd slept around him. He knew how ridiculous he was, that he was probably over-thinking it, but it meant a lot to him. She didn't seem like the kind of person who trusted easily. And here she was fast asleep next to him, seemingly trusting him to not only get them home to LA safely, but… Well, she'd dropped her guard completely. Willingly.
Casey had said something to him one day at the Buy More, when they found Jeff snoring in a demo lawn chair at the back of the store behind a cardboard stand-up. He had told Chuck that there was no other time a person was more vulnerable than when they were sleeping. And Casey had promptly slipped his foot under the leg of the chair and knocked it over, sending Jeff tumbling onto his back in what was a pretty rude awakening. Literally.
The prank aside, Chuck thought Casey was probably right. Sarah'd made herself vulnerable here in this car with him. And maybe it really wasn't that big of a deal. Maybe he was making it into a big deal when she fell asleep in front of other people all the time.
But he was going to hold onto this, as well as the way the tension seemed to seep out of her shoulders, her brow smoothed, lips a bit pouted, worry gone from her beautiful features. And not for the first time, he wondered just how old she was. Without that spy mask of hers, without the face she put on sometimes with his friends and family, and without the responsibilities this whole operation or whatever it was had placed on her shoulders, she looked really young. Maybe even younger than he was. And it made him want to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight.
It was a foolish urge, but he had it nonetheless, and he focused on driving, getting them to the rest stop Ellie had texted him about, quietly humming the music he'd turned down so that she could sleep.
He was going to take this, for however long it lasted at least, and lock it away for safe keeping somewhere inside of him.
A/N: Thanks for still reading. More soon!
-SC and DC