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Chapter 32: "…What a mess we made, when it all went wrong …"
Misato Katsuragi found herself slowly coming back to consciousness only to be greeted by the feeling of being moved, no carried on something.
Opening her eyes cautiously, her mind finally acknowledged the sound of sirens, as her pupils picked up the flashes of red and blue all around her.
She was distinctly aware of the bandages that seemed to cover her from head to toe and the sling that was now firmly over her left arm.
"I'm alive?"
She had whispered that to no one in particular, maybe the universe, asking it why she had been fortunate enough to survive what had happened.
What exactly had happened?
She collected her thoughts, remembering how they had driven to the test site, how she had spoken with Asuka, and how once Uni-03 was activated, a blue signature had been acquired.
As the movement stopped, she felt herself being lowered, seeing now that she was on a stretcher that was being placed into the back of an ambulance, there was only one word that she could muster.
"Kaji?"
The man smiled as the others left, leaving only him to tend to her while waiting for the vehicle to start driving.
"You're lucky, very lucky." The man stated as he fixed a bandage on her arm.
Misato's mind did its best to formulate some sort of coherent sentence, but she could only manage one word.
"Asuka?"
Kaji didn't turn to meet her eye, she wasn't sure if he could even manage that right now.
"Kaji, where's Asuka?"
The man just closed his eyes and his hands stopped, she wasn't sure, but they might have been shaking slightly.
"Unit-03… was dealt with as an Angel…. by Unit-01."
"Do you have anyone like that Misato? Someone who just listens to you and makes you feel warm?"
No.
Misato grunted as she tried to push herself up, but was met with strong hands that needed little effort to keep her there.
"No… let me go Kaji… I need to…" she was stammering, she needed to do something.
"You need to lay back down Katsuragi, you can't do anything." He assured her.
"But… I can't lose another…" Misato did her best to choke out through labored breathing, "What about Shinji?"
Again, Kaji turned away from her, unable to meet her eyes.
"Something… happened…"
ʡʘʘʢ
The Colonel gawked at the bustling bodies that crowded the NERV medical wing. She had never seen so many personnel wounded or treating patients.
She figured NERV wanted to question all those who had survived the initial blast, keeping them under one proverbial roof allowed them to do that much more efficiently, but with this amount of influx…
Well, it seemed the lobby had been set up as a makeshift triage center, with a mass of wounded on stretchers or sitting down while covered in bandages. She really hadn't gotten a good look as her own cart had been pushed through the lobby and into one of the rooms deeper in the facility.
Stopping, her head rolled to the side only to see a bushel of blonde hair.
"Rits?"
The blonde groaned and looked over at her. A rather large red and blackish spot was forming on her head and Misato could only guess it hadn't come from what had transpired at the test site.
"What happened to you?"
Again, the doctor groaned at her voice.
"That little bastard…" she mumbled as she reached over and picked up an ice pack.
"What?"
"Shinji, he did this…"
Katsuragi raised an eyebrow, what the hell did that mean? How could he have done that? Ironically if that was true then it meant that Shinji was at least healthy enough to be moving about and hurting people.
Instead of pressing further, her mind moved to her other ward.
"Asuka... what happened?" she asked as she pushed herself upright.
Swinging her legs over the side of the cart, she looked around for any nurses that might object to her movements, but they were alone.
"Rits, Asuka…" she pried again, but the doctor was still not cooperating.
"What about her?" she bit back.
"How is she?"
The blonde just rolled her eyes, obviously not wanting to have this conversation.
"The girl's side had more in common with ground beef…"
SMACK
Misato couldn't help herself, and she was definitely regretting that slap afterward. Not because of the pain Ritsuko must have been in, but instead the pain her own wounds were giving her in protest to her action.
Hurrying out of the room, the colonel's mind began to think of where they would have put the redhead, Ritsuko didn't have time to respond to the rapidly swelling cheek.
Quarantine.
That word brought back the unpleasant memory of what happened after the Fourth Angel, but Misato knew where to go.
She had to see her.
ʡʘʘʢ
As Misato entered, she noted how quiet it was in the observation room, apart from the hum of the computer fans and the occasional beep, there was dead silence.
She also noted the bloodstain on the ground in the middle of the room.
Moving to the window, the woman peered down into the room. A single slab rested in a pool of LCL, with ten angel sealing hex pillars surrounding it.
There, thrown down unceremoniously like a piece of meat, she could clearly make out the hair of Asuka, but not much more.
The girl was entirely enclosed in a sarcophagus of wires and tubes as if that were the only thing keeping her body together.
Misato forced herself to look, after all, she was only up here, Shinji…
Shinji was down there at the girl's side.
Resting at the edge of the slab by the girl's left, Shinji sat there, just staring at what could barely be distinguished as the girl.
The woman felt her heart break just that bit more at the sight. They had obviously been close. Closer than even Asuka had let on, maybe the two had even found a bit of peace.
Now… she doubted either of them would find that peace again.
Even if Asuka survived.
She prepared herself, clearing her throat and trying to steady her voice.
"Shinji?"
The boy didn't look up; he wouldn't look away from her.
"Shinji look at me."
He said nothing for the longest moment, before she heard his voice, barely a whisper.
"It's not your fault Misato."
There was a pause before she could say anything.
"It's not your fault either Shinji, get out of there, we can't have you contaminated too."
He laughed, somehow it sounded genuine.
"I should have realized; I should have done something… this is my fault." He mumbled; his voice barely being picked up by the microphones inside the containment area.
He finally tore his eyes away from the redhead and gazed up at her, "Don't worry about me, worry about the next Angel."
"Shinji what do you know?"
Her eyes could barely make out a soft smile that spread on his lips before he looked back at the steady breaths of the redhead on the slab.
The colonel knew then that she wouldn't get anything else out of him. He was fixated on his fellow pilot, with only the steady sound of the ventilator to keep him company.
"Shinji, that girl you told Kaji about…" she started, Misato wasn't sure if it was wise to reveal Kaji's betrayal of trust, but he needed to hear this.
"Asuka isn't her, this wasn't your fault."
Down below, the boy made no notion that he heard her, instead he just sat there.
Misato couldn't have known how wrong she was.
His mind drifted back to what had transpired just a few hours earlier and what a mess he had made.
ʡʘʘʢ
"You would have been killed!"
That was Makoto, Shinji was sure, but that didn't matter right now.
"That's not the point!" Shinji shouted back, quieting the command center, they couldn't know that meant nothing to him, to him, dying was the easy part.
"You… you tried to use me… you tried to use me to hurt her…"
Another shockwave rang through the command center.
"And I won't let that go!"
Down below no one said a word, they simply looked up to the commander for his directive.
"I thought for one moment, one tiny moment that you could be better, that you could be just one degree better…"
Gendo Ikari stared at the screen, even down here in the lowest depths of the GeoFront, he had felt the shocks Eva Unit-01 had caused.
This was just a child having a temper tantrum, nothing more.
But then again…
Another shockwave and more dust fell on his shoulders.
…he wasn't behaving like he thought he would.
"DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU ARROGANT OLD PRICK!"
He peered at the screen before him, EVA Unit-01's towering purple mass stood atop the pyramid.
Up above, Shinji knew he should back down, he knew that he should see Asuka, he knew that this was not helpful.
But he didn't care.
"Shinji listen to me…"
"Shut up, dumbass!" Came a snarling voice.
"Gendo…" That voice, Gendo's heart stopped, it was cold, cruel, calculating, but more importantly steady.
It eerily reminded him of his own voice.
At last, he had to admit, this was not some 14-year old's tantrum.
"Increase the LCL pressure, I've had enough of this." He commanded.
A few button presses, it should be simple, but…
"Unit-01's LCL pressure regulator isn't responding."
Useless.
Then came the laughter.
It was the same laugh that he had heard Shinji with his fight against Unit-03, but there was no humor, no life behind it.
It was a dead laugh.
"You think, I'd fall for that," Another stomp, another shake.
"I'm going to put Unit-01 back, and then I'm going to wait."
Gendo couldn't keep himself from responding, the bit about his mother intrigued him too much.
"Wait for what Shinji? You will be surrounded and arrested the moment you step foot outside that Eva."
"When the next Angel comes, you'll fail, no EVA's left, no Pilots, only me and Unit-01." He explained. "All I want is three words. An apology… because I know it's going to be the hardest thing you've ever done."
Gendo simply watched the Evangelion return to the cages, his mind not even registering Fuyutsuki's words as he watched the purple behemoth turn away.
ʡʘʘʢ
Yui?
He was back in the cages now, the Evangelion charging as he sat there, and all the while a small army of security was amassing outside his entry plug.
They would have to wait.
Yui?
That same consciousness deep within the core stirred, but as he reached out to it, it scurried away, now frightened by the boy.
Shinji sighed but understood. After something like that, how could she ever want to sync with him again?
Perhaps… there was a solution though.
It was only fair that he showed her the truth.
Deciding on his course of action, Shinji's presence backed down from trying to reach out, and instead he began to slowly lift the guise around himself.
Yui's presence stopped fleeing and instead seemed to 'watch' at a distance while the boy seemed to unravel the barriers that had spared her of all his sorrows and pain.
'Do you want to know who I am?'
He was sure she would want to know, after all, she should recognize him as vaguely being like her son.
Slowly her essence reached back out, swirling slowly and brushing against his own, seemingly ready for the onslaught of emotions.
"What are you stupid?"
"The Human Instrumentality Project."
"Help me Asuka!"
"No."
"Running away didn't help anything."
"Disgusting."
Yui didn't turn away, her soul didn't flee, she peered into his own, allowing his emotions and memories to wash over her like a tsunami.
He held nothing back, letting her sift through his thoughts, letting her see everything, he let her feel everything.
"I couldn't save them; I couldn't save anyone."
"I won't leave you alone again."
"You didn't leave."
"I don't deserve it."
"I'm yours Asuka, all of me. I promise. I'll always be there… I'm yours."
When had he said that?
Yui stopped, having submersed herself in his being, and come back.
For a moment there was nothing, no notion that she had ever seen those things, no violent outburst at the boy who had pretended to be her son… before he felt it.
She lunged at him.
He expected to be almost attacked, for Unit-01 to go berserk and his piloting to cease completely in one fell swoop.
Instead, another feeling washed over him. Warmth. He knew exactly what this was, an embrace, a hug, her soul doing its best to envelop him in her love and protection as much as she could.
The sensors and microphones had all been shut down, there was no way for anyone outside of that entry plug to see what happened next.
The boy's legs curled to his chest as the repeated flashes of warmth flowed over him, as Yui's presence swirled around him in an attempt to comfort him.
Her child… torn apart and put back together how many times?
He felt that emotion, and there was nothing he could do in that moment to hold back the tears. No matter how little he thought of the woman, no matter how little he trusted her…
She was still, in some way at least, his mother.
So, he just let the tears flow, and let the euphoria of the moment wash over him for just a little while.
ʡʘʘʢ
He was damp with LCL, the taste and smell as he pushed it out of his lungs had been annoying even after a few lifetimes, but now, there was nothing but the anger that he felt.
There was no crew for him, no waiting patrons, only a rifle pointed at his head.
In fact, there were plenty of rifles trained on his head.
Death by firing squad, been there, done that.
"Shinji Ikari, you are under arrest for terroristic threats, insubordination, and treason."
A guard moved towards him with pair of handcuffs, but his arms remained at his sides.
He moved slowly, cautiously.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He mumbled.
Behind him, Unit-01 growled in accordance, the rumbling of thousands of tons of armor and flesh rocked the catwalk they stood on, he looked at the guards and he saw fear growing in each of their faces.
ʡʘʘʢ
"What do you mean it's still activated?"
Fukyusiki noted the tone of the man's voice. Gendo wasn't one to emote surprise often and it was rarely with his son, but when the guards sent to arrest him reported that the Evangelion was responding to him even outside the Entry Plug, his brain worked in overtime.
"Is he still there?" Gendo asked the officer.
"No sir, we're following him to quarantine, he said he's going to see someone… and sir…"
"What is it?"
"He stole a sidearm from one of our men."
A silence came over them as the frown on the man's face simply deepened.
"Very well."
Gendo turned to the technicians, as each awaited command from him.
"Have the MAGI predict his course and lock down the passageways towards Quarantine."
All three turned to their terminals and began furiously typing away, but all soon turned back to him, each wearing a look of perplexion on their faces.
"The MAGI are refusing the commands." The female technician reported.
"They're reporting no activity in those areas like the Third Child isn't even there!"
Gendo said nothing, he just sat there, while neither of them said a word.
ʡʘʘʢ
Quarantine, it was procedure, and as he walked, images tore through his brain like a progressive knife, images of her body broken, twisted, mutilated.
Each and every time he had failed her, only to be left clutching her body… that was if he was lucky.
How many last breaths did he have to hear, how many unsaid words were left tearing into him?
How many dead eyes did he have to look into?
His accompanying guards marched a distance behind him, not daring to incur the wrath of the still revolting Unit-01 back in the cages.
They had no way of knowing it was a bluff. All he had done was ask Yui to put on a show every so often, especially when he had gotten out of the entry plug.
Even he couldn't control an Evangelion from the outside like a certain red-eyed boy.
Shinji did his best to steady his breathing, but the images of himself tear into her, causing her so much pain through the Evangelion, even with what he did, what little he did, it was painful to his core.
Unit-03's hands squeezed his throat
It was so fitting, like poetry, he was willing to let it happen, he was willing to let her kill him if that meant sparing her pain.
And didn't hurt him to admit that, not one bit.
Finally, to the quarantine ward, he found it almost empty, why wouldn't it be? There was only a need for one room to be occupied.
It was an observation room he entered, not the entrance to her chamber.
Ritsuko.
She stood there, around her other doctors all worked at the controls while she applied bandages to her head, she had been talking to someone when he walked in.
It was all he needed to hear.
"…she's a valuable specimen."
'Specimen'
Shinji barely knew how he got her down on the ground in an instant, how this 14-year-old body had been able to manage it was beyond him, but there she was with his pistol to her head.
She called Asuka a 'specimen'.
"Why?" He growled out,
Ritsuko for the life of her, couldn't even think clearly she had been taken completely by surprise. This boy shouldn't be capable of this, why did he care so much for the Second Child?
"Why what?" she asked, trying to remain calm, panic still spreading through her voice.
"Professor!" One of the technicians yelled, the other doctors were useless, they didn't know what to do.
"NO! Get out!" Ritsuko yelled to the guards, who now had their weapons still trained on the boy.
"Get. Out." She pleaded, looking into the guards' eyes,
Slowly, the guards lowered their weapons, step by step they backed out, bringing along with them everyone who had been inside.
As the door closed, the doctor was suddenly very aware of the pistol against her forehead as he pressed it harder against it.
"Why Asuka? It should have been Toji!"
In that instant, his face was contorted with rage and she believed him, she believed that he would pull that trigger over that girl.
"Toji wasn't needed, we had a pilot." The doctor pleaded.
"No! Asuka wouldn't have been compatible with Unit-03."
"Why would you think that?" She asked quietly yet incredulously. He was sure she was wondering how he knew that how he was so sure that Asuka would be incompatible with Unit-03.
"Was it you?"
"What?"
"Did you ask Asuka to pilot Unit-03?!"
She was quiet for a moment before she spoke up. "It was Misato." She admitted quietly.
The boy's eyes extinguished, not completely but enough that she wasn't sure she was going to die.
"Let me in there." He demanded.
"You can't, it's…"
"Too dangerous?" He asked, he was smiling "you people have no idea..." he stopped, closing his eyes for a moment.
"You people don't even know how to help her." He finished.
With that, Shinji raised the muzzle off the woman's head and brought the butt of the grip back down with enough force to knock the woman out and leave a considerable amount of blood dripping from her head onto the floor.
He pulled himself up and off her while plucking the keycard off her coat.
Swiping and entering the door on the far side of the room, Shinji walked down the stairwell and found himself inside an airlock.
After stepping inside, Shinji waited as the door shut behind him and the air was cycled. While he waited for the second door to open all he had was a small window all he had to keep his eyes on her.
With a pneumatic hiss, the door opened and out he stepped out into the knee-high LCL that had filled the room.
"Look at what they did to you." He mumbled to himself.
Wires reached up around the glorified slab they had dumped her on, each ensnaring her and confining her like each was providing her a tether to the mortal plane.
Look what I did to you.
She almost reminded him of a sarcophagus, if it weren't for the constant sound of mechanical breathing from the ventilator and red hair, he wouldn't have even known it was her.
He wanted to strangle someone, exact his revenge in the cruelest way imaginable, leave someone begging for their life and terrified just like she must have been.
Who? Ritsuko? She wasn't even the one to ask Asuka…
Misato? She had only asked Asuka, and he was sure she was going to feel guilty about this as well, but she couldn't have known.
Gendo? Not this time, he still ordered the ejection of the plug, he had done something, even if he tried to use the dummy plug on him.
In the end, he came to the same old conclusion.
Of all the parties, he was the only one who could be truly blamed.
He knew Unit-03 would be compromised, he was even willing to let Toji pilot it, driven by his confidence to keep him from being hurt, but Asuka… had he known she was asked…
He would have told her, argued with her, kidnapped her, he would have destroyed Unit-03 or piloted it himself before letting her do that.
He would have told her the truth if it meant keeping her out of that Evangelion.
But that didn't matter now.
Because she was all but chained here to this slab and he was responsible for her pain.
Again.
"Remember the first time you stood over me like this? Remember what you did?" came a half-amused remark from the redhead.
She was standing there, resting against the wall, but he didn't rise to the bait, he just didn't have the energy. A fact she seemed to pick up on when he didn't respond.
He should have let her choke him.
She should kill me.
She should make me suffer.
Didn't she already though?
He sat down on her left side, that memory wasn't vivid here, even with the reminder he had just received.
Here he was, this was the best shot he had, the best life he had been given to work with in so long and he blew it.
The emptiness he felt inside was nearly unbearable.
"Drache…" He breathed.
Looking down, Asuka's hand had been bandaged, while being uncovered by the rest of the apparatus encasing her. The boy let his left hand reach down, gently pressing against her palm.
He began to tap that familiar tune he had come to learn over so many lives. If there was one thing he could do for her, perhaps this was it.
Shinji could've never known how right he was.
So… I may have taken an extra week off… To be fair, I could barely stand to look at Word after writing essays for nearly 48 hours straight. So here we are, hope that wasn't too edgy. Shinji and a gun REALLY don't go well together, but it just kinda formed this way. After all, why wouldn't they just arrest him when he steps away from Unit-01 and who didn't enjoy Ritsuko getting hit by two people this chapter? Just a few more chapters till the main break, but we'll get there when we get there, hopefully by the end of July.
Shoutouts!
Ultraspink of Da USA – Thank, will do… and so much for your 1-2 year prediction, 3.0+1.0 will (hopefully) be here in August.
EvaPilotFair – Yes, we are degenerate hand holders here haha.
KingXanaduu – RE-TAKE *hiss* in all honesty I wouldn't know what that means because I have yet to read RE-TAKE, but when I do I will be sure to leave a review in the authors notes haha. We love a little hand holding.
Iraki01 – Good… now let it go cold *insert evil laughter*.
dyinglittelstar – and here's a very belated one!
A Guy – You're near right on the money with that analysis, though we have a few extra… planned things.
skyf0x – I hope it wasn't too confusing, but if it was just enough than that was what I was working at. We're in the (first) endgame now.
tomdj1701 – Hope I didn't keep you waiting too long!
Guest – Rebuild Zeruel… yes… we have some special plans for that actually.
James Birdsong – Thanks!
AsuShin shipper – Yeah I saw that comic, it was a nice little few pages. Idk why you'd ask me to not put Asuka with Kensuke, unless there's something in 3.0 + 1.0 I don't want to know about (and judging by some peoples comments I think there is)
JIM D. ZAS – Thank you, I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter.
FraktalAMT – Binging in one day is a hell of a task haha, onto your points. 1. Yep, I do use 2 actually, I think its improved off the first dozen or so chapters but I'm still going back and revising slowly. 2. Yeah I wanted to do something a bit different. 3. Ah… do you trust me? 4. All I'm going to say is that everything we saw really did happen.
Asushin fan (Erik) – Thank you, hope you enjoyed the update.
Alright, we should be back to at least 1 chapter a week and if anyone hasn't heard Thrice Upon a Time will be on Amazon in August, so I won't have to worry about spoilers for much longer. Hopefully I get back in rhythm with writing and will see you if not Wednesday, than next weekend.
Until Next Time.