Chapter 59: A Step and a Kick

Rose runs a hand through her curly hair and lets out a long sigh.

"What is it, Rose?" Emma asks, coming down to the kitchen in the morning.

Rose is sitting at the kitchen table amongst bridal magazines and other papers. She's in a thin nightie that stretches with her baby bump and keeps her cool in the hot August air. Sybil sits in her high chair, sucking on a spoon. Jack and Peter had already left for work and Emma had decided to take the day off to prepare for her finals and spend some time with her sister.

"It's all this wedding planning," Rose groans. "When it was my wedding to Cal, my mother took care of the details, now that it's mine… it's a little overwhelming."

"I hear you sister," Emma says, pouring her sister some juice and then starting to make iced tea for the both them.

"Why couldn't it be simple and spontaneous like your wedding on the bow?"

"Well, we certainly had a lot of help from folks down in third class," Emma comments, grabbing ice from the ice box. "Peter and I just wanted it to be you guys and the pastor but they insisted on helping and attending."

"I remember," Rose sighs. The two take a short moment of remembrance for those who didn't survive.

"Anyway, it is technically my wedding too. I really wish I could help you more, but with finals coming up you know…"

"I understand," Rose says, looking through another bridal magazine. "But it's also insane with how much it costs, the dress, the hall, the cake, the food, the church and everything in between."

"Well we have part of that list figured out," Emma says, bringing the ice tea to the table. "Holly agreed to help bake a wedding cake, Carl might be able to find you a nice place for the reception and I think Jack might talk to the pastor he worked with if that's okay with you of course."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Rose says. "I'd be honoured to be married by the man who took care of Jack when I couldn't"

"And vice versa," Emma smiles.

"I just don't want Jack to spend any of that money he made. We need to save it for a house and other things."

"Right, but again, Peter and I are paying for half of this too, don't forget. Money isn't usually a problem… We can pay for it all if…"

"No way!" Rose insists. "You guys have already done so much for us already; We don't want to impede on you anymore with this wedding."

Emma smiles, knowing there's no point in trying to argue with the red-head or her fiancé. The two had their pride and could never repay their debt of gratitude to her and Peter.

"Well you do have your own auction money," Emma points out, looking through another catalog

"Yes…" Rose says, biting her lip, looking at a fancy bridal gown. None of them were to her taste. They were either too frilly, too lacey, too big, too long, too expensive or wouldn't be able to fit over her baby bump. Nothing simple and practical, but elegant.

"I can't find any dress that I like," Rose sighs. "I wish I had your situation, all you must do is wear your mother's dress."

"Don't sugar coat it," Emma grimaces. "I still have a blood stain to get rid of and a lot of patching up to do. Sea water does not mix with lace very well."

Rose gets up to distract herself from her current dilemmas. Her back was starting to hurt more and more as the baby grew. She had been to the doctor not long ago and everything was as it should be, but Rose was always tired now, or hungry, her feet were sore and she was feeling hot all the time, which mixed with this summer weather did not help at all. She goes to the front door and sees that the mail is here. She walks out into the bright sunlight and grabs the envelopes from the metal box.

She walks back to the house, looking for anything interesting when some familiar handwriting catches her eye. Rose drops the mail like it's a venomous snake and gasps very loudly, grabbing the door for support. Emma hears her distress and races to her.

"What is it, Rose? Is it the baby?"

Rose has turned very pale and she's sitting on the floor in the front hall, her back against the door. She's shaking slightly and her eyes are filling with tears. Emma is very worried until she sees the scattered mail. She leans down and picks up the envelope Rose threw down in shock.

"It's from the private investigator…" Emma says quietly and then swallows. She can see the look of fear on Rose's face.

"C-Cal," Rose stammers.

Emma squints at the envelope for a moment and frowns. She tears it open and finds many sheets of paper. The first is written in blue fountain pen and from the private investigator.

Dear Ms. Dawson,

I'm sorry I've had to contact you and your fiancé again, especially with the risk of Mr. Hockley lurking around, but there has been contacting from Mrs. DeWitt Bukater. She sent me a letter and asked me to send it to you. I apologize for digging through your fiancé's file at the station to get the address, but I did see that it said the letter was important. I hope you can find peaceful ground with your mother and wish you the best of luck.

Detective Henry Calvert

"What's wrong, Rose?" Emma asks quietly. "It's about your mother."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Rose whimpers. Tears are slowly sliding down her face and she's pulled herself up into a ball.

"Why are you afraid?" Emma asks. She goes to sit down next to her friend.

"W-well, t-t-to be honest, I was hoping she wouldn't try to contact me. I was hoping she would just let me live my own life… Why can't she just let me go?! She's ruined my life for seventeen years. She's going to make me go back to Cal. She's going to make me get rid of the baby and leave Jack… She's always been like this… She can't help but destroy any happiness I might have made for myself. You know I only ever say her once a day growing up? I was always brought in by a nanny and was merely there to be shown off to her uptight friends. I could probably count on one hand the number of times she kissed me… I once drew her a picture and she threw it away when I wasn't looking… Oh God Emma, why can't she just leave me alone?!" Rose buries her head in her arms and continues to sob.

Emma puts her arm around Rose. Clearly, the relationship between her and her mother was very strained and it was, in fact, something that Rose feared, but also resented. Emma couldn't put herself in Rose's shoes, she'd had a loving and caring mother whom she was devastated to see pass away, but Emma knew nothing about first class life and how mothers of that class acted. She could only imagine what Rose might've felt, growing up, being controlled by a shallow woman who only wanted to marry her daughter off for money rather than happiness. Emma wished that Rose had had her mother instead, so she wouldn't be so hurt when her mother contacted her.

"Maybe she doesn't want to leave you alone," Emma says gently. "Maybe this letter…" it suddenly all becomes clear to her. "Didn't you say your mother could only contact you if she left Cal behind…?"

Rose's head perks up.

"Y-yes…"

"Well then," Emma says, offering Rose the envelope.

Rose stares at it for a long moment and then shakes her head sadly. "It's probably her last desperate plea for me to come home."

"Rose, I know I don't know your mother…"

"I hope you never have to," Rose interrupts.

"I may not know your mother personally, but I do know what it's like to lose someone you love and have a child go missing… It's devastating Rose, it makes you feel like your life will never be whole again. You don't know who you are any longer and your life sort of stops."

Rose looks at her friend with her sad green eyes. She remembers what it was like when she thought she lost Jack and after her father died, she thought she would never be whole again.

"Now, I know you're not dead, but you may as well be to your mother. Having a child turn their back on their parents is heart-wrenching, it means that the parents have failed at that lasting vow they made the moment they first laid eyes on you… The vow to always protect you and raise you with love and care… and never let you out of their sight…" Emma gets up quickly and finds her family portrait. She brings it over to Rose.

The four people staring back at them look happy, the father taking a rather tall and protective stand over the family and the mother lovingly cradling her two daughters, affection in her eyes and love in her heart. Rose feels that pang of jealousy again, wanting so badly to be in Emma's shoes in terms of family. She, herself, did have an affectionate father, but her mother was cold and unemotional. It made Rose sick and yet… it probably did hurt her mother when she ran away, gone without a trace, away from the protection her mother was trying to provide. She knew deep down that her mother did love her and care for her, she just had an unusual way of showing it. Tears flood Rose's eyes once more, she puts her hand on her bulging belly and traces the child inside her. She needed to learn from her mother's mistakes, provide the love she was never given and still… did this letter mean that her mother was trying to reach out to her, saying she loved her and wanted to be a part of her life? Some large lump forms in Rose's throat, her mind whirling with the thoughts of what the letter might say.

"You're right Emma," Rose says after a little while. "She may not be the best mother in the world, but she's still the woman who loves me."

Emma smiles and pulls her friend into a full hug.

"I want to wait until Jack gets home and then I'll read the letter."

"Of course," Emma nods. Just then Sybil starts to shriek, wondering where everyone has gone. The two girls smile and pick up the fallen male.

…

When the men get home, they all spend the evening on the porch, drinking iced tea and talking about their day. Sybil also practices walking on the front lawn, with Emma holding both her hands, teaching her the rhythm of walking upright.

Eventually, the tot falls asleep and Jack and Rose are left on the porch alone.

"Jack?" Rose asks gently.

"Yes, Rose Petal?" Jack says with a smile. This was his new nickname for her and Rose couldn't help but blush the same colour of that petal every time he said it.

"I-I got a letter from the private investigator today and it has a letter from my mother…"

"Oh," Jack says quietly. He reaches over and grabs her hand.

"I-I wanted to wait until you got home to tell you and then ask you that if, and this is a big if, she wants to be a part of our lives… would you be okay with that?"

Jack is quiet for a moment as he thinks it over. Ruth was never very nice to him, she clearly thought her was lower than boat scum, but she was nothing compared to Cal. He kind of wished that his own parents were alive, they were very loving and if they were still around, they wouldn't even have to worry about Ruth DeWitt Bukater at all. They would have put that high-class woman to shame. He was sure that they would have accepted Rose with open arms, no doubt his mother would try to bake Rose cookies or fresh bread to welcome her into the family and his father would entertain his fiancée with funny stories and his whistling talents. He might have even tried to take her fishing. Jack was lucky to have such great parents and the happy memories that came flooding back made him miss them a lot. He was lucky he got his fifteen years with them, if at all. He wished beyond anything that they could be here right now, but he knew that fate had intervened and took them away from Earth, hopefully to a happier place. Ruth was hardly the ideal choice for a mother-in-law, much less a grandparent, but he couldn't imagine the child in Rose growing up without any grandparents at all. He had two grandmothers growing up and he had learned that Rose also had two, both had fond memories of each and knew their child needed someone to learn from and someone to say "nana."

"I would be okay with it," Jack finally says. "I'll admit I'm not thrilled, but again she has not control over me or you…or our baby." Jack puts his hand on her swollen stomach. Rose smiles and then kisses Jack.

"How did I ever get so lucky?" she asked.

"You tried to jump off the back of the ship and I saved you, I have to say you're pretty darn lucky."

Rose smiles once more. She then looks at the envelope in front of her. With shaking hands, Rose pulls out the sheets of paper.

"It's okay Rose," Jack says gently. He wraps his arms around her expanding waist and rests his head on her shoulder. "I'm right here."

Rose begins to read.

Dearest Rose,

I hope that you at least read this once and if you choose to ignore it, I can die knowing that I tried. I just wanted you to know that I have cut ties with Mr. Hockley and moved back home to Philadelphia. Well, what was once home... The inevitable happened and as I predicted, our belongings and the home had to be auctioned off to pay the debts. Sally, our new maid. agreed to help continue serving for a few weeks while I find a place to live. I've gotten in touch with Margret Brown and she agreed to give me a place stay. I'm considering a small apartment down by the Philadelphia harbour. Your father always loved the sea and it will make me feel close to him again. It certainly not ideal, but I managed to make some money from the auction, enough to purchase something small, but I must find a job soon.

I know you are probably thinking that I deserve this and I do. I know I have never been a good mother if I can even earn that title, but I wanted to let you know that I am sorry. I am sorry for pressuring you into that marriage and I am truly sorry for making your time living with me unbearable. I have seen Mr. Hockley for who he truly is, a monster with money and now I fully understand why you never want to marry him. I am sorry I was forcing you onto this cruel and heartless man. I know you may never forgive me, but at least you now know that I am sorry.

I just wanted to let you know that I was overjoyed that you contacted me. To hear from my daughter, whom I thought had been kidnapped, and tell me that she was safe gave me great relief. I am now able to sleep better and I've gained back the weight I've lost. All a mother ever wants is for her daughter to be safe and I want to know that I'm happy that you're happy. During the time, you were missing, I blamed myself and thought God was punishing me for something. In the end, I think he was teaching me a lesson, a lesson to accept my daughter and change my ways to benefit, not just you, but myself as well.

I have been able to do a lot of thinking during these last few weeks and after reading your letter so many times that I know it by heart, I want you to know that I would like to be a part of my grandchild's life. I know that you may never forgive me, but I hope that I might be able to start over with him or her. I would also like to start all over with you and Mr. Dawson as well if you both will let me. I want to be able to die knowing that you knew that I loved you and that you were happy and if Mr. Dawson and this new life makes you happy, I am willing to accept that.

I do not know if you will ever end up reading this, or you will burn it in the dead of night, but I wanted you, my dear daughter is that I love you and I always have. You were your father's shining light and now I realize that you are mine as well. I am sorry it took me so long to realize. If you would like, I was hoping to visit you and Mr. Dawson sometime in the future. I also have some of your things that I managed to save from the auction, including some of your toys that I know your child will love.

If you can accept my apology, please write back to Henry Calvert and he can send it to my new address. I hope I can see you soon my beloved daughter. If not, I love you until the day I die.

Sincerely,

Ruth DeWitt Bukater

Rose looks up at Jack with tears in her eyes. Her mind swirled with many emotions which were expressed in her face. Jack takes his turn reading the letter while Rose processes her mother's words. Did she mean what she said? Was she truly sorry? With her mother, it was hard to tell.

Rose wipes her eyes as Jack finishes the letter. He pulls his fiancée into his lap and cradles her as she cries quietly to herself. She embraces him and wishes that her decision could already be made. Her mother certainly wasn't perfect, but it appears that she might be trying to change for her, for their child. Rose places her hand on her bump and suddenly she feels something inside her.

"Jack!" Rose gasps.

"What is it?"

"The baby," she says. "I think it moved."

Jack puts his hand on her stomach and they wait. Within a few moments, there was another distinct bump.

"Oh my God!" Jack practically yells. "He or she kicked!"

Rose's eyes flood with happy tears and a huge smile breaks her clouded expression of confusion. Jack soon begins crying as the baby continues to kick quite hard against her stomach. Her heart pounding in joy. The two begin to laugh loudly. Emma and Peter come down to see what all the noise is about and they too feel the baby's excitement.

Rose continues to cry in joy, she had life in her, precious life that was going to come into the world loved and happy… and she supposes that is with her mother included. She tells the others her decision.

"Let's ask what the baby thinks," Peter grins. "Two kicks for yes, one for no." And they all laugh.

…

Several weeks have passed as Rose waits by the window, Jack's arms around his family, giving her the support she needed for what was coming. Emma made some last-minute preparations for their guest and even made some lemonade. All of them were dressed nicely and presentable, but Rose said not to go too fancy. Her mother needed to accept them for who they were, not for what they were pretending to be.

A yellow cab pulls up in front of the house

Ruth pulls herself out of the taxi and slowly makes her way up the path, Rose watching from the window, her heart pounding in her ears, or that might just be the baby kicking. Her mother is dressed rather plainly but still, manages to keep her first-class poise as she always did. She carried a small suitcase and seemed to be fighting back tears. She composed herself before knocking at the door.

Emma answers it with a bit of a forced smile. "Hello Mrs. DeWitt Bukater, it's nice to finally meet you."

"You must be Emma; it is lovely to meet you too."

Emma steps aside to allow the woman inside. Peter comes over with Sybil. "This is Peter my fiancé," Emma says, allowing Peter to shake Ruth's hand. "And my sister Sybil."

"Oh what a darling little child," Ruth says. Her green eyes take in the house, obviously judging it on whether it was suitable for Rose. "You have a lovely home." It certainly wasn't a mansion, but it was comfortable.

Then Rose and Ruth's eyes meet. Ruth begins to tear up.

"Hello Rose," she croaks.

"Hello Mother,"