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Chapter 36: "…For years and years I roamed …"
"AAAAH!"
That familiar painful breath was accompanied by a pulsing ache on his forehead.
He was on pavement or some sort of concrete, which was rather strange, and the sounds of the city around them also told him they were outside.
Opening his eyes he should have recognized the sound of Rei's voice as the girl was currently grabbing school belongings in a desperate attempt to… wait… was that a piece of toast?
The Rei noticed his questioning eyes, and even though he wasn't focused on… the more exposing sight that her skirt was currently giving him, she yelped unceremoniously while pulling it down to hide the sight.
"um, haha, sorry about that," she said gathering the last of her things, the piece of toast was disregarded on the ground "I'm sorry about that I didn't mean to run into you!" she shouted as she took off.
Shinji groaned as he pushed himself upwards, a sense of déjà vu taking him.
The sound of grumbling drew his attention to someone behind him, looking back, the furrowed brow of Asuka Langely Soryu greeted him.
"Um… ah…" he could barely make a sentence, what exactly was going on?
"C'mon idiot, we're gonna be late for school if we don't get a move on."
"um, school?" he asked, perplexed as she pushed past him.
"Urgh, don't tell me you got hit too hard on the head, cmon, let's go."
Deciding it wasn't worth getting into an argument with her, Shinji followed the redhead, making sure not to take the lead. The city was definitely familiar, this was Tokyo-03, but not quite as he knew it.
It seemed so… peaceful.
After the Angels arrived with regularity, the city had always been different, it had always seemed on edge like it was waiting for the next strike. Which of course it was, but the people within the city were much more subdued than the ones he found himself watching now.
They laughed and smiled when they talked instead of the hushed tones he remembered. People could be seen jogging and listening to music instead of staying indoors and making sure they were aware of their surroundings.
Perhaps ignorance was indeed bliss after all.
Or perhaps the Angels simply were taking their time to get here.
The last life he had the pleasure of enjoying was one where they had screwed up the 'fight' against Sahaquiel. It wasn't particularly anyone's fault, the Angel had just moved too fast for them, and it seemed the Evangelions were not up to taking the blast that time.
They arrived at classroom 2-A, the school itself didn't seem too different. With plenty of time to spare, Asuka taking her seat directly behind his own which was the same as it always was, right next to the window.
Sitting down, Shinji rubbed his head, trying to help the lingering pain away just a little more, but to no avail, it also didn't help that two familiar faces were coming over to him, except they were both intercepted by a certain class rep.
Maybe he could just rest for a bit. Putting his head into his arms on the desk, he closed his eyes. Unfortunately, the sound of tires screeching killed any idea that he might actually get to sleep off his headache.
"Oh yeah, Miss Misato our teacher!" he heard Toji shout, as the window in front of him was thrown open.
"Oh, Miss Misato is here!"
So that's why this felt so familiar…
Memories of a different world flooded back, one where remembered the euphoria of a life without Angels, witnessing the possibilities of a normal life. He couldn't have known he would see it again, that he would actually live it.
And he knew that he was nowhere near deserving of this either.
He didn't deserve to be here, not when he hadn't succeeded yet, not when he had just failed over and over.
But what if this was it?
What if this was where the cycle finally ended?
The idea was tantalizing enough, the thought that he not only would finally be able to live, but he wouldn't even have to fight in an EVA for it. There would be nothing here to hurt them, nothing to save Rei from, no trauma that he would have to help Asuka move on from.
He could be a normal kid again.
Though what did that even mean?
'Normal' for him was fighting towering Angels, cleaning a trashed apartment, going to sync tests, and nearly dying on average at least once a month. At best his life before being summoned by his father was 'normal', but even then, he lived in a world that had dealt with the Second Impact.
The shouting of Hikari for them to stand up and bow to begin their day rang through his ears as he went through the motions without really giving them any thought.
Even the sight of Misato didn't really shock him, be it the memory of the glimpse he had been given, or the fact it didn't compare to the sight of a hundred-foot humanoid trying to kill him, there was really no reason for him to be moved.
"Listen up dudes, we got a new blue-haired babe here to introduce herself." The woman energetically explained to the class, as she moved aside to reveal the girl he had crashed into earlier.
"My name's Rei Ayanami, how's it hanging?" Rei exclaimed; her face bright with a smile.
That… was much more disturbing than it should have been.
ʡʘʘ.ʢ
It was so strange seeing Kaji as a teacher, especially the music teacher.
It really shouldn't have surprised him how good the man was with students, he was more than patient and had a great amount of knowledge for each there.
Putting the cello back in the spot he found it, his eyes wandered over the collection of instruments lining the walls. His mind recalled which ones he knew and which ones he still wanted to learn. Each had their own 'personality' it seemed, you had to treat a guitar differently than a flute.
"Hey, Shinji!" Asuka near-shouted as she clapped him on the shoulder. He shouldn't have jumped at something so simple but he did, perhaps it was the feeling of safety this life was giving him.
"I'm going to swimming practice, you're gonna wait for me, right?" she asked as he turned around.
"Of course."
"Mr. Kaji said he'd be sticking around a bit after class, you could get some more practice in if you wanted to wait for me to do homework." She said, gathering her bag.
"Just try to keep out of trouble." She smirked, which he just nodded.
Shinji waited as the room emptied, the trickle of students finally leaving him alone with the familiar scruffy man. Kaji seemed… fuller… than usual, probably due to not having to suffer through the aftermath of the Second Impact. It had been a refreshing change of pace to not sit through an entire lecture that revolved solely in the Second Impact, and his textbooks had made no mention of it.
Now it was time for the last confirmation.
"Oh, I didn't see you there Shinji, got something you wanted to ask me? I heard you took a pretty rough hit to your head on the way to school, how's it feeling?" he asked, that smile was the same, so warm and inviting, like he could tell him anything and not feel guilty.
Of course, the man had been a spy too, that particular skill did come in handy.
The boy just walked slowly over to the man, who was cleaning off the mouthpiece of a clarinet. "Can't seem to get everyone to remember they need to be courteous and clean their borrowed pieces huh?" he asked.
"Yeah, I guess," Shinji replied his mind racing with the knowledge of what he was about to ask.
"Mr. Kaji…"
"Oh Shinji, I told you, just Kaji, I've been your teacher for what, four years now? It's been a while since you called me that."
"Kaji…" Shinji corrected, taking a breath, "Does the phrase 'Second Impact' mean anything to you?"
He watched the man stop his task and furrow his brow, but ultimately shrug, "Nope, can't say it does, does it have to do with a new manga you're reading?"
Shinji shook his head "No… how about NERV or Evangelions."
"Like the nervous system, wait what's an Evangelion?"
"No, N. E. R. V." Shinji said slowly, spelling out the organization he had become so familiar with.
"Sorry, never heard of it."
Shinji blinked.
No NERV meant no Angels, no Angels meant no EVAs, no EVAs…
Even if he talked about this, Kaji wasn't the same, he couldn't be the same. He couldn't understand like the Kaji he knew, the one he could always trust to listen to him.
But still…
The boy wanted to tell someone, he needed to tell someone. He hadn't told anyone in any lives he'd gone through so far. Though to be fair, about a quarter of them were him just figuring out how to survive that first N2 mine.
How he had done that on sear luck the first time, he would never know.
"Can I tell you something?" he asked finally.
The brief tense in Kaji's figure almost caused Shinji to laugh, the man was probably thinking it would be some childish nonsense that he had to hear every week from students, but this… if anything he needed to see if the man knew something, even the slightest recognition in his eyes, Shinji needed to be sure.
"Sure Shinji, you know the school's open-door policy."
Yeah, but he was sure they hadn't thought up his situation when they created it.
"I'm… not your Shinji Ikari…"
The teacher's face just formed a smile, like it was the beginning of a joke.
"Alright, then tell me who's Shinji Ikari you are?"
"I know this is going to sound impossible, it's going to sound stupid, but… it's the truth."
"Alright, go ahead."
"Where I come from… my first life… something called the Second Impact occurred. It wiped out nearly half of the population…"
He told the man about how his father was the commander of NERV, explaining how he was the pilot of a giant weapon system called Evangelion, how he fought Angels alongside Asuka and the new transfer student Rei Ayanami.
Shinji could tell he didn't believe him, Kaji was just nodding along, smiling at things he couldn't truly understand the context of. Could he really blame him? He couldn't have known how the boy had crushed someone like a bug, or how he had to watch his friend sacrifice herself to stop an Angel.
He couldn't have known about the screams he was beginning to hear at night… Asuka's screams.
"So, is this a manga you're writing? I'm enjoying the story so far." He said, leaning in from his chair.
Sighing, the Third Children wasn't even angry, of course, he wouldn't believe him, it wasn't like it made any sort of sense. At least not to someone in a world where there were no such things.
But something else might change his mind.
"Am I a good cello player?" he asked, the idea starting to form in his mind.
Kaji stifled a laugh, "Are you a good player? Shinji half the other kids gave up trying to learn when they heard you play for the first time, you're pretty advanced for your age."
"Alright." He said, marching over to the instrument he had just let down. Taking a seat he readied his bow, and let himself play the song he would never forget.
Sixty-Two seconds later he looked back up to see the man's face had gone pale.
"How do you know that song?" he asked, clearly uneasy.
"How do you?" Shinji asked back.
Kaji shook his head "It doesn't matter, that was very good, probably the best rendition I've heard."
Setting the cello back down, Shinji moved down the line to the next one, picking up the guitar he slung it over his shoulder and began to play before the teacher could object. Letting loose another sixty-two seconds of notes, Kaji had made his way up from his seat, watching him intently.
Again, he moved on, a trumpet, a saxophone, a French horn.
His hand moved to the next instrument and stopped.
Shinji's eyes didn't dare touch it; the beauty of the instrument was something he could barely comprehend. It was used sure, but it had been cared for too, the wood still gleamed in places unsullied by human hand, the wood was not warped nor was it devoid of all its finish. The craftsmanship that went into creating the beautiful curves and masterful cuts in the wood was still evident even to his rather untrained eye.
The violin sitting there was more than beautiful.
He moved past it, picking up a flute.
"What, can play all that, but not the violin?" Kaji asked, his voice shaky, it was probably an attempt to inject some sort of humor into the growing unease he was feeling.
But for him…
"I never learned." He said, his voice low, "It's not my instrument."
He readied the flute, but before he could play Kaji spoke up "Alright, that's enough, what are you trying to prove exactly?"
"I'm not writing a story Kaji, I'm telling you who I am," Shinji explained, putting the instrument back down.
"Shinji, you really want me to believe that you're some… 'pilot' who went around in giant robots?"
Now that Kaji had said those words Shinji had to admit it sounded ridiculous. And yet he had lived through it, he had failed enough times that it would always be his life, no matter how ridiculous it was.
"Did you meet Misato in college?"
"Huh?" the man's face betrayed how incredibly unnerving it was to hear the boy say that.
"And your brother? Is he still alive?"
Kaji could only just stare at the boy, there were no words to say. Shinji could practically see his mind scrambling to find some sort of logical explanation. A prank maybe, or he had learned personal details by asking Misato? The Third Children was pretty confident that the man trusted Misato enough not to speculate on that.
So finally, he just spoke up again, reluctant acceptance in his voice.
"So, if that's all true… why are you here?"
Shinji didn't answer, the words were right there on his lips, he wanted to say something, anything, but to admit it… to just admit what he did.
"They're gone."
His voice betrayed how simple those words were. He hadn't said that yet, to anyone, and here he was, a coward confessing it to someone who couldn't even understand a fraction of what that confession meant.
Nearly a hundred lives and he could finally tell someone.
"I did it Kaji… I killed them..."
"Who Shinji? Who did you kill?" alarm filling his words.
"Everyone."
Well, that was pleasant, wasn't it? Little first world without EVAs kinda hits different, please note this is not canonically after ch35, this is set early on, hence why he can recount the number of lives as well as the absense of Ghost Soryu. So spoilers…. I'm going to have a spoiler warning at the top the next 3 interlude chapters.
SHOUTOUTS!
YodaMorpheus7 – More than ok I'd say, maybe ok enough to have a conversation with her son?
UltraSpink of Da USA – Thoughts on Final Evangelion you say? Unfortunately, that would be WAY too much for the author's note, but I'll try.
Berix – Thanks! Couldn't keep myself away haha.
tomdj1701 – Thanks, I thought it was a bit strange how Zeruel wasn't exactly powered up by absorbing Unit-01 in 2.0. I thought it would make more sense for Shinji to have a challenge.
skyf0x – Thank you, don't worry, the goal is every 2-3 weeks to get an interlude chapter out so it's not a drought. I think 3.0 will be much more enjoyable, especially since we don't spend all our time with Shinji…
JIM D. ZAS – Thank you, but you only have to wait a little bit.
Ikari01 – Thanks for that, I definitely have read better battles haha, but I think it does what it sets out to do.
Guest – Though… not entirely his fault, not that he wouldn't see it that way.
Dragon5847 – Oh, we aren't even near the Endgame haha.
ghemstro - Shadowfang
EvaPilotFair – Thank you, it really means a lot.
dyinglittelstar – Thank you!
spartanman2 – Gave that song a listen, oh we're gonna get some titles from that song, just you wait haha, thanks!
NoseGum – Thanks and I'll confirm that theory, it was the Lance that kept him from leaving, figured it was the one thing that both did it in canon and something Shinji, for all his experience, can't really circumvent.
Kempn200252 – Yep, that bonds he's had with people will lead to, some interesting circumstances. For better or worse though?
Yagami Kuzuki – Haha, at least it makes you feel something right?
Guest (2) – Thanks!
Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Review: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Unfortunately, it's hard to really make a review encompassing everything I would like to talk about with this movie, even a tldr version would be a complete mess and not really representative of what I would like to say, but I'll try to keep it short.
So first… was it good? Depends.
And that's really my stance, it depends, I'm going to come across as a fence-sitter, but I really have no other way of describing it. The more I think about it, the more I both like and dislike this movie from two different points of view.
So let's start off with how it shouldn't be viewed, as a general movie. Now hear me out, when I go into an 80s action film, a Marvel film, or a drama, I expect different things, but more importantly for this movie I EXCUSE certain things, so let's not look at it in a general movie light.
So let's accept that it will be a bit crazy, have a few plot holes for the sake of the plot, or more importantly here, the message.
I think I've seen 2 views when it comes to it, both of them accepting it as an Evangelion movie.
Importance of the meta message above all else
Importance of the characters above all else
Now I want to exclude the whole 'best girl' war that's been raging for over two decades at this point, so let's not include ships, to the best of our ability just to save some time haha.
So let me start off by saying, yep, I get it, we got an end to Evangelion as a franchise, and I think it did that well enough. It literally has the final act happening in a place formed by memories, a soundstage and then has a whole prop room devoted to CGI models, it's a bit on the nose. And I dig it, I really do. Do I think it would have been made 10 years ago or if Anno stuck to having a film every 2 years? I don't know. Would it have the same impact? I doubt it. And I think that's something the film will be haunted by too, let's compare it to EoE (and we have to do that now, the two cannot be separated since we literally get NGE footage in the film). I think in 10 years people will not resonate with the film as much as they do now or at least not have the same degree. Think of it like Endgame, will kids who binge the MCU in the future have the same emotional reaction as some of us who grew up watching MCU movies? I doubt it, but does it mean it's bad? By no means.
Now… characters. I can attest that for me NGE was so captivating because it was the characters that I loved and watching them go through their journey. The great thing was that the meta message was so perfectly intertwined through the character's arcs and I suspect that's why people are not liking 3.0+1.0. I think the story sacrifices so much for the message and wants you to accept so much new information that it ultimately takes away from it, it also tends to try and clean up the mess of 3.0 which doesn't do it any favors. The 3 acts of the movie seem to be focused on 1 of 3 of our main pilots, but even then, it just kinda feels… lackluster to me. Especially Asuka, who has been very much pushed to the side in the rebuilds (not totally unfairly, movies are a different medium than a show) she claims to be 'grown up' but seems more childish than in 2.0, Rei does Detroit: Becoming Human, but it's not OUR Rei. I get the ending was meant to be very… subjective? Open-ended? Up to Interpretation for Shinji? But even EoE ended on solid ground, even if the kids were realistically fucked afterwards.
In all that was the short version haha, its an end, an interesting end, but not to the Rebuilds, to the Franchise, and it feels that way. But in a way, that's a bit disappointing, so is the vagueness in the resolution for our characters. Was it good? Yes. Was it bad? Yes. It simply depends on what you want from your Evangelion film and I can see both sides having valid points.
But that's all an opinion, a rather condensed and incomplete opinion.
Until Next Time.