Midge and Lenny were supposed to be enjoying a late dinner, both their days having been too busy to allow them to sit down earlier (him so deep in writing mode that he was still in his robe and pajamas late into the afternoon, and her occupied with a final dress fitting for tomorrow's Grammy Awards), but what Lenny had observed Midge doing for the last 10 minutes would be closer described as moving the food around her plate than eating it.
"Susie called when you were out," Lenny noted as he took a bite of chicken, the white t-shirt he wore clinging slightly to a lingering patch of fresh showered dampness on his shoulders. "She said the limo is booked and she'll be here to pick us up tomorrow at 6:30."
"Mm-hmm," Midge responded, not looking up from the seemingly fascinating pattern of her plate.
"And while she was on the telephone, I told her that they're always looking for fresh talent at Playboy, so I suggested that she could apply to be their next centerfold," Lenny added, knowing his wife was in a world of her own. "She was skeptical at first, but once I told her they would let her keep the hat on, she agreed."
"Mm-hmm," Midge hummed passively, not looking up nor registering a word Lenny had said.
"Midge," Lenny said with a sigh as he placed his fork down. "Midge, look at me," he said slower and firmer in an effort to gain her full attention.
Finally hearing his words, Midge put her fork down and looked at him. "What?"
"What's wrong? You've been off ever since you got back."
Looking at Lenny, Midge sighed, realizing how stupid she was to think she could hide anything from him. Composing herself, she took a sip of water before she finally spoke. "It's a six."
Lenny looked at her blankly.
"The dress for the Grammys. It's a size six," Midge explained in as simple terms as she could.
Lenny was quiet for a second. "OK…" he finally replied, still a bit confused.
"I had the smaller sizes set aside too, and I was hoping that I'd get into one of them by the final fitting, but I still couldn't zip them up." Midge let out a huff of a sigh. "I'm normally a two…sometimes a four, but never a six."
Lenny started laughing, although not so much at Midge as at the fact that the thing that had been worrying her had been something so trivial.
"It's not funny," Midge objected, pouting a little.
"You're right, I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely as he collected himself. "Wait," he continued, struck by a thought, "is this why you skipped dessert when we went out for dinner last week?"
Midge avoided his gaze as she gave a tiny shrug. "Maybe."
Lenny sighed as he stood up and went to her side of the table, bending down to meet her eye level. "I know you think that shit matters, but it really doesn't. It's just a fucking number on a label." He shrugged and shook his head dismissively. "And I thought we talked about this when you were pregnant."
"We did, but I'm not pregnant anymore, it's different." Midge shifted a little, suddenly uncomfortable in her skin. While she knew Lenny was nothing like Joel, old insecurities couldn't help but rear their heads. "I've never been this…big."
"Midge, you are anything but 'big', but even if you were, it wouldn't matter. I love you and you are the funniest, smartest, equal parts most beautiful and infuriating"—he laughed— "woman that I have ever known."
Midge blushed a little. "I know, I know you say that-"
Lenny cut her off sternly. "Midge-"
"And I believe you!" she added. "I do, it's just I've always been the same size."
"Of course you're not the same size as you were, you squeezed a whole human out of you two months ago."
"But I was back to normal by now after Ethan and Esther…"
"There is no such thing as 'normal'. Things change, bodies change," Lenny said with a shrug before reaching out to cup her jaw. "I'm not Joel," he said, pausing to add sardonically: "Which is something I am greatful for for many fucking reasons."
Much to Lenny's relief, Midge let out a quiet chuckle at his comment.
"And maybe," he continued, "I like the fact that when I touch certain parts of you, there's a reminder that you gave birth to our baby."
"You do?" Midge asked, slightly wide-eyed.
"I do," Lenny confirmed.
Visibly relaxing, a hint of a smile came to Midge's lips. "How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?"
"Eh, I'm just telling the truth," Lenny commented. "One of the very few things life has actually taught me is that when you love someone, the truth is always the best answer."
"I think you're right," Midge agreed. "Which is why," she added, her tone shifting to something lighter, "you need to believe me when I tell you you never look better than when you're fresh out of the shower." Reaching out, she touched the curls that were still the tiniest bit damp at the nape of his neck.
"Fine, I will concede," Lenny agreed with a half joking reluctance. "But only if you remember that you are, and always will be, stunning," he told her as he leaned in to give her a lingering kiss.
"I will do my best," Midge accepted. "But I am going to need plenty more reminders like that one," she said with a grin of the kiss, leaning forward and pressing her lips to his in demonstration.
"Hmm," Lenny hummed when she pulled back. "I think that can be arranged."
Glancing in the vanity mirror, Midge smoothed the hair at the nape of her neck in the direction to where the rest of it hung in waves over her left shoulder. After running a finger along the border of her lips to make sure there was no bleeding from the red of her lipstick, she finally applied a touch of powder to her nose. Assessing herself, she felt pleased with the way her hair and makeup had turned out, having eschewed professionals, preferring to do it herself. She was, she reflected, a semi-professional in that area after all, given her time at Bendel's with Revlon.
Standing, she slipped on the gold heels she had searched so hard to find and grabbed the equally tricky to obtain bejeweled clutch. After a final glance in the full length mirror, she pushed the flimsy chiffon of the cape that hung from the straps of the shimmering sky blue dress behind her, taking a deep breath for fortitude as she exited the room and began her slow, but steady walk down the stairs. She was nervous as to what everyone might think, but in truth she was especially hoping for Lenny's approval.
"Wow," was the only word Lenny could think to utter as Midge descended the staircase.
"Oh Mama, it's so pretty!" Esther said with glee as she watched on in awe, Kitty by her side echoing the sentiment.
"It's beautiful, Miriam," Rose told her daughter, bringing her hand to her chest as she gazed on in wonder, her eyes a tiny bit teary.
"You like it?" Midge asked in trepidation to Lenny. "It doesn't look too tight, does it? Because I'm sure I can find something else if-"
"Midge, do not change the dress, it looks incredible," Lenny cut her off with complete conviction, moving closer to her to deliver the next words more discreetly into her left ear. "The only way I want to see it removed from your body is by me later," he whispered, "which as stunning as you look, is something I am very much looking forward to."
Midge responded with a coy smile, blushing.
"I don't think I even want to know what he just said to you," Susie said with a slight shudder. "But Lenny's right, you look amazing. Even I can see that dress is killer and I strongly suspect that I was born entirely without fashion sense."
"Well, thank you," Midge offered graciously to Susie, before turning to the two younger girls. "And I'm glad you like it, too. If you get really lucky, maybe I'll even let you wear it for prom one day."
"I dunno, they might want it in the MET collection after you win tonight," Lenny commented casually.
"Hm," Midge hummed, unconvinced. "But you," she said, turning the attention to Lenny. "How handsome does your dad look?" she asked Kitty rhetorically. "And your hair," Midge exclaimed, turning back to Lenny. "It's not all…" She made a slicking down motion above her own head.
"Well, I know you hate the Brylcreem and it is your night, so," he told her with a shrug. "Plus, if anyone can stand to see my hair in its more natural state, I figure it's a bunch of bohemian musician types."
"I like it," Midge uttered with a smile as she reached out and touched it lightly before leaning in to whisper into his ear. "And I can't wait to fully appreciate running my fingers through it later."
"I was kind of hoping she might say that," Lenny told her with a grin.
"Right, that's enough weird as fuck married people flirting between the two of you," Susie told them with an eye roll. "The limo is waiting out there, so let's get going."
"Mama, you know where the baby formula is if Abby wakes up, right?" Midge asked with worry as she looked to her mother, the babysitter for the evening. "And I showed you where we keep the extra diapers, didn't I?"
"Yes and yes," Rose confirmed. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of everything for a few hours. I raised you and your brother, didn't I? Now go, have fun."
Midge nodded and smiled gratefully, turning to Lenny as he came to stand beside her.
"Ready?" Lenny asked, holding his arm out for Midge to take.
"Ready," she confirmed, hooking her arm through his and placing her hand securely on his tuxedo clad bicep.
"This is so fancy that I'm gonna be lookin' over my shoulder all night waiting for someone to kick me out," Susie confessed to Lenny as they stood to the side while Midge posed for photos on the red carpet. "I saw Frank Sinatra before. Frank fucking Sinatra!"
"I'm not exactly in my comfort zone either," Lenny admitted, halting upon hearing his name being called.
"Lenny!" a photographer shouted. "Come over here, let's get a picture of the two o' you!"
"Yeah, Lenny, c'mon!" another yelled.
Looking at Midge, he saw her offer her an encouraging smile, so with some reluctance, he decided he better go and stand with her.
"Wish me luck," he muttered to Susie before he made his way over to stand next to his wife.
"Hey," she smiled.
"Hey," he smiled back, his arm slipping around her and resting naturally at the curve of her lower back. "Last time someone was this insistent they get a picture of me was when I'd been hooked," he quipped discreetly in Midge's ear.
"I promise I won't put handcuffs on you later," she joked, trying hard not to move her mouth as she continued to face forward and pose for the cameras. "Unless that is something you decide you are into," she added, breaking into a smile as she turned her head and looked up at him and to see his reaction.
"Nah," he tried to reply sarcastically, but the grin that broke when he saw her looking up at him with such beaming affection could not be helped. "I've had just about enough of handcuffs to last me a fucking lifetime."
"Thank you for this," Midge said warmly, turning her head frontways again at the requests of the photographers. "I know you hate this showbiz stuff."
"For you, Sweetheart," he said, leaning down to press a quick kiss to the top of her head, "I would do anything."
Awards shows were, Midge and Lenny discovered, much more tedious in person than they were on the television.
"This fucking guy," Lenny groaned, blowing out a plume of smoke as he watched the military uniform clad, beret wearing Barry Sadler perform the nauseatingly patriotic 'Ballad of the Green Berets'.
"I can't believe we've only been here two hours," Midge whispered.
"I never thought I'd actually miss the commercial breaks," Lenny lamented.
"Hey, Midge," Susie leaned over the table to try and gain her attention, even if her arms didn't quite reach their destination. "Best Comedy Performance is up next."
"Finally," Midge said with relief as she watched Barbra Streisand take to the stage and walk to the podium.
"Now I may have appeared in 'Funny Girl'," Barbra stated, "but I don't think I will ever have a chance of being anywhere near as funny as these people. These are the nominees for Best Comedy Performance." She cleared her throat as the crowd applauded. "Bob Booker & George Foster 'You Don't Have to Be Jewish'." The crowd clapped. "Godfrey Cambridge 'Them Cotton Pickin' Days is Over'," she continued, earning another round of applause from the audience. "Earl Doud & Allen Robin 'Welcome to the LBJ Ranch'," she said, pausing for the crowd to show their appreciation. "Midge Maisel 'Married Life'."
While Midge's name largely got a similar response to the rest of the nominees, Lenny decided to up the ante by cheering, even adding a wolf whistle in there for good measure.
"And the Smothers Brothers for 'Mom Always Liked You Best'," Barbra concluded, pausing and taking a deep breath as she opened the envelope. "And the Grammy for Best Comedy Performance goes to… Midge Maisel!"
Midge would later only vaguely remember the surprise of it, the remarkably tight hug Susie pulled her into, and the kiss Lenny gave her before he escorted her from her seat and up the steps to the stage.
"Holy fu-" Midge began as she got to the podium, cutting off the second half of a certain expletive just in time. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't curse, but holy hell, I was not expecting this!"
The crowd laughed warmly in response.
"Right, so I would like to thank my manager, Susie Myerson, whose idea it was to even put the album out in the first place, but for more than that, thank you for guiding me and being beside me all these years.
"I would like to thank my family, of course: Mama, Papa, Noah: I love you. And my kids: Esther, Ethan, Kitty and Abby: I love you all so much." She took a breath. "And to Lenny: Not only are you maybe the most brilliant comic the world has ever seen, but you are also my mentor, my friend, and my husband, and I'm so, so grateful for that. I love you."
Tears pricking at her eyes, Midge glanced at Lenny, only to see him swallowing a lump in his throat. Even Susie looked emotional in a way Midge had never seen, so she decided it was time to finish on a slightly lighter note.
"But finally, I would like to give a shoutout to my first husband." She stood a bit straighter before continuing. "Joel, without you having an affair with your secretary and then leaving me - with my own suitcase - not only would I not have started on my journey into comedy, but I would not have met the love of my life on a dark, rainy night in the back of a cop car wearing little other than a perilously sheer nightgown."
There was another laugh from the crowd, but this one felt naughtier and less restrained than the first.
"It's true!" Midge insisted with a laugh. "Although I think I should clarify, it was me wearing the nightgown, not Lenny."
A ripple of laughter filtered through the auditorium.
"So, truly Joel," Midge continued before pausing and switching gears: "And he and I are good now, we are, so I say this with gratitude," she directed to the audience before switching back to her ex-husband. "I really do have to say thank you for blowing up my life and catapulting me here, to somewhere I would never have even dreamt I could be."
"So thanks," Midge said finally with a grin as she held the award up high, smiling and meeting Lenny's eyes again before she was guided from the stage into the backstage area.
"Holy shit Midge, you won!" Susie exclaimed as she came to meet her and mingle with the crowd once the ceremony had finished.
"I did," Midge uttered, still stunned as she looked down at the award in her hand. "I can't believe I did, but I did."
"I knew you'd do it," Lenny informed her confidently as he leaned in to kiss her. "I'm so fucking proud of you."
"And now," Susie began gleefully as she picked up a flute of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter, "we get to celebrate and get absolutely shit faced."
As much as she tried to smile in agreement, Lenny could see Midge was holding something back.
"What is it?" he asked as Susie disappeared somewhere into the crowd.
"It's just…" Midge looked away and bit her lip before looking back to her husband. "Is it bad that all I want to do is go home and be with the kids?"
Lenny chuckled a little as he let out a breath. "If that's bad"—he raised an eyebrow—"the fact I agree with you has got to be even worse."
"Home?" Midge asked hopefully.
"Home," he agreed, taking her hand in his to lead her to the exit.
The kids were thankfully all asleep by the time they returned home, although Midge was surprised that her mother's exclamation of joy upon seeing her daughter carrying the gramophone shaped award didn't wake them.
As excited as she had been to get ready, Midge felt relief at finally being able to step out of the heels that were beginning to make the balls of her feet burn. After removing her makeup, she went in search of Lenny for his assistance in undoing the dress, which was somehow harder to remove than it was to put on.
She heard him before she saw him, knowing exactly who he was talking to by his tone.
"Hey Abby. Sorry we had to leave you tonight, but your ma had to go and get a real important award," he whispered as Midge watched him quietly from the nursery doorway, relieved he hadn't seen her.
While Lenny was still technically wearing his tux as he stood cradling his daughter, the shirt collar was undone and the sleeves rolled up, the bowtie unfastened and the jacket missing. "You're too young to know it now, but it's a pretty big deal and you're gonna be so proud of her someday. I hope you'll be proud of me, too.
"You know, I love your ma, your sisters and your brother so much that I was worried I wouldn't have any room left in my heart for you, but it turns out I do. It turns out that you were that little piece I didn't know my heart was missing," he confessed. "I might fuck up, but I love you all so much that I'm gonna try and be better, every single day." He gave Abigail a soft kiss to the top of her head before he placed her gently back in her crib.
"Hey," Midge utterly softly as she came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," Lenny replied with slight surprise. "I was just, uh…" he fumbled, embarrassed about what she had probably just watched.
"I know," was all Midge replied, leaning in to kiss him soundly, her hands working their way into his hair. "Now," she said as she pulled back to look into his eyes, "about the removal of this dress…"
"Oh yes," Lenny replied with a grin, running his fingers over the bodice. "You may have won a Grammy, but I got the real prize of the night, right here."
"Mm-hmm," Midge hummed as she led him by his hand towards the bedroom. "And I'm ready to truly get the celebrations under way."