Another super Depression chapter. This time with Marianne! As usual a warning to those who aren't good with stuff like severe depression and self-harm.
Was this a joke? Was this some sort of cruel trick? Or maybe it was a nightmare.
Yes, it had to be...
There's no way that what just happened was real. There's no way that the Goddess was this cruel.
There's no way The Professor was dead.
But no matter how hard she tried to convince herself, there was no denying the fact that their Professor. That Byleth...
Was dead...
It wasn't fair. For years now she had pray consistently for the Goddess to grant her death. She was a burden on this world, her crest was proof enough of that. Always bringing misfortune to those around her. And The Professor was no different.
She tried to warn him to stay away from, but he was relentless. Always talking to her. Always inviting her to tea, to hangout, to talk. Eventually she began to accept his offers. And she soon found herself slowly falling in love with him.
But she should've known better. Not even the Professor was safe from her cursed crest.
The Goddess had granted her death. But it was not the death she wanted. The wrong person died.
The Professor's students all fled the Monastery with everyone else. Those who weren't originally apart of the Golden Deer's said their goodbyes to everyone before going their separate ways. Returning to the Kingdom or the Empire, whichever one was their respective homes. The rest of the Golden Deer returned to Alliance territory. They stayed in touch frequently. Both leaning on the other for support. Even Lorenz seemed distraught at the Professor's sudden demise.
Marianne didn't want to return home. She didn't want to face her father, who would no doubt began using her as a tool for power. She decided to stay with Hilda and her brother, Hilda welcoming her with open arms. Hilda was always so kind to her, despite her many shortcomings.
Marianna remained quiet for most of her time with Hilda. Hilda's brother wasn't around a lot as he was now fighting the ongoing war with the Empire. So it was only Hilda and Marianne.
Hilda did her best to try and keep Marianne in high spirits. But there was nothing Hilda could do to make her feel better. The man she loved was no doubt dead, his remains scattered at the bottom of the that cursed cliff.
She wanted to go back and search for his body, but figured there was no point. The Goddess has surely tak=en care of him in a most grotesque manner.
Eventually, Hilda herself had to leave.
"Marianne, I'm sorry but Claude needs me right now...I tried to tell him about you...But its important. I'll only be gone for a week okay? Try to hang on..."
Marianne only nodded. Hilda giving her a smile before leaving.
Marianne tried to survive with Hilda. But the= solitude was too much. She refused to eat, refused to get out of bed. Everything just made no sense anymore. There was no point to it anymore, and no matter how hard she prayed to the Goddess she refused to listen. Fine.
If the Goddess wasn't going to listen her pleas, then she would do it herself.
She retrieved a dagger from Hilda's brother's room. He had plenty.
She didn't want to do this, she knew this would destroy Hilda. But right now Marianne didn't care. She needed an escape.
She brought the dagger to her wrist, scars from before lining her forear=m. She held her arm up, and pushed the tip of the dagger into her wrist, then dragged the dagger down the length of her forearm.
It hurt, it hurt so bad. There was so much blood, it kept flowing and dripping from her thin elbow. She moved to her other arm, puncturing the skin again. But before she could drag it down, Hilda let entered her room and let out a horrified scream.
"Marianne!"
She whipped her head to the side, why was Hilda here? She wasn't supposed to be back until two days. Hilda rushed towards her, knocking the dagger out of her hand and gripping her bleeding fore arm, panic in her eyes.
Marianne was already losing consciousness. Everything was going dark. Did she finally find her end?
Marianne woke up, the same ceiling that adorned Hilda's house was seen. Seems she wasn't free just yet.
Marianne sat up in bed, glancing at her right arm. The entire forearm wrapped tightly in bandages. Some blood had seeped through and stained the outside. But as far as she was concerned it stopped bleeding.
Seems Hilda saved her. Marianne wasn't sure if she should be happy about that or not. Hilda denied her, her salvation.
She denied her, her death.
The door to her room opened and in stepped Hilda, a concerned look on her face. "Marianne...You're awake..."
Marianne didn't say anything. Only glancing away. Hilda approached the bed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "What were you thinking Marianne? Why would you do that?"
Again, Marianne remained quiet. Too ashamed to say anything. Hilda took Marianna's bandaged arm in her hand.
"Marianne...Please talk to me..."
Marianne looked at Hilda.
"The Professor...I miss him...So much..."
Hilda sighed. "I miss him too, Marianne...But you can't do this...What about us?"
Marianne looked away again, to afraid to give her an honest answer. Hilda clenched her fist, letting go of Marianne's arm. She stood up and walked towards the door, stopping and turning around.
"If you need anything, just let me know. I'm here for you Marianne..." She walked out, shutting the door behind her. Leaving Marianne alone, she laid her head back down on the pillow and tried to fall asleep. Just wanting this day to be over with.
One day, she heard voices from downstairs. Lots of them. curiosity drove her forward and she got out of bed, walking towards the door to her room and sneaking down the stairs
She was surprised to see the entire Golden Deer class all huddled around Hilda's table.
"You know...That holiday is coming up..." Claude spoke. Lysithea turned to him.
"You mean, the one we all agreed to meet up on? The promise we made five years ago?"
Marianne's chest tightened. That promise...She had forgotten all about it...
Claude nodded. "That's why I called you all here today. Me and Hilda have decided to return to the Monastery."
Lorenz shot up from the table, slamming his hands against it. "You mean to abandon the Alliance over a silly promise?!"
"The Alliance is fucked anyway, I'm not going to waste my time trying to convince a bunch of nobles who only look out for themselves otherwise." Claude glared at Lorenz, and the man glared back.
"W-What do you think you'll find there?" Ignatz spoke up. Breaking the two out of their staring contest. Claude turned to Ignatz.
"I...Don't know..."
"The Professor..." Leonie softly whispered. Everyone grew quiet, and glanced away. They had all be struggling with the Professor's demise in their own way.
"We're going with you." Leonie spoke, standing up from her spot at the table. Everyone else joined her.
Claude looked around at all of them. "I can't ask you guys to do that, it'll be dangerous. Its close to Empire territory. And there's no telling if the Monastery is still standing."
"It's not up for debate, Claude." Lysithea marched right in front of him and stared at him, determination in her eyes. Claude gave a gentle smile.
"What am I without you guys..."
One of the steps on the stairs creaked as Marianne leaned in to hear better, and they all turned towards her, Hilda jumping from her seat.
"Marianne!" They all ran to greet her at the foot of the stairs.
"I-I want to go with you..." She muttered. Claude glanced at Hilda, who gave him a nod.
"Alright...We leave in a few hours. Everyone pack your things."
Once everyone had packed they all met up, and begin the long trek to the Monastery.
Marianne had ulterior motives however. Deep down she wished the Professor was alive. But she knew better then to get her hopes up. Right now her only hopes where that they would be ambushed by bandits or Empire soldiers. And she could finally throw herself onto an enemies sword.
She craved death. At this point it wasn't up to the Goddess anymore...If the Goddess was merely going to taunt her then she would simply find a way to fulfill her own wish.
The trek to the Monastery was uneventful however. Any bandits they did encounter we're swiftly defeated before Marianne had a chance to get herself killed.
When they finally arrived, however. They were met with a swarm of bandits. Marianne was unable to cast any spells, far too weak to do so, and everyone kept a close eye on her. She was unable to get to the front lines.
So instead, she snuck away behind them. Wandering the old empty field where she watched The Professor die. Eventually reaching the very same cliff The Professor plummeted from.
This would do.
She approached the edge, peering down into the endless darkness. The Professor's bones were no doubt somewhere down there. Scattered. There probably wasn't even enough to bury him with.
She brought herself closer to the edge, the front of her feet off the edge. She wondered how long it would take. She wondered if she would die instantly, or break all the bones in her body and lie in agony begging for death.
She didn't care at this point. She had to end it. There was no point in any of it anymore.
She heard footsteps slowly and gently approach her from behind, and for some reason she was startled by them. She didn't know why, she whipped around, barely catching a glance of who it was before her foot sleep and she fell backwards.
Falling.
She was falling.
She was going to die.
Everything seemed to slow down, and her heart thumped loudly in her chest. The edge of the cliff grew farther and farther away, darkness enveloping her. Eventually the light from the sun was nothing but a speck.
And her life ended, when she landed violently on a rock.
Marianne, was dead.
She heard footsteps quickly approach her from behind, and for some reason she was startled by them. She didn't know why, she whipped around, barely catching a glance of who it was before her foot sleep and she fell backwards.
Falling.
She was falling.
She was going to die.
Everything seemed to slow down, and her heart thumped loudly in her chest. Suddenly, an arm extended out and caught her, gripping her arm and yanking her back onto the cliff. She was pushed flush against someone's chest as they hugged her tightly. She struggled against the sudden embrace. But stopped.
This smell...This feeling...
The lack of a heart beat...
She turned her head to look up at the man embracing her. Being met with the face of The Professor, his expression one of panic.
"Professor...?"
He nodded, hugging her tighter.
"I'm here, Marianne...You're safe..."
She was confused. The Professor was alive...He should be dead. He should be nothing but a decayed corpse at the bottom of the ravine.
Not to mention, he looked like had seen something horrible...
But that didn't matter. The Professor was real, he was alive. She raised her arms, wrapping them around his torso. Tightening her embrace him once she felt his soft cloak. Tears begin to fill her cheeks as she buried her head further into his chest.
With The Professor by her side...She no longer craved death. She now only wanted to live, for him and the rest of the Golden Deer.
Ending was a bit weak. But I struggled to come up anything different.
I hope you sort of understood what happened towards the end there with the repeating of the dialogue for those of you who don't get it. The Professor reversed time after Marianne fell of the cliff. Its hard to translate that into writing with blatantly spelling it out.
Remember voting for the poll ends tomorrow. You won't know the results until a few days later as I'll let you know once I make another chapter. But the poll closes tomorrow.
I hope you enjoyed this.
Until next time.