AUTHORS NOTE: I feel the need to explain the final part of that previous chapter. I have had a number of 'guest' comments who quite frankly don't actually deserve any explanation as if they can't be civil, I won't dignify their abuse with a response. However, I have also had a number of comments from named reviewers and a couple of PM's who have voiced the same comments albeit in a more civil manner. That is questioning this Carrick and his behaviour. Anyone who follows me knows my views on how in the FSOG backstory Carrick and Grace seemed to fail Christian. Views which I made more than clear in my story 'Wilful Negligence'. I wanted to see if I could write something from Grace's perspective to explain why she so spectacularly failed Christian. I have touched on this before, way back in my story 'Family Values' where Grace voiced her guilt for her inaction but only very briefly. I also want to show Carrick's perspective and while I am writing him as cold and a bit of a twat there is a reason for that which will hopefully become clear as the chapters unfold, and he is not as bad as he is being portrayed. Hopefully if I manage to pull this off you will see him very differently at the end. But I think that there was much more to Carrick which was never really touched on in canon, I think there was much more to the whole prenup thing and also there was the conversation he had with Christian while Ana was unconscious where he said he regretted his decision to relent on Mia's security, to me that indicated there was a kind of power struggle between him and Christian which I am trying to portray here. I'm not certain I can pull this off but this is going to be the start of my take on their guilt and how they tried to do their best for Christian but with the mistakes they made actually failed him, and they both realise the errors that they made, Grace's outburst was just the start of that. Thank you once again for continuing to read and comment on my story.

CHAPTER 24

(EVA)

"Yeah she was awesome Gideon!"

I grin at my sister who is animatedly telling my husband of the confrontation with Kate. She promises him that she will get Taylor to send him a copy of the footage, so that he can see for himself everything that happened today.

He is currently on speaker and we are huddled around my cell phone talking to him.

"How much longer do you want to stay in Seattle Angel?" Gideon asks after a moment and I look at Ana. It's ridiculous how much I am missing Gideon and he has only been gone since this morning. Knowing that he is the opposite side of the country is messing with my head and whilst I want to stay and spend more time with Ana, a part of me just wants to be back with Gideon.

Ana smiles bravely at me, "It's ok Eva… if you want to go home to New York, it's ok" she says.

I nod and mouth the words thank you to Ana. She reaches for my hand and squeezes it gently.

I turn my attention to my phone to answer Gideon's question. "I'll come home tomorrow. I'll spend the rest of today with Ana and stay overnight here and then I'll leave in the morning" I say decisively.

"That's fine, I'll send a plane for you. I'll liaise with Angus and let him know the flight plan and details" Gideon says. He pauses a moment but when he continues, he is addressing Ana.

"Ana, I just want to apologise for having to cut my stay short and I want to make it clear that you and Christian are always welcome here. I know that you have an apartment in New York, but our home is your home" he says earnestly.

I see Ana smile and she swallows hard before replying. "Firstly, you have nothing to apologise for Gideon" Ana says kindly, and then the smile turns into a grin as she continues, "and secondly, thank you that means a lot, and we will definitely be coming to visit. In fact, you will probably be sick of us!" She says with a giggle.

"Never" he replies.

I glance at Ana whose attention has been taken by something outside and I turn to see Carrick's lawyer friend climbing into his car.

"It's just David leaving" Ana says as she sees me looking.

"Everything alright?" Gideon asks.

I realise he is probably wondering why we had gone quiet. "Yes, we just spotted Elliot's lawyer leaving so I'm guessing everyone else will be going shortly" I explain.

"Alright, Well I'll let you go so you can make the most of your time together" he says and I feel my love increase even more for this man. I know how hard it was for him to agree to letting me stay in Seattle, not because he wants to control me but because he hates being separated from me. His underlying fear that I will leave him is monumental and I know he must be feeling a degree of separation anxiety as he really doesn't like us being apart for any length of time.

We say our goodbyes and just as I am ending the call there is a knock on the door and then it opens and Elliot pokes his head in.

"Hey, I'm heading off now. Thanks for everything you did today" he says.

Ana is immediately on her feet and hugging him tightly. I move in and also offer him a friendly hug. I like Elliot, and it is horrible he has been treated so shabbily by Kate.

As I move away, he looks around as though he is checking he isn't going to be overheard and he lowers his voice.

"Just a quick heads up, I'm not sure what's going on but dad is acting like an asshole again and if he starts pushing Christian's buttons he's going to end up in a foul mood".

"Oh shit" Ana mutters and shakes her head. "What's rattled his cage now?" she asks.

Elliot shuffles uncomfortably and glances at me and my eyebrows rise at that. "Me? What did I do?" I ask in surprise.

Elliot shrugs, "Who knows how my father's mind works, don't take it personally though, he manages to piss everyone off" he says.

With that he presses a swift kiss to my cheek and Ana's and leaves us alone.

"Shall we go and find out what's going on?" Ana asks and I nod.

We make our way to Christian's study and thankfully the door is ajar so we can clearly hear the voices inside. I am shocked at the way Carrick is speaking to Christian. I have just heard him telling Christian to sit down, and I can't see that going down well at all. I glance at Ana and she has an incredulous look on her face.

"He really is an asshole sometimes" she mutters.

"This is Christian's house, he has no right to demand anything. He may be his father but he is a visitor in this house" I whisper.

Ana nods in agreement, "Carrick doesn't see it like that. Like earlier when he tried to take over" she says.

I snigger as I remember how Ana firmly put him in his place.

"You really don't like Carrick do you?" I whisper.

Ana shakes her head, "It's not that I don't like him… I know his heart is in the right place and he does what he does because he has Christian's best interests at heart and he loves him and would do anything to protect him, but he just doesn't really go about it the right way and ends up looking like an asshole most of the time. He is also a bit of a control freak; I suppose being a lawyer he has to be as everything has to be just so and perfect when you are dealing with criminal cases. But it doesn't help that Christian is also a bit of a control freak so they end up clashing a lot of the time".

We fall silent as the voices inside continue and we listen in.

"I feel like I'm a fucking spy again" I whisper which makes Ana snigger once more.

As we listen, we hear Carrick talking about Christian's biological family and Ana shakes her head sadly.

"See what I mean? He just can't help himself, his underlying motives are good as all he is thinking about is protecting Christian but he just barges in there and doesn't think before he opens his mouth".

I nod as we continue to eavesdrop.

Ana reaches for my hand as the conversation moves towards me and Carrick's opinion of me. I briefly wonder what his previous comment had been but I smile as Christian vehemently defends me.

I go to move away as I hear Christian bring the conversation to an end but Ana lingers and I wonder what she is doing, then I hear that Grace is talking to Christian. We move closer as we listen to what she is saying and what we hear is heart-breaking. I reach for Ana's hand once more and as she slips hers into mine, we listen as Grace opens her heart to Christian.

"Come on we've heard enough" Ana whispers and I nod as we quietly slip away.

We quickly move back into the other room and just in time as I hear Carrick and Grace leaving.

"Wow" I say once we are alone again.

Ana nods and she has an odd look on her face that I can't quite place, and I wonder if she regrets listening in on what was clearly a private conversation between Grace and Christian.

"Do you regret hearing all that?" I ask and much to my surprise she shakes her head.

"No, as she confirmed for me everything I privately thought" she says.

I wait, as I don't quite know what to say to that.

Ana sighs as she starts to explain, "You see, when Christian opened up to me and told me everything about his life and everything he had been through, my first thoughts were Grace is a paediatrician so why the hell didn't she help him with his phobia? Why didn't she use her training and help him overcome it? Then when he told me about how out of control he got as a teenager. When his body started changing and he was dealing with that and all the hormones as well as his issues, and again I thought if Grace had just done something for him earlier then he wouldn't have gotten as out of control as he did".

I nod, "Grace said he got into the hands of a paedophile?" I say carefully and Ana nods.

"He did, a family friend. One of Grace's friends actually. She seduced him and took control of his life and as she saw it brought him into line. She saw it as the 'Carrot and Stick' approach – if he behaved, stopped drinking and brawling and toed the line she rewarded him, if he didn't she punished him".

My eyes widen at that, "Punished? You mean… she hit him?" I ask and Ana nods.

"She tied him up and beat him, she did terrible things to him". She pauses and bites her lip, "I know I don't really have to tell you this but this is strictly between you and me. I would never ever betray Christian, and I have never divulged anything he has told me to anyone. But you are my sister and I have never been able to discuss this with anyone. So, it is sort of a relief to be able to do so with you but…" she trails off and looks at me carefully.

I nod, "I totally understand, and whatever you tell me about anything goes no further – not even with Gideon" I say.

Ana smiles, "Thank you" she says.

"So, when you say she rewarded him if he did as he was told… you mean…?" I ask and Ana nods.

"Sex" she says simply and I shake my head in disgust.

"How old was he?" I ask, whilst not really wanting to know the answer to that.

"Fifteen" Ana says sadly and I close my eyes as the thought of an emotionally damaged child being damaged even more makes me feel physically sick.

"Please tell me this woman was arrested?" I say as I think about Gideon and the sexual abuse he endured when he was a child and how he never really managed to get his own justice, other than the revenge he metred out himself.

Ana nods, "Elena was discovered to be abusing a child not long after we got engaged and the police were building a case against her. She called Carrick to defend her and it sent Christian into a tailspin. I had been working on making Christian see that she had abused him as he was always of the opinion that she had helped him get his shit together and he wouldn't have a word said against her. But when the details came out about what this child endured; I think it brought it home to him that what she had done to him was abuse. He told Carrick not to defend her and I was with him the day when he explained why. It was horrible, Carrick ranted at Christian telling him he should've said something sooner. Grace was in tears, and Christian was guilt-ridden and blamed himself. I was scared the progress I had made with him would be destroyed but thankfully he stuck to his guns and got through it. Then Christian decided that he wanted to testify against her. Carrick was against that and tried to talk him out of it but Christian struck a deal with DA that he would testify in return for his anonymity and so Carrick went to the DA and asked to be included in the prosecution case as he had further evidence which he could provide. This benefited all the other victims as they were more willing to come forward and testify against her in return for the same deal. Videos and photographs were found in her home of all the victims and they were traced. Carrick managed to get hold of the ones of Christian and they were destroyed. The outcome was she was convicted and she won't ever see the light of day again".

"Jesus Christ" I mutter.

"So, when Grace said she saw the signs?" I ask.

Ana shakes her head sadly, "Christian was spiralling out of control. He was drinking, he was brawling and he got expelled from about two or three schools. Grace and Carrick were at their wits end with him. Then suddenly he just stopped, he stopped drinking. He calmed down and stopped brawling, his grades in school improved and he completely turned his life around and just became a totally different person" she says.

"And Grace and Carrick were just so happy that it had happened they didn't bother to find out the reasons why" I say and Ana nods.

"Grace is a paediatrician and as such trained to see signs of abuse. I often wondered why she didn't look more closely at the sudden miraculous changes that had occurred in her son's life".

"It seems like Christian has paid for the mistakes of both his moms" I say and Ana looks at me in surprise.

"Oh my god, you are completely right" she says. "If Ella had just gone home with her brother after her husband died, then she wouldn't have ended up where she did and Christian wouldn't have ended up being abused by her pimp and being left with her dead body. But he was, and Ella's bad decision – her mistake made Christian's early childhood a living hell. He was adopted by Grace and Carrick and while they gave him a safe comfortable home, they made the mistake of not helping him come to terms and dealing with his phobia. I can see why in a way; he was so traumatised when he went to them, he didn't speak for two years because of what he had been through. Therefore, I can see why Grace felt it was best to just respect his boundaries as she didn't want to traumatise him any further. But as he got older and started talking, she could've then started approaching the subject but she didn't and that bad decision – that mistake, had the knock on effect of making his teenage years a living hell when his body started changing and once again he ended up in the hands of an abuser".

I nod, "Plus, she turned a blind eye to the signs that he was being abused… no wonder she feels guilt ridden" I say.

Ana nods, "Now that Christian is aware of his birth family, she is worried that she will lose him completely. She lost him for a number of years when Elena got her hands on him and brainwashed him into believing he didn't need his family…" Ana pauses and her eyes widen as it appears something is clicking into place, "…which Carrick unwittingly compounded by his comments when Christian quit Harvard… it all makes complete sense now. Carrick is trying in his own way to show Christian he loves him and does care; but he does it with his lawyer mindset, which doesn't really help and because he never acknowledged that he was wrong and didn't apologise for what he said and because now when he tries to help he goes about it in totally the wrong way, he just alienates Christian even more… and Grace is just scared that she is going to lose her son again when she has only recently got him back".

Ana leans back in her seat and lets out a long breath.

"What did Carrick do?" I ask.

"According to what Christian told me, he went ballistic when Christian told him that he was quitting Harvard. Apparently, he was so proud when he got in and the way he saw it Christian was making the biggest mistake of his life and he didn't hesitate to tell him so. Christian told him he was starting his own company and Carrick laughed in his face and told him that he would crash and burn. He told him that his company would fold within the year. Christian being Christian, took that as a challenge and wanted to prove his dad wrong. Which he did! But Carrick never admitted he was wrong. He never acknowledged Christians phenomenal success and never apologised for what he'd said".

"Wow, and I thought Gideon's family was fucked up" I say.

Ana looks at me questioningly, and I take a deep breath. "Just like what you told me; this has to stay between us. Gideon would never forgive me if he knew I'd betrayed him" I say.

Ana nods, "You have my word" she says solemnly.

I take a deep breath, I feel as though I am betraying Gideon by talking about this but like Ana it does feel a bit like a release being able to talk to someone about it, someone who will totally understand as the parallels between Gideon and Christian's experiences are startling.

"Gideon's dad died when he was really young. He killed himself, he was basically laundering money and got caught. Elizabeth, Gideon's mom moved on really quickly and I mean really quickly. She married Gideon's step-dad and started a family with him and by doing that Gideon felt pushed out. He said she had rebooted her life and basically got rid of everything to do with his dad. Gideon was grieving and not dealing with all the changes well and he started acting out. Things got so bad that Elizabeth and Chris – that's Gideon's stepdad decided to put him in therapy and the therapist… abused him, sexually".

Ana gasps and puts her hand to her mouth, "Oh no!" she says.

I nod, "Yeah, so he told his mom and she took him to a paediatrician to get proof of the abuse".

"Proof? You mean… he was raped?" Ana asks, her eyes wide.

I nod, "Yeah… he was". I pause and take a deep breath, "Well, the paediatrician was related to the abuser and lied to Elizabeth saying nothing had happened. She believed him… Gideon and his mother have been estranged ever since".

"Oh god" Ana says.

"Yeah, he dealt with everything alone. He left home to go to college and never went back. He built his company as something to belong to as he didn't have a family, until he met me" I say.

"That's terrible, what happened to his abuser and the paediatrician?" Ana asks.

I smile, "Dead" I say with more than a little satisfaction.

"Dead?" she asks and I can see her mind working overtime on this.

I laugh, "Not by Gideon's hand, suicide. They both committed suicide. When Gideon was in a position to, he confronted his abuser. The statute of limitations had run out for him but he went to see him and told him if he ever laid a hand on another child, he would set up an unlimited fund to help them get their justice. He killed himself shortly after that meeting".

"Good" Ana says coldly.

"As for the paediatrician. Gideon slept with his wife, and then sent her back to her husband with the knowledge of what he had done. She was disgusted and helped Gideon get her husband stripped of his licence to practice and then she divorced him".

"He slept with his wife!" Ana gasps. "And is he dead too?" she adds.

I nod, "Yeah, after he lost his licence and his family, he killed himself. Gideon saw it as justice as his lies had lost him his family, so he saw it as returning the favour".

"What happened to his wife?" Ana asks.

"She remarried, and I think she lives in Canada now" I say with a shrug.

"Does he not see his family at all?" Ana asks.

I shake my head sadly, "No, it's as if they don't exist. He has two half siblings but he doesn't really have anything to do with them either. He talks to his little sister Ireland on occasions but they are not particularly close. I have tried to encourage him to build a better relationship with her but he is scared to do so in case he gets rejected again. He said he couldn't bear it if he started a relationship with her and then something happened and he lost it. He said he has lost his family twice and that he can't go through it a third time. He has real difficulties with losing people. His biggest fear is losing me. He is petrified that he will lose me and he will be alone again".

Ana stares at me, "So, it must have been hard for him to go back to New York without you?" she says and I nod.

"Yeah" I say but don't elaborate further.

Ana reaches for me, "You are missing him too, aren't you?" she says and I look up and when I meet her eyes I just nod.

She wraps her arms around me and hugs me. "Well, thank you for doing what you did, it means a lot" she says.

When we eventually pull apart, I realise that Christian hasn't come out of his study to find us since Grace and Carrick left and after what we overheard, I wonder if he is ok.

"Do you think Christian is alright?" I ask.

Ana shakes her head, "I don't know, it does seem strange that he hasn't come to find us after his parents left. He could be brooding after clashing with Carrick but he could just as easily be hurting after what Grace said and knowing Christian as I do, he will be over thinking it and making it all his fault".

"Do you want to go and see him?" I ask and Ana hesitates and bites her lip.

"How do we do that without letting him know we were eavesdropping?" she asks nervously.

I think for a moment and then inspiration hits me, "Just say Elliot gave us a heads up, which is the absolute truth. Tell him what Elliot said and then ask him if he is ok. We don't have to mention that we acted on it and went to listen in on him".

Ana nods and we quickly leave the room and head back to Christians study. The first thing we notice is that the door is now shut so Ana takes a deep breath and knocks. A moment later Christian's voice reaches us from inside.

"Come in" he calls.

Carefully Ana opens the door and pokes her head in. "Hi" she says quietly.

"Hey baby" Christian replies.

"Can we come in?" Ana asks hesitantly.

"Sure baby, what's wrong?" comes the concerned reply.

I watch as Ana pushes the door open and I follow her in. Christian is looking expectantly at us and he doesn't look upset or angry.

"Elliot just said something when he came to say goodbye" Ana begins and Christian smiles.

"What did he say?" he asks almost as if he knows what we are going to say next.

"He said he was giving us a heads up, he said that Carrick was and I quote 'acting like an asshole again' and he warned us that if he started pushing your buttons you would end up in a foul mood… so are you? In a foul mood that is?" Ana asks.

Christian pushes his chair back and stands up, he rounds his desk and pulls Ana into his arms, buries his nose into her hair and inhales deeply.

Ana smiles, "What did he say this time?" she asks.

"Nothing important" Christian replies as though he is trying to pass it off.

Ana glances at me so I quickly step in and I decide the best course of action at the moment is to let him off the hook and take him at his word.

"Well that's a relief" I say brightly.

Christian smiles gratefully at me and I know he probably wants to talk to Ana privately about this. "Just to let you know, I'm heading home to New York tomorrow, now that the situation with Kate is sorted my work here is done," I say with a grin.

"I see, well you do know that you are more than welcome to stay longer" Christian says and I shake my head.

"No, that's fine I don't want to overstay my welcome. Gideon is sending a plane for me and besides you have this thing coming up with your biological family, you don't need me hanging around. Oh, and he said that you and Ana are always welcome, whenever you want to drop in when you are in New York".

Ana pulls away from Christian and responds to that, "Yes and I said that we'd be visiting so often that they would probably get sick of us" she says.

Christian laughs, "We will go as often as you like" he promises.

Ana grins at him and presses a kiss to his cheek.

"Ok well, if you are alright, we will leave you to it then" she says looking at him carefully.

He nods, "I'm fine, honestly baby. You spend time with Eva before she heads home to New York" he says.

"If you're sure you're ok?" she persists.

Christian nods again. "Go" he says simply.

With that we both leave his study and shut the door.

"Well?" I ask as we move away. I'm certain he was trying to put a brave face on things as he reminded me of Gideon when he is hurting.

"He's upset" Ana says and she looks at me carefully. "Do you fancy going a drive out?" she adds.

I look at her closely and realise she is planning something. "Yeah sure… where are we going?" I ask.

"Bellevue" Ana replies simply.

That surprises me and it must show on my face as Ana grins at me. "And what's there?" I ask wondering where this is going.

"Grace and Carrick" she says innocently.

I feel a smile filling my face, "Oh I see" I say understanding immediately where this is going. "Lead the way" I say as I wave my hand.