With her 18 month old daughters sound asleep in their cribs Alyssa walked down to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.
"Mom, do you want one," Alyssa offered.
"Sure," Megan answered.
"Faroke is out," Alyssa asked.
"Volleyball lock in in the school gym," Megan said.
"Those we're always fun the jr and senior varsity teams boys and girls in the gym overnight," Alyssa smiled, "we'd play a round robin tournament then get pizza and watch movies on the gym wall. I like that he's going to the same highschool I did."
"Sounds like the plan," Megan agreed, "I like that you'll both go to the same highschool and have some of the same teachers and coaches."
Alyssa made their tea and brought it to the couch.
"Mom what would you think if I tried dating again," Alyssa asked.
"What are you thinking," Megan asked.
"I'm debating using an app and just going on dates, nothing serious, just meeting people you know for a drink, coffee, maybe dinner. In public, well lit streets kinda thing," Alyssa said, "I don't want hook ups."
"Why not," Megan said, "you're only 31 you should go out and date Lyss, fall in love. And if it progresses to physical."
"I don't even remember what it feels like," Alyssa admitted.
"What what feels like," Megan asked.
"For a man to touch me," Alyssa said, "it was before Faroke's transplant. Probably before I came down to be with you."
"I went almost 14 years at one point," Megan said, "it's good and a good part of a relationship. But I know what it's like to miss it and want to feel desired. You want to feel attractive and sexy. It's healthy Alyssa."
"Auntie Teddy and I had that talk when I was like 16," Alyssa said, "I was 18 before I did. But Auntie Teddy talked to me when I was younger. They all had their way of telling me or showing that affection was normal. I'd see hugs and kisses, holding hands or cuddling. Teddy and Henry more so with the cuddles and hand holding. She would curl up with him on the couch and cuddle or we'd all be watching a movie and her head was in his lap. They all had their own way."
"Teddy is affectionate," Megan said, "she always has been."
"It was auntie Teddy who cuddled and hugged and did that when I lived with them," Alyssa said, "uncle Owen hugged but she would sit with me when I couldn't sleep and rub my back."
"That's a mom thing," Megan said.
"I think so," Alyssa said, "but even if I try to date, what man is going to want me?"
"I thought that two when you were little," Megan said, "what about volleyball. You're playing twice a week after the girls go to bed ."
"The guys are married or have serious girlfriends," Alyssa shrugged.
"So try," Megan said.
"When," Alyssa asked, "how?"
"Go online," Megan said, "talk to him have a coffee or a drink. Your girls go to bed at 7 go after and I'll be home. Faroke can do a couple hours let your brother help."
"I'd need all new clothes," Alyssa said, "my last date date was before Matt and I moved into my Bc house."
"We'll go shopping," Megan smiled.
"House projects first," Alyssa replied.
"Next project around here," Megan asked.
"I want to take out the carpet upstairs," Alyssa said, "I bought the vinyl plank but only did the main floor and basement when we moved in. I'll turn the room the girls don't sleep in into more of a reading nook and play space. I've been designing a huge doll house that looks like the house I want to 3D print and set up in there and get them out of Farokes space downstairs."
"It's your house," Megan said.
"He's 16 he doesn't need his nieces toys down there," Alyssa said, "if I can keep their sensory table downstairs I'm good. It'll go outside in the summer anyway. I want to hang a couple swings from the top deck for them. They love the swings at the park and a little slide and tunnels to play in."
"We'll get some play equipment," Megan agreed, "maybe one of those little turtle shaped sandboxes. I always wanted to get you one but we lived in apartments and by the time we were in a house you had lost interest in the sand box."
"Yes," Alyssa smiled.
"Lyss you can date and fall in love," Megan said, "find a man that won't limit you. Matt limited you and held you back."
"He's coming this weekend," Alyssa said.
"So what's your plan," Megan asked.
"He's going to try taking them overnight," Alyssa said, "we have to work out details. He hasn't found a hotel but he's not staying here. I'm not letting him stay in my house. Visit with the girls here yes but not sleeping over. It's a slippery slope if I let him stay he'll try to come back into my life that way. We can co-parent but not be a couple."
"Lyss can he take them all night," Megan asked, "aren't you still nursing them to sleep at bed time?"
"As part of their bedtime routine," Alyssa said, "they're 18 months old. They still do a few times a day mornings, when we get home from daycare and at bed time. Plus they get a bottle at nap time still."
"Then what was your plan," Megan asked.
"Sending bottles from my freezer stash," Alyssa replied, "but I don't know about bed time and first thing in the morning. They need bed time and morning snuggles. Why did I decide to go for two years?"
"You can stop anytime," Megan said.
"It's better for them," Alyssa replied, "I've gotten into a rhythm with them. I want them to have the antibodies through the first year of daycare. They've had so many colds since we started I just want to make sure they're healthy."
"You read the study I sent you," Megan asked.
"I did," Alyssa said, "it's healthy for all of us. Daycare wants us to go down to one nap a day."
"You could," Megan said.
"I know we probably should and do one long afternoon nap," Alyssa said, "and to move them to their own rooms."
"Why," Megan asked, "they're happy in the same room. You went from one bassinet to two then one crib and now two cribs. Let them be in one room. Lyss you and I slept in the same room until you were nearly 4. You shared my room because we couldn't afford to put you in your own room."
"I know," Alyssa said, "my research says to let them share as long as they're willing to. It comforts them."
"It does," Megan said, "how old were they when they came out of your room?"
"One," Alyssa said, "I was single and they weren't ready until then."
"They're good girls," Megan said.
"They are," Alyssa smiled, "mom what about you?"
"If I met someone I would," Megan said, "but I'm not looking. If Faroke and I being here is too much and you want to be here with your girls and have your space you can tell me."
"I want you here," Alyssa said, "we make good roommates mom. It's good for you and I."
"Being adults together," Megan said, "I think for our relationship it's what we need."
"And covering each other's butts with daycare and driving," Alyssa said.
"We have a good system," Megan smiled.