Megan was walking along the water in Seattle with a man. It was her first attempt at dating after her break up with Nathan.
"So," the man said, "you still have kids at home?"
"Both of mine," Megan said, "Alyssa and Faroke."
"How old," the man asked, it was their third date and Megan hadn't said much about her kids yet.
"32 and 17," Megan replied, "then Alyssa has two year old twins."
"When can I meet them," the man asked.
"We'll do Alyssa first then Faroke," Megan replied, "she'll leave her girls with her brother."
"But your daughter," the man said.
"Alyssa is a medical engineer. She's working full time. It's actually to help me that I'm still living with her," Megan said, "Alyssa owns the house."
"But you're a surgeon," the man said.
"Faroke and I are both transplant recipients," Megan replied, "and I spent 30 years with army medical command, 12 of that as a POW. Not a combination the bank likes."
"But you're in your mid 40s," the man guessed.
"51," Megan corrected, "I just checked the 45-55 box instead of my actual age."
Alyssa spotted Megan walking down the path towards her and the man she had been cautiously seeing for a few months.
"Mom," Alyssa called.
"Lyss," Megan smiled, turning to look at her daughter.
"Mom this is Tyler," Alyssa introduced the man she was walking with.
"Megan Hunt it's nice to meet you," Megan smiled, "so what did you bribe Faroke with to babysit this time?"
"Roll of wood grain filament for the small 3D printer and showing him how to use the resin one," Alyssa replied, "Tyler this is my mom."
"It's good to meet you ma'am," Tyler smiled.
"Ma'am," Megan said, "your military."
"Yes ma'am," Tyler said, "Sargent Tyler Younger I'm cyber security. Alyssa said you were with medical command."
"I was as well as my brother and sister in law," Megan said, "it's Teddy you have to watch out for she's the big boss."
"Auntie Teddy is the push over," Alyssa laughed.
"Alyssa this is Neil Powell," Megan introduced the man she was with, "Neil my oldest Alyssa."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Alyssa smiled, shaking his hand, "mom talks about you."
"Lyss," Megan gasped.
"She's told me a lot about you as well ma'am," Tyler said.
"No ma'am please," Megan told Tyler.
"Neil what do you do," Alyssa asked.
"I'm an engineer at Boeing," Neil replied.
"Aeronautics," Alyssa asked.
"Mechanical I design engine components," Neil said.
"It was the engines at the Boeing airplane museum that got me interested in engineering," Alyssa said, "my uncle and I went a lot when I was in high school."
"What is your training in," Neil asked.
"Integrated mechanical and materials," Alyssa replied.
"We're always looking for people with that training," Neil said.
"I like what I'm doing with my current project and I work from home half the time. It gives me more time with my daughters," Alyssa replied.
"How old are your girls," Neil asked.
"Almost two and a half," Alyssa replied.
"I'd like to meet them," Tyler said.
"Soon," Alyssa agreed, "they don't know I'm dating. They're a bit young to understand. They know I'm out with a friend."
"I did that with you," Megan agreed.
"What are they doing today," Neil asked.
"Faroke was taking them to the splash pad down the street and I gave him money to go for happy meals," Alyssa replied, "they're good. Alex and Celeste love Uncle Roke as they call him. They can do just about anything to him."
"They put nail polish on him the other day," Megan laughed, "Tyler do you have kids?"
"No ma'am ," Tyler replied, "I like children and enjoy spending time with them but with my career it's been hard. I have three years left on my contract then will join civilian life."
"I did that about two years ago as well," Megan replied.
"How long did you serve ma'am," Tyler asked.
"Nearly 30 years," Megan replied.
"We were going to walk and get lunch," Neil said, "would you like to join us."
Alyssa looked first at Megan then at Tyler who both nodded, "that sounds good."
After lunch Alyssa walked with Tyler.
"Thank you for that," Alyssa smiled.
"Meeting your mom," Tyler shrugged, "that's just basic good manners."
"It hasn't always been my experience," Alyssa replied.
"Your daughter's dad," Tyler guessed.
"Matthew left a lot to be desired," Alyssa said, "I wanted stability and a typical suburban home life but he said one thing and did another."
"How often do you see him," Tyler asked, he knew her schedule and when they could spend time together was limited by her daughter's schedule and over the last six months he had only seen her on the weekend a couple of times.
"Once a month he comes and takes the girls for a weekend and it's a daddy weekend and he does whatever he wants with them," Alyssa said, "I was taking them up to BC once a month to see him but he keeps cancelling those. We go up next weekend though, I want to see my cousins and it's my Nana's birthday."
"And you," Tyler asked.
"I have help," Alyssa said.
"But your mom 28 out of 30 days," Tyler said.
"I should clarify when Matt spends time with them it's not over night," Alyssa said, "the girls find it too confusing so he brings them home for bed time and picks them up the next morning. It's best for me or my mom to put them to bed. They know that if mommy doesn't tuck them in, grandma does."
"I would like to meet your daughters," Tyler said.
"It's too soon," Alyssa replied, "I like you and want a future with you. Meeting my mom was a good step. My aunt and uncle are next. My girls I have to protect. I grew up with a single mom. She started dating her ex husband when I was two and a half but I was closer to 4 before I spent much time with him and knew they were a couple. "
"And he's your brother's dad," Tyler guessed.
"Legally," Alyssa replied, "mom adopted Faroke when Roke was 2 and mom was being held hostage in Iraq. Nathan had to adopt Faroke to bring him here; it was a legal thing. Mom and Nathan broke up 3 years ago. We still see him, he works at the same hospital she's at. They're great friends but not a couple."
"Your ex," Tyler asked.
"I only talk to him about the girls," Alyssa said, "he's as involved as he wants to be. I will never keep them from their dad. I grew up without my dad involved. I don't have a relationship with him now. Matt and I separated when the girls were a couple months old. I put my girls first. My kids have to come first."
"I understand," Tyler said, "Alyssa I want to be with you. I have two years left on my contract then I'm looking for work in Seattle. I'd like to stay in cyber safety and security. I like that line of work."
"Once we're seeing each other more I will talk to Matt about introducing you to the girls," Alyssa agreed, "part of our custody agreement is we give each other the heads up before we introduce a new partner to the girls. They have met his fiance but I havent let them go with her overnight. She was one of the woman he cheated on me with. You and I have spent time together for the last six months. I know we've been talking for longer , I'd like to really know each other before I introduce you to Alex and Celeste."
"Your custody agreement," Tyler asked.
"I have full custody and guardianship," Alyssa replied, "after we broke up he was drinking a bit and gambling and I used it to get full custody. He has visitation 2 days a month, he chooses to do it back to back days."
"Did he fight it," Tyler asked.
"He couldn't," Alyssa said, "when we split he couldn't because they were babies and needed to be with me to eat . Then he tried. They were 18 months, I was already working here and had bought the house. He was living in his parents basement, bankrupt, with no income. I had a job, a career, savings."
"But you live with your mom," Tyler said.
"She lives with me," Alyssa replied, "it's my house. I own it. Mom and I have a complicated relationship and we split a lot of house things. But my girls and I have our rooms upstairs and mom and Faroke are in the basement bedrooms."
"Basement," Tyler asked.
"Moms room has sliding doors onto the patio and Faroke has two full windows," Alyssa said, "the house is built into the side of a hill so only half the basement is underground and that's storage and my home office. The playroom, mom's room and Farokes all have natural light. Enough about my messy past. Favourite place you've travelled?"
"I spent two years in Landstuhl germany, and saw a bit of Europe from there but no stand out I want to go back places," Tyler said, "you?"
"My auntie Teddy ran the hospital in Landstuhl for years," Alyssa said, "after college I spent a week visiting her. But Edinburg was my favourite spot in Europe."
"Auntie Teddy at the hospital," Tyler asked, "what's her name?"
"Teddy Altman," Alyssa replied, "Major Altman."
"She's your aunt," Tyler asked, "I got called to fix her devices a lot."
"Auntie Teddy is not good with technology. She locked herself out of her iPad last week and called me to fix it. She can run state of the art surgical equipment but ask her to download something she'll have 4 viruses on her computer," Alyssa said, "she's married to my mom's brother."
"She disappeared," Tyler said, "six years ago."
"She came home and is with Uncle Owen," Alyssa said, 'she was pregnant with Allison and they adopted Leo at the same time. They have three kids now. Even the scary officers are human. She even took in her best friend's niece half the time."
"What," Tyler asked.
"I lived with her half the time in highschool," Alyssa said, "she was with her first husband and uncle Owen was with his first wife but they were good friends and lived blocks apart. I lived with Auntie Teddy half the time because I liked being at her house. She helped raise me, my mom was being held, Uncle Owen and Auntie Teddy got me through middle school, highschool and college."
"So the scariest major I worked with is your favourite aunt," Tyler asked.
"Auntie Teddy isn't scary," Alyssa said, "strict but not scary."
"Strict how," Tyler asked.
"I was in high school," Alyssa said, "my boyfriend wasn't allowed upstairs or to be there if her or Henry weren't home. My homework had to be done before I saw it was her day she knew where I was and who I was with. My phone had to stay on. Bed made before school. Basic human decency stuff. Learning to be responsible and respectful. Ya my room at both houses was held to military standards of clean and I had chores at both. It was yes ma'am and no sir. Manners were expected at all times. I was the experiment child. I had two aunts and two uncles essentially raising me. There were meetings to decide what the rules were so they were all on the same page. Each taught me something different."
"What about with your kids," Tyler asked.
"I fall more into gentle parenting," Alyssa said, "I have boundaries and rules, I expect manners. But at the same time we're 2. We're learning to use the bathroom right now. I'm so ready to be done with diapers. But I also have to accept that they have big emotions and they have ideas and opinions. They're learning the language to share what their thinking. It's my job to teach them to communicate and be safe and kind humans. They will be good people and I have boundaries. But we're 2 we're learning."
"How does that work," Tyler asked.
"This morning Alex dumped her milk on the floor," Alyssa said, "I didn't get mad. We grabbed a cloth and she helped me clean it up. Then we got more milk and tried again. Last night Celeste slapped Alex in the bath. So instead of being allowed to splash with her ducky after I washed her hair. I took her out of the tub and my mom did her hair and put her to bed while Alex got to play in the water. Celeste loves water play so for her not getting to is a big deal. She cried, she didn't like it but it had to happen. It's natural consequences directly related to what they did. You make a mess, you clean it up, you hurt your sister, you do something to show you love her and to be kind. I don't spank, I rarely do time out. Time out is to get our bodies back in control so we can play. I sit with them and help them learn to calm down. I don't have a naughty chair. It's love first."
"How do you do it," Tyler asked, "on your own?"
"I'm not alone," Alyssa said, "single but not alone. I have my village. Mom, auntie Teddy and uncle Owen, grandma, Nathan mom's ex will babysit when I'm really stuck or take the girls sometimes. Faroke babysits. I have a lot of friends locally. My same age cousins are in BC but only a 2 hour drive and we go see them and my dad's side. It's taken us a while but we found an even keel."
"Mine are all in Texas," Tyler said, "some buddies here but."
"You've been here 11 months," Alyssa said, "that's the army."
"It is," Tyler agreed, "you mom seems great."
"She is," Alyssa said, "our relationship is different we're more friends than a typical mother daughter. My auntie Teddy is more my mom in the traditional sense."
"Your mom's service," Tyler guessed.
"She was a POW from the time I was 12 until I was 24 but went to Iraq when I was nine," Alyssa said, "we didn't get close until I had my girls. They were almost a year when we moved here. And mom and Faroke moved in for a couple months. 18 months later we're all still in my house and it works."
That night Alyssa and Megan sat in the living room with their tea.
"So that wasn't planned," Megan said, "I wanted to talk to you a bit more before you met Neil. make sure you were ready."
"Better me than Faroke to spring it on," Alyssa said, "I was going to introduce you to Tyler soon."
"What did you think," Megan asked.
"He seems really nice," Alyssa said, "he was funny and he made you laugh."
"Do you think we could do a whole family thing," Megan asked.
"Not my girls yet," Alyssa replied, "I'm not there yet and next weekend is a Matt weekend."
"So it might be okay for you and Faroke then," Megan replied.
"It's hard," Alyssa said, "I hate his weekends and not having my girls."
"I know you do," Megan said, "why don't you plan something really fun with Tyler? Try letting Matt take the girls overnight and have a good date night. Get dressed up, go dance you like to go dance or listen to music."
"Mom, how did you know it was time to let Nathan meet me," Alyssa asked.
"You knew him as Owen's friend," Megan replied, "he wasn't a stranger to you. We would all study together. He played with you. He had babysat you because Owen and I were working."
"But as your boyfriend," Alyssa asked.
"I never told you," Megan admitted, "he was just around more. I think I told you when he moved in that you had to call me or knock on the door to our room. But you walked in, in the middle at least twice."
"I don't remember," Alyssa said.
"I do," Megan said, "we told you we were cuddling or something. I managed to get some sort of clothing back on and took you back to your bed. He was fully on top of me. I remember your little face. You were so confused."
"Mom," Alyssa gasped.
"Lyss you have to be prepared for that," Megan said, "what will you do? What will you tell them?"
"What did you tell me," Alyssa asked.
"That we were cuddling," Megan said, "and when you asked why we didn't have clothes on I told you our room was too hot. We were in a 5th floor walk up with no AC in august."
"But even dating," Alyssa said.
"Nathan was our friend," Megan said, "and slowly around more. I gradually built you up to it. He was staying over more than you knew because he could come after work or a late class and it was after bedtime. You weren't in kindergarten yet. Alyssa you are allowed to have relationships and be with a man. You can be loved by a man and be a good mom. You are allowed to date and meet someone and find that part of your happiness. You deserve to be loved for you and seen for how amazing you are."
"Is it fair to Celeste and Alex," Alyssa asked.
"Yes," Megan declared, "they need to see their mom happy and loved. You saw Nathan and I date and live together. Owen and Christina, Teddy and Henry, Owen and Amelia, Owen and Teddy. You saw relationships both successful and less successful but you also saw people love each other."
"I want a man who loves me for me," Alyssa said, "who never pushes me to change or be someone I'm not. Who I can be smart around and have my passions and not be judged. I watched that with Auntie Teddy and Henry. They learned to enjoy each other's."
"How," Megan asked.
"Henry loved baseball," Alyssa said, "so they started going to games and sometimes I went to see the Mariners with them. We all played catch in the back yard. The glove I have is ancient but I keep it because it was a birthday gift from Henry. She would take him hiking along the water. One summer Henry, auntie Teddy, uncle Owen and I went up to BC and did the west coast trail along vancouver island."
"I love that they gave you adventures," Megan smiled, "and it sounds like you want a man who will embrace your girls like Henry did with you."
"He didn't have to," Alyssa said, "he made a choice. And I don't think it was for auntie Teddy or to impress her she'd see right through that. I want someone who can just love my girls for existing. Of everyone it was auntie Teddy and Henry who went all in even though I wasn't related. They made a choice to go all in for me and I won't settle for less than that with my girls."
"So do I," Megan said, "love my kids because they exist."
"I do more than exist," Alyssa laughed.
"You do but I want a man who will accept our family baggage and all " Megan replied.
"Farokes school called me yesterday," Alyssa remembered, "to confirm if he could go to the YMCA with his PE class. I said yes and gave verbal consent. . Why do I have that power?"
"Because your a reasonably sane adult who loves him," Megan said, "and you answer your phone during the day. "
"His school, daycare, the hospital and your number," Alyssa answered, "uncle Owen and auntie Teddy. Leo and Allison's school."
"So family," Megan asked.
"Basically," Alyssa replied.
"Tyler, how long has that been happening," Megan asked.
"Almost a year," Alyssa said, "he was one of my first dates when I decided to date again. I saw him a few times he had to go away for work and was gone for a few months but we texted then I started spending more time with him when he came back. He's playing on my volleyball team. I like him but it's the army thing. I know grandma and grandpa both served, you did but do I want my kids to be third generation army kids."
"It's dates, " Megan said, "go have fun Lyss. You see him on your own after the girls go to bed every couple weeks. You always do your things for you after bedtime."
"I have to," Alyssa said, "that's what's fair to them."
"It is," Megan agreed, "but they are getting older and I'm always happy to babysit and help out. I remember how hard it was being a single mom, trying to have a relationship. I will gladly babysit so you can have some social time."
"It's my own guilt," Alyssa said, "I know you want to and so do Uncle Owen and Auntie Teddy but it's getting over my own guilt."
"It gets easier," Megan promised, "the more you do it. Next weekend they're with Matt. push him to take them overnight on Saturday like he should and you have a good date with Tyler."
"I'll try," Alyssa replied.
"That's all I'm suggesting," Megan smiled.