Please Don't Leave Me – DM X DK
Gonna be a sad and potentially triggering fic. You've been warned.
13th June 2017 - Danny p.o.v
"Hey Danny when work is over can I talk to you in private?" Matt asks, and I nod. I didn't trust myself to say anything without my voice breaking. The last few months of our relationship has been weird to say the least. I have been nothing but loyal and loving towards him, but lately I've been feeling like he has become cold and started pushing me away. Then again he has been like that to everyone else. Nevertheless there is now a sinking feeling in my stomach after he had said it. Once he has left the room Jorel sits down next to me and I look towards him. "What was that about?" He asks me. I didn't realize that whatever is going on between Matthew and I was being noticed by the band.
"He asked me if we could speak in private after the session is over," I tell him. The look of concern on Jorel's face is all that I needed to see to know that the horrible feeling in my stomach was justified. Something not good is going to happen after we finish today's recording session. Jorel just patted my arm, he didn't know what else to do after I had told him what was going on. "That doesn't sound good. Message me if you need to talk. I'll always be here for you," Jorel tells me. He has been there for me through everything since I had joined the band back in late 2009. It was like he knew how I felt at the times I couldn't find the words to say it. He had always been the big brother in my life even though I had one already.
"I will, I already don't like how it's going to go. You already know most of what has been going on over these last few months," I tell him. Not everyone knows the truth about what is going on, but there are a few who have either seen or heard some of the things that have been going on lately. I personally felt uncomfortable letting people see that side of our relationship. Matthew however seemed to feel differently about it. It was like he personally enjoyed seeing me squirm at the uncomfortableness I felt when he was bragging about the latest argument or how George was angry that I had to stay at his house because the one who should have loved me and provided a roof over my head decided to kick me to the curb.
"I know, and that is not fair on you. I really don't like seeing this side of Matt," Jorel says, looking towards the door in case Matthew was there. He was still in the recording booth or that would be another thing to add to the probably already long list of things he would decide was wrong with my behavior over the course of the day. He loved the attention he got from the guys when he did his bragging unless they decided to say something that sounded like any form of defense for me. He would gaslight me and tell me that it was me manipulating them into seeing a version of him that didn't really exist and that he only brings up the arguments that I have initiated so the band can see how much of a bad person I really am. It is all bullshit and the other way around and all the guys can see through it at this point.
Now you may be reading this story of my disaster of an adult life so far and be screaming in your heads "You know all of this, why the fuck don't you just leave?" Well unfortunately life doesn't quite work out that way. He might have kicked me out several times already but by the time 48 hours has passed he switches back into the nice kind Matt and begs me to come back and that it would never happen again, and I am too much in love with him to say no even though I am in a constant battle with my own brain to just leave. Leave him and the band and start my life all over again. How does that optimistic saying go again? Oh yeah "Third time's a charm" I suppose I could change my name and move countries or something.
"I know, I am starting to think maybe this is the end but at the same time I can't help but love him," I tell him. I'm already a disappointment to everyone around me, so I might as well live up to that title as much as I can. "I know and you've always done nothing but the best you can for everyone around you. It's a shame that Matt wants to be an ass and take advantage of you," Jorel says, and Matt cuts our conversation short by walking through mentioning something about needing the bathroom. At least we knew he had no chance of hearing us. We spoke pretty quietly to begin with because Jorel knew that I really didn't want everyone talking about my relationship with Matthew at the moment. Matt might use it to hurt me again.
~~~~ flash back to 4th March 2016 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know if I can yell any louder, how many times I've kicked you outta here? Or said something insulting.
"Seriously Danny, can't you see how much of a fucking idiot you are?" Matthew shouts, as we enter yet another argument. I can't even remember how this one started. All I knew for sure was that Matthew is drunk and that means that this is not going to end well.This isn't even the first argument of the day either. I lost count after the third one. I don't say anything, because I know that I will end up saying something that I will end up regretting. Apparently he didn't like that either because he slapped me hard across the face. I try my hardest not to flinch or he will punch me as well. I want to be anywhere other than here; I don't even know why I decided to move in with him.
We had only been dating for around a year when I sold my apartment to move into his house. It was nice to begin with; he would make me breakfasts in bed and make me feel loved like he had been doing for the beginning of our relationship. That all changed around 5 months after I had moved in. It was like there was a switch that had been turned on in his brain that made him change from the Matt I knew and loved to a nasty and horrible Matt I wanted to stay away from. He had walked out of the room in anger and walked back in with a glass. He was raging, I could see it in his eyes. Less than two seconds later he screamed and threw the glass at me. It shattered against the wall behind me, and I could feel the cuts on my face.
After that he screamed at me to leave and never come back. He smashed up my phone so I can't call anyone to come and pick me up. I'm just going to have to rely on my memory to try and get myself to the nearest band member's house. I think Jorel lives the closest, so I start walking in the direction I think his apartment is. It takes about fifteen minutes I think, but I finally made it and pressed the buzzer for his apartment. "Hello?" Jorel asks, and I could feel my strength just leaving me. I don't know if I can even speak. "Jay it's me can I come in please?" I say, and I knew my voice broke during that and probably worried him. I'm let in and Jorel met me outside of his apartment. He looked extremely concerned.
"Jesus Christ Danny what happened?" Jorel asks, and he guides me in and makes me sit down on the couch. His girlfriend Vanessa is there, and she was shocked by my appearance. Apparently I was worse off in that fight than I first thought. "Matt has been fighting with me all day. Then he got drunk, and it got worse," I tell them. Jorel carefully examines my face, and I could see he was hiding the anger he felt because he didn't want to hurt me. I think there is still some glass in there and a lot of cuts and bruises. "You're going to need to go to the ER, there's glass in some of those and I don't want to hurt you getting them out," he tells me. I was nervous that this was going to happen, but I will go.
I don't want Matt to get into trouble because it is just going to mean more problems when he is out of jail. "Okay, I don't want to tell them what happened though. It is not going to be worth the trouble," I tell him, hoping that he will understand where I am coming from. Magazines and online articles will love to get hold of a story like that. "Lead singer of Hollywood Undead being beaten up by the drummer!" It will end up destroying the band and I really don't want that to happen. "I understand Danny, so I'll do it this once, but if he keeps doing this it's better for your safety that the cops deal with it," Jorel says. I thought that the cops would have been called by now. The neighbors must not have heard it.
I had the courage to tell Jorel everything that happened today in the car on the way to the emergency department. Like a little while ago he was angered by it, but he kept calm so he could support me. I don't think that anyone knew the full extent of the problems Matt and I have been facing as a couple until now. It is not long before we make it to the ER, and we have to make up a story that would be believable as to why I have these injuries without getting someone into trouble. Jorel found the perfect cover story and said a glass door broke in my face on accident. It didn't feel right to lie, but I could not face the consequences of how heavy the truths actually are.
We sat and waited and after around 30 minutes they had called my name. I had also finally told Jorel where my phone was since he had asked. This led to him promising me that I could have a new phone that Matt didn't know about. One that I would only have when I was away from Matt and safe from being smashed again. I don't know how this is all going to work, but Jorel reassured me he would find a way to do it. I had my cuts cleaned, the glass removed, and the deeper cuts were glued shut. They didn't need stitches which was good. Jorel was updating Vanessa as we waited for them to tell us that I could go home. There was a worry in the back of my head that they didn't buy our story of the door and they thought I was at risk.
Luckily, that wasn't the case and we kept up our game of façade as we left the emergency department a couple of hours after we had arrived. The reality of what had happened was truly starting to sink in now, but Jorel would not let me stay homeless. "Don't worry Danny, you can stay at mine and I won't bring up what happened to the others unless Matt says something," Jorel tells me. I am glad that at least someone has my back. With them knowing Matthew for longer than they have had the chance to get to know me so far, they could easily accept whatever lies Matthew would decide to tell them in his attempts to paint me as this asshole I am not. That is something I am always going to be worried about as I go through this.
Vanessa gave me a gentle hug when Jorel and I walked back into the apartment. At least it was more of a calmer entrance than my earlier one. Even their kitty Tiger had come this time around to investigate what was going on. I had no way of messaging Matt this time and personally I was glad of that. I don't want to talk to him. Maybe this time can be the time that he can look at his behavior and how it affects not only me but everyone around us and that it is time to change, and we can have another chance of a really nice relationship. Tiger came to sit with me, and I rubbed the little kitties' head affectionately. He started purring almost immediately like he knew I needed a distraction from the thoughts raging war in my head.
"Have you had dinner yet Danny?" Jorel asks me, and I shake my head. I was not about to admit to him that I hadn't eaten at all. There were too many arguments going on and they weren't going to stop so I could make a bowl of cereal or a sandwich. The only time I really had a break was when he had either gone to the bathroom or gone to top himself up on more booze. He must have gotten drunk around 2 pm after getting started at 12 pm. It would have been quicker if he had not decided he wanted to keep arguing at me for whatever reason suited him in his head at the time. I remember one of the things he said the first time he had kicked me out and it kind of haunted me. I heard it before in a song I think but to hear it from my boyfriend's mouth made me sick.
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag.
There was another one as well that always made me feel uncomfortable. It was one of those moments where after I had discussed it with my good friend Theresa she had told me he was gaslighting me. I didn't know what that word meant until then. It was basically where he drip feeds me little bits of doubt which in the constant war in my head didn't take long to grow and I doubted myself. I doubted my own memories of the arguments and fights and even my own judgement of myself and my character. How did I become so obnoxious? What is it with you that makes me act like this? I've never been this nasty.
~~~~ present day 13th June 2017 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I saw the look on Jorel's face as I used that phone that I now have to message him of that flashback to one of the worst moments in our relationship. We had used that cover story when we went back to the studio that week. They all believed it bar Matt who obviously knew the truth but when I moved back in the week after that he said thank you for not telling them the truth about what happened and how he was sorry and that it was never going to happen again. It was all bullshit I came to find out as he went right back to the arguments after this honeymoon period. My heart just wanted to believe that it was going to go right this time and that I deserved a chance at love. Now I am starting to believe that it is not meant to be, and I don't deserve love.
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest? The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest.
"I hate all of these people who think that love should be a contest. This outdated idea that you have to fight for love," Jorel whispers, and then suddenly goes silent as Matt walks back and glares at me. I saw the confused look on Jordon, George, and Dylan's faces. They had not noticed those looks that Matthew has been giving me almost every day for a year until right this moment. Well, I have really fucked things up for myself now haven't I? I am going to have to explain why Matthew just gave me that glare and then they are going to confront Matthew about it and then it is going to lead to another argument on top of what he already is probably desperate to argue with me about and then possibly hurt me as well. I can't win.
I can be so mean when I wanna be. I am capable of really anything. I can cut you into pieces.
When I first arrived in October 2009 they were in the middle of a tour. Jordon had been straining his vocal chords covering for Aron's departure and he knew he couldn't keep up forever. I had been to their shows a few times and they invited me along. I knew that I was not instantly going to be accepted by everyone but eventually I became equally as close to everyone. Then I had fallen in love with Matthew and the beginning of our relationship had been bliss. Nothing could have prepared me for the hell that was about to come next. I thought he was trying to tease me when he said he could be mean, and I didn't know what he was capable of. I thought he meant in the bedroom; you know sexy times. I soon found out the truth.
"What was that all about?" George asks, and my first response is to shrug. If I pretend to not know why he is glaring at me then they won't ask any more questions and I will be safe. "I think Matt woke up in a strange mood this morning because Danny isn't the only one he has given dirty looks to this morning and afternoon," Jorel says, and I think he has now become my hero. I need to pay him back for all the times he's covered for my cowardly ass when it comes to trying to ask for help to get away from a relationship that is no good for me. He didn't have to do this; he could have easily been like "Hey Matthew is being an abusive piece of shit come and do something to help." If Jorel's reaction is anything to go by then they would be angry too.
The end of today's session came too quickly. Jorel wanted to stay behind to see what was going to happen but I told him he's better off going home and I would attempt to sneak the phone home so that I could update him that way. Matthew did buy me a replacement phone but since he bought it and he is quite controlling he looks at my text messages every day. The phone Jorel got me was identical so there would be no suspicion. I'd just have to be careful which one I left out on the table at home. "You wanted to talk to me?" I ask, and Matthew looks around. He was checking to make sure that all the guys had left, and he had seen Dylan just walk out of the booth as he had forgotten something.
"Not here, we'll go home and talk there," Matthew says and the sinking feeling in my stomach grows. Something not good is definitely going to happen and I'm not sure that I am ready to handle the consequence of it. He didn't sound too angry, but that was probably because Dylan was still there and potentially overhearing our quiet conversation. Then we walked out of the studio and to his car. I kept up a poker face of calm, which was taken away when Matt pulled me towards him before we got into the car so he could gently kiss me as Dylan watched on. I enjoy his kisses, but they rarely happen anymore. It's like he forgets that we're supposed to be dating each other. He doesn't like me kissing him.
I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me.
He'll let me kiss him back when we do kiss, but as we only ever seem to kiss in public it would be strange if I weren't allowed. I kissed him back and tried to make it feel like a normal couple moment for once. Matt seemed to take the hint and we had a passionate kiss. Then we got into the car and as soon as we were out of sight the façade dropped. The sinking feeling in my stomach that had briefly left when we had kissed returned. I feel like there is going to be a massive argument incoming and I don't know how I will be able to handle it. I had noticed an increase in arguments over the last two weeks, but it wasn't anything that concerned me too much. He has moments where they pick up and I get hurt and then it calms down and we barely fight.
We get into the house and it is quiet. Matthew hasn't said anything on the way back or when we walked into the house, but my body is still anticipating the fight to start any second now. He's always angry about something. Either that or I have done something wrong in his eyes. I was looking at the clock and exactly five minutes passed before the argument began. "You've been chatting to Jorel an awful lot today. You're not cheating on me are you?" He asks, and I violently shake my head. No matter how awful he has been to me I have always been a loyal loving boyfriend. "Of course not Matt. I love you and no one else. Jorel and I were just working on songs I promise," I tell him, hoping he'll accept my answer as the truth.
He seems like he has then the next few minutes maybe an hour pass by in a blur as he flies into the worst rage I have ever seen. I can't risk revealing my secret phone or even get the phone he gave me to call for help. I'm gonna die here all alone and nobody is going to find me. He's punching and kicking every inch of my body and there is broken glass from him throwing and smashing things. If the neighbors haven't heard anything by now I'm sure they will have done now and I'm praying that they call the cops. There is a brief pause as he goes to get a knife out of the kitchen. Now is my chance to try and get some help. I grab the phone and manage to call 911.
The adrenaline pushes through any of the pain that I feel and I'm in a rush to get as much information as possible through to the person who is going to answer. "Hello 9-1-1 what's your emergency?" The lady answers and I hear Matt still looking for a knife in the kitchen. I don't think he's found one to his satisfaction. "My boyfriend is attacking me, and he's gone to get a knife," I whispered to her. Any louder than that and I would have been heard. Then she asks for my address and I give it to her in a whisper and hide the phone and make it so it can't be heard just in time for Matt to come back with the knife. The police are on their way and so is an ambulance, so there is a chance I'll live.
I sighed in relief as the door was kicked in and police swarmed the house. Matthew gave up as soon as he heard the sirens. I had been stabbed three times and cut multiple times all over my body. Soon Matt was arrested, and I am currently receiving medical help. I managed to get them to give me my backpack and they were going to call Jorel for me to let him know what's going on and which hospital I'll be going to. The adrenaline was finally starting to wear off and I was feeling the pain and exhaustion from the fight. Jay told them that he is going to meet us at the hospital. I feel better knowing that he is going to be there. The others still don't know, but I'm going to have to face the fact that tomorrow they are going to know whether I like it or not.
I passed out in the ambulance from shock and from my injuries. By the time I came too I was in the emergency room and both George and Jorel were talking to each other. "Matthew had been doing this for a while then?" I hear George ask. I was just coming to and didn't have the strength to open my eyes yet. "I believe so, I've only known for about a year after Danny came to mine when Matt threw a glass and kicked the poor dude out," Jay replies. I moved my hand that was being held by George which had made them stop their conversation. I was still in quite a bit of pain and didn't know how much time had passed since I passed out. When I could finally open my eyes everything was blurry for a moment and I wanted to focus but couldn't.
Then I finally focused, and I could see George looking at me with a ton of concern on his face. "Hey Danny, how are you feeling?" He asks, me and it takes me a minute to realize that I am on a ward not the emergency room. "Like shit. I really thought I was going to die," I tell them. I wasn't really worried about how they'd react to my little revelation, they have more of an idea of the true scale of my injuries. Jorel moved from wherever he was to be at my other side. "We did too after you had arrived. They told me you were deteriorating fast, and they weren't sure which way it was going to go," Jay told me. I also learned that it is the next morning.
The nurse walked in and seemed very surprised to see that I was awake and quickly checked on me then went to call the doctor. The doctor walked in and checked me over and asked if I needed painkillers and sent the nurse to go and get some for the IV. "You're a lucky man Daniel. You're going to make a full recovery," the doctor says, and then the nurse comes in and sorts out the medication. They both leave after that. I think the doctor mentioned that I could go home either later today or tomorrow depending on how I am doing. George said that I'm moving in with him and they wanted to wait until I felt a bit better before we deal with everything.
I was reassured that Matthew is still in jail and not going to come out any time soon. The police got the statement from me about what happened yesterday and every incident before then. I don't think they were expecting me to say so much, but I wanted it all of my chest. I was also hoping that it meant that I would never have to talk about it ever again after this. George and Jorel stayed the entire time because I wanted them there. I don't think that I would have said all of it if they weren't there. It also helps when it comes to telling Jordon and Dylan what the hell is going on at the moment. George walked out after the cops left and I was starting to get a little bit panicky.
Jorel was right beside me holding one hand and trying to get me to look at him. I look into his eyes with tears threatening to spill from my own. "It's okay Danny, he's not angry at you. He's angry at what happened to you and how much of a dickhead Matthew has been this whole time," Jorel tells me and wipes some of the tears that fell. George walked back in after about ten minutes. He was less angry now and I have calmed down. I was sitting up in the bed and had some water. I was hungry but I don't think they have cleared me for food yet. George gently hugged me, and I hugged him back as tightly as I felt like I had the strength to.
Then Jorel's phone rang, and he stayed in the room to answer it. The management knows about the whole thing. "Hey Jordon, what's up?" Jay asks and we couldn't hear what he was saying on the other side. "Not today, I've been in hospital with Danny," Jorel tells him. I think we were supposed to hang out at Jordon's house today. I can't remember though. I think Jordon was now panicking on the other side. "He's going to be fine, Jord. I'll explain everything when he's been discharged and Dylan will need to be there too," Jorel explains. I think he might have an idea of what's going on since Jorel didn't mention Matthew at all. Then again they would assume that Matthew was in the room with me and not sitting in a jail cell.
"George knows, he's gonna look after Danny once he's been discharged, so I'll just come to you and Dylan and explain," Jorel says, and we can accurately guess that he was being asked about if George knew. I am also guessing that Jordon is getting a little bit suspicious now. Jorel talks a little more with Jordon then the phone call ends. "You might as well arrange to meet them tonight whether Danny is out of here or not. If the police are looking to charge Matt then the press might get hold of it and I think I can speak for Danny when I say they should hear the news from someone in the band than an outsider," George says, and I nod. Knowing George is going to stay with me makes things worth it. I'm going to be safe and those that need to know will know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ the next morning~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was discharged shortly after breakfast and management called us all into a meeting. Jorel hasn't had the chance to tell them what was going on and George was pissed off. I barely slept with them coming in during the night and stuff, so I currently feel like shit still. I was still getting used to a pain management schedule as well. They took me off the IV to get me used to taking pills and I didn't really need it anymore. "They better have a good reason to drag you into a meeting when you need to be on bed rest," George grumbles as we're in the car on the way to the manager's office. It was a good thing they gave me the meds I needed before I left hospital. "They'll probably wanna know what happened," I tell him. Jorel sighs.
He didn't want me to explain it to anyone else. He told me at breakfast that if anyone asks what happens to just refer them to him or George for the answer. The only time I will possibly need to say anything to anyone is if it goes to trial. "Yeah, but since we know, and management knows what happened you don't need to be there. Like George said, you need to be on some form of rest you're still healing," Jorel says. I don't disagree with them, but at the same time I don't want to make any more people angry. Then Gareth one of the managers phones George and he answers it in the way that we can hear what he has to say. "Morning George, how's things going?" Gareth asks, and I try and remain positive for their sakes and for my own.
"Alright I guess, Danny just got out of hospital and we're on our way to you," George replies, and I felt him squeeze me leg gently. I looked behind me to try and see how Jorel is doing because I know the last two days have been really rough. "Yeah I know you're probably mad at me for this but hear me out. When you guys get here Danny can come into a different room with me, so he doesn't need to relive the shit again. Then I know this is a risk, but we all need to agree on if Matt stays in the band or not then Danny can go about his recovery without worrying that one day once this is all over if Matt is going to walk back in or not," Gareth explains, and the looks on our faces must have been priceless. It suddenly all makes sense now, and they have my mental health and my best interests at heart.
"That actually makes sense. We were a bit worried since we didn't have the chance to tell Dylan and Jordon ourselves yet, but this is going to work.," George replies, and they wrap up the conversation as we are basically already there. We walk into the office and I go with Gareth to a different room as I see that Jordon and Dylan were already there and confused as to why I probably looked a mess right now. I had one of George's shirts and jogging bottoms on since we didn't get a chance to go to the house to get all my stuff which had been packed by me a while ago. I might ask them to go and get it for me since once this is all done I am going to be on bedrest for a while. While they do all the hard explaining Gareth gets me a drink and sits down with me.
"I'm so sorry Danny, I know you wanna be resting right now," Gareth says, and I manage to have a drink without spilling it all over myself. "It's fine I heard what you said to George on the phone, and I agree with it. I'd rather just get it all over and done with now and then recover from all the shit ending. It's also no one's fault either, Matt was good at keeping it hidden until the other day," I tell him. I think they all noticed the glares the other day meant that something was not going well between Matt and I. We talked about anything other than Matt while we waited for the harder part of the conversation to be over. When it was over Jordon and Dylan came over to me and hugged me as gently as possible. I never meant to hurt them.
I sat down with George and Dylan and Jordon wanted to sit close by too. You could see on their faces that they were still reeling from all that they had just been told had been going on between Matt and I. "Right then lads, one last thing then you can all go home. I can understand if you don't want to decide right now but we gotta decide if Matt should leave the band or not," Gareth says, and I could see Jordon and Dylan thinking about it. George, Jorel and I had already made our decision. "I think we know what we need to do," Jordon says. Then as if someone had counted to three we all said at the same time that we wanted Matt out. We all confirmed it again, and Gareth told us that he was going to make that happen and we could all go home.
I was exhausted by the time we got back to George's house and the pain had started coming back intensely. George helped me to the couch, and I just tried to relax for a moment. Asia had made us both grilled cheese sandwiches and brought mine over to me while George was sorting the medication out. "Thanks Asia," I tell her, and she smiles. I have a lot to thank these two for over the next few weeks as they allow me into their home. "You're welcome Danny. If you need anything just give us a shout," she says, as George walks over with the pain medication. I took the pills and ate my lunch while George stayed close by. He had been talking to Asia for a while about how worried he was when he saw me in hospital and found everything out.
"I don't blame any of you for what happened to me. He would have hurt you guys and me worse if you had found out before you did. He got angry when he found out that Jorel knew about the glass incident," I tell him. Asia was confused but I don't think she has had the full story of what has being going on the last few years. "There was an argument a year ago and Matt threw a glass towards Danny, so he turned to face the wall instead it bounced off the wall as it shattered and it got glass all over his face," George explains. It definitely shocked Asia, I guess it was because every time we were around everyone and their girlfriends we acted like a completely normal couple. People just naturally assumed we were a normal couple.
"Jesus Christ, I guess there was a lot more going on that George will tell me later," Asia says, and I nod. I don't really want to dwell on it further. I eventually fell asleep due to the combination of exhaustion and the medication finally working it's magic. That will be the perfect opportunity for Asia to be told everything I went through. I woke up about a couple of hours later and Ava was home from school. She was on the same couch I was curled up on watching Netflix quietly. The pain medication was still working its magic since I couldn't really feel any pain. I looked to see if there was some water, juice, or soda around, but I didn't see any. George walked in with a can of Pepsi Max and handed it to me. He had already opened it for me which I didn't mind.
I didn't really have the hand strength to do it myself as I discovered last night. "Did you sleep good?" he asks, and Ava looks at us. I took a sip of the drink and put it somewhere where I know myself that I can reach without struggle. "Yeah, it's nice being somewhere comfortable and knowing that it's going to be okay," I tell him. George looks to Ava and nods, I bet she has been dying to give me a hug since she found out that I am going to be staying here for a while. I don't exactly know what George and Asia have told her. Ava gently hugged me, and I hugged her back. We are all uncles to her, and she loves it when we come over and spend time with her too. I want to be a dad one day and I always try and play with her when I am over.
Ava stayed by my side and we watched cartoons together for well over two hours as we waited for time to pass for dinner. She's such a good little helper and wouldn't let me move unless I needed the bathroom. George and Asia were smiling at us and I am sure there were a few pictures being taken. The pain was starting to get worse again as it was closer to dinner time. I have got to remind myself to take pain medication every four hours that I'm awake at least. I don't know how it is going to go tonight since I was on an IV yesterday during the night and the night before when I was still unconscious. We'll have to wait and see.
I do want George to get some rest though, he didn't sleep much when we were in the hospital together. I want to have as much independence as they will give me at this point. I know it won't be a lot to begin with but as time and my recovery goes on I'm going to be just fine. Right now I'm not going to ignore my body telling me that I should be resting right now. We all had dinner in the living room and spent a lot of the evening just relaxing. When Ava went to bed I became sandwiched between the couple as we watched TV. I didn't mind because I felt safe where I was and now all we can do is wait to see what statement management puts out on our behalf and then the outcome of the police investigation.
"Danny, have the police said if you can get your belongings from the house or not yet?" George asks, after a while. I have to think about it, I don't think it was mentioned when I was in hospital. At the same time I didn't ask because I was trying not to think about the house where it happened. "I don't know. Most of my personal belongings I would want to take are in boxes in the spare room since I was thinking about moving out soon anyways," I tell him. George gets up and mentions something about phoning the police to find out. I know they will be looking for evidence and things to help their case against Matt. I might hand in my diaries which I kept specifically for documenting the abuse as it happened.
"They said you can get whatever belongings you want tomorrow. They are still making sure they have everything they need from the downstairs and your bedroom. They didn't mention anything about the spare room though," George says, and I think it is a fair enough statement. I would rather wait an extra day and let them gather anything that they think is crucial to the case then it all falls apart because of one mistake. I am probably not going to be strong enough to lift anything myself, so if I let George know where they are and what I want he can get them for me. We'll just have to see how I feel tomorrow when they call to say I can get my things.
I don't know how much I will actually keep either, purely because of the memories attached to them. I don't want to pick up a jumper and be reminded of something horrible that happened while I was wearing it. The outfit I was wearing the other day had been cut into when they were giving me medical help and had been taken for evidence as well. I don't want it back; they can do what they want with it. I am sure that George will be able to help me with any sorting that I have to do. I just want it all over and done with so I can get on with my new life. How can I move on from the years of pain and horror if I am still partially living it? The answer is not very well let me tell you that. I am still struggling to come to terms with the face that I am now free from this.
I still anticipate Matt walking through the door and yelling at me for letting the whole band know what is going on and how he has now had to leave the band and is finally facing criminal charges for what he has done. I try not to think about it as George starts to draw small circles on my arm with his finger to keep me calm. It was also helping me drift of to sleep a little bit. I am up to date on all of my pain medications, so I can always fall asleep now if I want to. I know the layout of George's house well enough that when I do wake up in the spare room I won't freak out or anything.
And that is the end of another one shot! See ya next time.
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