CHAPTER 80

(ANA)

I watch as everyone sits in stunned silence. The recording has been played and Eva is gripping Gideon's hand tightly. Angus and Victor are watching Gideon closely with a look of compassion in their eyes and Caroline is making notes. Gideon looks composed and isn't giving anything away, he does impassive as well as Christian and he has clearly pushed down what he really feels about what he has just heard.

I clear my throat, "Gideon?" I ask carefully, and he looks up at me and smiles, but it is weak and brittle.

"Are you ok?" I ask, cringing inwardly as I realise that this is a stupid question and there is no way on earth that Gideon is ok.

"It seems our suspicions were correct" he says with no emotion whatsoever, not giving any indication as to what he is thinking.

"Can I ask something?"

I look up at Christopher who looks completely and utterly shell shocked at what he has just heard and I remember that this is also his mother, and he is clearly not as accomplished at hiding how he is feeling as Gideon is. I glance at Ireland who is sitting beside him. She looks composed but also completely devastated. Gideon had called them and given them a heads up as to what we were doing and he and Ireland had been at the apartment waiting for our return from seeing their mother as they had wanted to know if she would admit anything and for once in her life tell the truth.

I nod, "Of course" I reply and wait for him to continue.

"Why did you assure… that woman that what she had told you about her… for want of a better word father was secure. Surely neither of them deserves any consideration whatsoever, they are both monsters and what if that Senator man is still abusing women, surely by keeping quiet you are protecting them?" he asks almost accusingly.

I smile patiently at Christopher, "To begin with, Senator Yarwood has long since died, did you not hear both Elizabeth and Eva refer to him as 'late'?"

Christopher flushes slightly, "Erm… no, I must have missed that bit" he mutters, "But…" he continues but I hold up my hand as I know where he is going with this.

"In fact he has been dead so long that barely anyone of any consequence would know who he even was, so what would be the point of leaking what Elizabeth told us to the media? Yes, admittedly there are the women he abused but seriously, just think about it - what would they get from us outing the late Senator now at this point in time? They would be in the same situation as Gideon. We were discussing that very fact with regard to Gideon before we went to see Elizabeth. There is very little chance of securing any conviction in her case for her part in what she did to her own son with regard to the abuse he suffered, so what is the point of regurgitating decades old crimes which would only serve to re-open old wounds for women who came into contact with him all those years ago, and have no means of bringing him to justice – because he is now dead? This recording isn't evidence as it would not be allowed to be admitted as so. Also, consider what it would do to Gideon, the media go into a frenzy about anything vaguely related to him, all he has to do is sneeze and it makes the evening news! Our silence on the matter is primarily protecting Gideon from the inevitable fallout the story would create in the media, not to mention you and Ireland as well. The honour I was talking about was certainly not for the late Senator Yarwood nor for Elizabeth for that matter, even though in a way she was also a victim of his. As it is obvious his actions towards her shaped the way she matured and how she behaved. The honour I was referring to was purely regarding myself and Eva. I was subtly sending Elizabeth the message that we said we wouldn't divulge what we had been told and that unlike her, our word was the truth and could be trusted".

Eva nods, "Also, I had no intention of ever leaking what she had told me to the press. I was bluffing, I would never knowingly create a shitstorm like that because of what it would do to Gideon. Ana and I had joked about the idea of letting her know what she said had been recorded before we left to try and blackmail her into talking and so after she had told us the incendiary story about her late father, the idea just came to me as it was literally the final chance we had to get her to admit to what she had done. Up to that point she wasn't really giving us anything and so it was all we had left and it worked… in a fashion. It was also kind of fitting considering she had spent parts of her life blackmailing people, that she should get a taste of her own medicine. While she didn't admit to everything, she gave us enough and admitted what we went there in the first place for from her and that was all that we needed".

Christopher nods in understanding, "Oh I see" he says simply. I watch as Ireland who has remained silent throughout suddenly rolls her eyes and speaks.

"Shit Christopher, even I got that much from what I heard – there is no way on earth Ana was offering mom or her dad any consideration it was obvious that it was all just a bluff to get her to spill and it worked. Do you seriously think they really would leak that sort of shit to the media? It's not going to happen! Jesus Christ bro just think before you make yourself sound stupid - how did you miss that? Have you got some kind of head injury?" she blurts out and her sarcastic words breaks the oppressive atmosphere of the room. Before I can stop myself a small laugh escapes me, which makes Eva snigger and then before we know it everyone is chuckling at Ireland's words. I know that the unfiltered outburst is Ireland just venting and letting out the emotions of what she has just heard and Christopher put himself into the firing line by making his comment. He seems to recognise this fact as well and is also laughing at her remark.

When I had stopped laughing, I turn towards Ireland, "To be fair Ireland, neither you or Christopher were here when we talked about it before we left so Christopher could be excused for his comments".

To my surprise Ireland shakes her head, "No, because it was totally obvious what you were doing and saying. Also, even though you used the tactic of blackmail there is no way you really would stoop so low and follow through with it – you are both better people than my mother. You both have far more integrity and honour in your little fingers than she has in her whole body".

Eva and I smile kindly at Ireland before our attention moves back to Gideon, who has cleared his throat.

"I think I'd like to talk about everything that was discovered with Caroline" he says quietly.

We all get the subtext of that statement, he wants to speak to her alone and as one we all stand up, but much to our surprise Gideon also rises and shakes his head.

"No stay, I'll take Caroline to my study" he says and with that he bends and places a kiss on Eva's forehead, "We won't be long" he whispers and Eva nods, pulling his head back down and placing a sweet kiss to the side of his mouth.

"That's fine baby, take all the time you need" she replies.

With that Gideon simply nods before he looks up and hesitates a moment before directing his attention to Angus and Victor, "Would… would you mind accompanying us?" he asks.

My heart lurches at that request as despite the obvious progress he has made Gideon is still reluctant to be in a room with any therapist alone. Victor and Angus immediately agree and in unison they move towards Gideon and with that they and Caroline all leave the room.

oooOOOooo

(VICTOR)

I watch silently as we all sit down in Gideon's comfortable home study. He is incredibly quiet, which is only to be expected. I had never in a million years expected what was said when Eva and Ana had gone to see Elizabeth, that woman has no right to call herself anyone's mother as she is a twisted sick monster who deserves everything she gets and the levels of depravity have just left me speechless.

I glance at Angus who hasn't taken his eyes off of Gideon throughout. All the while the recording was being played and also when everything was being dissected his eyes never once left Gideon, this man has been the only constant in Gideon's life - the only true parent he ever had, so it makes me feel honoured that he also asked me to accompany him into this room. Angus I had expected, but the fact he also turned to me as well especially after the way I had previously treated him makes me realise that he really does now consider me his family.

"So, Gideon… this seems like an inane question but after hearing all that, how are you feeling?" Caroline asks gently. I look at her, she seems to have composed herself again but as the recording was being played, she like everyone else in that room looked shocked to the core by what she was hearing.

I turn and look at Gideon who is looking at his hands as if they are the most interesting thing in the world.

"I'm not sure" he mutters.

"Can you elaborate on that?" Caroline coaxes.

There is a silence and then slowly Gideon nods. "I… It… It sounds odd, but I feel vindicated. I know that sounds weird but the fact she admitted she knew, it was what I needed to hear most. That has given me the closure I have been seeking all these years as she has finally admitted that yes, I was abused. Yes, I was raped. She has always denied that simple fact, my own mother denied it and called me a liar when in reality the only liar was her".

Caroline nods as she continues to make notes, "What about the other revelations that came to light?" she asks.

Gideon licks his lips and swallows hard, "It sounds sad, but after everything we had uncovered about my mother and what she was capable of… it doesn't actually surprise me. As soon as we found out that she knew Lucas, it was in the back of my mind wondering if she had persuaded him to cover up the abuse and I was right. What is getting to me the most though, is the fact she knew I was being abused and she didn't stop it. She didn't protect me".

He looks up, "You know when I accused her of watching, back at the prison when we were all with Ryan. I actually thought that was unthinkable, not even she would stoop that low but although she continued to deny it, the fact is it appears she actually did see…" his voice cracks and he fades off. As he stops speaking he looks down and simply shakes his head.

"Gideon?" Angus says with obvious concern.

Gideon looks up and takes a deep breath, I see the corporate mask slip effortlessly into place and that concerns me, "I have what I wanted. For the most part I have the truth now, the unvarnished, sick and depraved truth. Now I put it away with everything else to do with that time, and I move on" he says in a cold empty tone of voice.

"How?" I blurt out, "How can you move on from that?" I ask.

Gideon smiles sadly at me, "With the help and love of my wife and my family. I have the support of Ana and Christian and also Ireland and Christopher, that means more to me than anything because I know that they believe me and they support me". He pauses and looks towards Angus, "I also have you and… I have you, don't I Victor?" he asks warily as he turns his gaze from Angus back towards me.

I nod adamantly, "Of course you do" I say without any hesitation.

He looks at Caroline, "Caroline will help me process all this, and deal with it so it doesn't become another cancer eating away at my mind and wellbeing. But I do honestly feel like I have a degree of closure on this. I didn't expect what I heard today, I don't think anyone did but I got my mother's admission and for me that is priceless after her denying my abuse ever since it happened".

"That is a very healthy attitude Gideon" Caroline says as she continues to scribble. "How do you feel with regard to your mother now?" she asks and I hold my breath waiting for the answer to this.

Gideon shrugs indifferently, "She never was any kind of mother to me. I think for my own sanity I will just try and forget the fact I am related to her. As far as I am concerned, she is dead to me. We have done all we can to get the truth brought to light over her involvement in the financial fraud which we have handed over to the authorities so our part is now over, we step back and draw a line. As far as I am concerned I have no mother…" he pauses again and looks down at his fingers before continuing. "You know when it all came out about Christian and his origins, I was actually jealous of him. How ridiculous does that sound? He went through his own hell, but everything that happened to him was as a result of his mother losing his father, she still loved Christian and while she descended into her own pit of hell and took him down with her, there were times where he remembers that she still behaved like a mother to him when she wasn't off her head on drugs".

I sit back, surprised by the sudden deviation to the conversation, but I don't say anything as I know this is Gideon just trying to come to terms with everything.

"So, are you saying you would sooner have had a childhood like Christian, than what you had?" Caroline asks.

Gideon thinks about that, "I was never wanted, not truly wanted. My mother never behaved like a mother to me… in fact I am fairly certain now after everything that has transpired if she was able to, she would've offloaded me as she did with Ryan, but she couldn't as by the time I came along she was married to my father so essentially, I never really had a mother. Christian had a loving family until his father died and his mothers' circumstances deteriorated. As soon as my mother took up with Chris and tried to reboot her life I was pushed aside as an unwanted reminder of her previous life. I… all I wanted all my life… all I really wanted… was to be loved".

That simple declaration makes a huge lump form in my throat and I silently vow right there and then that I will give this boy every bit of love he needs and deserves.

He pauses and looks down at his hands again, "But now I am loved. Eva loves me, I am certain of that fact, she loves me with all her heart and the feeling is mutual. I am as necessary to her as she is to me, that could be considered unhealthy but she is my life and I live for her".

With those simple words I realise just how deeply he feels for my daughter, it's a level of devotion which takes my breath away. I stand up and Gideon looks up at me.

"If you want it, you also have me as part of your family" I say awkwardly.

Gideon rises gracefully to his feet and approaches me, his hand outstretched. I grasp it and pull him into an embrace which he returns.

"Thank you Victor, that means a lot" he mutters.

"Ach! Gideon lad come here" Angus blurts out as he stands up and holds open his arms. I have never seen the stoic Scotsman look so emotional. Gideon doesn't hesitate and as I release him he walks into Angus' arms and the older man embraces him fondly.

"You seem to have two very willing father figures in this room" Caroline observes.

Gideon pulls away from Angus and nods, "I do" he says simply.

"Do you want to leave it there for now?" Caroline asks and I watch and Gideon thinks about that and nods again.

"Yes, we could continue to dissect everything and analyse it but essentially it all comes to the fact I have what I wanted which is Elizabeth's acknowledgement that she knew I was raped and she believes it. She has not really got any other choice but to believe it, considering we believe she watched me being abused".

"Do you think she really didn't know who Hugh was until he turned up?" I ask and Gideon nods.

"Yes I do, I do think that was the truth. Elizabeth is so self-absorbed she wouldn't make the connection between the man she was inviting into her home and the man she had previously seen abused at college".

I nod, it isn't lost on me that Gideon is now calling his mother Elizabeth, just like Ana calls her own mother Carla. There is simply no acknowledgement of the familial link between them, she is as Gideon said dead to him.

With that Gideon, seems to stand straighter and I see him smile a genuine smile and I know this in his mind is now finished.

"Shall we go and re-join the others?" he asks simply.

"Ay lad, lets" Angus replies.

Caroline nods and closes her notebook, "If that is what you want Gideon, but if you want to revisit this again at some point, I will be happy to help" she says.

Gideon nods in acknowledgement of that, "Thank you Caroline, but that part of my life is now closed" he says with a sense of finality.