CHAPTER 115

"Well, that was a bit of a shocker!" Eva says as we all sit around the table; we are in a private dining room of a restaurant which Christian had thoughtfully booked for us for lunch. The only person missing is my dad who had respectfully declined to join us as he had to get back to work as he is, somewhat ironically, in court this afternoon.

"I know, I wasn't expecting her to get life" Meg says.

"No more than she deserves though for what she has put everyone through" Christian says dismissively with a shrug.

"Will she become eligible for parole?" Meg asks.

I shake my head, "I have no idea, but I would assume so at some point, as the judge didn't say she wasn't" I say, "although to be fair after he said life I stopped listening" I add.

My phone rings and I smile seeing it is Mia, she was unable to join us today due to a prior work commitment, but said she would call me as soon as she got the chance to talk. I excuse myself as I answer the call.

"Hey Mia" I say.

"Well, what did she get?" Mia asks without any preamble.

"Life" I say and I hear Mia gasp, much like everyone else did in the courtroom.

"Life?! Wow! She says.

"I think she sealed her fate with her outburst in the courtroom" I say.

"Oh god did she kick off again?" Mia asks.

"Somewhat" I reply with a grin.

I hear a small snort, "Well, she got what she deserved for the shit she caused" Mia says adamantly.

"I agree, but now we move on" I say firmly.

"I couldn't agree more, I'm pleased for you El… look I have to go now but I'll talk to you later, I'm sorry I was unable to be there for you today" Mia says.

"That's absolutely fine Mia, thanks for calling and I'll talk to you later" I reply. I end the call and look around the table and re-join the conversation that is going on.

"It's Eamon and Ethan I felt most sorry for" Gideon says quietly and we all nod in agreement with that.

"Well, we got what we wanted. She is out of our lives now and I suggest we put this behind us. I do wonder why she turned up in her own clothes though?" I ask.

Christian looks up at that and tries to answer it for me, "It has been known in some cases for second degree murder sentences to be lenient, so I do wonder if she thought she was going to get off lightly as she had made the deal. I'm not sure what she was expecting but coming in her own clothing looked as though she was expecting to walk out of there today. That is completely ridiculous though as what she clearly failed to realise is that she was being tried for manslaughter in the first degree. She intended to hurt Megumi but while she succeeded in that, it also resulted in the death of the baby. With her outburst today, where she basically admitted that she actually intended to kill Megumi that sealed her fate so it was inevitable she'd get a very harsh sentence. To be fair, I'm not entirely sure that she did intend to kill Megumi, either that or Megumi was incredibly lucky with the injuries she personally sustained. Whatever the case, it's over now and we should all move on".

I have to agree with Christian on that point that she is now gone and we should move on, but I think he is being overly generous to her with his thoughts she didn't mean to kill Meg. Admittedly Meg was remarkably unscathed considering what Kate did but I am certain that was completely her intention, but I think she probably backed off at the last moment.

"Well, I think I need to be going so I'll say goodbye, darling" Mom says suddenly as she stands up. She comes around to our side and envelopes me in a hug and then says goodbye to Meg with an equally warm hug. She politely says her goodbyes to Eva and Gideon giving them both polite air kisses and brief hugs before turning towards Christian who has risen to his feet.

"Bye mom" he says with a smile and Grace leans forward and gives him a brief but affectionate hug, which is nothing out of the ordinary as she is still a little wary when it comes to hugging Christian. Ana stands and smiles warmly and genuinely at mom as she says goodbye. We all notice Grace hesitate a moment before saying a curt goodbye and offering Ana an almost arm's length air kiss and a stiff, more than awkward hug.

Christian's eyes widen at the gesture and he watches as mom walks away with Taylor he leans inwards into the table. "What the fuck was that all about?" he blurts out.

I lean across and touch his arm, "That's what I need to talk to you about bro" I say.

"What's going on?" Eva asks as she looks between us all.

Megumi sighs and rubs her face with her hand, "I had lunch with Grace the other day and I got the distinct impression that she is really pissed with Ana at the moment, and by the way she behaved just now it seems that there wasn't any misunderstanding on my part".

"What the fuck?! Why?" Christian asks angrily and he glares at Meg which immediately concerns me as it isn't her fault, but before I can say anything Ana has jumped in.

"Christian calm down" Ana says immediately, "Don't shoot the messenger, it's not Meg's fault" she says.

I smile at my sister and the effect her words have on Christian as he immediately calms down and apologises to Meg for his outburst.

Meg smiles at Christian and tells him its ok as she continues to explain.

"She appears to be really upset by the fact Ana called her, as she put it 'maliciously' to tell her that that woman who had abused Christian had died. However, what really upset her was the fact that you, Christian had - in her words, 'completely condoned' Ana's actions".

"For fucks sake, we went through this in our therapy session I thought we had laid it to rest" Christian splutters.

"Christian" Ana says again as she gently rubs his arm.

"Bro, Meg and I discussed it and we couldn't figure out at first what had got mom so riled up as after I'd talked to you, I got the impression that everything had been sorted. But as we talked about it, it occurred to me that mom might… and I stress might be jealous of your relationship with Ana".

To my surprise Christian doesn't look surprised at that theory and simply nods, but what he says next shocks the hell out of me. "I accused her of being jealous of Ana in our session with Caroline" he says in a resigned tone.

Ana stares at him in shock, "You did what?!" she gasps.

"Hang on sis, it's not as outlandish as it seems, let him explain" I say as I step in to stop Ana losing it. "What did mom say to provoke that response from you?" I ask Christian.

He shrugs, and glances around the table and I realise he is clearly uncomfortable discussing this publicly and I realise he has not told Ana what was said, probably in some misguided attempt to protect her, or simply perhaps because he assumed it had all been sorted out.

"I don't feel comfortable in discussing this, those therapy sessions are private for a reason, so I really don't want to go into what mom said to make me think that, but suffice to say your theory doesn't surprise me and I actually feel vindicated for making that assumption now" he says.

I look at Christian and I feel for him, he is trying so hard to make sense of his past and move past it but it seems that mom is now unknowingly sabotaging that through her own irrational fears.

Ana leans towards him and wraps her arms around him, "I am sorry for what I did and the obvious trouble it has all caused" she says to him.

We watch as Christian kisses her and murmurs something in her ear which produces a weak but genuine smile.

"I'm so sorry I should never have said anything" Meg says.

"No baby you did the right thing" I say as I wrap my arm around her.

Ana nods at that and smiles gratefully at Meg, "I'm glad you did tell us. I could've gone into that therapy session with Grace totally blind thinking that everything was ok. But knowing this now will help with what I am going to say".

"I'm coming with you" Christian says firmly to which Ana shakes her head.

"No, you're not. You had your time alone with your mom and Caroline and I deserve to have mine. I'm the person Grace has a problem with right now, so if you are there she will feel like we are ganging up on her and it will magnify her fears even more".

I nod in agreement with that and I see Gideon and Eva nod as well.

"She's right bro" I offer and I see Christian shake his head and he doesn't say anything else.

Ana watches him carefully and then deliberately changes direction to try and move Christian's focus from mom. "This reminds me of when I was turning myself inside out wondering whether to tell Christian about what Kate had said to me" she says.

I smile at her, "I had the same thought when Meg told me, I debated wondering whether to tell you and Christian what we knew as I felt we had been put in the middle and realised that I now knew how you felt with Kate".

We continue to chat but I can't help but notice Christian has gone very quiet now, and I hope he isn't thinking about doing something stupid like calling mom out about her behaviour today, or even worse about what we divulged, as that would put Meg in an unenviable situation with mom.

"You're not going to tell mom you know what she said to Meg are you?" I ask, unable to keep that to myself any longer, but Christian looks surprised at that.

"Good god no, I wouldn't dream of doing anything that monumentally stupid. I am thinking of calling her asking her why she was so distant towards Ana today… to see if she says anything".

Ana shakes her head, "No don't. Please don't Christian, wait until I've had my therapy session with her.

The rest of the lunch, is subdued but pleasant enough and eventually it is time for everyone to leave. Christian as usual picks up the bill and Meg and I say our goodbyes as we need to head to Sadie's to pick up Ava. I give Eva a warm hug and shake Gideon's hand.

"Ooh El the card" Meg whispers to me.

"Shit, I almost forgot" I say as I delve into my inside pocket. "I won't see you again now till after you get back from the Outer Banks, and well… we got you this… it's not much, just a token gesture" I say as I give Eva the anniversary greeting card I'd spotted and bought on impulse.

Eva's face lights up as she accepts the card and she flings her arms around me once more and presses a kiss to my cheek, "Thanks bro!" she says her voice hoarse with obvious emotion.

oooOOOooo

(ANA)

We are back at home; we took the entire day and I'm glad we did as I really don't feel like working after everything that has happened today. I wonder what Grace said to Christian to make him think she was jealous of us. Jealous?! Of all the things I could accuse Grace of, and there are plenty to choose from being jealous wasn't on the list. I don't expect Christian to tell me what was said, those therapy sessions are confidential, so Grace will feel betrayed if she knows that he has told me what she really thinks about me.

"You look deep in thought baby" Christian says as he sits down beside me and pulls me towards him.

"Hmmm" I say as I rest my head against him.

There is a long silence and then to my great surprise he begins to speak and immediately I know he is telling me about what was said at his therapy session with Grace.

"Mom said… She… she said that Ana always comes first to which I said that of course you did… that you were my wife so obviously you came first". He pauses, and I look up at him, "Then she said that… that I was besotted with you and that if she upset you, I wouldn't think twice about cutting her off and she said that scared her. That was when I asked her if she was jealous. She denied it but said that you wielded – and this is her words, a terrifying amount of influence over me and that if you wanted to be spiteful again towards her it could result in her losing me".

I gasp, as that sounds as if I would go out of my way to cause trouble to separate Christian from his family.

"I would never…" I begin but Christian pulls me tighter to him and continues to speak.

"I know, you don't need to say anything as I know" he says and he presses a kiss to my head, before burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply. This simple action tells me this has really upset him and it angers me that Grace is essentially trying to make him choose between us, by her actions.

"I told her that if she thought that then she didn't know you at all" he says quietly.

I respond by squeezing him tightly, "Thank you" I whisper gratefully.

"I explained to her how I saw it and how I understood why you had done it. I said… that you loved me and when I hurt, you hurt so when you saw me confused and hurting over Elena and it upset you to see me like that and that caused you to have a lapse in judgement where you called her to tell her. I also told mom that I forgave her for her mistakes so surely she should forgive you for your momentary lapse in judgement and she said that she had… but clearly she hasn't".

"Well, thank you for telling me and I won't divulge that you have told me, but it helps knowing as it gives me an idea of what I will be facing when I go for my appointment with Grace and Caroline".

"Talk to me baby, tell me what you are thinking?" Christian says after another brief silence.

I sigh, I am trying to work things out in my head, "To me… and I could be wrong but this feels very like she is comparing me to Elena" I begin hesitantly.

I feel Christian stiffen at the mention of that woman. "Baby, I don't think…" he begins but I place my hand on his chest and he pauses.

"Let me think, as that has totally thrown me. Grace saying that I influence you so greatly that I could say something and you would cut her off… to me she is obviously thinking about how Elena influenced you, and how she separated you from your family... this is her fear and guilt talking again. She has said many times that she feels a degree of guilt for not noticing the red flags when you started seeing Elena. Grace was just happy that you were no longer brawling and that you were turning your life around that she didn't examine the reasons why and what had caused this change. Elena got a hold on you and she succeeded in influencing you for years and you became distant from your family. Grace has said many times that she has only recently got you back. She doesn't want to lose you again, but now she sees you being influenced by me – which let's be clear here, I would never ever try and separate you from your family - never ever, but when you stood by me when I apologised to Grace for what I had done and as she saw it condoned what I did that set off alarm bells for her and her fear took over".

Christian kisses me again, "I know you wouldn't baby, and I'm fairly sure mom knows that deep down too. I think you are right, but I still keep coming back to the fact I called mom out on her mistakes. I really think this is more the fact she is sore because I finally did that".

"I think it's a combination of a lot of things" I say.

"But I've forgiven her, I've told her that the mistakes she made, were made out of love for me and I forgave her" Christian says in a slightly exasperated tone.

I smile, "That's all well and good, but until she forgives herself, she will be stuck in this cycle of fear and recrimination".

"Well what else can we do?" he asks.

I smile at him, "Christian, how long did it take you to stop blaming yourself for existing? How long did it take you to start to see things clearly, to see Ella wasn't the negligent crack whore you were convinced that she was?"

There is a long silence and I look up at him and he smiles wryly at me, "Point taken" he says simply.