Leliana rubbed her arms to deflect some of the Peak's chill but it only worked temporarily as she made her way towards the kitchen and the others and her skin bristled again.
Alistair had found her outside a while ago and told her about Oghren and Zevran's successful hunt and that dinner was being served soon in the kitchen and she'd nodded in acknowledgment, not feeling particularly hungry.
Alistair had asked her if something was wrong but Leliana snapped out of it and told him that no, everything was fine. There was no need to involve anyone else in the drama that she had just endured a short time ago.
She wanted it out of her own head as well.
I was a fool to think that I would ever find love again.
My life is simply not built to keep it for any length of time.
Nothing lasts forever.
Leliana stepped into the noisy kitchen and prayed that the celebration that seemed to be taking place would drown out the clamor in her head.
"Ahh, Leliana!"
Zevran stood from his seat at the table and spread his arms wide in greeting.
"Have you seen this place? Detra has made it almost brand new! Speaking of... where is our esteemed and fearless leader?"
All eyes fell on Leliana and she felt sorely out of place and unable to give an answer, hardly even able to smile.
"Does she not wish to help us enjoy this boar we have caught? I have even concocted my special stew as well. Detra cannot miss out on this!"
Leliana felt as if she had an open wound and that salt was being poured directly into it right now but she managed to form an answer for all of those looking upon her right now.
"D...Detra is sleeping right now and has asked that she not be disturbed. I... she was not feeling well."
Zevran cocked his head to the side.
"Not feeling well? Is she all right? Or perhaps she is just tired out?"
Zevran smirked at Leliana and for once, she wished he was right.
Leliana denied Zevran's claim and repeated her last words, this time more convincingly.
"This is nonsense! She must celebrate with her companions! We have taken back this ridiculously over sized fortress in the name of the Grey Wardens and she is off sleeping? That is unacceptable! We must go and get her right away."
Alistair and Oghren both yelled out in agreement that they should all go and storm my room but Leliana disagreed.
"I would not disturb her were I you. But if you want to deal with a cranky leader later on, that is your business."
The men settled down and looked at each other and Leliana knew they would cancel their plans now. None of them wanted me cranky in the slightest, I was much less fun then.
Alistair spoke up, his mouth empty for the first time since the food had finished cooking.
"Well, there is always tomorrow night and she must join the shenanigans then!"
It seems they were drinking already and Leliana slid into a seat next to Wynne who greeted her and set a plate of freshly roasted boar in front of her.
It smelled and looked great but Leliana's stomach was twisted up in knots and she could not even think about putting food in her mouth right now.
Sten made himself scarce and left the room with a plate full of roast boar. He always preferred time alone to the cacophony of the group, especially when they drank.
Levi had also retired to his room as well, a small bowl of stew taken with him, claiming that he was tired out from the day's events.
Alistair wrinkled his nose before he spoke.
"You know...someone has to tell Morrigan that the food is ready and I really don't want it to be me."
Everyone froze in place for a moment with the prospect of having to speak to Morrigan and Leliana agreed with Alistair's assessment, frowning with him.
"Ah, you are all so afraid of Morrigan! How can such a beautiful woman instill such fear? Surely she would succumb to my charms."
Oghren laughed and answered Zevran, raising his mug.
"That witch'll set your knickers on fire if you tick her off enough. I think you should do it, Zevran!"
Zevran stepped away and back to the fire.
"Well, actually... my pants are already on fire so it really could not get much hotter than this."
Zevran had a matching smirk to go along with his sexual innuendo and you could hear everyone groan.
"You'll have more than roasted boar to contend with when she's done, Zevran. She'll roast something else for you too."
Alistair laughed as Zevran's face contorted in pain, obviously picturing what Alistair had said.
"Since you put it that way...no. My...meat is not to be trifled with."
Wynne looked at Leliana and rolled her eyes.
"They are a crazy bunch, aren't they? And I think on that note, I'm going to retire to my room. I have plenty of books I'd like to look over before we leave."
Alistair overheard Wynne and argued with her to stay but she got up and brought her plate to the wash basin and said goodnight to everyone.
"Wait, wait! Not before I make a toast!"
Alistair stood up and knew Wynne could not refuse him now.
Wynne smiled, flattered that her company was in demand as Alistair proposed a toast and raised his mug, inciting the others to do so as well. Leliana did not have a drink in front of her so she just grabbed hold of an empty mug, raising it into the air with the others.
"To a great group of friends and comrades and a job well done!"
Everyone clicked their glasses together and those who could drank and then Wynne said goodnight again, despite more protesting.
Wynne left the room and Alistair turned to Leliana.
"You're not leaving now, are you? You can't! And don't you like the boar? You haven't touched any of it."
Alistair didn't wait for an answer as he got up to fill his plate up yet again and Leliana sighed, knowing she might have to choke down a couple of pieces to avoid more questions.
Or I could just say I'm bringing it to my room.
Alistair returned with his kilometer high plate and questioned Leliana again, his mouth half full already.
"I'm going to bring it to my room for later. I'm sure it's delicious."
Leliana was beginning to regret joining the others now.
Thankfully Oghren drew attention away from her.
"All right, I'm going to go get Morrigan now before I can't stand up."
Oghren had been the one to agree to let Morrigan know there was food to be had and he went off into the hallway behind Wynne.
"I hope she's not in a bad mood." Alistair mumbled through a mouthful of boar.
Leliana flashed back to a couple of hours ago even though she didn't want to remember what had happened. She had no idea how things would progress now that she and Morrigan had been at each others throats and she certainly did not trust the woman at all either.
She was having second thoughts about even traveling with our group anymore. It had gotten that bad between them.
Leliana knew Morrigan's intentions on this mission were not honorable but she couldn't prove it. She just had a feeling.
Detra seemed far too willing to trust the witch and all that she brought to the table and that made Leliana dislike her even more.
Leliana's stomach twisted into tighter knots and she winced with pain and exhaustion. She had had enough of all of this nonsense for today.
Oghren walked back into the kitchen then, announcing that he couldn't find Morrigan and that she didn't answer her door.
Alistair shrugged.
"Hmm. Probably out doing witchy things I guess."
Oghren came back to the table and to his mug that he had left behind for those precious few moments, taking a swig immediately.
Leliana was about to announce she was going to bed as well when Oghren put a glass of wine in front of her in addition to one for himself.
"Hey, try some of this wine, Leliana... I found it in the pantry. It's been aging so long that it's probably about 500 proof. It will knock you on your ass."
Oghren giggled in his usual devious tone and pushed the glass full of red wine closer to Leliana who was glad for the distraction but wary of the contents.
Oghren guzzled some of his own glass to show the wine was not offensive and Leliana pulled the glass to her nose, smelling the strongest vinegar smell she'd ever come across. It was so strong that it actually made her eyes water.
"Oh it smells awful, Oghren! You are going to be sick. How can you drink that?"
"It tastes fine to me!"
Oghren laughed and finished off the entire glass, belching loudly. Leliana deduced that with his stomach, he could probably survive drinking pure acid and probably just get drunk from it.
"So what are you Wardens going to do with this fortress anyhow?"
Zevran brought his mug and bowl of stew to the table and joined them, questioning Alistair.
Alistair's mouth once again full, they had to wait a minute for the answer.
"God sakes, man, are you going to eat that whole boar yourself? That's your third plate, is it not?"
Alistair just smiled through the boar in his teeth and then swallowed.
"Yes it is my third plate and it's your fault that you're such a damn good cook!"
Zevran laughed and Oghren cheered with his mug high in the air, agreeing with Alistair.
"Bloody fine boar!"
Oghren belched again and fell from the chair onto the floor, snoring loudly a minute later.
Zevran and Alistair shook their heads and laughed, then looked at Leliana.
"Sorry us boys are such bad company, Leliana. You look like you'd rather be elsewhere."
Leliana heard her name and was shaken from her daze, one that she hadn't even known she was in.
"I'm sorry?"
Zevran laughed.
"If you would rather be off with your Warden we will not be offended, Leliana, I assure you. Please feel free to leave the door open if you wouldn't mind though."
Leliana noticed Alistair blushing but Zevran was just smirking again.
Leliana felt angry suddenly and it leaked into the tone of her voice.
"I told you that she's sleeping. I won't disturb her."
Zevran noted the anger in Leliana's voice and backed down, surprise on his face. He knew it was time to change the subject.
"So, Alistair, what will the Grey Wardens do with this fortress now? Will you live here?"
Alistair sighed.
"It would be great to live here but I think in the end, I'm going to have to stay in Denerim."
Zevran sipped from his mug, nodding.
"Oh, right. That 'king business' that you have to deal with. How painful it will be to rule all of Ferelden."
Alistair frowned and agreed with Zevran, talking about how many duties have to be done every day, all the decisions and all the lives that will depend on him.
"I'm not sure I'm king material to be honest. Detra thinks I will be a great king but she hasn't known me for long. She doesn't know how lazy I like to be."
"Well, when you are king you can simply hire people to do everything for you. And I must say, it will be a very good thing to finally have friends in high places."
"What will you do after the Blight is ended, Zevran? Do you have plans?"
"Ahh, let's see. Get drunk, find some fish chowder, and surround myself with beautiful women. Just to start with."
Zevran winked at Leliana, hoping she was calmer now.
"Oh, I only meant beautiful women who are not taken. We have plenty of beauties about us who are though."
Zevran continued voicing his plans but Leliana entered her thoughts again.
Taken?
Not so.
Every woman that I get involved with ends up leaving for one reason or another.
Is it ever worth it?
Leliana broke her daze again when Alistair laughed and she finally worked up the courage to excuse herself.
Alistair and Zevran knew something was wrong so they did not give her a hard time, they simply said goodnight.
Leliana was grateful for their kind ignorance and thought to grab some extra carrots and a couple of bits of potato off the table before she left back into the chilly Peak.
"Come here, sweetie."
Shmooples scampered towards Leliana from her room's doorway and Leliana kneeled down, greeting him with the handful of vegetables that she'd taken from the kitchen.
Shmooples gobbled every bit from her hand and snuffled about for some more.
"Hungry are you? I should have brought more I guess but I did feed you earlier, my little piglet."
Leliana continued speaking with Shmooples, adding what a good boy he was.
"I'm so glad I have you, my little guy."
Shmooples jumped on Leliana's knees and she giggled as he tickled her with his tall ears in her face.
His greeting over, Shmooples was off smelling about for more bits of food and then made his way back inside Leliana's room, most likely back to his bed.
Leliana shook her head.
I can't go to bed now. Not with all these... thoughts in my head.
I cannot believe that I feel this way for another woman and it feels just like it did before.
Nothing but pain.
If only I had someone I could talk to...
Leliana's eyes lit up as she realized she did and right after she said goodnight to Shmooples, she set off to Wynne's room, hoping to catch her still awake.