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Alistair had ignored Leliana's warning to not disturb me and was on his way to my room with a crock of Zevran's boar stew, assured that I would be grateful and happy to see him.
We were friends after all.
Alistair's knocks yielded no reply from me so he slowly opened the door, wanting to make sure that I had dinner.
"Detra? I have come to deliver some of the best..."
Alistair's voice trailed off as he stopped just inside my now open door, forgetting about the food he was here to deliver as his eyes could not help but wander over most of my naked body that was outside of the sheets as it always ended up.
Alistair almost dropped the crock of stew that threatened to slip from his grip but he regained his hold on it.
Maker but she is...
Beautiful.
Alistair removed his eyes quickly and attempted to address me again but my eyes were still closed and I remained in the hold of sleep, unmoved.
I should go. I should...leave the room now.
Leaving...now.
Alistair let his eyes roam the exposed nakedness of my body again and he gasped as thoughts imbued his mind and body. He could feel his hand reach out and touch me and he could see me wake and then... Alistair recoiled as he could hear me chastising him for being in my room and seeing me in such a state.
When that did not happen, his mind quickly put that thought aside and replaced it with my being pleased he was in my room and inviting him to indulge himself. Alistair's eyes widened as he almost felt himself under the sheets with me, doing things he'd only had distant thoughts about in his life and he felt a familiar stirring.
He should stop, knew he had to stop, but now his mind replaced himself with Leliana and Alistair's mouth fell open as he watched Leliana and I do such things to each other.
Alistair gasped and stumbled backwards as I shifted on the bed and he closed the door behind him as he moved out into the hallway, grateful he had not been caught.
Heading back to his room, Alistair found he had quite a hard time walking and prayed he did not run into anyone else. He made it to his room without incident and realized he still had the stew in his hand, placing it on the nightstand.
As he leaned against the safety of his closed door, his mind was free once again to have me pull him against me and oh, the things we did...
"Wynne, could I speak with you?"
Wynne looked up from her spell book to find Leliana already coming through her partially closed door.
"I saw your light was still on and... would it be all right if I came in?"
"Of course, dear. Please come in."
Leliana closed the door behind her and Wynne gestured for her to join her at the table.
"What is on your mind, Leliana? Are you all right? You look a bit upset."
Leliana, for the first time in a long time, found herself in need of someone else's advice.
She did not like the fact that she felt nearly helpless.
Leliana slowly lowered herself into a chair and found she was unable to answer Wynne, emotions caught in her throat as she had tried to answer.
Wynne picked up on this immediately and reached forward to rest her hand on Leliana's knee.
"Leliana? Are you all right, dear?"
Some deep breaths returned Leliana to normal and she collected herself, ashamed to have almost fallen apart in front of Wynne.
"I am sorry, there is..."
"Take your time, dear. Everything will be all right."
Wynne marked her spot in her book and moved some things around the table so she was not simply staring as Leliana composed herself.
"I am at a loss, for the first time in my life. I cannot seem to go on from this point and I am afraid..."
"In regards to what, dear? What is troubling you? The Blight?"
Leliana shook her head.
"No, this is...It has to do with Detra."
There. She had said it.
Wynne sat back, making herself comfortable again.
"Is something wrong with Detra?"
"No, but I feel there may be something wrong with me. I feel as if it's so selfish to want something all to myself."
Wynne looked confused.
"Why is that?"
Leliana sighed.
She would have to delve into her soul for this and hopefully Wynne would not judge her.
"Detra does not believe her duty allows any room in her life for love, and...that makes me feel as if I am the problem."
Wynne nodded, understanding the situation clearly now.
"Ahh, I see. I have noticed the two of you together and have seen a certain...devotion develop over time. However, Detra is a Grey Warden and is bound by a duty that includes not allowing anything to come between herself and her mission. It is nothing personal, dear, that is how it must always be with the Wardens. They have all of us depending on them and must sacrifice all that they hold dear."
"I understand all of that and I have never asked Detra to give any of that up for me but just to give us a chance. All I want to do is be with her."
Leliana could feel her chest burning as she poured her heart out to Wynne. She hated to do it, hated that she could not deal with it on her own but she couldn't contain it any longer or she would snap.
"And I am sure she feels the same way about you, Leliana, at least from what I have seen. But if you had to choose between saving Detra's life or letting her die to save the world, which would you choose? These are the choices that Detra must make for the rest of her life."
Leliana's expression froze and Wynne already knew what her answer would be.
"Detra has a merciless path to follow and things are not always as easy as they seem, are they? She has given up her life for this sacred honor."
Leliana was quiet for a moment, in her mind with thought.
"I will not give up on her, Wynne, I cannot. She has not told me that she does not care for me as I do for her and I think it is only this fear of choice that stands in our way. If it ever came down to it, I would give my life for Detra. I would leap from the highest cliff or take on the most colossal ogre that has ever existed. If it meant saving her, I would do anything."
Wynne smiled at the young bard and her profession of love.
"Spoken like a woman truly in love. It warms my heart to hear such love exists, even in tumultuous times as these."
Leliana smiled, trying to mend the sadness inside and making a promise to herself to see this through, already feeling herself relax as her worries came out.
"I see why you would not want Detra to get away, Leliana. She is an amazing woman and I could see the two of you together for years to come. As long as you bear in mind that duty is above all."
Leliana knew Wynne was going to keep discussing the cursed duties as she herself was severely restricted by the Circle so she needed to go in another direction.
"I was thinking of gathering some flowers for Detra tomorrow morning. I noticed some out in the courtyard when we arrived. I hope that the snow did not bury them."
Wynne smiled again.
"That is a lovely idea, Leliana. Women always enjoy flowers. But tell me- have you told Detra any of what you have shared with me?"
Leliana looked guilty as she thought about the truth.
"I...not just as I have told you, no. But..."
Wynne laughed.
"Detra may be a great many things, Leliana, but I do not think she is a mind reader. I think your words, along with those flowers that you have your heart set on, will bring about the answer that you seek. Or at least an end to the question."
Wynne watched Leliana's eyes light up and she smiled.
"Thank you, Wynne. I very much appreciate the time you've taken to listen to me ramble on. I hope I have not kept you awake."
"Oh do not worry, dear. I could not sleep so I was still reading up on some spells so that I can try to keep up with Morrigan. She has some remarkable spellpower and I feel I could always improve."
Wynne laughed a bit.
"Do not tell Morrigan that though. She is pretentious enough as it is."
Leliana's smile disappeared upon mention of that name.
"Morrigan..."
Leliana said Morrigan's name with such disdain that Wynne again looked up from her book.
"I take it you do not care for Morrigan?"
Leliana's thoughts returned to hours earlier, when she had been ready to stab Morrigan in her heart because she threatened to steal Detra away. Or so it had seemed.
Leliana decided to shock Wynne with the news that Morrigan may be having feelings for another human besides herself and she shared the tale of earlier, leaving out the more intimate parts but painting Morrigan in a more damaging light.
Wynne was stunned by the end of the story and let Leliana know her opinion immediately.
"By the Maker, Leliana! Such jealousy unchecked will only create chaos! I would expect you to know better! You need to speak with Detra as soon as possible and get this settled before any of you get seriously injured. This cannot go on as it has been."
Leliana felt ashamed of her actions already but Wynne just drove the arrow deeper.
The calamity verbally dealt with, Wynne returned to the original point of Leliana's story, still shaking her head.
"So, Morrigan... you really believe she may have feelings for Detra?"
Leliana nodded, relying on Wynne to help her understand this part. She could not imagine Morrigan caring for anyone but herself.
Wynne sighed, crossing her legs and resting back into the chair again.
"Well, even women like Morrigan have feelings. They just hide them very well, sometimes even from themselves. We must also remember that she was raised by Flemeth who was possessed by a demon from the Fade then turned abomination. I doubt that neither love nor positive emotions were things Morrigan ever experienced with Flemeth and who she is today is the result of that. It is not her fault, it is simply all that she has ever known. While I do not care for the venom that she tries to pass off as words or how she treats others sometimes, I do not fault Morrigan for who she is."
Leliana was not comforted by this.
"So do you think that she may have feelings for Detra? To compete with Morrigan, I just do not know if I could..."
Wynne sighed again, mustering all of her wisdom to try and decipher the clues Leliana has presented her with.
"Well, in all honesty, if Morrigan were to have feelings for someone, Detra would be a most prominent choice. All of the power that Detra possesses, her standing...I could see how Morrigan would be attracted to that."
Leliana's comfort level dropped even lower.
"So you are saying that it is possible Morrigan...Oh, I just cannot even say it..."
Wynne shook her head.
"Perhaps, but I am not sure if Detra would reciprocate those feelings. That is why you must speak with her yourself, Leliana. I cannot predict what the future holds in store for either of you, as much as I would like to."
Leliana tried to shake off the sudden sadness that set in and noticed Wynne watching her, waiting for a response and she had to muster something up.
"Wynne, again- thank you. Just talking has helped me sort things out and I will go from here. I will let you get back to reading and I am sorry to have disturbed you."
"It is no trouble, Leliana, truly. But you must not let your feelings interfere in such a drastic manner that would endanger our mission. You must get things under control and speaking with Detra should be your first priority. And no matter what comes of that talk, you must still continue with our mission. Do you understand that is how it must be, Leliana? Promise me that you do."
Leliana nodded, but only for Wynne's benefit.
"I do, Wynne, I understand. It is simply the not knowing part that is hurting me the most and that is all my own doing. One cannot simply assume that there is love where there has only been intimacy."
"Well, intimacy can indeed breed love so there is hope yet, dear."
Leliana smiled.
"That gives me a glimmer on the horizon."
"I hope I was able to help."
"You certainly were. Goodnight, Wynne. And thank you."
Wynne returned the sentiment and closed the door behind Leliana as she left.
She turned back to her chair and her book and sighed, intent on finishing the chapter but the story Leliana had told her was causing disquiet in her thoughts.
Had Morrigan become more trouble than she was worth?