I could not feel anything. My mind was blank and my body was numb as I stood in Morrigan's doorway. Her room now lay empty.

True to her word, Morrigan had disappeared, leaving not a clue as to where she may have gone. The only thing she'd left behind was the Aodh axe that she had favored using and I turned away from looking at it leaning against the bed, never wanting to see it again. Tears formed behind my eyes but I could not let them out.

I just could not do it anymore.

Unknown how I got there, I arrived in my room and without another thought, I crawled under the sheets and pulled them over my head.

"Detra, it's time to get up. We're leaving today." Wynne said, entering my room after knocking and getting no reply.

I did not stir on the bed and Wynne walked closer to me, raising her voice a bit.

"Detra! We are leaving today,"

Wynne still received no response from me and she shook her head.

"I suppose Alistair or Leliana could wake you up before I could. I'll send them in a bit."

Leliana walked into my room an hour later, shaking her head at how I was sprawled under the sheets.

I wonder how much alcohol she had last night.

As Leliana cleared the other side of the bed, the empty wine bottle on the side table answered her silent question and she took a seat on the bed. Just then I turned my head to face the side she was on and Leliana paused, watching me.

I remember waking up with you.

Leliana leaned over me, memories washing over her and she smiled.

"Detra, it's time to get up."

Leliana put her hand in the middle of my back and slowly rubbed, trying to rouse me. I mumbled something in return, having half woken up but all I did was turn my head back in the other direction.

"Detra..."

Leliana liked the idea that she could put her hands on me again and her hand wandered to my shoulder, slightly nudging me to wake.

Finally I moved and my arm spread out next to me.

"Morrigan..."

Leliana froze in place at the mention of that name and considered what it meant.

Did she just...

Dear Maker.

Leliana removed her hand from my back and my arm stopped searching the bed beside me and I still was not even awake. Leliana's head went off into a daze until I stirred, mumbling some incomprehensible words and she suddenly stood up from the bed, moving quickly towards the door and out into the hallway.

No, it can't be... She wouldn't.

Would she?

Leliana sidestepped into the wall, grabbing hold of it to steady herself after the vision she had just seen in her mind.

Had they...

Oh Maker.

Leliana leaned into the wall, covering her face and after a moment, running her hands back through her hair.

What am I...

what happens now?

Leliana sighed again and rubbed her forehead, despondent.

Wynne was approaching from down the hallway but Leliana didn't notice her just yet.

"Did you get Detra to wake up, Leliana? It's almost time for us to leave."

Leliana was bankrupt and could not think as she threw her hands up at Wynne.

"I... I have to go finish packing."

Leliana left Wynne standing in front of my door and she walked away quickly, shaking her head.

Wynne walked through my doorway and pondered what was going on with Leliana.

"I guess it's up to me then."

Wynne walked into my room just as I turned over onto my back and I noticed her as my eyes opened halfheartedly.

"Wynne...what time is it?"

"It's time to leave is what it is, Detra. Why are you still in bed? Are you ill?"

I rubbed my face and head and sniffed.

"You could say that."

My head was pounding from the ridiculous amount of wine I had consumed and the immediate return of the previous nights events to my memory were only sealing the deal of misery that this morning brought for me.

"Are you truly ill, Detra? We can always..."

"No, I'm fine, Wynne. Just give me a few moments and I will be ready for Denerim."

Wynne nodded and walked out of my room, leaving me to pry myself out of the bed and locate my clothing and armor.

My stomach was up in my throat and I had to keep swallowing to avoid vomiting but somehow I managed to gather what little I had in the room and make myself look presentable. With a deep breath, I collected myself and my belongings and headed out to meet up with the rest of the group, now already out the front door.

Alistair approached me as I exited the Peak, concern in his voice.

"Hey, are you all right? Wynne said that you're sick."

Not at all in the mood for any conversation, I waved him away.

"I'm fine, Alistair, thank you. Just a late start is all."

I kept my mind blank to avoid any unnecessary expressions and walked to our sleigh, depositing my things and then hooking myself up to it. Sten would enjoy my company today as I would not talk his ear off. I simply had nothing to say.

Oghren tucked his flask in his belt and laughed.

"Strange question for me to ask, but where's Morrigan?"

"Yes, where is Morrigan? I went by her room and she wasn't there," Alistair added.

As I knew they would, everyone looked to me for clarification. A moment was needed to collect my thoughts and then I answered them.

"If Morrigan is not here, then she has made her choice. Now let us get a move on before we start losing daylight."

Leliana shuddered as she lifted her pack onto her back.

Maker... something really did happen between them.

If Morrigan left... it was not something good.

Alistair made some more comments but Wynne grabbed his arm, shaking her head and leading him back to the others. She knew something had gone wrong, especially after what Leliana had told her of Morrigan and knew it would be revealed in time without prodding.

Everyone looked a bit puzzled by my behavior and lack of greeting, but I did not realize this. I was in no shape to care much about opinion right now. Everyone finished gathering in the courtyard and we set off towards Denerim.

It was easy to steer the sleigh back down the hill through the snow and for the first couple of hours as well. Once we were at lower altitude, the snow disappeared and we were once again in wooded areas, having to steer around rocks and fallen trees and other obstacles as they came up.

We went several hours before Alistair called for a break and I begrudgingly agreed and unhooked myself from the sleigh and headed to the small lake near us to refill my canteen. As I was bent down, I heard crunching footsteps behind me and said a silent prayer that it was not someone to speak to me.

It turned out to be Sten and he did indeed ignore me as usual for which I was grateful. He was quick, simply filling up his canteen as well as splashing cool water on his face and then he was gone again.

I considered asking Oghren for more alcohol because my head was still full of thoughts I shouldn't be thinking. Tears seeped from the corners of my eyes and I splashed water on my face, not wanting to acknowledge them.

Leliana watched me kneeling in front of the water and grimaced, wanting to approach me but having nothing she could say to me now. She resigned herself to taking Shmooples for a walk, telling herself not to care and that I had made my choice as well.

Alistair finished replacing the food pack into the sleigh and then informed us that he now needed to refill his canteen. Everyone was waiting on him and I walked back to the sleigh and Oghren was busy hooking himself up into it.

"I'll pull again, Oghren. Don't worry about it."

Oghren's eyes lit up as he was able to get out of a responsibility without even so much as having to give an excuse and he separated from the sleigh.

"Uh, are you sure, Warden? I can..."

"No it's fine."

At least he tried to care.

When it would be Alistair's turn to pull the sleigh, it would be then that I would take another duty. He would not allow me to stay silent and would press me for what was wrong and I just could not have that right now. Alistair was my friend, a good friend, but there are just some things that you cannot share. And he would never understand about Morrigan. To him she was just an apostate, a maleficar to be eradicated.

No, talking to Alistair wouldn't do.

Speaking of, Alistair returned to the sleigh and we were finally able to set off again and now it was Zevran and I pulling the sleigh. Zevran had many faults but one of them was not putting his nose where it didn't belong, at least not today. He was silent beside me for quite a bit of time until he began singing, which actually startled me. It was in another language, most likely Antivan and I didn't understand it but it sounded beautiful all the same.

Alistair fell behind to ask Zevran what it was and it was some song he'd heard in the whorehouse, when he was younger. He wasn't sure what it meant either but he liked the way it sounded.

Alistair laughed.

"What if you're singing about being a whore, Zevran? Aren't you afraid it means something... dirty?"

Zevran smiled.

"And why would that make me afraid? I live for the 'dirty', as you call it and there is nothing wrong with being a whore, Alistair. Some of the best women that I've known were whores. Just imagine if your life had been different, you could have been there with me."

Alistair's shocked expression caused Zevran to laugh and the sound did me good, causing other thoughts in my head besides the bad.

"Oh you would have loved the whorehouse, Alistair. So many skills, so much time and so many women and men."

Alistair was blushing as usual and decided to end the chat with Zevran there, moving back to the middle of the party.

That was the extent of any talking until we took another break four hours later for lunch. This time I took my leave of the group and drew my sword, approaching a shapely tree.

This will do.

While the others ate and drank and laughed, I stood alone, honing my swordsman skills against an unarmed wooden opponent, not feeling up to eating one bit. My head was still sore and just the thought of food turned my stomach so training it was. Mabs came to lie beside me and watched as I grunted and attacked the tree with everything I had left, over and over.

"What is going on with her today?" Alistair asked through his mouthful of sandwich.

Wynne took a quick peek at Leliana and from her reaction, she knew that whatever had happened, Leliana was privy to it as well.

"Some days are just better than others, Alistair. I'm sure there's no need for worry."

Alistair kept munching his sandwich and watching me, not satisfied with Wynne's explanation.

"I've never seen her like this though. Something must be wrong."

Leliana picked at her sandwich and her appetite was as big as mine so she just resigned herself to her canteen, sipping and having thoughts she didn't want.

"It's best to leave things alone until they have blown over." Wynne said.

"What? So that means that you know something happened? Did it have to do with Morrigan?" Alistair asked.

The sound of that name brought the one bite of sandwich back into Leliana's throat and she winced.

"I didn't say anything happened, Alistair. Just that if something had, it would be best to discuss later and not on the road." Wynne recovered.

Alistair frowned.

"I don't like that one bit...one of you must know what happened. Leliana, do you know what's wrong with Detra?"

Leliana did not want to be included in that sentence and she shook her head, her mouth full of water, hoping Alistair would leave her out of it.

"Well I don't care what any of you do, but I'm going to go and talk to my friend and make sure she's all right. You may be able to ignore it but I won't."

Wynne rolled her eyes but had no words to stop him as Alistair stood and walked over to where I was beating the tree senseless.

I heard footsteps approaching again and whatever was left on inside of me, I shut down, not wanting to share anything right now.

"Detra? Do you want something to eat? There are plenty of sandwiches..."

I cut Alistair off between puffs and sword strikes, knowing what he was up to.

"Thank you, but I'm fine right here."

I could still see him standing near me and knew it was going to take more to get rid of him this time.

"Are you all right, Detra? I can tell something is wrong."

I turned to him and did my best to smile somewhat.

"I am fine, Alistair and I would appreciate some breathing room."

I turned back to the tree and felt Alistair now behind me, not heeding a word I'd said.

"But we're friends, Detra, and I care what's wrong with you. Everyone thinks I'm stupid but I know something is bothering you." Alistair said.

I fought hard to swallow the lump that formed in my throat and the emotions that threatened to erupt if I didn't get them under control.

If he touches me, all is lost.

I moved forward, away from Alistair and froze my emotions in place once again and it took all of my strength.

"Alistair... please. Not now, not today." I whispered, hoping he understood the pain I was in right now.

Alistair did not move towards me and I held my breath as I waited for his reaction.

"Just remember that I'm your friend, Detra. No matter what."

I let my breath out as I heard Alistair leave and was overjoyed that I had kept it together in front of him. I could never allow my defenses to be breached again, not by anyone, no matter what the situation. I am a Cousland and a Grey Warden and those are the only things that would define me from this point on.

Never again.

I moved further into the trees and what little I had in my stomach came up forcefully, my body reacting to the thoughts in my mind. When the retching stopped, I dropped at the base of the tree and closed my eyes, waiting for the others to be done so that we could move on.

"Back up, back up!"

Sten yelled from the front of the party as arrows whistled past our heads.

My sword drawn, I took cover by the nearest rock, plotting a course of action.

"Hey, those are Dalish elves! Why are they fighting with us?" Zevran yelled above everyone else.

I peeked out above my rock and managed to spot a figure up in one of the trees. He was indeed an elf but I wondered how Zevran knew they were Dalish. Then again, I'd never seen a city elf climb a tree let alone use a bow and arrow efficiently. I figured at this point, they'd already attacked us so talking wouldn't do. It would take something drastic to gain their ear. There was another elf in a tree that was closer to our party and I moved quickly to find Wynne in nearby cover.

"Wynne! Can you hit that elf up there with some spell to knock him out of that tree?"

"Well, yes, but what are you planning? Surely not just running in there to retrieve him?"

I just stared back at Wynne and she sighed.

"Very well but be careful, Detra! Better yet, why not take someone else with you?"

"I will be fine. Now let me move back into position then I will signal you when I'm ready!"

I hurried back to my previous hiding spot and surveyed the area under the tree. Yes, sufficient cover there, at least for a few moments anyhow.

I signaled to Wynne and I saw a bolt of electricity travel from her staff to the tree and took off running as I heard the elf cry out in pain and heard him falling down through the limbs of the tree. Arrows followed me as I made my way under the tree and saw the elf lying on the ground, struggling to get up. I grabbed him by the front and hoisted him up then pulled us both behind the tree, out of arrows reach.

"I have your man here! I suggest you not fire another arrow unless you want his throat slit now!" I yelled, my sword at the throat of the elf in my grasp.

The arrows stopped and I was able to concentrate on my captive now, holding my sword closer to his throat, hoping that he felt threatened enough to answer.

"Who are you and why are you firing on us without provocation?"

"Can you not see we are elves, shemlen?"

"I can see that you are elves but we've done nothing to you. Why attack us?"

"Because you are shemlen."

"That's it? That's why you attacked us? You are Dalish, are you not?"

"What of it, shemlen?"

"Were you not instructed by your Keeper to aid the Wardens in the fight for Denerim? Last time I spoke with Lanaya, she had sent out word that all Dalish that were available would help us."

The elf was quiet for a moment.

"You are... a Grey Warden?"

"Yes and my companions and I are on our way to Denerim now. Or we were until you attacked us."

"You know our Keeper?"

"Yes, and I knew your Keeper before that. Zathrian, and his...untimely end."

The elf was silent for another bit.

"All right, I yield. I will tell my companions that you mean us no harm."

I released my grip on the elf and he turned to me.

"We do not mean you harm and had you given us a chance, we would have told you that."

The elf smirked and he instantly reminded me of Zevran.

"Surely you know the dangers of giving chances, Warden. Especially out here in the Wilds."

The elf walked from behind the tree and as I followed him, I heard him whistle. Within a minute, we were joined by five of his companions who looked at him questioningly.

"These are the Wardens that we are helping. The ones that Keeper Lanaya has spoken of."

There were nods and grunts of understanding between all of them and soon I was also joined by my companions as well.

"So what's going on then?" Zevran inquired.

The Dalish elves looked Zevran over for a moment or so, perhaps wondering why one of their kind chose to travel with shemlen and Zevran smiled.

"Yes, not all of us grow up in a forest."

"So you are on your way to Denerim now as well?" I questioned the elves.

"We are," the one that I had captured answered.

The elves began moving away in formation and it seemed they were leaving now without any sort of introductions whatsoever.

"You are welcome to travel with us if you'd like." I shouted out to them.

"We travel faster on our own." was the answer I received.

I watched after them for a moment until they disappeared then turned back to my own troops.

"Well, I guess being lifelong friends with them is out of the question."

"Why are they so far from the Brecilian Forest I wonder? That is where the clan was last time that we saw them." Zevran added.

I shrugged.

"I could not tell you that, Zevran. And they don't seem to walk to speak with us so... Let's just get to Denerim."

Our group regained its purpose now that arrows weren't flying and Oghren and Alistair walked back to the sleigh to hook back up to it.

I looked at the sky, sensing how close twilight was.

"Listen, we should just camp here for the night since it's just getting darker. We'll have the trees for cover and there is a stream close to here. I can hear it."

Tired grumbles agreed with me and everyone set about taking out the quick camp tent, one large enough for us all to squeeze into, save for whoever was on watch.

"I'm on watch tonight." I said to whoever could hear.

I wasn't really tired and after the 'fight' with the elves, my blood was pumping and I at least had something else to think about. Besides, after pulling the sleigh for most of the day, I was full of energy and not interested in sleeping.

Scouting out a perfect spot for watch, I heard a voice behind me.

"Detra?"

It was Leliana.

I had forgotten that she was even with us until this very moment, mostly because she hadn't said a word to remind anyone of her presence. I wiped the foolish look off my face and turned to her.

"Yes?"

"I can take watch tonight if you'd like."

"No, thank you, Leliana. I'm not tired and I've already got my spot picked out. You go ahead and get some sleep."

With just a hint of hesitation, Leliana turned and walked back to the others, leaving me solitary once again.

The tent went up quickly and one by one, everyone but Sten piled inside for the precious few hours of sleep before we'd finish the trek to Denerim.

Morning arrived before I knew it and I was still awake and alert as the others now piled back out of the tent.

"Ow! Alistair, watch it!" Zevran said.

"Sorry!" Alistair said after a moment.

I got some tepid good mornings and I felt like I was floating on clouds this morning since I'd gotten no sleep and I could not relax one bit.

"Who is up for breakfast? I am cooking."

Alistair yelled his excitement about breakfast as he made his way to the stream to wash up and I began locating all the cooking materials I'd need. A quick set up of rocks and twigs and a zap from Wynne and I had fire and was in business.

"Bacon and eggs today, everyone."

My cooking timing seemed to be perfect as each time a batch of eggs finished, enough hungry mouths were there waiting for them with plates.

"I love your cooking, Detra! If they really force me to be King, you have to come and cook for me." Alistair said, lovingly admiring his plate.

I laughed, for the first time in I'm not sure how long but I never answered him.

Oghren and then Wynne also commented on the food, that it was good and I think Alistair made them feel badly about not doing so beforehand with his comment.

Everyone had come up for food but Leliana and I just realized it, calling to her.

"Leliana? Are you eating?"

Leliana was off with Shmooples towards the trees but she heard me and waved my offer away without a word.

She's probably still angry with me for the other day.

I don't have time for this.

Shaking my head, I scooped out what remained in the frying pan and put it on a plate. I only picked at my breakfast as this floating feeling inside made me feel I had plenty of energy already and I could not concentrate on a thing because of it. Instead I walked down to the stream to wash the dishes that I'd used and to lose myself in the symphony of the stream for a bit as well.

Thankfully everyone finished off their meal rather quickly and we set about moving towards our goal of Denerim again.

"I never thought we'd make it here! What a trip!" Alistair shouted gleefully, never happier to see civilization.

We were met at the gate by some of Arl Eamon's men and they took over pulling of the sleigh from that point on and we headed on to Eamon's estate. People in the street seemed to be rushing around and they eyed us carefully as they moved from shop to shop.

The Arl greeted us quickly, wanting to have a meeting straight away about the news he had for us since we had last spoken. Alistair moaned about being hungry and I believe that embarrassed Eamon enough to serve up a meal in lieu of the meeting.

There was a whirlwind of greetings as we were led to the dining hall and all types of servants asked if we needed anything. I only remember shaking my head many times. That floating feeling had only gotten more intense since we'd arrived and I could honestly say I had no idea what was going on.

We all sat down at the dining table not too much later and Eamon ended up giving us some news about the location of the Darkspawn and how as they marched, their numbers increased as more came up from underground.

There was more talk but I just could not concentrate on it and kept requesting glasses of wine from the nearby elven servant. Soon enough, the room was spinning for me and I had to excuse myself from the table, not even sure I could make it to my room.

"Are you all right, Detra? You don't look well at all." Alistair asked, concerned for the second time today.

I shook my head at him, giggling.

"No, I'm not. I'm laying to go down now..."

I made my way out of the room, grasping the back of every other chair in the room around the table and finally made it out into the hallway. Even then, I was lost as to where I should go and had to enlist the help of a nearby elf to help me to my room. I could no longer stand on my own.

The elf deposited me on the bed in my designated room and shook his head as he left.

Shemlen are so odd.