I stood at my window, my reflection in the glass unsettling me after I had closed it. I moved away back into the center of the room, unsure of what to do with myself now that I was alone.
I could still feel her hands on me...Inside of me and tears still escaped my eyes.
I could not believe Morrigan actually felt as if she could just walk back into my life without explanation and simply take what she pleased again without consequence.
Could she not see how much I felt for her?
Maybe she never cared for me to begin with.
Morrigan was all about pleasure and I guess this was no different.
But seeing her cry bothered me very much still. If she had stayed, we may have spoken more and...
I shook my head.
Rubbing my eyes, a sigh of defeat escaped me.
I only delude myself.
We would have made love again and the same cycle would start all over.
Morrigan has not changed. I don't think she ever could.
She would always do as she wished no matter what was at stake.
It was always about Morrigan and it always would be.
I just wish...
Another sigh.
I cannot.
It will never be what I want it to be.
I rubbed my forehead, wishing for an easy night not filled with evil and disturbing dreams. None of which even contained Darkspawn.
But I could think no more on this subject. The Landsmeet was set for tomorrow and I would need at least a few hours of sleep to make it through that, let alone the rest of the day.
I left my room and I made my way to Leliana's room. She was still asleep in her bed and I climbed under the covers with her. I didn't think Leliana would mind and I needed to feel close to her.
I lay beside her, listening to her breathing. I snuggled up against her side, taking hold of her hand, reveling in the fact that it was not Morrigan's.
I hoped she would wake up soon.
Morrigan turned the key in the lock of the room she had taken at the Breakers Inn in Denerim and slipped into her room, quiet as possible.
Foolish woman.
Why could she not just accept the ritual?
Morrigan tossed the key onto the lone table in the room and sunk down into the chair, rubbing away the tears that would not stop coming from her eyes.
Morrigan stared at the bottle on the table and the cup that was alongside it.
She decided it was time.
Perhaps this wine can drive the insanity from within my head.
Morrigan poured a healthy dose of the alcohol and brought the cup to her lips.
She sipped at first and then found herself gulping a bit.
I do not want to feel this pain.
Morrigan hugged herself, wanting comfort.
I would rather an ogre tear out my eyeballs or consume more of Mother's marsh cuisine.
Morrigan held the cup on her lap and her eyes were unfocused, simply staring towards the wall.
Some things are worth fighting for.
'Tis not just about power...I had it wrong the whole time.
Morrigan swore she could feel my lips on hers as her fingers brushed her own. She allowed the molten memories of our night together not so long ago to claim space in her mind and her body warmed.
Seeing me again had thrown her so off balance.
Existence is meaningless without...
Love?
Morrigan cringed as she recalled the tears when I had stared back at her just a short time ago and my telling her that she had hurt me and that I would not be with her. There had been a pain within her so harsh that her tears could not be stopped and instead of being watched, she had escaped through the window.
She could not stand that she had hurt me so deeply and the guilt was consuming her.
Morrigan's chest burned and she gritted her teeth, angry with the thoughts and feelings flooding her.
My life has been one enormous lie.
Morrigan's sobs grew thicker.
The wine had done nothing to help her.
I curse you, Mother.
If you were not already dead, I would kill you again myself. A thousand times over.
You caused me to leave with her...
To travel with her for so long...
Morrigan hung her head.
To love her.
Morrigan slammed her palms into the table.
Curse you!
Her head bowed, tears falling onto the table from her cheeks.
I will never be free.
Her eyes soon settled on the bottle on the table and Morrigan stared at it for a bit, her eyes unfocused, deep in thought.
This is how it must be.
Morrigan wiped the tears from her cheeks and moved towards the bottle. Slowly she filled her glass again with glazed eyes, drinking deeply after staring into the cup for a moment.
Morrigan leaned back in her chair, cup clutched to her chest.
Suddenly Morrigan stood up and screamed as she sent the cup flying across the room. It smashed into the wall and she collapsed onto her knees, sobbing uncontrollably.
It was as if she were making up for all the tears she had never shed in her whole life.
You cannot control that which does not belong to you.