AUTHORS NOTE: A bit of filler but touching on a subject which was first raised back at the beginning of the story in chapter 16 and also a bit more surrounding Megumi's backstory. I have also expanded on the 'belt incident' which in canon was the point where Ana left Christian, but I have always alluded to the fact I changed that in this story, (like the way I altered the events of how Ana and Christian first met) with odd comments I've made at times, where I have made it clear she told him straight she didn't want to participate in the BDSM lifestyle, and he chose her over it.
(One more thing… just a quick shout out to the guest 'Samantha' for pointing out my typo 'Coka' rather than 'Coca', thanks for that and it's all rectified now! It's no excuse, but it isn't something I buy or drink so have never really paid much attention to how it is actually spelt, plus the fact here in the UK we tend to just call it 'Coke').
CHAPTER 160
(ELLIOT)
The Cross Industries jet takes off and we all watch it disappear into the sky. I turn towards Christian, we were all here to see them off although it won't be long before we are all reunited once more for Christian's Christmas extravaganza in Aspen which he is organising.
"Well, that's that then" I say with a shrug.
"Indeed" Christian says simply. I watch him carefully; he seems very quiet this morning and something isn't right as he is distinctly off. I know it is ridiculously early as with the time difference Gideon wanted to be in the air as early as possible so that he could get back to New York at a reasonable time. But Christian isn't behaving in a manner which inspires confidence in me, and doesn't strike me as something as simple as being tired from the early start.
"I know it was the best outcome in the end… but after everything that idiot put Jared through, do you feel it was a bit of an anti-climax in the end? The way he capitulated?" I ask.
Christian shrugs, "He was trying to regain control he didn't have. He wanted to punish Jared for taking that control away from him and he hung on to that until it became apparent that he could no longer do so and had nowhere to turn".
Ana nods, "He was just a very toxic pathetic little man. He was only the big man when he was bullying people who he believed were weaker than he was and when he had his gun to back him up… anyone is confident of their control when they have a gun in their hand to enforce it" she says.
Meg nods, "He was a horrible man, he reminded me of my ex. Not that he ever threatened me with a gun or anything, but he behaved just like him. Wanting to control everything and trying to belittle people… belittle me".
Sadie nods, "I agree, he also reminded me of David" she says as she wraps her arm around my wife offering her comfort. Meg reaches for Sadie and squeezes her hand.
I turn towards Sadie, "You have your first appointment soon with Caroline don't you?" I ask changing the subject.
Sadie smiles and nods, "Yes later today, 3pm at her office" she says.
"I'll take you" I say immediately and Sadie smiles at me.
"Thank you… but don't you have to work?" she asks.
I rush to reassure her as I don't want her feeling guilty about inconveniencing me. "No, I've got a clear window for a few days. Things always slow down at this time of year as we are approaching Christmas. The ongoing projects I have are all nearly complete and I can afford to take a few days off to get on top of the paperwork and plan the timeline for the forthcoming projects I have in the New Year so you are not interrupting anything".
Meg smiles, "I think we all need to take a pause after everything that has happened. I hope that Jared also manages to do that now that he has avenged his parents and his aunt and uncle's deaths".
Ana smiles at that, "I'm positive that Eva and Gideon will make sure he does".
We all move away and I touch Christian's arm, "Are you ok bro?" I ask quietly.
He smiles at me and nods, "I am… it's just" he begins but then stops.
"Just what?" I ask.
He turns and looks at me, "I was never… did I… I know I like control but…" he says and I know exactly what is now going through his head. Meg steps closer as she had heard what was being said.
She reaches out and touches his arm, "Christian, you are nothing like any of those men. Philip Martin was a warped individual motivated by greed pure and simple. David…" she pauses and then she calls Sadie over who quickly joins us. "Sadie, would you say Christian was like David?" she asks and Sadie gasps in shock shaking her head adamantly.
"No, good god no… you are a good man Christian, you care and protect your family David just destroyed his" she says.
Meg nods, "She is right Christian, yes you intimidated me when I first met you but I was scared of men full stop. But look how you brought El and I together, you saw there was something special between us before we even knew it was there and you planted that seed and encouraged it to grow with your generosity bringing me to Seattle. You gave me a job and at first a home, you bent over backwards to help El and I make a go of what we had. Look how you didn't think twice about helping Sadie and Lucy escape Detroit, you pulled out all the stops and did what needed to be done. You are a rich man with a lot of influence and you always use that influence positively so no Christian you are nothing like them" she says.
I glance at Ana who is watching and silently listening to Meg and Sadie reassure Christian. I make eye contact with her and the unspoken words pass between us. I know she will talk to Christian once they are alone and she will help him through whatever has caused this latest wobble.
I slap his shoulder, "Come on bro, stop this. You know what you are thinking is ridiculous, don't let those assholes derail everything you have accomplished so far" I say earnestly.
Christian smiles at me, "Thanks bro" he says and he turns to Meg and Sadie who are watching him closely.
"Thank you, ladies, for your impressive character reference" he says with forced brightness.
I watch as Ana slips her hand into his as we all say our goodbyes and go our separate ways.
(ANA)
We climb into the back of the Audi and I look carefully at Christian.
"What brought all that on?" I ask simply.
Christian looks at me and sighs, a bleak expression in his eyes. "I…" he starts and then stops and shakes his head.
I reach for him, "Christian, you are nothing like them" I say with a firm emphatic sense of finality.
"Aren't I?" he asks almost challengingly.
"Ok, tell me what makes you think you are?" I say challenging him right back.
He sighs and rubs his eyes, "Everything I heard, in that courtroom and everything I've heard about what Sadie went through with David… and also everything I learnt from the snippets of information from El and Meg about her abusive ex… I see the parallels Ana, I see how I used to behave and I don't like it" he says.
I smile at him, "Listen to yourself Christian, you said it yourself… used to, past tense. Do you seriously think I would be sitting right here if you were anything like those men?" I ask.
He stares at me, "Ana you threatened to leave me once when we first started seeing each other because I was exactly like those men".
I stare at him, and that one sentence reminds me that no matter how far he has come and how much progress he has made his mental health demons still lurk under the surface ready to whisper to him and make him doubt himself. Like Carrick and El I had done research after Christian had told me his diagnosis and I learnt that most mental health issues especially complex ones the like he was dealing with cannot be cured they can only be managed. Therapy and medication can help and the patient learning to come to terms with the things which caused the issues in the first place goes a long way to help but once that damage is there, the brain is such a complex organ it retains it ready to become triggered by situations which arise.
"Christian I am assuming you are referring to 'the talk' we had when I laid my cards on the table about your controlling behaviour when we were first together?" I ask carefully.
He nods at me, and I think for a moment. "Ok, let's break this down bit by bit. Did you ever threaten me with a gun if I didn't do as you wanted?" I ask.
Christian stares at me and shakes his head, "Of course not, I loathe guns" he splutters.
"So, you are saying you would never threaten me with violence to get my cooperation?" I ask.
Christian gapes, "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response Ana, you know I would never hurt you" he snaps.
I smile at him, "What did Philip Martin do to Bev and Jared Christian? What did David Greaves do to Sadie Christian?" I retort.
"They… they threatened them and hurt them" he says quietly.
"In a manner which you wouldn't dream of doing" I say.
Christian swallows hard, "I hurt you once… when I wanted you as my sub" he whispers.
I reach for his hand, "I gave you permission to do that if you remember. I wanted to see what that lifestyle was all about and you showed me" I argue.
"But you used your safe word" he says. I can clearly see he is stuck in his head on this and I shuffle closer.
I nod, "I did, and I also told you I never wanted you to do that to me again, do you remember that?" I say.
Christian nods bleakly at me, "Then what happened?" I ask.
He frowns, "What do you mean? We talked and you told me if that was what I wanted… what I needed then you couldn't be with me and that we needed to end it" he says.
I nod as I remember that time clearly, "And what did you do?" I ask simply.
"I didn't do anything, I stopped because I wanted you more than I wanted that lifestyle… I needed you more, so I gave it all up, so I could have you" he says and realisation seems to hit him as he says it.
"Exactly" I say and I wait.
"But I still tried to control you, which resulted in the talk" he argues and I sigh.
"Yes, and once again what happened after the talk?" I ask.
"I changed, I tried to compromise more and as a result you didn't feel the need to defy me and we got stronger and closer and…" he stops and smiles. "Ok baby you've made your point" he concludes.
I smile back but I'm not letting him off the hook that easily, "Ok, so now returning to Philip Martin… did he change his ways?" I ask.
Christian snorts, "Hardly, and before you say anything more… yes I know I am not motivated by greed, like he was" he says, amusement now tinging his words.
I smile back at him, "One final thing, what happened with David Greaves?" I ask.
Christian sighs, "That guy makes me more uncomfortable than Philip Martin as he…" he stops and shakes his head again.
I reach for him as I fear I am losing him again, "Christian look at me and answer my question. What happened with David Greaves?" I say firmly.
Christian sighs, "He killed himself, he wouldn't let Sadie go… he still has a hold over her now, hence the reason she is going into therapy and he manipulated her into not pressing charges against him for his abuse" he says.
I nod, "I agree he did, so how are you anything like him?" I ask.
Christian thinks about that, "He hit Sadie with a belt… I hit you with a belt" he mumbles.
"He did, we all saw the footage of that. Did you see Sadie agreeing to it?" I ask.
"No" Christian replies.
"Did you see him stop when Sadie pleaded with him to do so?" I ask.
"No" he replies again.
"Did I agree to what you did to me on that one occasion where you hit me with a belt?" I ask.
He hesitates, "Yes, you asked me to do it as you wanted to know" he says.
I nod, "Did you stop when we both realised I didn't like it and I asked you to… when I used the safe word?" I ask.
"Of course I fucking did!" he exclaims.
"And finally have you done it again since then?" I ask.
"No" he says simply.
I nod, "But we all know that footage we saw was just once of many, many instances where that man held Sadie down and whipped her with a belt, where he abused her and refused to hear her cries for help… you know your mother examined her and wrote a report about all the damage she found on Sadie's body. You have seen the reams and reams of photographs and video Lucy collected over the years of the sustained abuse so I ask you again Christian, considering you gave the opposite response to everything I asked about David compared to everything I asked about you. Now do you think you are anything like him?" I say.
He hesitates, "I guess not… but it's all about the control thing. I still have to have control, complete control… I can't get past that we are similar in that way. They admittedly went far further than I ever did, but the similarities are there Ana and you cannot deny them" he argues.
I sigh again, "Do you exert your control over people for your own perverse sick pleasure?" I ask.
He frowns at me, "No, I have to have a level of control so I feel… safe" he says.
"And that right there is the difference Christian" I say.
He thinks about that and reaches for me, pulling me into his lap and burying his nose in my hair.
"Thank you, baby," he whispers.
"No problem, but you should mention this morning when you have your next session with Caroline" I suggest and I feel him nod.
"I will" he replies.
(ELLIOT)
"What was going on with Christian earlier?" Meg asks me as we are heading back home.
I sigh, "He… he was having a wobble. He was comparing himself and how he is… was, with Philip Martin and David Greaves. He does that, his self-loathing isn't as bad as it used to be though. Caroline has worked wonders with him in that respect but because he still has to have a level of control and then after hearing about those assholes… he started over thinking it and drawing parallels with himself. Ana will hopefully make him see sense though, she is the family Christian whisperer".
"Why on earth does he believe he is anything like them?" Sadie asks from the back seat.
I glance at her through the rear-view mirror. "Because he had a shit start in life and it left him with a lot of issues. Issues which he is only coming to terms with now. He was a bit of an asshole for a number of years, and when he first met Ana he tried to control her… not like how David was with you, but he had this fear that Ana would get hurt if he didn't protect her… and still does to a certain extent. He had to know where she was at all times and he went off on one if she went off somewhere without letting him know because he was scared something bad would happen to her. Ana sat him down and they had this massive talk where she told him straight that if he didn't pack it in she would go and that made him see how unreasonable he was being at times. They talked and they reached a number of compromises and they didn't look back. But like the rest of us, Kate witnessed that behaviour and she used to try and wind Christian up by doing shit like taking Ana off to places which weren't planned and taunting Ana that she always had to get permission to go when in reality Ana was just letting Christian know where she was so he didn't panic. The Christian you both know is far different from the one I grew up with and who first met Ana, which is a good thing, but he was never anything like Philip Martin or David he would never physically hurt or threaten anyone he loves".
"Marcus was like Philip Martin" Meg whispers quietly and I reach over and grasp her hand.
She was adamant that she wanted to go to the court to help support Jared through the trial and I was worried that it might trigger memories for her from her own past. Some of the shit she told me about that asshole makes me want to track him down and give him a taste of his own medicine. He was one sick puppy. Welch keeps me updated on that fucker and his whereabouts though. When Meg and I got together and she had finally opened up and told me about him, and what he did to her I had gone straight to Christian to ask for Welch to track him down and make sure that we knew where he was and what he was doing and also to make sure he never attempted to make contact with Meg again.
I watch as Sadie reaches forward and places her hand on Meg's shoulder offering her, her own silent support and comfort. Meg and Sadie are really close. It started with Meg, Lucy and Mia being friends and Meg spending a lot of time at their little house. The mutual support they have given each other with their recollections about their abusive pasts has been like mini therapy sessions for both of them and I'm grateful that they found comfort in each other as I really have no point of reference. I have never been in an abusive relationship. Kate was totally different; she was never physically abusive towards me she was just indifferent. Most of the time, especially towards the end it was like living with a room mate rather than having a wife as we lived totally separate lives, she did her thing and I did mine. I quickly push my ex-wife from my mind, since she was sent to prison she has been writing to me relentlessly but I have not read a single letter she has sent and I don't even see them now as when I told Christian what she was doing, he got his security to intercept them so I didn't have to deal with her.
My thoughts are interrupted by Meg's phone ringing. She pulls it from her pocket and frowns at the screen.
"Who is it?" I ask.
"Your lawyer, David" she says in surprise.
I am also surprised by that wondering why he is calling her. I watch as she quickly answers with a bright hello.
I take a quick glance at her and see the colour drain from her face and so I quickly pull over so that I can give her my complete attention.
"Yes… of course I will, there is no question about that… yes, if it will help then yes tell them I will" she says.
I wait as she speaks for a few more moments before bringing the call to an end.
"What is it?" I ask as soon as she pushes her phone back into her pocket, and I reach for her hand.
She swallows hard, "Marcus has been arrested… in New York, his latest girlfriend is pressing charges and her attorneys are looking into his past and approaching his ex-girlfriends and seeing if anything similar happened to them to help build their case against him. Because I am now married to you… they approached your dad instead of reaching out to me directly and he passed on their request to David as he is your lawyer".
I nod, and as I go to say something I feel my own phone ringing. I reach for it and see it is dad calling me.
"Dad" I say by way of greeting as I answer.
"Elliot, good morning. Just a quick heads up, David is going to be contacting Megumi today regarding her ex-boyfriend. It appears he has been arrested in New York for rape and abusive behaviour towards his current girlfriend. She is pressing charges and so her attorney is looking to find past girlfriends to discover if they had similar experiences with him. Her attorney is an old friend of mine and so when Megumi's name came up, he reached out to me first because of our friendship. I've passed it on to David as he is your personal attorney but I thought I'd let you know, especially considering everything that Megumi has had to contend with over the past few months with the baby and after what happened with Kate".
"Thanks dad, actually David has just called Meg and we are sitting at the side of the road talking about it" I say.
"Sitting at the side of the road?" dad asks.
I snort, "Yeah, we are just heading home after seeing Eva, Gideon and Jared off at the airport when David called her a couple of minutes ago" I say.
"Oh of course I'd forgotten they were going back to New York today" dad says.
"Yeah, anyway Meg has agreed to testify against that asshole so I'll keep you posted on what happens" I say.
"Alright, well tell her from what they have discovered it appears that there is a whole line of women lining up to testify against him. But for now I'll let you go, bye for now" dad says.
"Thanks dad I will, bye" I say and as I kill the call I return my attention back to my wife. "Dad, giving me a heads up" I say with a grin.
Meg nods and I squeeze her hand gently, "Dad says there are a lot of woman who want to come forward to testify against him so you won't be the only one".
Her head sweeps round and she meets my gaze, "Really? I wonder if Joanna is one of them?" she says.
I look questioningly at my wife wondering who Joanna is.
"Joanna… although I just used to call her Jo, she dated him before me and she tried to warn me about him. I didn't listen, he was so charming and nice at the start but as soon as I moved in with him… that was when he showed his true colours. She tried to tell me, she tried to make me see it was all an act and he wasn't the perfect boyfriend he portrayed himself to be… but I didn't listen to her and you have no idea how many times I regret that".
I reach for Meg and pull her towards me, just holding her.
"That sounds exactly like David, he was charming and appeared to be so nice, thoughtful and walking perfection… until he got me where he wanted me" Sadie says sadly.
Meg pulls away from me, "I might give Eva a call later, when I know they are back in New York. She was the one who helped me see what he was doing wasn't right and she helped me break away from him. I'd like to let her know that he has done it again and this time there might be a chance he will be punished for his actions".
I nod, "Ok, that sounds like a good idea" I say.
"Did you press charges against him?" Sadie asks and Meg shakes her head.
"No, I was too frightened of him. He came after me after I managed to escape and that particular day when he came I was meeting with Eva… I was waiting for her to arrive when he tried to grab me and he started screaming in my face telling me I was a worthless bitch and how dare I believe that I was allowed to leave him, and did I really think anyone else would want me other than him? He disregarded Eva, when she showed up and yelled at him to leave me alone. He laughed at her and told her to mind her own business, he didn't think she was relevant and he thought she would cower and be afraid of him, but she didn't… she punched him instead. She also kicked him between his legs and as he went for her, she threw him to the ground and as she pinned him there, she threatened him that if he came within a mile of me again, she would kill him. It was so funny, because she stood up to him he had no idea what to do, and he just lay there on the ground nodding and agreeing with her. That security guy – Raul who works for Gideon appeared and Marcus nearly shit himself when he saw him. He hauled him up and told him that he would also make sure that he never bothered me again… and after that, he never did. Eva tried to convince me to press charges, but I was just glad I'd got away from him and I didn't want to provoke him and risk him coming back into my life… so I didn't".
"Will you have to go to court?" Sadie asks.
Meg shakes her head, "No, I don't think so, David said that a written statement was all they wanted. He said if I just write everything I remember down, and sign it he would pass it on and that should be enough for them to… but if it comes down to testifying in court, I will… I mean I would like to" she says looking at me warily, and it hits me she is asking my permission.
"Meg, you don't need my permission on this. You do whatever you feel you need to do and I will be right beside you supporting you all the way" I say.
Meg smiles at me, "I just thought… I didn't want anything negative to come back on the family. I mean I work for Christian and… with how the media are about blowing every little thing that happens into a major news story" she stops and puts her head down.
I gaze down at her, "Meg look at me, this is important and if it is done right and the media get hold of it… it might actually be a positive thing as it will highlight the very real problem of domestic abuse and controlling abusive relationships. Let me tell you, Christian won't be embarrassed about it. I guarantee he will support you all the way on this and if the media do come sniffing for a story he will throw all his influence and resources into making sure they tell the correct story, so don't worry about that".
"Ok" Meg replies.