Chapter 7: Home

Jane: June, Present Day

After using the bathroom, Jane paused at the sink. She leaned forward against the counter, resting most of her weight on her hands as she let her head hang down. She was exhausted. Today had been completely different than she had planned for. They were going to go to Target and the grocery store. Instead, their entire world was flipped on its head. It wasn't a bad thing, necessarily. In most ways, it was a good thing. She had longed to see Maura since the day she disappeared. Jane didn't know it was possible to miss someone so much until Maura was gone. But now, Maura was here, and she was okay – or at least as okay as could be expected given the situation. Maura was back, and together they had four beautiful, amazing daughters.

All of this was good, the stressful part was when Jane started to think about what comes next. She had no idea, really, what Maura wanted from her – or more accurately, for them. She knew that Maura wanted to get to know Emma and Finn, and she knew that Maura wasn't here to take them away. Those were, of course, the most important things. But what did all of this mean for Harper and Sophie? What did it mean for her and Maura?

Jane sighed and pushed herself off the counter, knowing Maura was going to start to wonder what she was doing if she didn't go back soon.

When Jane walked back into the bedroom, she stopped for a minute to look at Maura. She hadn't really looked at her since she'd gotten here. Maura was sitting against the headboard, her legs stretched in front of her crossed at the ankles. She had on a white blouse paired with a navy-blue pencil skirt. Her matching blue heels were neatly sitting on the floor next to the bed. In all honesty, Maura didn't look that different than she did when Jane last saw her, despite the nearly seven years that had passed. Her hair was a little shorter than Jane remembered Maura usually wearing it, but it was still the same honey blonde with soft waves throughout. Her face showed a few more worry lines, but they were just barely noticeable. The truth was Maura was just as beautiful as ever. When Maura looked up, noticing Jane's return, she smiled softly at Jane. At the sight, Jane felt the once-common flutter in her stomach – something she hadn't felt in nearly seven years.

Realizing she had been caught staring, Jane gently shook her head, offering a soft, "sorry," before she made her way back to the bed.

"Um, can I ask, where are you guys staying?" Jane questioned as she sat back down next to Maura.

"We have an apartment," Maura said, purposely offering as little information as possible, "but it's just temporary. I'm hoping to find something more permanent as soon as possible."

"Okay, but where is your apartment?" Jane asked, but before Maura could respond, she continued, "I guess what I'm really trying to figure out is where we go from here. Like, what do you see as the next step?"

"Honestly," Maura said slowly, "today has already been more than I had dared hope for. I don't really know what comes next because I thought it would take us a lot longer to get to this point."

Jane tilted her head, clearly deep in thought. "I'm not sure I understand," she admitted. "I mean, we still have a long way to go."

"I know, but I wasn't even sure if you would let me in the door. And if you did, I figured we'd talk for half an hour then decide we needed more time before we could really talk."

"Do you need more time?" Jane asked.

"No, but I've known for a little over three weeks that we could return to Boston," Maura said. "I've had time to process what that could potentially mean. You haven't had that same opportunity. We literally just showed up on your doorstep with no warning. I'd completely understand if you need more time to decide how you want us to be a part of your lives."

"But Maura, you're already a part of our lives," Jane said honestly. "I've had seven years apart, and I really don't want any more."

"Honestly, me neither," Maura said with a smile. "I'm still not really sure where that leaves us."

"We don't need to figure it all out right now. We just need to figure out the next step. Which leads me back to my original question of where you guys are living, but I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to tell me. I'm just not really sure of the reason. If it's because you don't want us to just show up there, then that's fine. Just tell me that."

"No," Maura said quickly, waving her hands in front of her to emphasize her point. "No, Jane, that's not it at all. I'm sorry you thought that. It's…I guess I'm just slightly embarrassed."

"Of what?" Jane asked, surprised. "You're talking to me, the blue-collar cop from a working-class family. I grew up in South Boston. What the hell am I going to judge you about? We're living here…" Jane gestured to the room and by extension the house around them, "…because of your money. Which, by the way, we need to talk about because I really hope you didn't think you needed to leave me money to take them in. You didn't have to pay me to take care of them, to love them."

"Oh, Jane, I never thought that," Maura assured her. "When I went into witsec, I had to give up my entire life. That included all my assets. I wanted it to go to you right away, but there were some legal complications with that. Technically, it should have gone to my next of kin, which was my parents, regardless of my wishes or my living will. I argued with the agents. In the end, it was significantly easier to have it go to you at the same time as custody of the girls was transferred to you."

"I thought that might be the case," Jane said. "It seems like it would be pretty easy to find someone spending money the way you used to, which incidentally, is one of the ways I tried to find you when you first disappeared."

Maura couldn't help but laugh at that. "Well, they also don't give you much when you leave the program, and what they do give you is based on the cost of living in your current location. The cost of living in rural Utah is a lot less than the cost of living in Boston."

"You were in Utah?" Jane exclaimed in surprise.

Maura laughed again. "Yes, just outside Salt Lake City," she said. "I worked in the morgue of the county hospital. Anyway, the point is, I didn't have much to put towards a place to live. All of our potential assets in Utah – the house, car, even my cell phone – were owned by witsec."

"The point being, you're living in a crappy apartment in a dangerous part of town?" Jane asked.

Maura's shoulders fell in defeat. "Yes," she said resignedly, "but it's only temporary – until I can get back on my feet."

"Maura, I'm not asking in order to judge you," Jane said. "You're doing your best in a crappy situation, and honestly, you're prolly doing a helluva lot better than most people would be if they were in your place. I'm just asking because I care about you and Sophie, and I want you to be safe."

"I know, and I know I shouldn't get so defensive."

"You also realize that all this is coming back to you, right?" Jane asked. "This is all your money."

"No!" Maura said quickly. "Not a chance. I did not come back here for the money, and I never want you or anyone to think I did. That money is yours now."

Jane opened her mouth to argue, but Maura cut her off. "Absolutely not," Maura said firmly. "This is not something I'm willing to debate."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Is this how I sounded to you all those years?" she quipped, and Maura couldn't help the smile that escaped despite her best efforts to remain firm. "Okay, I think we can at least agree that regardless of whose money it is, the most important thing is that the girls have what they need."

"Yes, I agree," Maura said. "But…"

"No, there's no buts. We can argue about whose money it is later, but for now we're at least going to make sure you and Sophie have somewhere safe to live. You also have to have a car, cell phone, and insurance. Can you at least agree that 'the money' can be used for that?" Jane asked, using her fingers to make air quotes as she said, 'the money.'

"What exactly do you suggest?" Maura asked, not quite willing to give in on this point yet. Of course, she thought that Sophie needed and deserved a safe place to live. She just wasn't sure this was the right way to go about it.

"Well, I have a couple of options in mind," Jane said. She paused because even though she didn't want Maura to know this, she really, really wanted Maura to go along with her preferred suggestion. "The most hands-off approach would be to just transfer some money into your name – or actually probably the easiest is to just add you to my account. Then, you could get what you needed to. If you don't like that, you can just decide what you need, and I'll just pay for it. To start with, you could stay at a hotel, get a cell phone and a car, and look for a more permanent place. But…"

"But what?" Maura asked.

"I think you guys should stay here," Jane said quickly. "I won't be offended if you don't want to – I get that it might be too much too soon, but I think maybe it could be good. We have plenty of room. It would give you a chance to figure out what you want next, and it would give Sophie a chance to get to know her sisters. It would give all of us a chance to get to know each other – to be a family – because regardless of how unconventional it might be, we're a family."

Jane's heart sank when Maura looked away from her with tears in her eyes. She knew it was a big ask, but that hadn't stopped her from hoping.

Maura: June, Present Day

Maura broke eye contact with Jane. She hadn't expected Jane's offer. She wasn't surprised that Jane had offered to pay for a better place to live, but she had not expected Jane to suggest she and Sophie move in with them. A whirlwind of emotions flooded her system when she heard Jane's words, especially when Jane said they were family. There was no doubt in Maura's mind that Jane was her family – and obviously, the girls were her family – but she wasn't expecting Jane to still feel that way. Honestly, she was expecting Jane to have moved on from her.

The idea simultaneously excited her and terrified her. On the one hand, was there anything better than living with her family – with Jane, with all the kids? On the other hand, what if it went wrong? The consequences were so huge if they couldn't make this work. Not the sharing a house part – they could always live separately later on – but if they couldn't figure out how to be a family, then what? But was that really dependent on where they lived? Not really, the possibility of them falling apart, of losing their family, that existed regardless of where Maura and Sophie lived.

Maura realized that she had been silent for too long and that Jane had misinterpreted her silence when Jane started to backtrack. "Really, I won't be offended if you don't want to," Jane said, her voice laced with vulnerability. "I just…"

"Jane," Maura cut her off. "I wasn't hesitating because I didn't like the idea." Maura reached out to take Jane's hand in hers. "I'm just scared. It almost seems…I don't know…too good to be true, if you know what I mean."

"I do," Jane said quietly. "I just feel like we've already lost so much, I don't want to lose more just because we're scared. And don't get me wrong, I'm terrified, too. You and those girls downstairs…you mean everything to me. If I lost you again…" Now it was Jane's turn to break eye-contact as tears filled her eyes.

Maura gently squeezed Jane's hand in an attempt to get Jane to look at her again.

"Jane, I don't want to lose you either," Maura said gently as Jane continued to avoid making eye contact with her. "I think maybe you're right though." This made Jane turn back to look at Maura again. "We're already lost so much – and not just time. I don't want to miss out on more – with you or with the girls – just because I'm scared. But we have to promise to keep talking. We have to promise to 'love each other even when we hate each other.'"

Jane smirked. "You watched Grey's Anatomy," she said.

Maura laughed, glad that Jane had picked up on her reference – she was slightly more proud of herself than she should have been. "Yes, I had a lot of time to watch TV, especially when I first left," she said. "If we did this…if Sophie and I stayed here, what would that look like?"

"Well, we have a guest room, so that could become your room. Then, I guess it's up to you whether you think it would be better for Sophie to stay in your room with you or if she should share a room with Harper. I'm also open to other suggestions. The basement's finished, but it's not set up to be a bedroom. We could figure out a way to make it one though if you really wanted Sophie to have her own space."

"She doesn't necessarily need her own space, at least not in the short term," Maura said. "I don't want this to disrupt Emma, Finn, or Harper's lives though."

"I mean their lives are going to change now that you guys are here regardless of whether you live here or somewhere else, but that's not a bad thing."

"I know. What I meant was, I don't want Harper to have to give up any of her space. I don't want any of the to have to give up what's theirs just because we're here."

Jane waved her hand in the air as if to wave away Maura's concern. "Honestly, of all of the options, my preference would be for Sophie and Harper to share a room, but I don't want you to make a decision about what's best for Sophie based on what I want."

Maura tilted her head. "You don't think Harper would be upset?" she asked.

"No, I don't," Jane said. "I think she'd be ecstatic, but even if she was upset, she's three and I still get to decide what's best for her. It would be really good for her to share a room. But seriously, you should decide based on what's best for Sophie because not sharing a room isn't going to harm Harper at all, either."

"I actually think it would be really good for Sophie, too," Maura admitted.

"So, are we going to do this?" Jane asked excitedly.

Maura smiled. "I think it might be worth a try," she said. "But can I ask you a couple of questions first?"

"Yeah," Jane replied quickly.

"This isn't really related to living here, but it's been weighing on me," Maura continued. "How is…um…is everyone…how are all of our family and friends doing – overall, I mean."

Luckily, Jane seemed to understand what Maura was really asking. "All of our closest family and friends are still alive and doing well. We've been fortunate. No one's had any major illness or anything like that. Well, except pop, I suppose. He died a couple of years ago, but everyone else is okay. Your parents are doing well, and they're great grandparents. They actually moved back to Boston just after Harper was born. They live about 10 minutes away from here. Ma also lives close, and she's just as overbearing as ever. Hope is also involved in the girls' lives, and she's doing well. She still works at MEND. Frankie and Nina are doing well. They both still work at BPD, and they have two kids. Michael is two months older than Emma and Finn."

"Oh, so Nina was pregnant before I left," Maura said surprised.

"Yeah, they didn't even know yet, though. Also, their youngest, Bella, is…" Jane paused to count months on her fingers, "…20 months old. Tommy's still single, but he and TJ are doing great. TJ's a really good kid. Honestly, if he didn't look exactly like Tommy and we didn't have a DNA test that said he was Tommy's kid, I would never believe he came from Tommy and Lydia."

"Jane!" Maura chastised Jane, playfully slapping her arm. "You don't give Tommy enough credit."

Jane laughed. "I know, I know, sorry. Anyway, Cailin is almost done with her residency in emergency medicine. She's five months pregnant with a little boy. His name is Oliver William. Cailin's no longer with the baby's dad, but they broke up on good terms. Cailin and Grant will be really good co-parents, I think. Uh, who else…oh, Korsak and Kiki are still married, and they love being grandparents to all our kids. Um, Nina's mom Catherine also moved to Boston, maybe a year or two after Michael was born…I don't remember exactly when.

"Oh, there's one thing I just thought of," Jane continued. "You may have noticed that Harper calls you mommy…" Jane trailed off uncertainly. "She knows you're not her mom in the same way your Emma and Finn's mom. Like she could explain it to you, but I don't think she really understands what she's saying. I say that because she doesn't understand that your parents aren't her grandparents the same way they are Emma and Finn's grandparents."

"Well, since I was adopted, technically..." Maura started, but Jane cut her off.

"I know, I know, but my point is still valid. Her understanding about her grandparents indicates that she doesn't fully understand her relationship to you, despite the fact that she can explain it."

"Does that bother you?" Maura asked.

"No, but I guess I'm asking if it bothers you," Jane replied.

"It doesn't bother me," Maura said. "I'm not sure what Sophie thinks about all this though. Not Harper specifically, but just anyone else calling me mom."

"She didn't know about Emma and Finn?" Jane asked gently.

Maura shook her head. "I planned to tell her when she was older, assuming we were still in witsec," Maura said. "But I always remembered what Cailin said about growing up in the shadow of a dead baby. I never wanted Sophie to feel like she was replacing her sisters, so I wanted to wait until she was old enough to understand. I thought about telling her when I told her we were coming to Boston, but honestly, I chickened out. I was afraid something might have happened to one or both of them; then, I'd have to explain that too. It was just too much."

"I get that," Jane said. "I know you probably need to talk to Sophie about all of this, but in the meantime, I'd rather not try to change what they call you unless you really want me to or you think Sophie really needs me to."

"No, I'm not suggesting you ask them to call me something else," Maura said. "I'll talk to Sophie, but for now, let's just let them all call us whatever they want to."

"Okay," Jane said. "Did you have other questions?"

Maura looked at her hands in her lap. "Are you seeing anyone? I mean, do you have a husband or a boyfriend?" Maura asked nervously.

Jane snorted in laughter. "I'm sorry," she said. "I know it's not an unreasonable question. It's just…if you knew…anyway, no I'm not with anyone, and I haven't been for a long time."

"Harper's dad?" Maura asked.

"Not in the picture," Jane said simply. "There's not really much to it. She's never known him. Emma and Finn never even met him. We had just started dating when I got pregnant. Even though he knew I had Emma and Finn, when I told him I was pregnant, he told me he didn't want kids. I'm honestly not sure what we were doing together at all if he didn't want kids, but whatever, Harper's worth it. I had him sign away his parental rights just to be safe. I didn't want him to decide he could come in and out of her life. If Harper wants to find him when she turns 18, I'll give her the information she needs. Otherwise, he's not a part of our lives. I was always really careful about who I introduced the kids to when I dated – not that I dated that much over the past seven years – but they ever only met one person that I dated. At this point, I haven't been on a date in over two years."

"Sophie's biological father isn't in her life either. He was for about the first year and a half of her life, but he was really unreliable about when he showed up and when he just…didn't. I tried for longer than I should have to keep him in her life because I wanted her to know her father, but eventually, I'd had enough. I confronted him and he basically told me that he resented me and resented her for 'holding him back.' He wasn't violent or dangerous, and he wasn't verbally abusive to Sophie, but he wasn't good for her either. At the time, he was supposed to be paying child support, which was also hit or miss, I offered him the opportunity to terminate his parental rights. As long as he promised never to try to contact Sophie or me, he wouldn't have to pay any more child support. He never knew I was in witsec – no one in Utah ever knew for obvious reasons – so he doesn't know we've moved back to Boston. Personally, I'm glad it will make it harder for him to find Sophie. I hope she doesn't resent my decision one day, though."

"If you had decided to get married, would you have told them your real identity?" Jane asked curiously.

"I don't know," Maura said simply. "I never even got close, so it never mattered. It would have felt dishonest to build a life with someone and not have them know who I really was, but I'm not sure it would have ever been worth the risk. I did plan to tell Sophie when she was old enough to understand the consequences."

"I know we both probably have a million more questions, but their movie is probably almost over," Jane said. "I'm guessing you guys need to get some stuff from your apartment. I was thinking maybe we could all go there, get what you need, and then stop to get you a cell phone. On the way home, we could pick up pizza or something. We need groceries, so there's not much we could make – not that either of us feel like cooking."

"We don't necessarily have to get a cell phone today, but otherwise, that seems like a good plan," Maura said.

"How 'bout we compromise and see what time it is after we go to your apartment before we decide whether or not to get the phone?"

"Okay," Maura said, laughing.

They both got up from the bed. Without saying a word, they met at the end of the bed, pulling each other into a comforting hug. They held onto each other for a long time, just reveling in the feeling of being back together – of being home.

A/N: It's actually true that people have to give up their assets when they go into witsec (one of the few things I could find about what happens when you go into witsec), but I don't know what happens to that money. I'm guessing since most people in witsec have a criminal record, there are probably protocols in place. They are also probably less likely to have Maura's level of wealth and assets. It's also true that you come out of it with very little financially. The amount you're given is dependent on your location, which is a part of the reason I placed Maura in rural Utah (low cost of living, therefore, low "exit money" for lack of a better term). Boston has an extremely high cost of living.

Also, I purposely didn't name a neighborhood for Maura and Sophie's apartment. I HATE when people who don't live in the cities I'm from talk about the "bad parts" of the city.

The trigger warning about witnessing domestic violence is no longer applicable to the story. I've decided to change that part of the story slightly. I was originally going to have Maura be more hesitant about staying with Jane; then, after witnessing a domestic violence incident in her building, she would change her mind. Based on how the story's going, though, I think Maura would be more amenable to Jane suggesting she and Sophie stay with them and I'd prefer not to write that type of scene if I don't have to. Anyway, I've removed the trigger warning from chapter 1. I will also remove this note eventually (so that the note itself doesn't trigger anyone), but for now, I thought you guys should know.