Chapter 9: The First Night

Maura: July, Seven Years Ago

Maura sat down gently on the edge of the hotel room bed. The last 24 hours had been probably the worst 24 hours of her life. She still hadn't processed everything that had happened, and she definitely hadn't processed that her life as she knew it was over.

She hadn't had a moment to think since she had left Mark's house during the early hours of this morning. No, his name was Marco, she reminded herself as she buried her face in her hands. Why had she agreed to go home with a stranger? Well, she knew the answer to that: he reminded her of Jane with his dark curly hair, olive skin, and deep raspy voice. She'd let herself get caught up in the moment. She didn't have a problem with the occasional one-night stand; although, it had been a while since she had engaged in one. However, she'd never expected a sexual encounter to add so disastrously. He hadn't hurt her – at least not in the moment, but because of his actions – actions that she overheard him talk about on the phone – Maura's life was irrevocably changed.

She had left as soon as she safely could, and she had immediately gone to her office and called her contact at the FBI. From there, everything had been a whirlwind. They had taken her statement, and upon realizing the significance of what she knew, they had moved her to a secure location, where she was questioned over and over again. And she knew that this was only the start. She was looking at months of being questioned and providing statements. Then, she was looking at a new identity and a new life. They hadn't officially told her that she would be placed in witness protection, but she knew enough about the system to know that that was the most likely outcome, and more than one person had alluded to the fact that they would 'protect her' today.

And of course, she would go. She would do the right thing and provide her testimony, even if it meant giving up everything. But that didn't mean she had to be okay with it. She would give just about anything to go back to last night, and to leave with Jane.

In the end, she had unwittingly given up a life of friendship with Jane for a night of passion with someone who reminded her of Jane.

Jane: June, Present Day

After dinner, they all needed a break. Jane put on another movie for the girls – something that shocked Emma and Finn since Jane never let them watch this much TV unless they were sick. While the girls were watching TV, Jane helped Maura carry her bags up to the guest room and showed her where everything was before leaving her to unpack.

Jane ran downstairs to bring up the clean laundry, which mostly consisted of Emma and Finn's clothes. She brought the laundry basket into their room and began putting everything away. After hanging up a few of their dresses, Jane noticed that there was a duffle bag shoved under Finn's bed. She quickly checked under Emma's bed, finding the same thing. This surprised her since they hadn't gone anywhere recently, and she had just helped them clean out under their beds.

She pulled out the bag under Finn's bed, unzipped it, and dumped the contents on the bed before doing the same with Emma's bag. It took her a few minutes to figure out what she was looking at as she sorted through the items from the bags, most of which were clothes. It wasn't until she found Finn's pink bunny and Emma's blue puppy in their bags that she realized they must have packed these today since they never slept without their favorite stuffed animals.

When this realization hit her, tears started streaming down Jane's face. She let them fall as she slowly put away the clothes they had packed and placed their stuffed animals back on their beds. Her hands were shaking by the time she got to the last items in their bags. Each of them had taken a framed photo from Jane's nightstand. One was a photo of Jane, Emma, Finn, and Harper this past Christmas and the other was a photo of the three girls from Emma and Finn's sixth birthday.

Jane sank to her knees as sobs ripped through her body. She buried her face in the blankets on Emma's bed as she released the built-up emotions from the day. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there when she felt Maura's hand on her back. Without hesitating, she turned and burrowed into Maura's embrace. Maura held her tight against her body. After a few minutes, Jane felt Maura place a soft kiss on the crown of her head and start running her fingers through Jane's curls. Jane's sobs slowed in response to the comforting gesture. When the hiccups started, she had to laugh at herself.

Jane sat up and leaned against the side of the bed with her knees bent in front of her. She rested her elbows on her knees, pushing back her hair with one hand. Maura shifted so that she was sitting next to Jane.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Maura asked gently.

"Maybe later," Jane said. "M'okay." Jane rubbed her face with her hands. She turned to look at Maura, offering her a sad smile. "Did you find everything you needed?" she asked in an attempt to deflect the conversation.

Maura nodded. "Thank you," she said softly. "For letting us stay here. For everything."

"I'm really glad you're here," Jane said thickly. They sat quietly for a few moments before Jane spoke again, "We should probably get the kids to bed."

"I'm actually surprised Sophie is still awake since she missed her nap today," Maura said as she stood up. She held her hand out to help Jane stand, as well.

"Harper, too," Jane said with a smile. "Usually, she's a terror when she misses her nap." Jane stopped on her way out of the bedroom and turned around. She quickly picked up the frames and set them on the table between the heads of their beds – she could print new ones for her own nightstand.

Maura had stopped at the door to watch Jane. She reached out to rub Jane's back as they walked out of the room together.

It took a while to get all four girls into their beds. Sophie was tucked in with Harper, the two of them very excited to share a bed. Maura stayed with Sophie and Harper for a few more minutes after Jane kissed them goodnight. Jane followed Emma and Finn into their room. Once they were both in their beds, holding their respective stuffed animals, Jane kneeled at the head of their beds. She reached out to stroke each of their cheeks.

"I know today was a lot," Jane told them quietly. "How are you guys feeling?"

Finn shrugged, while Emma mumbled, "I dunno."

"That's okay," Jane said. "But whatever you're feeling, it's okay. It's okay to be happy, and it's okay to be sad. It's okay if your confused or anxious or excited, and it's okay if you're feeling lots of different things, too? You can talk to me about any of this, okay? Whenever you need to."

They both nodded silently. Jane leaned forward to softly kiss each of them on their foreheads.

"Can we read for a little bit?" Finn asked.

"Of course, baby," Jane said. "Try to turn your light off by 9pm, though, okay?" she added, pointing to the clock on the table between their beds. Jane wished them goodnight and closed the door behind her as she left the room. Maura had already said goodnight to both of them, so she was waiting in the hall. She smiled at Jane as Jane closed the bedroom door behind her.

"Do you want some tea?" Jane asked.

Maura nodded. "Sure," she said and turned to go down the stairs. Jane followed her.

"I don't have panda poop tea," Jane teased as they walked into the kitchen.

Maura laughed loudly. She couldn't believe how good it felt to be back with Jane, with her best friend, with someone who knew the little things about her. "Whatever you have will be just fine," she said with a smile.

They chatted lightly as Jane brewed them both a cup of chamomile tea. When they sat down with their tea, they automatically sat on their usual ends of the couch with Jane on the left and Maura on the right.

"Are you okay?" Maura asked nervously as she pulled her legs up onto the couch and tucked her feet underneath her.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Jane said, her gaze locked on her tea in front of her. "Today was just a lot. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm so glad you're here," she added, looking up to meet Maura's eyes. "My emotions are just all over the place."

"That's okay," Maura said. "You don't have to be 100% happy about this all the time. I get that me coming home – Sophie and I being here – it disrupts your life. I do understand that, Jane."

"But I want you here," Jane said softly.

"I know," Maura replied gently. "But that doesn't mean it's not disruptive. That doesn't mean it's not hard."

"I know," Jane said. "I just wish I could make it easier for the kids, I guess."

"You are, Jane," Maura said firmly as she shifted forward onto her knees to be closer to Jane. "I know I don't know the twins as well as you do, but I can still tell. I can see how strong their relationship is with you, how much they trust you. They know they will be okay because they know you will always be there for them."

Jane broke eye contact with Maura as tears returned to her eyes. After setting her tea on the coffee table, she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She was still staring off into the distance, her eyes unfocused, as she said, "They packed duffle bags this morning. They didn't think I would fight for them. They thought I'd just give them away." Jane's voice broke as she admitted her biggest fear. She couldn't look at Maura. She had the distinct feeling that Maura probably wasn't the right person to be telling this to, but Maura had always been able to get her to show her vulnerable side – Maura was always the person she wanted to talk to.

Placing her tea on the coffee table next to Jane's, Maura moved closer to Jane and wrapped her arms around her best friend. "I'm not going to pretend that I know what they are thinking, but their behavior today doesn't indicate distrust. Quite the opposite, in fact. Based on my observations today, I think the fact that they packed bags indicates that they have absolutely no doubt in your love for them. There is significant research on attachment styles in children and adults. It's generally accepted that there are four attachment types, one which indicates secure attachment and three types of insecure attachment. Secure attachment is considered the healthiest type of attachment and is associated with the most positive outcomes in adulthood including physical and emotional well-being, as well as healthier romantic relationships. Children who are securely attached to their parents are sad when their parent leaves and happy when they return. They also seek comfort from their parents when they are upset or anxious, but one of the key components of secure attachment is that while the child may be distressed when separated from their parent, they are ultimately able to continue functioning because they know that their parent will return.

"To me, packing a bag shows that they were able to take on whatever came next because they knew you would be there for them no matter what. And honestly, this observation isn't limited to the idea that they packed bags. I've seen how they interact with you, as well as how they interact with me, and it tells the same story. They trust you implicitly and deeply."

"Thank you," Jane said as she leaned her head on Maura's shoulder.

"Is that where those pictures came from?" Maura asked. "The ones you were holding when…when I found you."

Jane nodded against Maura's shoulder. "Yeah, they took them from my nightstand and packed them in their bags."

"Pictures of their family," Maura said quietly.

Jane didn't answer. They sat like that for a few minutes. Eventually, Jane gently extracted herself from Maura's embrace to pick up her tea again, taking a sip. "When do you want to tell the rest of the family that you're back?" Jane asked as she sat back against the couch.

Maura sighed before picking up her own tea. She also shifted so that she was sitting against the back of the couch, but this time she was sitting pressed against Jane's side. "Honestly, I have no idea. I know I need to do it, but every time I start to think about it, I'm terrified," Maura admitted.

"You don't have to do it alone, you know?" Jane said, turning her head to look at Maura.

Maura turned to meet Jane's gaze. "It's my responsibility," she said. "I can't put that on you. You've already done so much."

"We're in this together, Maur," Jane said, gently shaking her head. "We can do this together, too."

"Really?" Maura asked, and she hated the vulnerability that laced her voice.

Jane shifted so that she could wrap her arm around Maura's shoulders. "Really," she said firmly. "We can do it however or whenever you want, but if you're open to my opinion…"

"I am," Maura quickly cut her off, causing Jane to chuckle.

"I was just going to say that I think we should do it sooner rather than later," Jane continued, "for a few reasons. First, I think the longer you wait, the more you are going to worry about it, but also, if it were one of our kids, I'd want to know as soon as possible. I also don't want to ask the kids to have to hide this or lie about it."

"That makes sense," Maura said. "I'm fine with telling at least our parents as early as tomorrow. I'm just not sure how to do it. I mean, do I just call them out of the blue? That seems…I don't know…but it doesn't feel right."

"Do you want to know my suggestions?" Jane asked.

"Yes," Maura said, "and from here-on-out, please stop asking that and just assume I want to know what you think."

Jane laughed. She could tell that while Maura meant what she was saying, there was an element of teasing in her voice.

"Okay, fine," Jane said, still chuckling. "I think your parents deserve to know first. I know you weren't super close to them, but they love you. I know they're both in town this weekend. I could text them tonight to invite them over for breakfast. It wouldn't be weird. We do that sometimes; sometimes, the girls will just want to see them, so we invite them over for dinner or Sunday breakfast on short notice. Then, you can tell them in person."

"Won't it be a bit disconcerting for them to come over and I'm just here?" Maura asked.

"I mean, they are going to be shocked no matter what, but in-person seems like a better option than on the phone, at least for as many family members as possible."

"Okay, if you think that's the best course of action, I'm fine with that."

"We don't have to do it that way," Jane said.

"I know, but like I said, I don't have any better suggestions."

"Do you want me to text them?"

"Sure," Maura said, and she watched as Jane stood up to find her phone, which was still sitting in the kitchen. Jane typed out a message while she walked back to the couch.

"As for ma, Frankie, Nina, and Tommy, we have the usual Rizzoli Sunday dinner scheduled for tomorrow," Jane said. "So, you could see them then, but I also totally understand that that may be a bit overwhelming all at once, so I'm okay with cancelling it, and maybe just having ma over for dinner or something."

"No, don't cancel dinner," Maura said. "I think I should just take the bandaid off."

"Rip the bandaid off," Jane corrected her with a laugh.

"Whatever," Maura said, joining Jane's laughter.

"Korsak and Kiki usually come, but they won't be there tomorrow, so it will just be the immediate family," Jane continued. She paused when her phone buzzed. "Your mom said yes to breakfast," Jane told Maura. "They're going to come at 10am."

"Are we going to cook?" Maura asked.

"Oh, crap," Jane said. "I didn't think of that. Uh…we really don't have anything. I seriously need to go grocery shopping. Actually, I'll just order delivery. That will be way easier. We can place the order tonight to be delivered at 10:30am. And ma's cooking dinner. She'll be here about an hour or so before everyone else, so you'll get to see her first."

"Oh, that's good," Maura said. "I'd like to be able to see Angela before there are a lot of people here."

"Well, six of us live here now, so there are always a lot of people here," Jane teased, "but yeah, I agree."

"I already feel better having a plan," Maura said softly.

Jane nodded. "I don't really have any ideas for telling Hope and Cailin though," Jane said apologetically. "Then, I don't know if there's anyone else that you want to tell specifically, but I think it's fine for most people to just find out through the grapevine."

"Just Vince and Kiki," Maura said. "I'd like at least one of us to tell them personally. I don't feel like it needs to be in person, though, the same way I did for my parents and your mother. Maybe we could call them sometime soon but after your family knows?"

"Yeah, we could actually even call them after dinner because they'll be driving back to Boston. They just went away for a long weekend."

"Okay," Maura said. "I also think it would be fine to tell Hope and Cailin over the phone. Maybe we could call them together as well tomorrow? Then, I can schedule a time to have lunch or dinner with them this week."

"Okay," Jane said; then, she unsuccessfully tried to hide a yawn behind her hand.

Maura, of course, noticed. "Let's go up to bed," she offered.

Jane looked at Maura. "Let's go up and get ready for bed, but then let's talk in bed for a little bit," Jane counter offered.

Maura smiled. "Deal," she said.

About 15 minutes later, they were both laying on Jane's bed, facing each other. Maura reached out to take Jane's hand in her own, placing her palm on the back of Jane's hand and intertwining their fingers. "Will you tell me more about the kids?" she asked softly. "What they're like?"

Jane smiled. She loved talking about the kids. "What do you want to know?" she asked.

Maura shrugged but didn't release her grip on Jane's hand. "Honestly, I don't know…anything, really."

"Hmm, okay," Jane said, thinking. "Well, they both remind me of you in a lot of ways, but especially Finn. She's so much like you, it's crazy. Emma reminds me a lot of you, too, but she's also really similar to me. Actually, everyone says that the two of them together remind them of the two of us. They're both so smart, and they're kind, generous, and thoughtful. Emma's a little more outgoing than Finn, but they are both pretty well-liked at school."

"Okay, so not at all like me," Maura quipped.

"That's not what I meant," Jane started to backtrack until she noticed the look on Maura's face. She rolled her eyes. "Anyway," she drug out the word to make her point. "Emma's the louder of the two. She's also more impulsive, while Finn doesn't make a single decision without thinking it through extensively, which is usually a good thing, but it's super annoying when she's trying to pick something like a Halloween costume. They're both protective of each other, of Harper, Michael, and their friends. Most people think Emma's the more protective one because she's protective in an obvious way, but Finn's just as protective; she just does it in a more subtle way. I think that's one of the ways she reminds me of you the most," Jane admitted.

"They both still do all their activities together, but Finn's favorite extra-curricular is soccer, while Emma's is ballet, which is honestly the exact opposite of what I expected. Harper loves t-ball."

"Oh, yes, I heard that," Maura said suddenly as she remembered Kent's comments in the car.

"You heard that?" Jane asked, thoroughly confused.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you," Maura said. "I actually saw Kent this morning and he drove us to your house. It wasn't intentional," Maura added quickly. "You and the girls were the first people we intended to see; I promise. Anyway, he was on the way back from a crime scene and he noticed me standing on the sidewalk with Sophie trying to catch a cab. He stopped, and when I mentioned that I was trying to get a cab, he offered me a ride. He pointed out that it would be difficult to get a cab with a car seat, and he had one."

"Maura, you don't have to justify yourself," Jane said with a chuckle.

"I know, I know," Maura said. "He didn't tell me anything about you or the girls, but Sophie was asking him questions about his son. I can't remember his name."

"Chris," Jane supplied.

"Right, Chris," Maura continued. "Well, Sophie wanted to know if girls could play t-ball and he said that the best player on Chris's team was a girl named Harper. I didn't put it together. Obviously, I didn't even know you had a daughter named Harper at that time, but he was talking about your Harper, wasn't he?"

"Yeah, Chris and Harper are on the same team. Harper's one of the better players on the team, but honestly, they're all pretty terrible," Jane said with a laugh.

"Jane, they're three," Maura laughed.

"I know."

"Sophie really wants to play baseball or t-ball or whatever they call it," Maura said. "Kent said he wasn't sure if kids could still join the team when she asked him, but he said maybe the kids could play together informally some time."

"Definitely," Jane said. "And I'll see what I can do about getting her on the team. Technically, registration is closed, but it's not like three-year-old t-ball is super competitive. I'm guessing that if we're willing to pay the full fee, they will let her join late, especially since I'm the coach."

"Why am I surprised?" Maura quipped.

Jane laughed. "Actually, I almost didn't coach because I didn't want to decide between coaching for Emma and Finn's team or coaching for Harper's team, but then one of Emma and Finn's best friends Alyssa's dad was going to coach the six-year-olds. They were both super excited to be on Alyssa's team, so finally, I asked if they would care if I coached Harper's team so they could be on Alyssa's team. Honestly, I don't think they would have cared either way as long as I'm at all their games – it's only practices that are at the same times."

"Okay, what else?" Jane thought out loud. "Oh, so you'll never guess who Harper's favorite person is."

"Well, I would have thought you, or possibly Emma or Finn," Maura said, confused.

"Okay, well I guess besides us because you're right, Emma and Finn are definitely her favorite," Jane conceded. "But other than the three of us, you'll never guess," she added with a laugh.

"I don't guess, anyway," Maura teased.

Jane laughed brightly. "Harper loves your mother, Constance," she said, and she saw the surprise in Maura's face. "They have a super sweet bond. There are actually a few reasons that I think they've really connected, but I think one reason is that Harper loves art and music."

"You're right, I never would have guessed that," Maura said. "I'm honestly still surprised that my parents are good grandparents. Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that they are; I just didn't expect it."

"I didn't really expect it either to be honest," Jane admitted. "They were definitely awkward with the girls in the beginning, and your dad is still kinda awkward with kids in general. Your mom's really good with all the kids though, even Michael, Bella, and TJ. Your mom hasn't missed a single birthday or Christmas since the girls were born, and your dad has only missed one of Emma and Finn's birthdays and one of Harper's birthdays. It wasn't his fault when he missed Emma and Finn's birthday – I think it was they're third birthday. He was supposed to fly home from Brazil a few days before their birthday, but his flights kept getting cancelled until he wouldn't have gotten here until after his scheduled flight back. He missed Harper's first birthday. I didn't really think it was a big deal since he had generally been present for all three kids up until that point, but I'm pretty sure that your mom was pissed."

"Why?"

"He accepted an invitation to give a lecture, which as long as it didn't become an every birthday or every holiday thing, didn't really bother me."

"But why was my mother upset then?" Maura asked.

"I think because she thought he had the option to turn it down, but I'm not 100% sure," Jane explained. "I've never asked her, but I've always wondered if your mom thought that I would think that they didn't consider Harper as much their granddaughter as Emma and Finn because he missed her first birthday. She's never said that directly, but some off-hand comments she's made have caused me to wonder."

"Do you think she thinks Harper is less her granddaughter than Emma and Finn?" Maura asked.

"No," Jane said firmly. "Neither of your parents have treated or talked about the girls differently, just like ma considers Emma and Finn just as much her granddaughters as she does Harper – or Michael, Bella, and TJ for that matter. I have to stop and think about who's biologically related to who…"

"Whom," Maura corrected, causing Jane to roll her eyes.

"Fine, who's biologically related to whom," Jane said. "I think ma and your parents are the same way. It's not that we don't know, but we just never think about it unless it comes up."

Maura looked at their hands that were still clasped between them. She played with Jane's fingers for a few moments before speaking again, "I really love that."

Jane turned her hand over, threading their fingers together and giving Maura's hand a squeeze. "What else do you want to know?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," Maura said softly.

"Will you tell me more about Sophie then?" Jane asked.

They continued talking, until they eventually fell asleep with their hands still linked between them.

A/N: Sorry, this past week was…intense…so it took me a while to get this chapter out, but honestly, I'm happy with how it turned out, especially the part about attachment styles.