Chapter 16: Bookworms

A/N: Sorry, I had hoped to get this chapter on out Friday, but then Midwest weather decided to wreak havoc on my chronic headaches and migraines. Even though the weekend is over, I'll leave the note: Just a shorter chapter for your (holiday) weekend. For those who celebrate, Happy Easter and/or chag kasher v'same'ach (Happy Passover). For everyone else, I hope you are having a good weekend!

Jane: June, Present Day

Jane navigated her car into the elementary school's parent pick-up line. She usually tried to get here a little early so that she was near the front of the line, but today, picking up Harper had taken longer than normal, so they were much farther back in the line than Jane would have liked. Jane's annoyance must have been showing though, and she turned when she heard Maura stifling her laughter from the passenger seat.

"I'm sorry," Maura said through her laughter. "You're just so…you."

"I don't even know what that means," Jane huffed, but her annoyance at the length of the line was slowly dissipating as the sound of Maura's laughter calmed her.

"I don't think I've seen you annoyed since I've been back," Maura explained, still smiling. "It used to be your default state," she quipped.

Jane snorted in laughter. "Thanks a lot," she said sarcastically. "I feel so loved right now." But she couldn't hide the smile on her face, and her heart fluttered in response to Maura's chuckle.

"You're impatient," Maura added. "But I do love you."

"Usually, I get here earlier so that we don't have to wait in such a long line," Jane explained. "But Harper was being difficult." Jane looked in the rearview mirror to the two happy little girls in the far backseat. "I should have just started by reminding her that Sophie was in the car."

Maura laughed. "Sophie was also getting a bit impatient waiting in the car," she said. "You'd think they'd gone years without seeing each other."

They both feel silent. Maura had meant it as a joke – and they both knew that – but the truth in the statement hit them both hard.

Jane cleared her throat. "Yeah, well, as soon as I told her Sophie was waiting, Harper couldn't leave fast enough," Jane said, reverting back to the safer topic: talking about the girls.

"How does this work?" Maura asked, turning to look out the window. "Do they bring the kids to your car or do you have to park and go inside to get them?"

"We stay in the car," Jane explained. "For kindergarteners, a teacher or staff member walks them to the car once we're in the loading zone. First graders and up are allowed to walk from the school to the loading zone on their own, but there are plenty of teachers and staff members around to help if needed."

Maura nodded as she continued to watch the process outside the car window. She jumped slightly when Jane rolled down the window as a staff member who looked to be in his mid-thirties walked the girls to the car.

"Hi, Jane," he greeted through the window as Emma and Finn climbed into the car.

"Hey, Tim," Jane replied with a smile. "Thanks."

"Have a good evening," he said to the car at large, and Jane, Maura, Emma, and Finn all said a quick goodbye before the line started to move again.

"Can we go to the library?" Finn asked from the backseat.

Jane laughed; the six-year-old was relentless. She glanced at Maura, who said with a shrug, "It's fine with me."

"Sure," Jane said over the backseat, causing Emma and Finn to cheer.

"What?!" Harper called from the far back. She had been so lost in conversation with Sophie that she hadn't been paying attention until she heard Emma and Finn's happy exclamations.

"We're going to the library," Emma said, turning her attention to her sisters in the backseat. Harper and Sophie were just as excited as their sisters.

Jane kept her attention on the road throughout the exchange, but when she stopped at a light, she glanced at Maura. Maura's eyes were twinkling, and a soft smile tugged at her lips as her attention remained on the girls in the back. Jane reluctantly pulled her gaze back to the road when she saw the light turn green.

About ten minutes later, all six of them walked into the local library branch. Jane felt Maura flinch slightly and start to reach out like she was going to call after the kids when they turned the corner into the kids' area and were momentarily out of sight.

Jane gently grabbed Maura's arm to stop her. "It's okay," Jane said so that only Maura could hear.

Maura continued to walk in the direction the kids had gone, but she didn't call after them. She turned her face towards Jane, and Jane could see the fear and anxiety written all over her face.

They turned the corner, and the kids were back in sight. Sophie and Harper were pulling down picture books while Emma and Finn looked at the youth chapter books. Jane pulled Maura off to the side but stayed where they could still see the kids.

"They know the rules," Jane explained quietly. "The library is one of the few places that they're allowed to run ahead. I want them to stay safe, but I also want them to be kids. I don't want them to be careful and smart about their choices, but I don't want them to be afraid of the world. I know where all the exits are in this place, and there aren't any between the front door and the kids' area. We also know all the staff here pretty well – I mean, not background check well, but enough that I'm not concerned about the kids rounding the corner before me. They aren't allowed to go down any of the aisles alone, but they can go in pairs as long as an adult knows that they're going. And, they have to stay in the kids' area."

Maura nodded. "I trust you, Jane," she said just as quietly. "I just…"

"You worry about them," Jane finished. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"I know," Maura replied. "But you're right. I don't want my fear to make them afraid of the world."

"Mama!" Finn said excitedly as she ran up to them. Jane smiled down at her daughter, whose eyes were twinkling as her face shown with a joy Jane associated with childlike innocence. "The summer reading challenge started! Can we sign up? Please?"

Jane couldn't help but laugh. Finn was begging like she was asking for a pony or something equally as outrageous. It's not like there was any chance that Jane would say no to them signing up for a reading program at the public library.

"Sure," Jane said with a laugh. Finn grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the librarian's desk in the kids' section. Maura followed behind, chuckling.

There were a few different stacks of papers on the desk. Each one had a sign-up form for different age groups: 0 to 2 years old, 3 to 5 years old, kindergarten and first grade, second and third grade, fourth and fifth grade, sixth through eighth grade, and high school.

"Since Emma and Finn have always been reading above their age level, I've always signed them up for the older challenges," Jane explained to Maura as she picked up two of the second and third grade forms and two of the 3 to 5 years old forms.

"I'm surprised they have reading challenges for such young kids," Maura said as she looked at the ages listed on the forms. "How is a one-year-old supposed to read?"

Jane laughed. "The challenges are different for all the age groups. So, like, the 0 to 2 years old and 3 to 5 years old groups don't require the kids to read; instead, the challenges are about what is read to them," Jane said. "They'll give us the list of challenges when we turn the forms in. One thing I really like is that it's not just about the number of books or the number of pages they read, but some of the challenges are about the types of books they read. "For example, there's usually at least one that says, 'read a book by a black author' or 'read a book by an author from an ethnic minority.' Another one is usually, 'read a book by an LGBTQ+ author.'"

"That's a good idea," Maura said as she and Jane took a seat at one of the kids' tables that was too small for them to sit at comfortably to fill out the forms. "Are there prizes?" she asked as she started filling out the form for Sophie.

"Yeah," Jane replied as she filled out the other forms. "For most of the milestones, it's something small, like a sticker or eraser, but if they meet the overall goal by the end of the summer, they get to pick a new book to keep from a selection of like six books per age group. I'm guessing publishers donate books in bulk or something."

About an hour later, Jane and Maura had finally convinced the kids that it was time to leave, and each kid was carrying a tote bag full of books that they had checked out along with the poster where they could keep track of their progress in the reading challenge.

"Show Sophie where the library books go," Jane called after the girls as they entered the house.

"'Kay," Emma called back over her shoulder.

"We check out so many library books, and after we racked up late fees that rivalled the cost of the books themselves because we forgot about them, we made a new rule: the library books stay on the library bookshelf in their rooms with the exceptions of the one that they are each currently reading. It's not foolproof, but it works pretty well," Jane explained to Maura as they unloaded their own things.

Jane took a seat at the island counter while Maura started to look through the fridge, deciding what to make for dinner. While she was sitting there, Emma came over and climbed into Jane's lap. Jane noticed that Emma was watching Maura intently for a few minutes, so Jane whispered in her ear, "You should ask her if you can help." Jane knew that Emma loved to help in the kitchen. She was always the most engaged when Angela would cook or bake with them, and she routinely asked Jane if she could help with dinner.

Emma turned in Jane's lap, searching Jane's face. Jane gave her a reassuring smile and a small nod.

Emma pushed herself off of Jane's lap. She kept glancing back at Jane as she slowly made her way over to Maura, who was still rooting around the fridge for ingredients. Emma tapped lightly on Maura's back. She took a small step back as Maura turned around and offered her a small smile.

"Uh, um, can I help you?" Emma asked quietly.

Maura's smile grew and she glanced at Jane quickly before returning her attention to Emma. "I would love for you to help me," she said.

Emma turned and gave Jane a gigantic smile as she clapped her hands together in excitement – something that Maura always used to do when she was especially excited or happy. "Yay!" Emma squealed happily.

"We're making stir-fry," Maura explained to Emma. "Can you help me clean these vegetables?"

Emma nodded before she ran over to get the stool and set it up in front of the sink. At the same time, Finn was curled on the couch with one of her new books, and Sophie and Harper were playing with a few of their dolls on the family room floor.

Jane watched as Maura helped Emma wash her hands before handing her the first red pepper to clean. Maura stood directly behind Emma and wrapped her arms around the little girl to show her how to properly wash each vegetable.

"Good job, sweetie," Maura said as Emma washed the next few vegetables on her own. Maura glanced around the kitchen to find the cutting board and knives, which permanently sat on the counter. She set up next to Emma and started cutting the vegetables. Jane listened as Maura explained the nutritional and aesthetic benefits of choosing vegetables of all different colors. Emma and Maura worked seamlessly together, and Jane's heart swelled with love and pride as she watched them. Maura was a wonderful teacher, and Emma was a great helper, making sure to show Maura where everything was and following Maura's instructions to a T. Soon the kitchen was filled with the smells and sounds of dinner sizzling in the wok. Jane loved watching the two of them work, and she hated to pull her attention away from them, but she knew she needed to get the other girls to help set the table.

They had a wonderful evening, but Jane had to admit that by the time she closed the door to the girls' bedrooms that evening, she was just as exhausted as she was every other Monday, even with Maura there to help. She couldn't help but think about how well she and Maura worked together to care for the kids, especially since it was only their third night together. It seemed like they were already falling into a routine.

Jane found Maura in the kitchen heating water for tea. As Maura handed her a mug of tea, Jane said, "So, I thought more about it, and I want to adopt Sophie if that's still what you want. I also want her to be a Rizzoli – officially, but only if you're absolutely sure."

Maura's genuine smile told Jane that Maura was sure about this more than any words could. "Really?" Maura said, her voice full of hope. She came around the kitchen island and stood close to Jane.

Jane could tell that Maura was trying to read her body language. "Yes, really," Jane said emphatically.

Maura put down her mug on the counter and Jane followed suit. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane, who was still sitting in the island chair. "Thank you," Maura replied into Jane's shoulder as they held each other tight.

Jane left a light kiss on the side of Maura's head before pulling back. Maura released Jane but didn't move out of her space. Without thinking, Jane reached out to push Maura's hair behind her ear, letting her hand trail down Maura's arm before dropping it back in her lap.

"I know we haven't talked about me adopting Emma, Finn, or Harper, but I know you're wondering," Maura said. "I want to wait until they're ready. I'm more concerned about how Emma and Finn feel. I mean – wait, that didn't come out right – I do care what Harper thinks, I just…"

Jane grabbed Maura's hand. "I knew what you meant," Jane assured an increasingly anxious Maura. "It's less complicated for Harper, emotionally, I mean."

Maura nodded, taking a deep breath. "Right," she said quietly. "For Harper and Sophie, it's…less complicated." Maura laughed lightly at her inability to come up with another word in place of complicated.

Jane squeezed Maura's hand reassuringly and pulled her back into a hug. Maura let herself melt into the embrace.

"I loved watching you and Emma cook dinner together, today," Jane whispered without letting Maura go.

Maura stood up straight as a genuine smile tugged at her lips. "I loved cooking with her," Maura admitted as she leaned her hip against the counter, loosely folding her arms in front of her chest. "I think that will forever be one of my favorite memories."

"They love you so much," Jane said, gently gripping Maura's arms just above her elbows.

Maura nodded, but her gaze dropped to her feet, telegraphing her insecurities.

"They do," Jane tried again, squeezing Maura's arms to emphasize her words.

"I know," Maura said. "But I also know that they need more time."

"I know they do," Jane said quietly. "I wasn't commenting on the adoption. I think you're right about waiting. They love you regardless of whether or not you're their legal mother."

Maura nodded, but Jane could tell that Maura needed to move to a less emotional topic of conversation. "Let's watch something on TV," Jane suggested, and they moved to the couch for the rest of the evening to argue about what to watch – just like old times.

Maura: June, Present Day

Maura couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning in her bed for over an hour, she decided that she needed to get up for a bit. She quietly made her way downstairs, carrying the journal Jane had given her along with a pen. She poured herself a glass of water and sat down at the kitchen island.

The house was silent and dark around her, but it was a comfortable and safe silence. She opened the journal and allowed her finger to trace over Jane's words on the first page. She read the words over and over a couple of times before she turned to the next page. She wasn't sure what to write and she found herself staring at a blank page for a while as she twirled the pen around her fingers.

The longer she sat there, the more her thoughts started to drift. Tonight was their third night living with Jane and the girls. It had only been three days, and she felt more at home here than she ever had before – more than she had in Utah, more than she had in any of her childhood homes, even more than she had when she previously lived in Boston. Although, her previous time in Boston had been the most at home she had felt before now.

She knew it was silly, but she also knew that the reason she was having a hard time falling asleep tonight was that she missed Jane. Unlike the previous two nights, she had gone to bed in her own room tonight – or she had tried to. She sighed. It couldn't be a good thing that she was already so dependent on Jane. On the other hand, there was no one she'd rather be dependent on, and she didn't want to be any less connected to Jane.

Despite the fact that she hadn't written anything in her journal, she let the book fall closed. She left her glass in the sink as she climbed the stairs, intent on getting a good night's sleep. Just as she got to the top of the stairs, Maura heard Jane cry out from behind the closed door of her bedroom. Maura paused, unsure of what she had heard. When she heard Jane yell again, Maura quickly walked towards Jane's door. She knew that sound – Jane was having a nightmare. She paused again with her hand on the doorknob. She had intended to go in to calm Jane's nightmare just like she had many times before, but now she wasn't sure if that was appropriate. She chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to decide on the right course of action, but when she heard Jane call out her name in terror, she couldn't hold back.

Maura quickly shut the door behind her and walked across the room. She dropped her notebook and pen on the nightstand before she climbed into the bed and kneeled next to Jane.

"No! Maura! No!" Jane cried in distress as she thrashed in the bed.

Maura gently grabbed Jane's shoulders. "Jane," she whispered. "Jane, wake up. You're having a nightmare. Jane, I'm right here."

"Maura?" Jane mumbled and Maura couldn't tell if Jane was responding to her words or if she was still in the middle of her nightmare.

"Jane, I'm here," Maura whispered slightly desperately. "It's me, Maura. "I'm here, Jane."

This time, Jane's eyes opened, and she blinked a few times as her eyes tried to focus on Maura.

Suddenly, Jane reached up and pulled Maura down against her into a tight embrace. "Maura," Jane cried again, but this time, Maura could tell that she was lucid. Maura returned Jane's hug as Jane continued to hold onto her as though her life depended on it. "Maura," Jane whimpered.

"It's okay," Maura whispered. "I'm right here, Jane. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. You're safe. We're both safe."

"Maura," Jane mumbled one more time as she fell back asleep.

Maura felt Jane's body relax underneath her, but Jane didn't fully release her grip on Maura. Maura shifted so that she could look at Jane's face, which looked much more peaceful than when she had first come in. Maura tenderly kissed Jane's cheek. "It's okay, Jane," she whispered one more time. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

Maura settled against Jane, easily finding a comfortable position with her head on Jane's chest without moving out of Jane's arms. "I love you," Maura repeated as she started to fall asleep to the comforting sound of Jane's heartbeat against her ear, and she was out within seconds.