Chapter 17: Keepsakes

Jane: June, Present Day

Jane was slightly surprised to wake up with a warm body resting against her. Maura was still sound asleep with her head on Jane's chest, but she quickly woke up when Jane's alarm went off.

As Jane pressed the snooze button, Maura lifted her head off of Jane's chest but didn't move out of her arms. They shared a soft smile before Jane spoke, "I don't remember you coming in here last night." Jane saw the fear flash across Maura's face and felt her body stiffen slightly. "No, I didn't mean it like that," Jane said quickly as she rubbed her hand up and down Maura's back reassuringly. "You're always welcome to be in here."

"You were having a nightmare," Maura said quietly. "I heard you call out. I-I couldn't just ignore it."

Jane broke eye contact with Maura, looking at some point in the distance without focusing on anything. Her nightmare came flooding back to her. It was one of her more common nightmares. With the exception of the few months after each of the girls were born – when she wasn't even getting enough sleep to have time to dream – she had had some version of this nightmare at least once a week.

"You called out my name," Maura tried again gently.

"I figured," Jane said, and she hated how weak and shaky her voice sounded.

Jane sighed as her alarm sounded again. "We need to get up," Jane said as she turned off the alarm.

Maura hesitated for a moment before she decided not to push the issue right now since this likely wouldn't be a short conversation and they really did have to get up. As she got up, Maura left a soft kiss on Jane's cheek in the hope that her gesture would say everything she couldn't.

The morning went smoothly. Jane once again took Emma and Finn to the bus stop alone while Maura stayed back with Harper and Sophie. The rest of Maura and Sophie's belongings were scheduled to arrive today. However, the moving company hadn't been able to give them a specific time to expect the truck to arrive, so they had to be available all day. The movers could arrive any time between 8am and 4pm, but Jane was really hoping they didn't arrive during the girls' nap.

Harper and Sophie both ran to greet Jane when she returned from the bus stop. Jane teased them that it had only been a few minutes since she last saw them, but the truth was Jane loved how excited they were to see her. Their love and happiness were contagious, and she couldn't help smiling.

Jane lifted the girls and carried them over her shoulders like little giggling, squirming sacks of potatoes. Maura laughed as she watched Jane drop them unceremoniously on the couch. Both girls were laughing so hard that Jane was a little afraid they might pee their pants. She really didn't feel like giving them another bath or changing their clothes, so she tried to calm them down.

"Who wants to play with magna-tiles while mommy takes a shower?" Jane asked.

"Me! Me! Me! Me!" Harper and Sophie yelled at the same time, raising their hands in the air and bouncing in their seats.

Jane laughed and glanced at Maura, who had just walked into the family room from the kitchen with her cup of coffee. Maura's eyes sparkled as she returned Jane's smile, and Jane's stomach fluttered at the sight. Jane was completely distracted as she watched Maura take a sip of her coffee. It was a sight Jane had seen hundreds of times before, and her mind flashed through the many memories she had sharing a cup of coffee with Maura in her kitchen in Maura's old Beacon Hill home. It was a sight that made her feel safe and at home, no matter where they were.

"Mama!" Harper yelled at Jane in an attempt to get her attention, and based on Harper's tone, Jane was pretty sure it wasn't the first time she had called her name.

"Sorry!" Jane said quickly, smiling down at a pouting Harper. Chuckling, she added, "I'll get the magna-tiles."

"Thank you," Harper said with a hint of attitude still in her voice.

Maura laughed, and she squeezed Jane's arm lightly in a silent show of support as she walked by.

Luckily, playing with the magna-tiles kept the girls occupied while Maura took a shower and got ready for the day. Jane took her turn getting ready after Maura, and the moving truck pulled into their driveway just as Jane was coming back downstairs.

Jane stayed with Harper and Sophie to make sure that they didn't get in the way or get hurt while Maura directed the movers where to put everything. They were done a lot faster than Jane had anticipated. While she knew Maura wasn't bringing any furniture since it had all belonged to the government, Jane had expected a lot more boxes. She didn't say anything to Maura while the four of them ate sandwiches for lunch.

Jane put the girls down for their nap after lunch. After closing the bedroom door behind her, Jane went to find Maura in her room.

"Do you want some help?" Jane asked as she watched Maura unpacking a box. She was leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed loosely in front of her and her trademark smirk tugging at her lips.

Maura smiled. "No, but I'd love some company," she replied.

Jane pushed herself off the doorframe and moved to sit on the bed. She sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed while she watched Maura unload her hanging clothes from the garment box before switching to unload her folded clothes from another box. When Maura's clothes didn't fill the closet or the dresser, Jane couldn't stop herself from commenting. "I thought you'd have more stuff, more clothes," Jane said, gesturing around at the boxes in the room.

Maura turned to make eye contact with Jane. She shrugged and sat on the foot of the bed facing Jane. With a shake of her head, she said, "I didn't have the money or the need to replace my previous wardrobe. I have to admit that I missed the clothes at first, but I knew it didn't really matter. Of everything I missed from Boston, the clothes were the least of my worries."

"I know, but I also know that you love fashion," Jane said. Then, chuckling, she added, "I guess I shouldn't say fashion. You once told me it wasn't about being fashionable. You love clothes because you were in awe of what human beings could do and you thought clothes and shoes were a beautiful example of that."

Maura was speechless. She opened and closed her mouth a few times as she tried to come up with a response. In the end, the only thing she could come up with was, "You remember that?"

Jane shrugged. "Yeah. I listen…sometimes," she added dramatically in an attempt to use humor to break the heaviness that had settled in the room.

Maura laughed, but she dropped her gaze to her lap. When she looked back at Jane, her eyes looked a little wet. "Well, I'm pretty sure it's much easier to dress our six-year-olds than it is to dress you," Maura quipped, letting Jane know that she too remembered the conversation from all those years ago.

"Oh, it definitely is," Jane said, and they both laughed.

Maura stood up to resume unpacking. "Maybe, I'll buy a few new outfits now that I'm back," she said quietly.

"You should, but…" Jane trailed off.

"But what?" Maura questioned; her eyebrows knitted together in her confusion.

"Well, I, uh, I still have all of your clothes," Jane said in one breath. "So, if you wanted anything…" Jane trailed off with a shrug before adding, "I mean you can still get new clothes. I'm sure fashion has changed in seven years, but…"

"You kept my clothes?" Maura asked, her shock evident in her voice.

"I kept most of your stuff," Jane said. "It's in a storage unit – a climate-controlled storage unit, so don't worry. I sold the house, and we split up most of the impersonal stuff like kitchen stuff or whatever. But the personal stuff? I couldn't just get rid of it. I kept some things in the house, which you've probably noticed – mostly pictures and things like that. The rest is in the storage unit and I try to check on it a few times a year. It's mostly things like your clothes, books, and some furniture."

"I didn't expect…I didn't think…I don't know what to say," Maura stuttered.

Jane shrugged again. "You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything with it. You can go through it, or you can just leave it, or you can get rid of it, and you don't have to decide now," Jane continued.

"But why?" Maura asked. "Why did you keep it?"

"Because it was yours," Jane said. "How could I get rid of the things you loved?"

"Thank you," Maura said quietly.

"You should still get some new clothes, though," Jane added in an attempt to navigate away from the more difficult topic.

"First, I need to get Sophie new clothes," Maura commented. "She's been growing so much. All of her things are almost too small."

"Actually, all the kids need new clothes," Jane said. "That's what we were going to do over the weekend. We were planning to go to Target to get summer clothes. We should go this weekend. The kids will love it. Seriously, all three of them love shopping."

Maura chuckled. "Well, that makes four of them, then," she said. "Sophie loves shopping, too."

"Ugh!" Jane exclaimed in mock indignation as she threw her hands up in the air and dropped back so that she was laying on the bed. They both laughed. "Can't just one of them be on my side?" she added exaggeratedly.

"I don't think it's really about sides," Maura said, still laughing.

"I do!" Jane said loudly, sitting up again. "If we ever vote on what to do, I'm gonna lose!"

"Yes, you will," Maura quipped as she continued to unpack.

Jane huffed loudly for the dramatic effect, but the smile on her face gave her away.

As Maura finished emptying the boxes, Jane stood up to help her break them down. They carried the collapsed boxes downstairs and out to the recycling can. When they walked back in the house, Maura looked at the boxes sitting in the laundry room. "We probably don't need this stuff right now, but is there somewhere we can store it?" Maura asked, gesturing to the boxes labelled towels and bedding.

"Yeah, there's room in the basement," Jane said. "Does that work?"

"Yes, thank you," Maura said, and they each picked up a box.

Jane led them downstairs. The basement was unfinish, but it was neat and clean. Jane and her brothers had built sturdy shelving along two of the walls where Jane kept everything from old family mementos to out-of-season equipment that didn't fit in the garage such as camping gear or the kids' snow toys. Everything was in labelled plastic bins, and Jane had to admit that it looked more like something Maura would do than something she would do.

Jane cleared some space while Maura ran back upstairs to get the last box. After everything was properly stored, Jane watched as Maura looked around, clearly reading some of the labels describing the container's contents.

Just as Jane expected, Maura walked towards the corner where she stored the boxes full of family memories. When the girls were babies, she had started a box for each of them with things like their first pair of shoes, copies of the yearly photo albums she always got printed, or their favorite school art projects (keeping every art project would have filled the entire basement). In addition to a (very large) box for each of the girls, there were two containers that were labeled, "For Maura."

Maura: June, Present Day

Maura felt her breath catch in her throat when she noticed two large plastic containers labeled, "For Maura." She froze in place as she stared at them. She wanted to ask Jane what these were for, but to be honest, she wasn't sure if Jane had intended for her to see them, at least not yet.

She jumped slightly when Jane came up to stand next to her and gently placed her hand on the small of Maura's back.

Gently rubbing comforting circles on Maura's back, Jane explained, "One box is full of things I thought you might want if you ever came home. It's things like copies of the family photo albums. Every year, I make a photobook on Shutterfly and I get five copies printed. One for each of the girls, one for you, and one that goes on our shelf that we look at; I did the same for their 'mommy book.' It also has cards or gifts the girls made for you over the years. Whenever they made holiday gifts or Mother's Day gifts for me at school, they also made one for you. Or sometimes, they would just draw you a picture because they wanted to. All of those things are in there. I tried to date each thing whenever possible."

"And the other box?" Maura asked shakily without looking at Jane. She felt Jane pause and take a deep breath next to her.

"Uh, they're gifts," Jane said, and Maura could hear the vulnerability in her voice. "I-I, um…I always got you Christmas and birthday gifts. When Jane's hand dropped from her back, Maura turned to look at Jane, who had turned a deep red.

Maura didn't know what to say, so instead she pulled Jane into a hug and buried her face in the crook of Jane's neck. When Maura finally choaked out a garbled, "thank you," through her tears, she felt Jane's body relax against her. Maura lifted her head to look at Jane. "I can't believe you did that," she said.

Maura had spent years telling herself that even though she thought about Jane every single day, it was unlikely that Jane thought about her that often. It's not that she thought Jane would forget about it. It's just that Jane had so many friends and family members, and Maura was only one of them. She figured that Jane would always miss her and care about her, but she also thought Jane would move on. After some time had passed, she expected that Jane would think about her every once in a while, but not on holidays or special occasions. It's not like Maura thought about old friends or even most of her family members on those days. Just because Jane wasn't just another person to Maura didn't mean that Maura wasn't just another friend to Jane, but maybe, just maybe, Maura had underestimated how much she meat to Jane.

Jane shrugged, but she was still holding Maura in her arms. "I know it's a little weird," Jane said, "but I guess I just always had hope that you'd come home. I mean, I knew it was highly unlikely; people are rarely discharged from the program, but if I didn't have at least a little hope…I don't know. You can open them if you want."

Maura leaned her head on Jane's shoulder, looking towards the box. "I want to, but not right now," she said quietly.

Jane squeezed Maura tighter. "Okay," Jane replied.

"I'm sorry. I just…" Maura started, but Jane cut her off.

"No, you don't have to be sorry," Jane assured her. "I totally understand. I just wanted you to know that you could, if you wanted to, and that offer isn't limited to right now."

"Thank you," Maura said as she nodded against Jane's chest.

"Since you now know about this stuff and the storage unit, I might as well tell you the other embarrassing thing I've done," Jane said, and Maura could hear the nervousness in her voice.

"There's nothing embarrassing about any of this," Maura said quietly as she shifted to look Jane in the eye. Maura knew that the tears in the corners of Jane's eyes were mirrored in her own. "You have no idea how much it means to me. All of it. Everything you've done for me." Maura bit down on her bottom lip in a futile attempt to stop the sob from escaping her. Maura buried her face back against Jane's chest, and they held onto each other as tight as possible.

Once she had gathered herself, Maura continued, "I always knew I was important to you, but this – all of this – it's…I don't even know what to say, except thank you. What, um, what was the other thing you were going to tell me?"

Jane rested her cheek against Maura's head, which was still leaning on her chest. "I made an email account for you, and over the years I would send pictures or tell you about cute things one of the kids had done that day," Jane explained. "It's mostly little things – things that I wouldn't necessarily remember or pictures that wouldn't make it into photo albums. I always put which kid or kids the email was about in the subject line. To be entirely honest, it became therapeutic for me over time. In a way, I felt like I could talk to you. I mean, I knew you weren't getting the emails, but still…I dunno. It's silly."

"It's not silly," Maura whispered. They were still holding onto each other, and Maura knew that her tears were soaking through Jane's t-shirt. She couldn't bring herself to care, though.

They jumped apart when they heard Harper's (very annoyed) voice yelling, "MAMA!" down the stairs.

Jane chuckled as she said, "I guess we should go back upstairs."

Maura nodded as she tried to wipe the evidence of her tears from her face. She didn't want to worry the girls, who were clearly awake from their naps. She and Jane would have to continue this conversation later.

When they got back upstairs, Harper and Sophie were waiting for them. Sophie looked happy, but Harper looked irritated. The three-year-old was standing there with her hands on her hips and a pout on her face.

"We were waaaiiittttiinnggggg for-EVER!" Harper said dramatically, and Maura had to hide her laughter behind her hands. Harper looked and sounded so much like Jane when she was annoyed.

Jane rolled her eyes. "You guys were fine," Jane said. Turning to Maura, Jane added, "She's supposed to call me and wait in her room after she wakes up until someone comes to get her. I'm guessing they've been calling for a while if they finally gave up and came looking for us."

"I'm sorry," Jane said, turning back to the girls. "We were putting some boxes downstairs, and we couldn't hear you."

"Okayyyy," Harper said, and the annoyance was fading from her voice. "Play with us?" Harper asked happily, her previous irritation instantly forgotten.

Jane glanced at Maura, who told the girls, "Sure!"

"Hide-and-seek!" Sophie squealed, causing both Maura and Jane to laugh.

Maura couldn't keep the smile off her face as the four of them played together. She laughed when Harper pretended to look in places where she knew no one was hiding, offering a loud, "Hmm, not here!" Something she had clearly picked up from playing with adults or older kids who had done the same thing when a kid is too easy to find. She laughed when Jane nearly toppled over in her attempt to hide in a space that was too narrow for her. And she laughed when Sophie was always the first one found because she couldn't stop giggling – the sound letting everyone know exactly where she was hiding.

While they were playing, the doorbell rang. Jane looked at Maura confusedly before shrugging and going to open the door. Harper, Sophie, and Maura continued playing until Harper heard TJ's voice coming from the door.

"TJ!" Harper squealed as she ran to give her cousin a hug. Maura and Sophie followed behind.

"Hi, TJ," Maura said, smiling at the teen.

"Hi, Aunt Maura," TJ said. "Hi, Sophie."

"Uh, Maur, TJ wanted to talk to you about something," Jane said with a shrug.

"Oh, okay," Maura said surprised but pleased. "Of course."

"Let's go into the kitchen," Jane said. "I'll get snacks for everyone."

"Thanks, Aunt Jane!" TJ said as he made his way to the kitchen followed by his two younger cousins.

"Wait, how did you get here?" Jane asked as she followed everyone else.

"My bus has a stop like two blocks from here," TJ said as though it should have been obvious. "I just got off there instead of at home."

"And they just let you off?" Jane asked as she started pulling out crackers, cheese, and grapes for everyone.

"Aunt Jane, I'm 13!"

"I know! I know! I know!" Jane conceded, and Maura smiled internally because she knew that at 13 Jane was doing a lot more than just getting off the school bus at a family member's house. Jane handed TJ a plate before carrying two more plates to the family room for Harper and Sophie. "I'll leave you guys to it," she said over her shoulder.

TJ sat at the island counter and started pulling stuff from his backpack. Maura sat down next to him and watched what he was doing curiously.

"Is this okay?" TJ asked as he noticed Maura watching him.

"Of course," Maura said quickly. "I'm happy to help."

"Okay, well you went to BCU, right?" TJ asked.

"Yes, for my undergraduate degree and for medical school."

"Well, I really really want to go there, and I know it's crazy hard to get in. Earlier this semester, we had to come up with a plan for our high school classes, and we signed up for our classes for next year. I'll be a freshman next year," TJ clarified. "I tried to talk to my dad…and I mean, he tried to help, but…he didn't really know anything more than I did. I mean, I appreciated that he wanted to help, but…anyway, I was wondering if I could show you my plan, and if you could give me suggestions. I asked my counselor and she said if I could tell her by tomorrow, I could still change my schedule. Otherwise, I would have waited until Sunday to ask." TJ shrugged nervously as he avoided making eye contact with Maura.

Maura was speechless. It really touched her that TJ actually wanted her advice. "Of-of course," Maura stuttered. "I would love to help you. Can you show me what you have so far?" Maura's voice gained confidence as she spoke.

"Yeah," TJ said as he opened his notebook. He had a page where he had planned out his high school courses, a list of classes offered at the high school next year, and a copy of his freshman year schedule. Maura was impressed with the thought he had put into his planning. It was very un-Rizzoli-like – not the intelligence; no, all of the Rizzolis were smarter than they let on, but the planning was very un-Rizzoli-like.

"Do you know what you want to study?" Maura asked. "It's okay if you don't. You still have plenty of time to decide and part of high school and undergrad are to try out different subjects to see what you like. If you have any ideas now, though, it could help inform your class choices. You can always change your mind."

"Uh, well, I'd like to be a doctor…like you…" TJ admitted, and Maura didn't mention the embarrassed flush on his cheeks. "I mean, not a dead people doctor," he added with a laugh.

Maura chuckled. His last comment didn't offend her, and even if it had, she was still too touched by his first statement for it to make a difference. She smiled at him before looking down at the papers. They spent the next 20 minutes talking through the possible classes. In the end, they agreed that the courses he had chosen for next year were good, but they made some changes to his planned future classes. Maura reminded him that he could always talk to her in the future when he signed up for classes for future years.

As TJ closed the notebook, it fell open to another page full of prices. Unable to help herself, Maura asked, "What is that?"

"Oh, uh, um, nothing," TJ stuttered.

Maura shook her head, realizing that she shouldn't be snooping, even inadvertently. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I shouldn't have…I'm sorry."

TJ paused. "No, it's okay," he said. "It's not a big deal. I'm just saving up for a couple of things, so I was figuring out how much I'd have to earn. It's nothing bad."

"Oh, I didn't think it was bad," Maura assured him. "You don't have to tell me, but can I ask what you're saving for?"

"Well, two things," TJ said, re-opening the notebook to the page. "I'm hoping to buy a laptop, and I'll probably have enough for that by the end of the summer. The other thing though, I doubt I'll be able to make enough. At least not this year. See, there's this really cool math and science camp for high schoolers at the University of Michigan, but it's super expensive. I know other universities have the same kinda thing, but I've seen some of the courses offered by this program, and I just…well, they sound really cool. Plus, they're taught by actual professors."

Maura smiled at TJ. "That does sound great," Maura said.

"Yeah, so anyway, I'm working odd jobs for now, mostly for family and friends, but once I turn 14, I can get a real job. It's still probably too much, but maybe by my senior year I'll have enough. Please don't tell my dad, though. He would want to try to pay for it, but I can't ask him for that. I know he's already super stressed about helping me pay for college. I'm determined to get as many scholarships as I can, but he really wants to help me pay for it. So, please don't say anything."

"I won't," Maura assured him, and she wouldn't. However, she vowed to find a way to help him pay for both the camp and college. If it were up to her, she would just pay for all of it – well, she and Jane would pay for it – but she was fairly certain neither Tommy nor TJ would accept that.

Jane ended their conversation, though, when she came over to tell them that she had to go meet Emma and Finn's bus.

"We can drop you off at home on the way to t-ball practice," Jane said to TJ. "But you'll have to sit between the car seats."

"Thanks, Aunt Jane," TJ said as he put his stuff away.

TJ was actually very helpful with the kids as Jane and Maura helped all four girls change into their t-ball clothes. He kept two of the girls occupied while Jane and Maura helped the other two get dressed before they switched.

After dropping TJ off at home, the six of them arrived at the park. Maura was surprised by the number of cars and people all around. It made her a bit nervous, but she wasn't going to let her nervousness spoil Sophie's or any of the kids' excitement.

The park had eight diamonds of varying size in two clusters of four. Emma, Finn, and Harper clearly knew exactly where they were going. They ran towards the first cluster of diamonds, and Maura watched as Emma and Finn greeted some of their friends. She couldn't hear them, but it looked like Emma and Finn were introducing Sophie to their friends.

"Hey, Jim!" Jane called out to one of the parents, waving at him.

"Jane!" he acknowledged her with a wave of his own.

"Come on Harper, Sophie!" Jane called to the girls, and Harper started pulling Sophie in the other direction. Maura and Jane followed behind Harper and Sophie, and Maura was surprised when she realized that they were going to the other set of diamonds.

"Wait, are we just leaving them there?" Maura asked, stopping in her tracks. The shake in her voice made her anxiety evident.

"Hey, it's okay," Jane said gently. "Their coach is their friend Alyssa's dad, and…"

"Yeah, I know, you told me that, but…" Maura interrupted. At the same time, Jane guided Maura to resume walking towards the other diamond where Harper and Sophie were running around with other three-year-olds.

"Jim Collins is a good guy. I trust him. We always acknowledge each other, so that he knows the girls are in his care. He has my number, Frankie's number, and Ma's number, and he knows which diamond I'm at with Harper and now Sophie. I promise you that they are okay."

Maura nodded, but she was still nervous. Logically, she knew that Jane would never leave Emma and Finn in the care of someone she didn't fully trust. She also knew that it was normal for kids to be left with their friends' parents. Still, her anxiety was skyrocketing.

"Hey, I gotta coach," Jane said, and Maura could tell that Jane was feeling guilty that she couldn't give Maura all of her attention. "Are you going to be okay?"

Maura nodded. "Yeah, go," she said with as much confidence as she could muster, and she gave Jane a soft shove in the direction of the kids.

Maura found a spot on the bleachers. She bounced her leg and fidgeted with her hands as she tried to tamp down her anxiety. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on Sophie, Harper, and Jane. The longer she watched, the more she calmed down. She could tell that Sophie was having a blast, and Jane was great with the kids. She couldn't believe that Jane was able to keep the attention of ten three-year-olds for an hour. Maura had to admit that the kids were as bad as Kent and Jane had said, though. Maura laughed as she watched Sophie completely miss a perfect toss from Jane, and she chuckled when a little boy that she had deduced was Kent's son Chris dropped the bat over his shoulder when he tried to swing at the tee. The kids definitely hit the tee more than they hit the ball. Maura's favorite part of practice was the very end when all ten kids ran the bases. They were all a giggling mess, and the joy that radiated from the diamond was palpable.

When they had to wait for all of the kids' parents to pick them up, Maura finally realized that most of the parents hadn't stayed for practice. They had left their kids in Jane's care.

Maura stood when she saw Sophie running towards her. "Mommy! Did you see me?!" she yelled excitedly. "Did you see me?! I played baseball!"

Despite how dusty Sophie was, Maura didn't hesitate to catch her daughter in her arms. "Yes, baby, I saw you. Did you have fun?"

"Yes!" Sophie said as she wiggled out of Maura's arms. "I wuved it." Sophie ran back to join Harper who was still running around the field. Eventually, Emma, Finn, and another girl joined Harper, Sophie, and Chris on the field. Maura guessed that the new little girl was probably Alyssa when she saw Jim walking behind the girls. He must have walked them back over knowing that Jane was still here.

Maura was still watching the kids play and Jane talk to Jim when a voice made her jump. "Dr. Isles!"

Maura turned to see Kent walking up to her. "You can call me Maura," Maura said with a smile.

"Right, old habits die hard," he joked. "It's good to see you here, Maura."

"Thank you," Maura said. "And thank you for the ride on Saturday."

"I take it things went well?" Kent asked. He too was watching the kids play, but Maura saw him chance a glance at her when he asked.

"Honestly, better than I ever could have hoped."

"I'm glad," he said simply. "I'd like to talk more, but I have to get Chris home."

Maura nodded. "Thanks again."

Maura, Jane, and the girls walked back to the car with Jim and Alyssa. Jane introduced Maura to Jim, and Maura felt slightly uncomfortable when his non-verbal reaction told Maura that he knew who she was.

When they finally got home, Jane directed the kids directly to the bath, and Maura was very glad she did so. "Bath, first; dinner, second," Jane said as she marched the kids up the stairs. "You can shower if you want," she added to Maura.

Maura laughed. "Yes, thank you," she said gratefully. "I'm just going to rinse all this sand and dirt off."

"Honestly, I'm surprised you aren't freaking out about being dirty," Jane quipped, but she only said it loud enough for Maura to hear. Maura rolled her eyes and gave Jane a soft shove towards the kids' bathroom.

Once all six of them were clean and in their pajamas, they had dinner as a family before going through their evening routine.

"Can we talk?" Jane asked gently as they left the girls' rooms.

Maura nodded as she followed Jane into her bedroom. They easily took their usual places in Jane's bed.

"We kinda got cut off a few times today," Jane said nervously. "I thought maybe we should try to finish those conversations."

"Where do you want to start?" Maura asked as she leaned against the headboard next to Jane.

"I don't know," Jane said, and Maura watched her fiddle with the sheets for a few moments.

"Let's start with the hardest conversation first," Maura said.

"Which is?" Jane asked with a humorless laugh.

"Well, can I ask about your nightmare?" Maura asked. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me, but maybe it would help to talk about it."

Jane took a deep breath. "No secrets, right?" Jane said. "I have these recurring dreams where you're in danger and I can't get to you to save you. Sometimes, they're weird and somewhat unrealistic. Like, one time, we were riding a roller-coaster and your harness unlocked while we were on the ride. Even though you were in the seat next to me, I couldn't reach you to hold you in place. Other times, though, they're really realistic. I hate all of these dreams, but the realistic ones are the worst. At first, it was usually one of the lunatics we've dealt with in the past that was hurting you – Hoyt or Joe Harris. Over time, it just became a non-descript middle-age white man. He's hurting you can I can hear you, but I can't find you." Jane's voice cracked as she said this last part, and tears were flowing freely down her face.

"I'm sorry, Jane," Maura said quietly.

Jane shrugged as she wiped at the tears. "It's not your fault," she said. "I just didn't want to lie to you."

"I'm not apologizing because I think your nightmares are my fault," Maura said carefully. "I'm apologizing because sometimes I forget how hard this must have been on you. I never doubted that you loved me. I knew you must miss me, and I knew that the changes in your life as a result of my disappearance and leaving the girls with you had to be difficult. I knew you had to be worried, but I just, I didn't think about your fear."

"I'm not sure there's much of a difference between worry and fear," Jane said.

"They're overlapping concepts, yes, but they're distinct. Fear is more acute," Maura explained.

"It's not like we could have changed anything."

"I know, but I'm going to be more cognizant of what you've been through going forward."

"Maura, you don't need to…"

"Yes, Jane, I do," Maura said firmly. "You've been absolutely amazing these last few days. The least I could do is support you as well."

"Maura, you have been there for me," Jane said. "You were there after I found the girls' bags, and you were there last night. Maura, you don't have to do anything different. I don't want you to do anything different. We've always been good at supporting each other."

"You're right, we have," Maura said with a smile. "Thank you for telling me about your nightmares."

Jane reached over and gave Maura's hand a squeeze. "Does that mean we should talk about your anxieties now?" Jane suggested with a hint of humor to try to break the tension in the room.

Maura let out a short laugh. "I'm not sure there's much to talk about," she said. "I know I have to work on trusting other people. It's going to take time, especially to trust strangers like the kids' friends' parents."

"I get that," Jane said. "But I want you to know that I would never just leave them with a random person."

"Oh, Jane, I know that," Maura said quickly. "And honestly, I think that's where I need to start." When Jane looked confused, Maura continued, "I trust you unequivocally. I will work on trusting others by trusting your judgement about who you trust. Okay, I just said 'trust' a lot in one sentence, but my point is valid."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," Jane said. "And I'll do whatever I can to help. I'd just like to avoid making the kids nervous by changing their routines."

"I agree," Maura said. Maura let out an involuntary yawn. "Wow, I'm tired," she admitted. "I wanted to talk more about the email and the items you kept, but maybe we should revisit this conversation tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'm honestly exhausted, too," Jane said. "Stay tonight? In here, I mean?"

Maura nodded and gave Jane a soft smile. "I'd like that," she said as she shifted down the bed so that she was lying down.

"Thanks," Jane said as she joined Maura, lying down under the covers. They laid face-to-face with only a few inches between them. "Goodnight, Maur."

"Goodnight, Jane," Maura whispered back as they both quickly fell asleep to the sound of the other's breathing.

A/N: Just a small warning that the next few chapters will include some drama/difficult scenes (not between Maura and Jane). I just want to give people a heads up in case difficult family issues are triggering for anyone (I'll include the warning in each chapter as necessary).

Also, the email account idea is something a friend of mine has done for her kids. She created an email account for each of them and throughout their childhoods, she emails them pictures or little stories – the kind of things that you forget over the years – and she plans to give them the email and password when they either turn 18 or graduate from high school – I can't remember which. I always loved the idea, so I just modified it a bit for this story.

Also, also (lol, sorry, I couldn't help myself), the camp TJ wants to do is real. I worked the dining hall for the camp one summer, and it sounded cool when the kids talked about it. I'm sure one or more of the many, many Boston-area universities has similar programs, but I like the idea of TJ wanting to go somewhere in a different state.