When they reached the manor, Ciel went straight to his study and sat down behind his desk. He was tired. That was harder than he thought. But now that it was over, he felt like a big burden had been removed from his shoulders, although he knew that it was only the beginning. Like Sebastian said, Elizabeth would not let him go without a fight and he also had to deal with the ramifications of what happened, namely the rest of the family and the society. While Ciel couldn't care less about gossips, he respected his aunt too much to ignore her. And their family rank was above his own, so he couldn't ignore them.
Despite everything, Ciel was glad to have done what he did. Elizabeth was of age and she needed to get married soon instead of waiting on something that would never happen. It wasn't fair to expect her to keep on waiting on him while he had no intention whatsoever to marry her. As for him, he could now be free of the guilt that he sometimes felt whenever she looked at him with the affection that he couldn't return. Even before he got together with Sebastian, he could never return her affection in the way that she hoped for or deserved.
There were three sharp knocks on his door.
"Come in." Ciel said, not even raising his voice.
The door opened and Sebastian entered with a teacart for Ciel's afternoon tea.
"You better bring cake." Ciel said hopefully. He had missed Sebastian's sweets, cakes, and desserts after a few days of not having them. His butler had truly spoilt him.
"Yes, my lord." Sebastian nodded. "I have prepared Earl Grey tea and chocolate lava cake for your afternoon tea." He announced.
Ciel immediately dug in. "Now that I'm back early, I should get back to work. See if you can reschedule the meetings and spread them so that they won't be all crammed together next week."
"As you wish." Sebastian bowed.
"And I should be prepared to deal with the ramification of what happened, especially concerning the family. I imagine they won't be happy at all. At least Edward would be happy that I won't be marrying his sister." Ciel said and licked the fork. "Although he might want to kill me now because I made her cry."
"I will never let that happen." Sebastian said.
"Yes, I know. In any case, I'm glad to be home, although I can see Finny has destroyed the west garden." Ciel gestured at the window.
Sebastian sighed. "As it turns out, the garden is not the only thing that was destroyed."
"Oh?" Ciel raised his eyebrows.
"The kitchen is..." Sebastian paused. "It is actually better if you do not know what happened to the kitchen. Personally, I wished I did not know."
Ciel laughed. "Business as usual then."
"Business as usual." Sebastian agreed.
Ciel stood by the window in the library, looking at the night sky. The weather was clear today and he was just waiting for Sebastian to fetch him at bedtime. He should be here any minute now, Ciel glanced at the clock.
As expected, two minutes later, Sebastian showed up.
"Let's go stargazing." Ciel said before the butler said anything.
"As you wish. I will get your coat." Sebastian said before leaving to retrieve Ciel's coat. The young earl made his way to the front door to wait for his butler there.
A minute later, Sebastian joined him with Ciel's coat and a picnic blanket slung across his arm. He put the coat on the young man and made sure he was warm before even opening the door. They stepped out of the house and walked down the steps before Sebastian picked him up and transported them both to the roof.
Sebastian spread the blanket on the roof floor and they both sat on it. Ciel sat in front of him, with his back against the demon's chest. Sebastian wrapped his arms around Ciel.
"Are you warm, my lord?" Sebastian asked. It was a cool night and he would rather not have Ciel out here, but knew that Ciel needed this for some reason. So he obliged.
"Yes, it's fine. I'm warm enough." Ciel said. "Tell me about them." He pointed at the sky.
Sebastian started pointing out the different stars and constellations. After a few minutes, Ciel leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
"Are you alright?" Sebastian asked.
"Yes, just tired." Ciel said, his hands idly playing with Sebastian's fingers.
"Would you like to go back inside?" Sebastian asked.
"No, not yet. I want to stay here for a little longer. It's so quiet up here." Ciel said. "And I'm not physically tired. I guess, it's more... mentally and emotionally. After all, today was quite eventful."
Sebastian said nothing, but he pressed his lips on Ciel's hair.
"It was harder than I thought, to say those things to her, knowing that I have intentionally hurt her. Yesterday, I was engaged and today, I'm not. The change is quite abrupt."
"Do you regret it?" Sebastian asked carefully after a few moments of silence.
"Just one thing." Ciel said. "My only regret is that I should've done it sooner. I realized that I had been a coward. I clung on familiarity of being engaged to her, but never to be married. I got complacent with that arrangement. I kept saying that I wanted to end it, but at the same time, I was reluctant because I didn't want to deal with the consequences. Until last night, when she started telling people that we were to get married next year. Then suddenly, there was this sudden sense of urgency to end it now. But with only a few hours to prepare myself, it was quite a task to do. I really should've done it sooner. It wasn't fair of me to dangle that hope in front of her that we would one day get married and have our happily ever after, while in reality, I have no intention to do so. It wasn't fair of me to expect you to deal with her, with our engagement. I wasn't being fair to either one of you and I was being completely selfish. I'm sorry."
Sebastian thought about Ciel's words.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I did play my own part in stopping you from breaking off the engagement earlier because I thought that some sense of normalcy would be good for you. I never considered her feelings because my only concern is you and what would be best for you, so I did not think of what it would do to her. I will not even try to begin to understand how humans feel about these things."
"A demon to the core." Ciel said.
Sebastian hesitated. "Would you prefer it if..."
"No, stop it right there. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It's just who you are." Ciel turned around to look at him. "Since when are you so self-conscious?"
"I am not, my lord. I only want to give you the best, that includes myself. Being with a demon is not like being with a human. I do not feel things like humans do. I do not care, I do not have empathy. I can only pretend to have one."
"If I wanted to be with someone who... feels things, I would have married Elizabeth." Ciel said and turned his body fully around. "But you do feel things. I mean, we wouldn't be here if you didn't feel anything. You would've taken my soul if you were not capable of feeling things."
"Whatever I feel is only there because of you and only for you. But for humans, you feel things for people around you, even for strangers sometimes."
"That's true." Ciel said. "But it doesn't matter to me. It's fine if you don't feel any empathy. I personally don't feel it quite often myself. Despite of my regret about this matter, I'm glad that I did it. There will be consequences, yes. But I will have to deal with them sooner or later. It's only a matter of time. But let's not talk about this anymore. Now that we're finally home..." Ciel leaned forward to whisper in Sebastian's ear. "Sebastian, take me to bed."
Sebastian grinned. "Yes, my lord."
Three days later, Ciel was summoned to the Midford manor.
"This is it." Ciel said when the carriage reached the driveway. "Wait for me here. I will do this on my own."
"As you wish." Sebastian bowed slightly and put his hand on his chest.
Ciel walked up to the door and knocked. It was opened by the Midford butler and Ciel was led to the drawing room, where all four Midfords were waiting for him.
"Good morning, Lord and Lady Midford, Edward and Elizabeth." Ciel greeted them.
"Good morning, Earl Phantomhive." Alexis Midford said, his voice calm and cool. "Take a seat." He gestured at an armchair.
Ciel sat down as directed.
"You know why we have called you here, do you not?" Alexis said.
"Yes." Ciel nodded.
Edward, it seemed, couldn't hold himself back. "How dare you do that to Lizzie?! You're lucky I didn't kill you on the spot!"
Ciel turned to look at Edward. "Would you rather she gets trapped in a loveless marriage, Edward?"
Edward's eyes widened, but he didn't have any comeback.
Ciel continued. "I did it because I do not want to hurt her anymore. As I've told Elizabeth, I will take full responsibility for my action and I will bear the consequences. But I refuse to let us both spend the rest of our lives in misery."
"The two of you have been engaged for all your lives and you have never brought this up before. Why the sudden change of heart?" Alexis asked.
"It's not as sudden, Marquis. I have been feeling like this for years now, but I had hoped that as we grow older, as we get to know each other more, my feelings might change. But it's clear to me that it will not, so I decided to end things now, before we take that step that we can never go back from."
"Marriage is not just about feelings." Francis said. "What of the propriety?"
"It's true that marriage is not just about feelings, but I think it's unfair to ignore it altogether for the sake of propriety. I cannot give Elizabeth what she needs, what she deserves, which is a fulfilling and happy marriage, so I chose to take a step back. If I had held on to her for the sake of propriety, I would only hurt her more in the future and prevent her from getting her own happiness. That is not something that I wish for her."
"But what of my feelings?" Elizabeth spoke up, her voice sounded hoarse and her red and puffy face indicated that she had been crying, a lot. "You talk about my feelings, my happiness, as if you know, as if you care!"
"I do care, Elizabeth. I told you, I do. I care too much to let you stay with me, to let you live the rest of your life being unhappy."
"You don't know that, Ciel!" Elizabeth cried. "How do you know that I won't be happy with you?!"
"Because you told me so." Ciel said, much to everyone's surprise, including Elizabeth herself. "You told me many times, what make you happy. Cute dresses, parties, being cheerful, looking at life with enthusiasm, a beautiful world... All of these, and more, make you happy. You're made of light, Elizabeth. You see the best in people, you smile and you laugh without a care in the world, you treat everyone with respect, from the Queen to your friends, to the servants, you treat them all with kindness. I have no right to take your light away from you and drag you down with me into darkness, because that's what I'm made of. I know you're desperately holding onto the memory of me, of us, when we were younger, but it was just that, memories. I've changed and you can't accept that. You keep trying to pull me out, to help me, and I tried, but I can't even meet you halfway. That's how I know that you won't be happy being with me."
The room was silent and they all looked at Ciel.
"You're not made of darkness, Ciel! You think you are, but I know you're not!" Elizabeth said stubbornly.
"I know what I am, Elizabeth. The things that I have seen, things that I have done, in my duty as the Queen's Watchdog, they changed people, they changed me. I'm not my father and I admire him for his resilience, for his strength. I can't even begin to dream to match him. This is who I am and now, even after everything, you still refuse to see that. You still see me as the child that I was, the innocent soul." Ciel said. His soul was far from innocent, these people had no idea how far he had fallen. "Marquis and Marchioness, as I've said, I will take full responsibility for this. With your permission, I will make the announcement and I will bear the blame. I'll take care that your name and Elizabeth's name will not be affected by this incident."
Alexis and Francis looked at each other.
"We will announce this together as a mutual agreement." Alexis said.
Elizabeth protested. "No, I cannot accept this!"
"It has been decided, Lizzie. The earl broke off the engagement. You have to respect that and accept it." Alexis said.
Elizabeth started crying again.
"Thank you, Marquis. In that case, I will make the necessary preparation." Ciel said.
Alexis nodded.
"Thank you for being honest, Ciel." Francis said, surprising the young earl. He hadn't expected her to say that.
"I only want the best for everyone involved." Ciel said. "If there's nothing else, I will take my leave."
They nodded and Ciel got up from his seat and bid them farewell before leaving.
It went better than what he expected. He had chosen his words carefully, appealing to their emotions and even brought up his past, knowing that it would work in his favour. He wasn't lying, but he told them only what they needed to hear, painting this as a picture of sacrifice on his part.
Ciel stepped into his waiting carriage and looked out of the window. His eye moved to Sebastian's back, who was sitting at the driver seat. Ciel recalled his own words earlier, he couldn't even meet Elizabeth halfway, maybe it was because he was already halfway to meet Sebastian instead.