Chapter 21: Finally

A/N: NSFW 😊

Maura and Jane: June, Present Day
Wednesday, 5:31pm

"…just so you know, it's going to be really hard for me not to kiss you in front of anyone. It already took all of my self-control not to kiss you over the past few days."

Maura smiled then leaned in for another passionate kiss. "Well, we have just under two hours to get it out of our systems," she said seductively, and without hesitation she captured Jane's lips in a bruising kiss.

They stumbled backwards, falling onto the couch in a heap. Their laughter broke their kiss, and their eyes met with their faces barely an inch apart. They shifted, trying to find a comfortable position – a difficult feat given the confines of their clothes.

Jane groaned in protest when Maura pushed herself off of her. Maura smirked and gave Jane a flirtatious wink as she quickly stood up. Without hesitation, she pulled up her dress so that it bunched around her waist and climbed back on top of Jane, straddling her lap. Jane's eyes instantly dropped to take in Maura's newly exposed skin.

When Maura was back on Jane's lap, she grasped Jane's chin and gently guided Jane's face back up to hers. "You'll have plenty of time to look later," Maura whispered before once again pressing her lips against Jane's. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's shoulders and pressed her chest against Jane's. When Jane's arms snaked around her waist and pulled her hips closer, Maura gasped. Jane took advantage and slid her tongue into Maura's mouth. Maura felt like every nerve in her body was on fire, and she let out a loud moan.

Jane's entire body tingled in pleasure and anticipation. Her hands roamed over Maura's back as she tried to pull Maura impossibly closer. She had imagined this moment hundreds, if not thousands, of times, but the reality was so much better than her fantasies. Jane moved her hands to Maura's thighs. For a while she slowly slid her hands up and down the outsides of Maura's thighs while they continued making out, loving the goosebumps that followed. On the next pass, she shifted her hands, so that her thumbs grazed the insides of Maura's thighs. When she felt Maura's muscles twitch under her fingers, Jane felt a rush of wetness between her legs.

Maura's fingers tightened their grip on Jane's hair as Jane's thumbs tickled the soft smooth skin at the top of her inner thighs. Her center clenched in anticipation, and she couldn't help feeling disappointed when Jane's hands moved to her hips.

Maura pulled her mouth away from Jane's, but not without a soft tug of Jane's bottom lip between her teeth, which she released with a pop. She smiled when Jane tried to lean forward to recapture Maura's lips, but Maura held her back with her hands still threaded through Jane's hair. They were both breathing heavily. Maura got lost in Jane's eyes, which were jet-black with desire. She brought her right hand forward to gently push Jane's hair away from her face.

Jane's breath hitched and her eyes fluttered closed as Maura's fingers brushed across her face. Jane's hands gripped Maura's hips, her thumbs rubbing comforting circles as she stared back into Maura's eyes.

"I love you," Maura whispered reverently, continuing to her thumb across Jane's cheek. Maura's whole body burned with want, but she was also nervous.

"I love you, too," Jane said quietly. "I want to show you how much."

A new wave of heat flooded Maura's body, and her fingers tightened involuntarily as she cupped Jane's face. She leaned forward and gave Jane a short but passionate kiss. She kissed along Jane's jawline, causing Jane's breath to hitch. When she got to her ear, she bit her earlobe teasingly and whispered, "We should go upstairs." When Jane instantly stood up in response, taking Maura with her, Maura laughed loudly, allowing her head to fall back.

Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's shoulders and her legs around Jane's hips. She kissed every part of Jane she could reach as Jane carried her up the stairs. When they reached Jane's bedroom, and Jane kicked the door closed behind them, Maura pulled away slightly. Looking directly into Jane's eyes, she asked, "Jane, are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes," Jane said quickly, "but we can wait if you want. I'm not going anywhere."

"We've already waited too long," Maura said as she dropped her feet back to the floor. She reached forward and pulled Jane's t-shirt over her head, dropping it to the side.

Jane instantly reconnected their lips, pulling Maura against her. Maura let her head fall back, exposing her neck as Jane kissed her. She gasped when Jane sucked lightly on her pulse point. Jane reached behind Maura and slowly pulled down the zipper of her dress. Jane trailed her hand back up the newly exposed skin of Maura's back, and when Maura shivered at the touch, Jane smiled against her neck.

"Oh, god, Jane," Maura breathed out as she brought her hands down and fumbled with the button on Jane's jeans. When she finally got them unzipped, Maura slipped both of her hands into Jane's pants. It was Maura's turn to smile when Jane jumped at the feeling of Maura squeezing her ass.

Jane stepped back slightly and reached up to slide Maura's dress slowly, tantalizingly down her arms. Another shiver ran through Maura's body as Jane slowly exposed her skin to the cool air-conditioned air. Jane started to lean down to help Maura step fully out of her dress. She had planned to put it neatly to the side, knowing how much Maura usually cared about her clothes. When Maura carelessly kicked her dress to the side, Jane smirked.

Maura bit her bottom lip seductively as she stepped forward to drag Jane's pants down. Jane pulled them off and threw them to the side along with her socks.

They stood inches apart, both in their bra and panties. Within seconds, they reconnected. Their lips crashed together, their bodies pressed against each other deliciously, and their hands grasped for any skin they could find. Without breaking their connection, Jane slowly guided Maura backwards until the backs of her knees hit the side of the bed. She pulled back slightly to look into Maura's eyes for confirmation that this was really what she wanted. Maura smiled shyly as she once again wrapped her arms around the back of Jane's neck.

Maura fell back into the bed, pulling Jane with her. She gasped when Jane landed on top of her. Jane kissed down Maura's jawline, causing Maura's body to arch up against Jane's. Jane moaned in response. "Scooch back," Jane whispered, gently pushing Maura so that she slid up the bed and settled in the middle of it with her head on the pillow.

Jane crawled up Maura's body, leaving wet open-mouth kisses on each ankle, knee, hip, breast, and shoulder until Maura's patience waned and she dragged Jane's face back to her own. Their twin moans echoed off the walls when Jane settled her body between Maura's legs, her pelvis putting much needed pressure against Maura's center.

"Jannneee," Maura moaned loudly as Jane continued to move her hips. Maura's whole body twitched as Jane's hand slid up her side and squeezed her bra-covered breast. Maura reached around and unclasped Jane's bra, causing Jane to pause her movements as her bra slid fell down her arms. Jane quickly threw it to the side. "Gorgeous," Maura breathed out as her eyes roamed over Jane's newly exposed chest. She reached up with both hands to cup Jane's breasts. Jane's eyes fluttered shut and let out a loud moan as Maura's thumbs grazed over her hardened nipples.

Jane lost herself in the feeling of Maura's hands and eyes exploring her body. Eventually, though, her patience vanished – she wanted to see and feel Maura, too. When she reached around Maura to unclasp her bra, Maura arched her back to give her room, and Maura's bra joined Jane's somewhere on the floor.

"God, you're beautiful," Jane whispered as she allowed her eyes to take in every inch of the body she had desired for years. Maura's body flooded with another wave of heat, and she felt herself get impossibly wetter at Jane's words and the look of deep desire, admiration, and love on her face.

Jane leaned forward and wrapped her mouth around Maura's right breast. Maura's body clenched in response, and she brought her legs up to wrap around Jane's waist, canting her hips against Jane's. Jane sucked, nipped, and licked Maura's breast until Maura was withering beneath her. Their heavy breathing, moans, and the wet sound of lips against skin filled the room. When Jane switched to her left breast, Maura was convinced she might explode right then and there.

"Fuck!" Maura cried out loudly, her hips thrusting against Jane's pelvis and her fingers digging into Jane's shoulders. "Jane, please," she whined.

Releasing Maura's breast with a pop, Jane asked in a hoarse whispered that caused another shiver of please to course through Maura's body, "What do you want, love?"

Maura tried to focus on Jane's question as she continued to grind her hips hard against Jane. "Touch me," she eventually gasped out.

Jane kept her eyes glued on Maura's face as she moved to remove Maura's panties and her own. She climbed back on top of Maura so that her thigh was pressing against Maura's center and Maura's thigh was between her legs. She brought her hand down and slipped her fingers into wet, burning heat. She lightly teased Maura for a few minutes, slowly moving her fingers up and down Maura's folds, purposely avoiding her clit and circling her opening. Their hips continued to move together, finding a rhythm that worked for both of them, thrusting back and forth.

Maura cried out and her body spasmed when Jane's fingers finally made contact with her clit. "Yessss," she hissed. "Right there. Oh god…" Maura pressed her hips hard against Jane's hand as she tried to increase the friction on her clit.

Suddenly, Jane shifted her hand so that her thumb continued applying pressure to Maura's clit, and she entered Maura with two fingers. Maura's eyes slammed shut, and she threw her head back. Her entire body was on fire as Jane used her thigh to increase the pressure and speed of her thrusts. Maura could feel herself losing control of her body. Her hips were moving erratically as she tried to find her release. She needed her release, or her body was going to split in two.

Jane could see that something was stopping Maura from letting go. "What do you need, baby?"

Maura shook her head without opening her eyes. "I dunnoooo," she whined, and she was sure she was about to cry from her frustration combined with the overwhelming emotions.

Jane added a third finger and curled her fingers as hard as she could with each thrust. She could see and feel Maura's body respond to her touch, making her realize that it was probably something emotional holding her back.

"Maur," Jane said gently without slowing the pace of her thrusts. "Maur, look at me." Maura forced herself to open her eyes and make eye contact with Jane. When their gazes met, Jane whispered, "I love you, Maura. I'm right here. I've got you."

Maura's body instantly froze, and every muscle in her body spasmed as her orgasm tore through her body. Her eyes slammed shut, and she screamed as she rode out her climax. Jane continued moving her fingers inside of Maura and her thumb against Maura's clit in order to draw out every ounce of pleasure from her body. Maura never released her grip on Jane as pleasure pulsed through her body.

Jane ground against Maura's thigh a few more times until the pressure combined with the feeling of Maura clenching around her fingers was enough to send Jane flying over the edge after Maura.

As soon as Maura's body collapsed back against the bed, the tears came hard and fast. She tried to pull away and curl in upon herself, but Jane wouldn't let her. Jane removed her fingers from inside of Maura and quickly gathered her in her arms. She held Maura tightly against her chest, whispering reassurances against her hair. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here, love. I'm right here. You're safe. Let it out."

Maura's crying calmed after a few minutes and her body relaxed against Jane's until finally she wrapped her arms around Jane and returned the embrace.

"I'm sorry," Maura sniffled.

"Hey, no, you have nothing to be sorry for," Jane said quickly without releasing her grip on Maura.

"I don't usually cry after sex," she whispered.

"I didn't think that, but it would be okay if you did," Jane said reassuringly. "I love you, Maura."

"I love you, too."

Jane kissed the top of Maura's head and rubbed comforting circles on her back.

"I was overwhelmed," Maura added quietly after a few minutes of silence. "I never thought we'd get here."

"Me neither, but I'm glad we did," Jane said as she squeezed Maura tighter.

"Me, too," Maura said, "and despite my reaction, you should know that that was fucking amazing."

"Language!" Jane teased, causing them both to laugh.

"I thought it was the only appropriate descriptor," Maura said, finally lifting her head to look at Jane.

Jane brushed away Maura's tears before giving her a chaste kiss. Maura shifted so that they were still holding onto each other, their fronts pressed together, but their faces were level. They got lost in each other's eyes for a while. This time it was Maura who leaned in for a kiss, and they shared a slow, deep, passionate kiss.

"We still need to talk about today," Maura said after a while.

"I know, but tonight, okay? Right now, I just want to enjoy these few minutes with you. We're going to have to get up soon if we don't want to still be naked in bed when Ma brings the kids home," Jane said.

Maura nodded. "Okay," she whispered as she tucked her head under Jane's chin. They stayed like that with as much of their bodies touching as possible until the sun out the window let them know they were running out of time.

"We have to get up," Jane said reluctantly.

"Okay," Maura replied as she started to pull away. She didn't want to, but she didn't want the kids to find them like this even more.

Jane groaned as Maura climbed out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. Jane was sitting on the edge of the bed when Maura came back out wearing her robe.

"I'm stealing this so that I don't have to walk down the hall naked," Maura said, and she leaned over to give Jane another short kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Jane said after she returned the kiss, and she watched Maura pick up her discarded clothes, turn to give her one last smile, and leave the bedroom.

Maura: June, Present Day

Maura closed the door to the guest room – her room – behind her and sat on the edge of the bed. She leaned forward so that her elbows were resting on her knees and her face was buried in her hands. She was still feeling overwhelmed and slightly embarrassed. She knew she didn't need to be embarrassed in front of Jane, but she still wished she hadn't lost it after their first time together. She just hoped that Jane didn't think she regretted it. She could never regret Jane – being with Jane.

She hadn't realized how long she had been sitting there deep in thought until there was a knock on her door. Sitting up, she called out, "Come in."

Jane started talking as she opened the door, but she changed courses when she saw Maura. "Hey, I just came to tell you…are you okay?" Jane's face was a mask of concern, and it broke Maura's heart.

Maura nodded and stood up. "Yes," she said as she walked towards Jane, but Jane's face told her that she wasn't convinced.

"Maura, I'm…"

Maura shook her head and reached up to cup Jane's face. "No, do not apologize," she said quickly. "Please do not think for even a second that I regret what we did. The only thing I regret is that we don't have more time." She rubbed her thumb back and forth along Jane's cheek for a moment before continuing, "I love you more than you could possibly know and making love…with you…that's not something I could ever regret. It was amazing and beautiful and infinitely better than I ever could have hoped."

Jane finally nodded as a few tears escaped. Maura pulled her in for a gentle kiss, and her body instantly heated up again when Jane wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her close. She let herself get lost in the taste and feeling of Jane for a few moments before she reluctantly pulled away. She leaned her forehead against Jane's as she tried to calm her already heavy breathing.

Jane dropped her hands and stepped back from Maura. Maura couldn't help but smile at the look on Jane's face; it was a look that told her that stepping back was so difficult for Jane, it was almost painful. With a small shake to clear her head, Jane added, "I actually came down here to tell you that Ma texted me to tell me that they would be home in 15 minutes, but that was like 5 minutes ago, so…"

"I need to get dressed," Maura cut her off.

"Yeah, and I should leave or that will never happen," Jane said with a smirk. "Feel free to use the master bath. I'm going to go downstairs."

Maura nodded as Jane left the room. She quickly found a soft t-shirt and yoga pants and carried them, along with her undergarments, back to the master bath where she cleaned up and got dressed. She made it back downstairs just as Angela and the kids came through the door.

"Mommy!" Sophie called out as she darted towards Maura. Her face was shining with happiness and excitement. "Mommy! I got to go to school today with Harper! And…and…and I made sooooo many new friends!" Sophie was so excited she could barely get the words out as she stood in front of Maura, who had crouched down to her level. "Claire and David and Kristy and Charlie and…and…and there's another Sophie in the class, but I didn't really play with her. Can I go again, mommy?"

"Can Sophie pleeeaassee come again?" added Harper, who had joined them and was now hanging off of Sophie with her arms wrapped around her shoulders from the side.

"Yes, Sophie, you can go again on Friday with Harper, but that's her last day of school," Maura said, her smile almost as wide as the girls'. "Come're," she said as she pulled both girls into a hug. They instantly hugged her back, and Maura had to fight the happy tears that were threatening to escape her eyes. Sophie had always been a happy kid, but Maura wasn't sure if she had ever seen her little girl this happy.

After thanking and saying goodnight to Angela, Maura and Jane helped the girls get ready for bed, which turned out to be a more difficult task than usual tonight. Between Sophie and Harper's excitement about their day together at preschool and Emma and Finn's excitement about their pizza party and graduation the next day, all four kids were running on overdrive. Unsurprisingly, all four kids had had a meltdown by the time Maura and Jane closed their bedroom doors behind them for the night.

"Oh my god, I think I'm more exhausted from the last hour than I've ever been in my entire life," Jane teased overdramatically as she pulled Maura into a hug in the hallway between the bedrooms.

"Somehow, I doubt that," Maura said as she laughed into Jane's shoulder. "But I have to admit, that was exhausting. It probably didn't help that we haven't had dinner, and I barely had lunch."

"Yeah, let's get something to eat," Jane said as she released Maura, and Maura instantly missed the contact.

After dinner, Jane suggested that they get ready for bed and talk upstairs. As Maura climbed into her side of Jane's bed, she realized how quickly Jane's bed had started to feel like her bed. They met in the middle, lying on their sides, facing each other.

"I'm really sorry today didn't go well with Hope," Jane said quietly.

"No, Jane, I'm sorry," Maura said as she reached out and wrapped her arms around Jane, pressing their bodies together. Their faces were so close that they could feel each other's breaths on their faces. "I shouldn't have taken my anger and hurt out on you. I was never really mad at you. It's just…"

"Maura, it's okay," Jane tried to reassure her.

"No, it's not," Maura countered. "This is going to sound silly, but I've realized that sometimes it feels safer to be angry at you."

"It's not silly," Jane said. "I always want to be your safe place, and no matter how irrationally angry to get with me, I'm never going anywhere."

"I think…I think that's why it feels safer, and I'm not just talking about today. It's happened in the past, too."

"Maura…"

"No, please let me finish," Maura said desperately. "I think that's a big part of what happened with Paddy, and I did it again when I first went into witsec, even though you had absolutely nothing to do with that."

"I left you at the bar," Jane said, choking up. "I could have stayed. I could have taken you home. I could have told you how I felt about you a million times before that day, and then you wouldn't have gone home with him." Jane's voice got progressively higher until she was too upset to speak. She buried her face against Maura's chest as sobs wracked her body. Jane was holding onto Maura so tightly that Maura was sure part of Jane thought that she would disappear at any second.

Maura held Jane against her as tightly as possible as she ran her fingers through Jane's hair. She continued to whisper comforting words into Jane's ear as she tried to calm the other woman. "No, Jane, none of this is your fault. It's okay. You're okay, and I'm okay. We're both safe, and we're together."

When Jane finally calmed down, Maura pulled back enough so that she could look Jane in the eye. She brought the hand that had been running through Jane's hair to cup her face while she continued to hold Jane close with her other hand. "Jane, I need you to listen to me," she said kindly but firmly. "Not only is none of what happened to us your fault, but even if either of us had control over it, I wouldn't change anything. I had to go home with him so that we could get Emma and Finn, and I had to go into the witness protection program so that I could have Sophie and you could have Harper. No matter how hard the past seven years have been, I wouldn't trade the four of them for anything, and I know you wouldn't either. Do I wish that we could have all four kids and have been together all this time? Yes, but we both know that's not possible. Had we been together seven years ago, we wouldn't have our kids – we wouldn't have our family.

"You told me once, not long before I left, about a game you used to play with yourself: 'what if it didn't happen?' and whenever things get hard, whenever they got hard, I would remember that. It helped…a lot," Maura continued. "Because all I'd have to think is, if this didn't happen, Emma, Finn, Harper, and Sophie wouldn't exist, and there's no world in which that's better."

Jane nodded tearfully, and Maura pulled her back against her chest. She knew that Jane knew she was right, but she also knew that this was still hard.

"I just love you so much, and I hate to see you hurt," Jane mumbled against Maura.

"I know, Jane," Maura said. "I feel the same way about you, but we can't change the past. We can enjoy our future, though."

Maura felt Jane nod against her. They stayed like that, all wrapped up in each other, for a while, just lying together in comfortable silence. Maura was eventually the one to break the silence. "Can I ask you something?" she asked nervously.

"Of course," Jane replied as she pulled back slightly so that they could see each other, and she brought her hand up to wipe away her remaining tears.

"Why have you let Hope continue to be a part of your lives?" she asked. "It's just…usually you don't tolerate people mistreating you."

"She didn't really like me after Emma and Finn were born, but we didn't really have major problems until I got pregnant with Harper. I mean, she tried to fight the girls remaining in my custody at first, but she had absolutely no case, so she didn't get very far with that. I think she figured out pretty quickly if she wanted to be a part of their lives, she'd at least have to play along and be polite to me," Jane explained. "In all honesty, I wasn't expecting her reaction when I told her that I was pregnant at all. By that time, the girls knew who she was. Hope was a part of their lives, and they would have missed her if she would have just disappeared. I also really thought – perhaps naively – that she would get over it when she met the baby. It just didn't seem possible that she would reject a newborn just because I gave birth to her, but I was wrong.

"At that point, I wasn't really sure what to do," Jane continued. "I was emotional from just having given birth, I was confused, and I was already afraid that Emma and Finn would feel like I was replacing them. I was so worried that they would think I loved Harper more than them because I gave birth to her. Outside the fog of the hormones and exhaustion from having three kids under three, I can see that it wouldn't have happened, but I was convinced that they would think that I was choosing Harper over them if I wouldn't let Hope be their grandma just because she refused to also be Harper's grandma. I made it very clear to Hope, though, that if she ever made it known to any of the girls that she felt differently about them, she would be cut out of all of their lives."

"I don't understand how she can dislike any child, but I especially don't understand how she can dislike Harper," Maura said. "Harper's amazing. She's so sweet and kind, and she makes all three of her sisters so happy."

"I know," Jane sighed. "I don't really know what to tell you."

"My mother said that she thinks that Hope refuses to accept you and Harper as her family because she's so terrified of losing another family member," Maura said. "She lost me twice, she almost lost Cailin, and in a way, she also lost Paddy."

"So basically, if she accepted Harper as her granddaughter and then something happened to Harper, that would be harder than if…"

"…something happened to her daughter's best friend's kid," Maura finished for her. "That doesn't make it okay, though."

"No, but I guess it makes sense in a twisted kinda way," Jane said, thinking.

"Just so you know, my mother doesn't agree with Hope at all," Maura added. "She was just trying to explain what might be going on. She still thinks Hope is in the wrong."

"Oh, I know," Jane said with a laugh. "I know how Constance feels, and I know how you feel…and I know that neither of you agree with Hope. Neither does Cailin, in case you're wondering."

"I was wondering, but I was afraid to ask," Maura said. "Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Did any part of you let Hope stay in your lives because you thought it was what I would want?"

"I didn't think you'd agree with her, if that's what you mean," Jane said, her face scrunched in confusion.

"I know, but that's not really what I meant," Maura said. "I suppose what I'm really asking is, did you think that Hope was more important to me because she's my biological mother? Did you think that biological family was more important to me than the rest of my family?"

"I'm not sure I really understand what you're asking, but I knew that you always wanted to know your biological family," Jane said. "But there's nothing wrong with that."

"Well, when we got here, you were afraid that I would try to take Emma and Finn away from you, and you went out of your way to keep my biological mother in the kids' lives. Jane, do you think that I think that biological family is more 'real' than adopted family?"

"No," Jane said slowly, but Maura could tell by the tone of her voice and the expression on her face that Jane wasn't convinced.

"Jane," Maura tried again.

Jane sighed resignedly. "I don't think that you think that biological family is better or more 'real' than adopted family, but I can't help remembering how much you hoped your biological family would show up and take you away when you were a child," she said sadly.

"I wanted a close relationship with someone, and as a child, I wrongly thought that that might come from my biological parents. As a young child, that was the most obvious difference that I saw between the happy families I saw around me and on TV and my family. But Jane, I was wrong. I found what I was looking for, but not with Hope or with Cailin. Jane, I found it with you and with your family. But what I think isn't really what's important. What's important is how Emma and Finn feel, and Jane, I don't think they've ever felt that way for even a moment."

Jane only nodded, so Maura continued, "Jane, I don't want Hope to be a part of our lives if she can't accept you and Harper or if she treats you poorly in any way."

Jane nodded again. "Okay, but there's nothing we can do tonight," she said. "And you don't have to make a decision now."

"There's no decision to make," Maura said firmly. "Nobody gets to treat you that way, and nobody is more important to me than you and our four girls." Maura leaned forward and captured Jane's lips in a passionate kiss. She threaded her fingers through Jane's hair to hold her close as their tongues met in a delicious push and pull. Maura moaned when Jane's hips bucked involuntarily against hers.

"I love you so much," Jane whispered into Maura's ear as she rolled them so that she was on top. A shiver of pleasure ran through Maura's body as Jane's weight settled on top of her, and Jane continued kissing down Maura's jawline and the column of her neck. Maura pressed her body up into Jane's as she tried to gain more contact. When Jane's hand slipped under Maura's camisole and started massage her breast, Maura felt a flood of wetness between her legs.

Maura hooked her leg around Jane's and expertly flipped them. She smiled at the shocked look on Jane's face. "I. Love. You. Too." Maura said, punctuating each word with a kiss along Jane's jawline. Jane groaned as she turned to pull Maura back into another passionate kiss, and they spent the rest of the night showing each other just how much.