Chapter 2
Weary and hungry, we trudged through forest and glen to return home. As we broke through the tree line, Merlin's steps slowed to a halt.
I turned back to see him staring at the white towers ahead.
"What is it?"
"Things are going to change, Arthur."
"Yes."
"Some things shouldn't change but some things must and I look forward to that. I look forward to the great things you'll accomplish."
I searched his eyes. Where was this leading?
"I will do my best."
"You always do, Arthur."
His belief in me always simultaneously humbled me and boosted my confidence. I decided it was my turn to do the same for him.
"I too have great hopes for the kingdom we will build together, Merlin. I'm counting on you to be your honest, annoying self and to counsel me even when I don't want to hear it. I'm going to ennoble you and make you my Court Warlock and First Advisor. You will be honored for your sacrifice and I'll make sure everyo.."
"No."
A bolt of fear struck my heart. Surely he wouldn't leave.
"You're coming back, Merlin. I need… I mean, you wouldn't...you.."
His exasperated sigh halted my stumbling protests.
"I'll never leave you, Arthur. But, no, please don't put me on a pedestal, or shower me with honors." The wise demeanor I'd never understood settled over him. "Might is no reason to honor a man or to put him in a position of influence. Some things must and will change but I'm happy to be your servant until the day I die and that will never change."
"You want to live on in the shadows." I couldn't help it. My tone was flat, disappointed. I thought you were done hiding!
"Yes. At least for a time. I'm asking you to let me be the one who decides when and how to reveal my secret."
"But, your freedom! I mean to give it to you. It won't have to be a secret. People should know about the good you've done with your magic."
He shook his head with a bite of impatience. "This can't be done for my sake, Arthur. It must be done because it is right."
"And it will, but.." The intensity of his expression shouted at me to shut up and begged me to listen.
"I look forward to that day, Arthur, you know I do. But I think we both know that it will complicate things if people realize that the most powerful sorcerer of all time has had full access to the king for almost ten years. You know the intrigues of the court. You know what they would say, what they would do."
I nodded. I did know.
"They'd claim I'd been enchanted and they'd close their minds to any changes to the laws. They would withdraw their support and challenge my rule."
We locked eyes, studying each other. I wondered if he could read my torment like I could read his grim determination.
We were silent for a time before Merlin again looked away to the white towers and broke my heart as he tried to lighten the moment.
"Anyway, I'm not worth it. I'm just an idiot servant. The worst in the five kingdoms, or so I've heard."
And there it was. That incredibly charming and dangerously self-deprecating smile.
"Shut up, Merlin. The only person allowed to call you an idiot is me."
And I'll never do it again.
I turned and resumed trudging toward home, unable to look any longer at the weariness and darkness in eyes that had once been so bright.
As we made our way back through the main thoroughfare of the lower town, my people shouted with joy and began to throng us, quickly turning into a churning mass of bodies trying to touch and congratulate me. Merlin leaned in close, smirking, "You're a hero, Sire."
"Thank you, but perhaps you know something they don't?" I muttered back.
He mouthed "cabbage head" and his fond grin touched his eyes. It soon became almost impossible to move forward as word of our arrival made more rapid progress than we did. Thankfully, a knight on horseback approached and dismounted.
"Your Majesty! Please, take my horse!" I admit I was grateful to escape the press of the crowd. I looked around for my friend and beckoned.
"Climb on!"
The warlock backed away, shaking his head, "No."
The crowd opened again for the horse and forced me onward toward the citadel while Merlin stood his ground, letting himself be swallowed by the crowd, deliberately hiding among my people as he had done for so long.
"The King has returned!" "The King survived!" "Your Majesty! Thank the gods you are well!" "Welcome home, Sire!" "Long live the King!" The throng accompanied me through the streets and poured into the courtyard.
Crying my name, my beloved met me at the top of the steps where I couldn't help but sweep her into my arms as the crowd cheered delightedly. After indulging in a kiss sweet with relief, I spotted Gaius just behind her, anxiously scanning the courtyard. Never releasing my grip on my wife, I leaned over to reassure him. "He's here somewhere, Gaius. Safe and home to stay." The look of utter relief on his face was one I will never forget.
As I turned one last time to face my people, I suddenly realized that the repeated cheers of "Long live the King!" were mingled with a few wild calls of "Magic and the Saxon dogs cannot stand against us!" "Morgana and the Saxons are defeated!" "Our king is mightier than magic!"
I held my hands up attempting to sue for silence so that I might address some grievous misconceptions.
"My friends, it is true. We have achieved a great victory." Another cheer went up. "It will be long before the Saxons muster to battle us again and we will be ready to meet them when they do. Powerful magic will no longer stand at their side. Morgana is dead."
Cries of triumph and thanks rent the air as the truth of those last few words rent my heart. It was true, Morgana was dead, but then, my dear sister had died years ago. The witch, the threat, was now gone as well but I could not find it in myself to rejoice as my people did, I could only breathe in relief. Once again, I raised my hands requesting quiet.
"Magic no longer stands at the side of the Saxons but you should know that at Camlann it stood at our side. If you haven't already heard from those who were there, then I will tell you now. In the midst of the battle, a mighty warlock appeared and called down lightning upon our enemies, saving the lives of many of our men and also myself. He commanded away a dragon that Morgana meant to use as a weapon against us. He turned the tide of the battle. He ensured our victory. He healed me as I lay mortally wounded. He is the one who killed Morgana to protect us all."
The courtyard was utterly still. I chanced a quick look down at my Guinevere, expecting to see concern in her eyes and questions on her lips but found instead a look of deep reassurance and encouragement. She knew!
"The sorcerer asked for no reward, no recompense. He desires no recognition or honor. He asked only to be allowed to continue living among us as he has for many years. Such selflessness, such nobility and purity of heart directly contradict everything I have been taught about magic.
All is not as it has seemed. Magic has harmed us and magic has saved us. I do not understand magic but I see now that it is nothing more than a tool used for good or ill according to a wielder's intent, much as a torch, a sword or a quill."
I thought I saw a familiar mop of dark hair at the edge of the crowd. This moment would be telling for us both. In a moment we would know better the hearts and minds of my people. Please the gods, the way forward would be welcomed!
"My greatest desire is to rule in justice and mercy. I therefore refuse to repay this man's good deeds with the craven injustice of a death sentence simply because the tool he used to protect us is different from those of our knights. For his service to king and country I hereby pardon him for using magic in defense of our beloved Camelot."
I scanned the faces of the crowd before me and, to my relief, saw mostly thoughtful expressions, some concern and confusion, -some gratitude!- and far less anger than I'd feared.
I felt Guinevere squeeze my arm.
"I thank this man as I thank all our men -my brothers- who fought and bled to preserve us, who fought for what is right and good. We have all sacrificed dearly for our fair land but none more so than those who paid for our peace with their lives. Let us comfort and strengthen each other, taking especial pains to care for the families of those who died for us as we mourn and honor our fallen and seek healing together. For the Love of Camelot!"
My people's responding cry was strong. I finally, finally walked into my home with Guinevere's hand in mine.
It was a start.