Chapter 8
Healing
I struggled through the next morning with George's help. He's a terrific servant but lacks the personality that would make one desire his company. Although, as Guinevere says, in my eyes, all servants lack personality in comparison to Merlin because he's the only one who dares talk back to me and challenge me and keep me on my toes.
Who am I to deny the wisdom of my queen?
I hurried to the physician's chambers, hoping to see marked improvement in my friend's condition. Gaius wasn't there and Merlin no longer lay on the patient's cot in the main room. I checked his small room at the back of the chambers. It was dark. The shutters were closed and I heard steady breathing although it was difficult to make out Merlin's form in the gloom.
I was struck suddenly by the sparse and uncomfortable accommodations. Merlin didn't want recognition or honor but surely he wouldn't say no to a new bed. No one but his friends would ever see it, after all. I wouldn't give him the chance to refuse. A nice bed with a thick mattress, some really great pillows and lots of blankets for the winter. Perhaps even tapestries on the wall for warmth and a sconce or two for light. The image in my head dissipated and I was left with the sight of an injured friend on a cot with only a thin blanket. How was a person to recover well in such a dark and dingy hole in the wall? And how many times had he found himself injured, exhausted and lying on that hard little cot as payment for his service to me? And now, just as things were beginning to look up, he found himself here again because of my shortsightedness. I had been well aware of Fenmore's pride. I knew I'd snubbed him in favor of my servant in front of the council. I should have realized that would make my friend a target for the man's rage. I should have foreseen it and made arrangements to keep Merlin safe.
One handy thing about dark rooms, no one can see if your face is wet.
I needed to leave.
Gaius was coming up the stairway as I stepped out onto the landing. It looked as though he were returning from seeing to my wounded knights. I didn't remember him ever carrying anything aside from his usual bag of potions and bandages but now he had linen in his hands and two satchels as well as his medicine bag.
"Hello, Sire."
"Hello. I was just looking in on Merlin but he's still asleep."
"He's not awake yet?" He frowned a little, causing me some concern. "I had hoped he would be ready to eat something. Perhaps we should wake him." He deposited his burdens on the table and we headed for his room. "His magic has indeed accelerated his healing, as I suspected it would, Sire. Such an injury would normally require a week spent lying still in a darkened room before even more recovery time over a period of months but he showed enough lucidity and steadiness to retire to his own room with the assistance of one of the guards."
"Gaius, yesterday you mentioned the possibility of linking his power to your knowledge to fix his injuries."
"Yes, in theory it is possible for him to lend me power while I guide the process."
"And you say his magic is helping him heal at a much faster rate? Maybe he's well enough off to try. Merlin?" I nudged his shoulder. "Merlin."
He responded with a groan.
"Sire, the healing process is fraught with dangers even when using magic. He could easily over extend himself. It could harm him further to attempt it too early. I really don't think we should ask it of him at this point." He looked like he was already regretting waking Merlin.
"Ask-ask, what?"
It was awful. He sounded so weak. His movements were feeble. Suddenly, I too regretted waking him.
"Nothing, Merlin. Never mind. I just came to see you. How's your head feeling?"
He tried to focus on me in the dim light.
"No. Tell me. You need something."
"It was only a hope."
"What is it, Arthur?"
Gaius spoke quickly.
"Nevermind, Merlin. His majesty can be patient a bit longer."
"I don't know, Gaius." I could hear the tease in his voice. "I think we all know how hard that is on him. He rarely manages it."
I retaliated by ruffling his hair lightly.
"Ow. Even my hair hurts."
"Sorry. Look, I'll just come back tom..."
"No! Don't leave until you tell me what it is you wanted!"
I was sorely tempted. If it could be done.. If he could be healed, relieved of his pain.. If the consequences of my shortsightedness could be minimized.. If I could have him by my side sooner..
I opened my mouth to tell him my idea, "Well.." and glanced at Gaius who looked sadly resigned. If I so much as showed an iota of want or need, Merlin would once again set aside his own well being in favor of serving me and he wouldn't rest until it was done, whatever the task. He was still a stubbornly self-sacrificial idiot. Even if the task were too great, he would find the strength regardless of the cost. The memory that Kilgharrah had shown me leapt to mind complete with the exhaustion and despair. Merlin's earlier mantra, I'm fine- I'm fine- l'm fine, echoed in my ears. I felt ill. What was I doing? I had been warned. It was clearly too early to push.
I cleared the tightness from my throat.
"Looks like you're wrong, Merlin. I can be patient. Take it easy. I'll see you tomorrow."
Gaius looked so grateful that I felt ashamed.
—-
I made it my business to get through the rest of the day without missing him too much. It wasn't hard. Well, okay, yes, it was. But, as I said before, George's servant skills are unsurpassed and I had Guinevere's company. Between the two of them plans and arrangements were made to improve Merlin's chambers as I had envisioned.
Throughout the day, various knights enquired after his health and I was especially gratified that afternoon when a timid-looking maid servant felt bold enough to approach me in the hallway to ask after Merlin. A passing nobleman overheard her question and stopped to hear my reply.
"Gaius says he's coming along very well."
"That's such good news. Thank you, Your Majesty!" She dipped a curtsy.
"Have a good day, miss," I responded.
"You too, Sire! Thank you!"
"Good news, indeed," the nobleman said with a nod.
"Yes," I agreed, somewhat surprised that he would care.
Things were looking up again.
—-
My resolve held. The next day, I only popped in once or twice to toss insults back and forth with him to liven up his day and didn't give a single hint of the pressure I was feeling at the impending visit from the king of Deorham. When I stopped by that evening, I was happy to see a pleasant change in his accommodations. I had hoped to give him a nice bed from one of the guest chambers but the room was far too small. Instead, George had cleaned -and polished!- the unused servant bed from my antechamber and found a suitably thick mattress for it as well as some decent pillows and blankets. Merlin was already fast asleep, snuggled into his new bed like a child. I noted the sconces and tapestry on his desk, waiting to be hung. George had left them for later when the sound of banging on the wall wouldn't be so painful to our invalid. Wonderful servant, that George.
Two days later, I admit that I was really missing my friend and made it my business to convey the kindly well-wishes of several council members to him.
He wasn't in bed. He was sitting at a table with one arm in a sling and the other propping his head up as he squinted at a thick book.
"Oh that can't be good for a concussed brain," I said as I entered.
"Thank you, Sire," Gaius said and then grumbled, "There you go, Merlin. A second opinion."
"You've been arguing with your physician? Not smart."
"Whereas you've always been the model patient. Like all the times when you.."
"Shut up, Merlin. What're you reading?"
"I'm reading up on containment spells. I don't want to hurt Gaius if I lose control while I share my magic when he's healing my arm so I thought maybe there could be a vessel he could use to access it instead."
I turned slowly to give the old physician a very meaningful, perturbed look.
"He badgered it out of me." He too looked perturbed.
I sighed. "I believe it. Has his concussion healed enough to try this?"
"I'm not sure. He's been reading for a while and doesn't seem to have aggravated his headache. Or so he says."
"He is right here and he is just.."
"Do not say fine!" I hissed threateningly although such cautionary tones generally held no meaning for him.
"Peachy. Just peachy," he finished, looking like innocence itself. Then innocence himself winced in pain.
Why did he always have to be so difficult? The thought pulled another heavy sigh out of me.
He turned serious.
"Look. I know those royals are practically on our doorstep. You're under pressure with all the changes and the council's concerns. The kingdom is still recovering. You need me. Gaius needs me because nobody else has enough experience to be of any real help to him. And I need to stop lying around uselessly, just taking up his time and attention. Not to mention that I would love to get rid of this headache and also be able to use my arm again because I've got an itch on my right shoulder blade that's driving me mad. I've found a spell that'll be perfect for what we need and Gaius was able to get the herbs he needs for part of it. I say let's do it and be done."
I looked to Gaius who hesitated but then nodded reluctantly.
"Would you please help him to the cot, Sire?" Gaius asked.
Merlin began to protest. "I don't need.."
We both glared at him and he subsided. One more argument and I would've bodily packed him off to his new bed and required him to wait longer. I think he sensed that because he gave me no more trouble.
He leaned back against the pillows that were piled on the patient bed. Gaius busied himself behind us with herbs and a candle.
I found myself suddenly nervous. This was magic. Real magic. Big magic. With arcane spells and ..herbs and ..stuff. I didn't know where to sit or stand or what to do with my hands. I wasn't afraid, I'd requested this after all, but I found myself fighting some dim remnant of disquiet from my anti-magic upbringing.
Merlin reached over with his good hand and gave me a little push to the chair beside him. His brows furrowed. "Are you okay?"
"Of course!"
"It probably won't take long. The process is pretty straightforward."
"Good. That's good."
"You seem nervous. Are you sure about this?"
"Are you?" I shot back. Having my weakness so easily pinpointed made me defensive.
He snorted.
Yeah. That was a dumb question.
He said, "I've already been through what Gaius is going to do. And I'm definitely looking forward to the relief."
If he meant to reassure me he was doing a lousy job of it.
"What do you mean you've already been through this!"
"I just meant that I've had injuries before that required this particular ..intervention."
Pulling my hair out seemed like a sensible thing to do. He batted my hands away from my head.
"Stop it. Gwen likes your hair. You never know when it'll be gone. Don't help it along."
"Shut up." It really was the only fitting response when he went on about things like that.
Finally Gaius was ready. He took a moment to explain things while Merlin made himself more comfortable.
"Sire, I'm going to do a healing spell on my own that should help clear up some of the damage from the concussion which should hopefully make it possible for Merlin to focus on creating a repository for some of his magic that I can then use to help heal his arm."
"Why don't you just completely heal it? Why only partly?"
"Healing requires a lot of energy, Sire, not only from the one casting the spell but also from the patient's body. We are essentially helping the body go through the healing process at a greatly accelerated rate. We will both be tired after this. We'll need to reserve some energy for healing his arm,"
I nodded my understanding and watched as he lifted a bundle of smoldering herbs and quietly chanted something as he passed it over Merlin's body a couple of times. I noticed that while Gaius' eyes shone with the dim gold of his effort, Merlin's face was losing the pinched, pained look. When Gaius stepped back and Merlin opened his eyes, they looked clearer and more focused. He smiled at the old man and reached up to squeeze his wrist. "Thanks. That's a bit better. How are you?"
"Fine but give me a moment."
My friend switched his attention to me. "How are you?"
"That wasn't too bad. Not very dramatic, after all."
He grinned. "We'll try to keep the drama to a minimum for you."
I ruffled his messy hair. "Hair still hurt?"
"If I say yes, will you stop doing that?" he responded.
"Nope." I mussed it again.
Gaius returned from his bench with a thick glass vial. It was empty and clean.
"Is the pain subdued enough for you to concentrate, my boy?"
"Yes. Is that the container?"
"I thought it might help you focus and regulate your magic if you picture filling it up. Just go gently, Merlin."
He nodded and took the vial. He was silent for a moment before voicing a strange word and his eyes filled with gold as bright as the sun. Without warning, the glass shattered, sending tiny shards flying.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Merlin cried. "I tried to just let it trickle in but I couldn't manage it."
"It's alright, my boy. Your powers are immense and your control is a bit shaky because of your injury. It was my fault. I'm sorry. A glass vial wasn't the most stable of containers to choose. A crystal is the optimal choice but.."
Merlin scrunched his nose. "Yeah. Ugh. No crystals, please."
There was definitely a story there. I'd make sure he told it but at a better time.
"I see why you're reluctant to have direct contact with Gaius while you do this," I said and they both regarded me uneasily, as though they'd only just realized that the king of Camelot was standing there watching their magical experimentation. It would take time for all of us to get past our old fears. "What makes a crystal better for holding magic, Gaius?" I asked.
"The purest crystals are attuned to magic and can act as a conduit and many naturally contain magic, Sire."
"If they work because they already have some magic in them then could you use a different magical artifact? Like ..my sword?"
"What makes you think your sword is magic?" Merlin sounded incredulous.
"Right after Morgana said she couldn't be killed by a normal weapon, you ran her through with it and it ..worked."
He squinted at me in apparent disbelief for a moment or two then said, "This is so surreal."
"What?"
"You. Figuring things out. You've been so oblivious for so long. It's strange."
"That is a discussion for another day that I'm not sure you're going to enjoy, Merlin. I am able to piece things together when salient information isn't withheld. However, if you could just possibly turn your attention to the problem at hand? Would my sword work as a container or conduit?"
Gaius, who appeared to have been thinking hard the whole time, said, "Yes, Sire. I don't know why I didn't think of that before! I think it could work but I believe Merlin has something even better suited to the purpose in his room."
They traded significant looks and Merlin began to struggle upwards. I pushed him back.
"I'll get whatever it is. Just tell me where."
They shared another look.
"Loose floorboard under my bed. There's a staff."
That surprised me.
"A staff? Well that's not conspicuous at all. Of course he's been an official staff-carrying sorcerer living in arguably the most widely visited chambers in the most rabidly magic-hating kingdom of all the five kingdoms. Nothing to worry over, " I muttered mostly to myself as I went on a short quest to find it. I shoved the bed aside and stamped on the floorboards until I found Merlin's secret cache. Finding it wasn't hard. Beneath the flooring lay a big, thick book of magic, a vaguely familiar wood carving of a dragon, that damnable Cup of Life, and a fairly exotic staff topped with a crystal. I shook my head as I drew it out. Good grief. How had he never been discovered? I hoped that he'd been using some sort of magic spell to secure his hiding space all these years but I doubted it. I might have promised myself to never call him an idiot again to his face but it didn't stop me from thinking it at times like this.
When I returned with his staff, his response to my expression was a sheepish grin.
Idiot.
"Not that I want to or think we should, but why aren't we using the bloody cup that I erroneously thought was locked away in our vaults?" I asked.
Merlin darkened. His intensity scared me a little as he said, "No one will ever touch that again. As soon as I can find a way to remove it from this world, it'll be gone."
Okaaay. Good enough for me. As strongly as he obviously felt about it I began to think that there actually had been some protection on that loose floorboard. So maybe he wasn't such an idiot.
I handed him the staff and resumed my seat.
Gaius pushed his dark hair back from his forehead and peered into his eyes while admonishing, "Gently now. Let it flow slowly." Merlin nodded. We were all silent as he gathered himself and then he breathed out that strange word and the most beautiful thing began to happen. The crystal atop the staff began to brighten and swirl with blue and gold, reminding me of the beautiful ball of light that had once saved me from certain doom. The staff itself began to glow too.
"That's enough, Merlin." Gaius said. "Enough!" he repeated and pulled the staff from Merlin's grasp. Merlin slumped against the pillows. "Are you sure it's enough, Gaius? It didn't feel like very much."
"A gallon from an ocean may not seem like much to the ocean," he replied. "Do you need to rest? It took more out of you than I expected."
"No," he said. "It's not that. I think that my headache is trying to come back. Let's hurry."
Gaius carefully unbound his broken arm before covering it gently with one hand and gripping the staff in his other. He began speaking a spell and his eyes lit up a much brighter gold than before. He gasped but continued. Merlin, meanwhile, struggled to stay still, not to writhe. He let out a shout of pain at a horribly audible snap but then breathed in exhausted relief. The magic came to an end and Gaius staggered briefly, using the staff as a support. I stood and gave him my seat.
The two of them looked thoroughly winded. Merlin struggled up, wincing as he allowed his arm to take some of the weight. He rubbed it for a moment then reached for Gaius, concerned.
"Are you okay? Was it too much for you?"
"I'm fine, Merlin." He patted his hand. "How does your arm feel?"
"Tender," came the reply.
"And it will be so for a time. What bones and muscles soon forget, nerves will not so easily. How's your headache?"
"Gone."
They both breathed deeply.
"That's good news," I said, "Thank you, Gaius. I know it was difficult."
"Where's my thanks?" Merlin asked flippantly. "It was hard for me too."
"It benefitted you so I don't have to say thank you to you."
"Prat."
"So? When can he come back to work, Gaius? We've got a lot to do before the royal party from Deorham arrives."
"I believe he could be ready by tomorrow, my Lord."
"Ugh!" Merlin flopped back theatrically and closed his eyes.
"It's so encouraging to see your enthusiasm for your job, Merlin."
"Don't take it personally, Sire. I do look forward to the fantastic honor of sorting your royal laundry. It's just that I don't look forward to running into Lord Fenmore again. He might decide to finish the job."
"Not a problem. Haven't you heard? Fenmore is no longer in the palace."
"What? You sent him home?" He frowned.
"More like, I sent him packing. He is no longer a lord. His title was revoked."
"What!" He sat straight up.
"It was no more than he deserved," I replied.
He stared at me. I expected the look of shock but not the concern.
"I can't.. why… I mean, don't you think you overreacted? He's a nobleman,"
"-was a nobleman-"
".. and I'm a peasant. You can't strip him of his position for behaving as nobles usually do. I mean, I'm only a servant. I'm not worth.."
My anger boiled over at his self-dismissive words. I interrupted him.
"Am I king, Merlin?"
"Of course, Arthur, but.."
"Am I king?" I roared.
He flinched back surveying me with shocked, wide eyes for a moment.
"Yes, Sire," he replied meekly.
"Yes, Merlin. I am. Fenmore wasn't attacking you, he was attacking me, rebelling against my judgement, undermining my word, dismissing my reign, falling just one step short of committing treason. In the eyes of the Court, it was reason enough, and it was for that reason alone that he was stripped of his title and lands." I laid my hand on his shoulder, then slid it down to pull his freshly healed arm gently up for close examination. "Only privately will I consider the pleasure it gives me to avenge you, my friend. Know this, Merlin, I will never allow such grave insult or harm to you to go unanswered. Ever."