Chapter 43: Date Night

A/N: I'm still in the midst of our crazy work time, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Give me maybe 2-3 more weeks of just posting when I can (hopefully, still at least once per week but no promises); then, my posting frequency should pick up again!

Maura: July, Present Day

Maura pulled out her phone. It was once again Wednesday afternoon – the one time each week she was alone while Jane was at therapy and the girls were napping and/or having quiet reading time. She had spent the last week or so trying to figure out what she wanted to do for date night. She wanted to surprise Jane – that was for sure – but beyond that she wasn't really sure what to suggest. Nina had been right. Despite how well things were going, they really did need to relearn each other, and that was becoming increasingly obvious the more time Maura spent agonizing over this date.

Maura started a new text group with Angela and Constance. Her first step was to find someone to watch the kids. Usually, she would just ask Angela, but her mother seemed to have made such an effort with Jane and the kids, she decided she should ask both of them.

Maura (1:52pm): Hello, I would like to surprise Jane by taking her on a date night this Saturday evening. Would either of you be available and willing to watch the girls? I was thinking from around 4pm (after nap time) to 10pm, but we can be flexible around your schedule(s).

To Maura's surprise, both Angela and Constance answered immediately.

Angela (1:53pm): Absolutely!

Mother (1:53pm): I would love to!

Maura bit her bottom lip. How was she going to decide? Maybe she shouldn't have asked both grandmothers at the same time. Luckily, she didn't have to decide since Angela and Constance immediately started coming up with their own plan.

Angela (1:54pm): Haha. Poor Maura doesn't know what she's gotten herself into, Connie, by asking both of us!

Mother (1:55pm): No, she does not. 😘 So, how will we decide?

Angela (1:55pm): Maybe we don't have to.

Mother (1:56pm): Split the evening or watch them together?

Angela (1:56pm): Both?

Mother (1:57pm): We could make a day of it. The girls could come to our house before lunch and have lunch with me Arthur. Arthur has been asking to play chess with Emma and Finn again, so they could do that with him during Harper and Sophie's nap. I could then bring all four girls to your house, and we could do dinner and movie night together. Then, they could spend the night with you, since I know you'll want some time with them without me.

Angela (1:58pm): I love that idea! Maura, how does that sound to you?

Maura hesitated. It actually sounded wonderful. Her only concern was about Sophie, who had never actually spent the night away from her. Still, Sophie was pretty easy-going, she was comfortable with her grandmothers, and she would have her sisters. Maybe this was the perfect time to try something like this. If it went poorly, they could always go get the girls.

Maura (1:59pm): Are you both sure? Sophie has never slept away from me overnight, but if you're sure, this might be a good time to see how she does.

Mother (2:00pm): Are we sure?

Angela (2:00pm): What kind of question is that? 😆

Maura laughed. Since when did her mother engage in sarcasm. This was definitely a conversation she never thought she would have involving her mother, but she had to admit that she really liked this version of her mother.

Maura (2:01pm): Okay. Okay. You two don't have to mock me.

Angela (2:01pm): We've both spent too much time around Jane. I'm fairly certain we've forgotten how not to tease.

Mother (2:01pm): And I'm fairly certain my daughter is currently wondering if body-snatchers have replaced her mother. 😜

Maura (2:02pm): Between the sarcasm and emojis…yes, yes, I am. 😘

Maura laughed as she set aside her phone and picked up her iPad. She had made a habit of using this time each week to read through some of the emails that Jane had sent over the years. At first, she had been reading the emails in order, but eventually she started skipping around. Today, she decided she wanted to see if there were any emails about the kids and their grandparents. She started by searching for "Constance" in the unread emails.

Saturday, December 15

Maura,

I'm pregnant. The moment I found out, you were the person I wanted to call first. I wanted you to know first. I wanted to tell you first. I wanted to talk to you about it. It wasn't planned, and I haven't even told Jake yet – I think I mentioned Jake in a previous email, but we just started dating. He's the father…obviously, since I know you know I wouldn't sleep with more than one guy at the same time. I wanted you to be the first to know, but believe it or not, Constance ended up being the first person I told.

I went with your mother to the holiday gala fundraiser for Science Club for Girls, and she figured it out. I told ma when we got home. I'll tell Jake, but I'm not going to tell anyone else until my second trimester. Ma and Constance are excited to be grandmothers again.

I always miss you, but I missed you extra tonight. This is the first fancy fundraiser thing I've gone to without you. I spent a ridiculously long time trying to decide what to wear. Everything reminded me of you. There were many tears involved – I blame the hormones. The dresses I had from the events I went to with you made me cry because they reminded me of you, and the newer dresses made me cry because I would never know what you thought of them. Pregnancy hormones suck. Missing you sucks.

Love you lots, Jane ❤

At the bottom of the email was a picture of Jane and Constance at the gala. Maura's eyes clouded over with unshed tears as she tried to take in every inch of Jane in the photo. Jane looked beautiful. She was wearing a deep green Stella McCartney gown, and her hair was pulled back in an elegant updo. Jane's look paired well with her mother's all-black ensemble which included a couture Chanel evening gown and patent black heels.

Maura blinked away the stray tears before she continued on to another email.

Tuesday, July 1

Hey Maur~

I don't know how you carried two babies. I'm gigantic…I'm a whale. I've heard pregnant women say they feel like a whale before, but I never actually understood how true that was until now. Technically, I'm 36 weeks, but there's no way she can stay in here for another 4 weeks. I will explode. I know you're reading this thinking to yourself that that's not actually possible, but I'm here to tell you that it is absolutely possible. There's no more room. If she grows anymore, I'm just gonna pop like a balloon…literally pop.

Okay, I didn't actually decide to write you just to complain. Your mom called me today to tell me that she and your father are going to move to Boston. Well, actually, they asked me if it would be okay if they moved to Boston, and I'm fairly certain that Constance was terrified that I was going to say no. I never would have said no, but I also don't really understand why they think they need my permission. Regardless, Emma and Finn are going to be ecstatic when they find out. I'm gonna let your parents tell them. They're planning to come when the baby is born. They're both going to come meet her and go house hunting, but your mom is going to stay for a while to help. Between Ma, Constance, two toddlers, and a newborn, I'm just hoping we all make it out alive. 😜

Anyway, their plan is to fully move here before Christmas. It'll be nice to have them closer. I know I've said it before, but you would be proud of your parents. They've tried so hard to get to know the girls…to be good grandparents…and they've come a long way. I wish you could be here to see the four of them together. I'm including a few pictures of the four of them from Emma and Finn's last birthday. I don't think I sent them before (since I have like 5 million photos from their birthday), but if any of the pictures are repeats, sorry – blame the pregnancy brain.

Love, J

Maura looked at the pictures that Jane had attached from Emma and Finn's second birthday. Her mother was actually sitting on the ground with the kids in a few of them. Maura had never seen her mother sit on the floor before – either in person or in a photo. But Maura's favorite was the one with Constance, Angela, and the girls. Each grandmother had a sleeping toddler curled up in their lap. Maura couldn't tell which girl was which, but Jane's caption said that her mother was holding Finley and Angela was holding Emma. What struck Maura, though, was how relaxed Constance looked with the two-year-old in her lap. It made her heart swell – metaphorically, of course – with love.

The next email that referenced Constance made Maura laugh – well, the beginning made her laugh; the rest made her cry again.

Tuesday, August 6

MAURAAAAAA!

41 WEEKS! I'm 41 WEEKS pregnant! I thought this was supposed to end by 40 weeks. Why didn't you tell me that I could be pregnant for MORE than 40 weeks?!

Tomorrow is your birthday. I'm still kind of hoping that she's born on your birthday, but my doctor says I still have at least a few more days if not another week to go. Constance arrived today. She's going to join us for your birthday thingy tomorrow. Usually we'd do more, but this year it'll be low-key. Ma's going to make your favorite dinner (gnocchi), and we're going to watch your favorite (kid-friendly) movie, The Beauty and the Beast. Okay, I know that's not exactly your favorite, but Belle always reminded me of you, and the girls love it. It'll just be the five of us (me, Emma, Finn, Ma, and Constance). I recently made the girls a new book about you. We call it their "Mommy Book," and I'm fairly certain we've already read it more than 100 times in the month we've had it. I'm sure we'll read it a few times tomorrow, too.

I'll write you more tomorrow (unless I'm in labor – keep your fingers crossed!) and wish you happy birthday. For tonight, sleep tight and I love you!

Jane, the whale

Maura laughed at how Jane signed the email. Jane hadn't included a picture of herself, but Maura was determined to get her hands on one. She had to see what an "about-to-pop" Jane Rizzoli looked like. She decided she wanted to save the next few emails from her birthday and Harper's birth to read closer to Harper's birthday, so she closed her iPad and her eyes and let herself fall into her own memories.

Constance: July, Present Day

Constance quietly made her way back downstairs. Harper and Sophie were finally napping. It hadn't been an easy task to get them to sleep as neither girl wanted to miss out on the fun, but eventually they had settled down.

Arthur was already sitting in the living room with Emma and Finn. He had set up a small table and chairs before they came, but he had left the pieces off the board to give the girls a chance to see if they remembered how to set it up correctly. Based on the current conversation, it seemed that they had been pretty close but had mixed up a few pieces.

Constance loved to watch Arthur with Emma and Finn. Her husband was often awkward around other people, but when it was just him and the girls, he was in his element. He loved to teach, and they loved to soak up every bit of information he wanted to teach them. Chess had been a perfect bonding activity for the three of them. Since meeting Sophie, Arthur had also been excitedly talking about how glad he was that Harper would have a partner to learn with when she was old enough. He wanted to be able to connect with the younger girls so badly, but he struggled to relate to and interact with kids that young. Constance was glad that he, at least, still looked forward to deepening his bond with them when they were a little older; he wasn't exactly known for his persistence when it came to maintaining relationships.

Constance sat on the couch to watch the three of them start their lesson. Emma and Finn reminded her so much of Maura at that age when they were excited about learning something new. They both sat with their feet underneath them, much like Maura did as a child and even as an adult. There was a sparkle in their eyes – a happiness that came from the simple act of learning – that made even their dark eyes reminiscent of their mommy's sparkling hazel eyes. Finn was chewing on her bottom lip as she listened intently, and Emma was leaning forward as though she might learn just a little bit faster if she was a little closer – both were things that Maura used to do as a young girl, as well.

But as much as they reminded Constance of Maura, Emma and Finn's individual personalities were also evident in their body language, as well as the little things they've picked up from their mama. Emma was constantly fidgeting, bouncing, and moving, much like Jane and nothing like Maura, who would sit perfectly still even at a young age. Finn repeatedly pushed her hair off her face in a move so reminiscent of Jane, it was uncanny. Her curls annoying her in a way that was the complete opposite of how Maura loved to have her hair perfectly styled from the moment she could do it herself.

Arthur glanced up, making eye contact with his wife, as the two girls reset the board. The small smile on his face displaying only a small fraction of the joy Constance knew he was feeling inside. She had always been able to read her husband even though he was one of the most reserved people she had ever met. The smile might look small to anyone else, but Constance saw it for what it was – a small sign that days like this would remain some of his favorite days for the rest of his life.

Angela: July, Present Day

Angela smiled as the noise of four happy little girls filled her house. As always, the girls had burst through the door without bothering to knock, and they were now making themselves at home in their nonna's house, pulling out their toys and books without hesitation. Constance wasn't far behind the kids. She had two duffle bags over her shoulder and a huge smile on her face that rivaled Angela's.

Angela laughed as Constance made a show of mock exhaustion when she entered the kitchen. "Tired?" Angela asked as she gave Constance a quick hug.

"Yes!" Constance said with a laugh. "I shouldn't be surprised, but four is definitely a lot more work than three."

Angela laughed again. "Well, there is a whole other child," she quipped. "I'm not sure how soon they'll be hungry again, but I got ingredients to make pizza together. Hopefully, that's okay with you."

"I may try to save a small part of one of the pizzas free of little kid fingers," Constance said, "but pizza sounds good. I'm guessing it will also be good for them to have an activity."

"That was my thinking," Angela replied. "Also, don't worry, I set aside one of the pizza's just for us and I already put it together. I had the same thought about grubby kid hands all over our dinner. I also put together a small salad."

"Perfect!" Constance said honestly.

"Do you want to help me set everything up?" Angela asked. "I figured we could set the kids up at the table."

"Sure, just tell me what you need me to do," Constance replied.

The two women worked together to get all of the pizza ingredients on the table. Angela had made an extra-large pizza crust so that each girl could make their own quarter of the pizza just how they wanted it. She had all their favorite toppings: pepperoni, mushrooms, sausage, peppers, and olives. They helped the girls wash their hands and put on their aprons in an attempt to protect their clothing.

"Soph, look, I got you your own apron," Angela said, holding up the kids' sized apron covered in rainbows.

"Really?" Sophie said excitedly as she ran up to Angela. "It's for me?"

"Yes, it's just yours, but you'll keep it here, okay? See, Emma, Finn, and Harper each have one that they keep here, too," Angela explained as she helped the little girl tie her apron on.

"T'ank you!" Sophie squealed as she threw herself into Angela's arms.

"You're welcome, baby," Angela said as she hugged the three-year-old.

Angela and Constance tried to let the girls put together the pizza on their own, only stepping in when one of the girls asked for help. Finn sweetly explained each step to Sophie, who hung on her older sister's every word. On the other hand, when Emma tried to offer Harper unsolicited advice, Angela was pretty sure they were only a few minutes away from someone's pizza being ruined or something ending up on the floor, so she decided it was time for the pizza to go in the oven.

While the pizza was cooking, the girls helped clean up the remaining ingredients and set the table for dinner. By the time they sat back down to wait for their pizza, Emma and Harper were no longer bickering, and Angela was grateful for that. It was going to be a long night if the fighting started at dinner.

Angela cut up the kids' pizza while Constance plated her and Angela's pizza and salad. Luckily, the kids had all made their quarters of the pizza completely different, so it was easy to tell whose was whose: Finn's perfectly spaced pepperoni and mushroom, Emma's pepperoni with extra cheese and light sauce, Harper's sauce explosion with every single topping, and Sophie's "rainbow" of toppings in perfect lines of each topping from the center to the crust.

Not surprisingly, half of Harper's toppings fell onto her lap when she tried to take her first bite. "HOTTTT!" she screeched, her face instantly scrunching up with the impending tears. Angela and Constance both jumped up to help, but Constance got there first.

"You're okay, sweetie," Constance cooed as she picked up Harper, quickly pulling off her pants and the hot pizza toppings with them in one fell swoop. She allowed the pants to fall to the floor as she pulled Harper against her body to comfort her. Harper calmed as soon as she was safely in her nana's arms.

"Owie," she grumbled as she rubbed her hands over her legs, instinctively checking for more pain.

"Let me see, sweetie," Constance said as she sat back in her own chair with Harper on her lap. Her legs were a little red, but otherwise, she seemed fine. "Does it still hurt?"

"No," Harper whined. "Pizza's too hot. It maded me hurt." She buried her face against Constance's chest.

"Why don't we take some of the toppings off, and I'll cut up the pizza so that it cools down faster?" Angela suggested as she pulled Harper's plate towards her.

Harper remained in Constance's lap for the rest of dinner, but by the time they were all done eating, she was back to her happy self.

Both Sophie and Harper were covered in pizza sauce, so all four girls had a quick bath before getting in their PJs for movie night. The girls decided that Harper got to choose tonight's movie since she'd gotten hurt – even if saying she was 'hurt' was a bit of a stretch, the sweetness of the gesture made Angela's heart sing.

Harper had chosen Raya and the Last Dragon. Harper sat in Constance's lap for most of the movie and Sophie in Angela's lap while Emma and Finn made what could only be described as a nest with pillows and blankets on the floor. After the movie, Constance helped Angela put the girls to bed before heading home.

Maura: July, Present Day

"You won't tell me what we're doing," Jane whined good-naturedly. "How am I supposed to know what to wear?"

Maura chuckled. Jane had tried many different methods of interrogation throughout the day in an attempt to get Maura to tell her what they were doing for date night. Maura was actually a bit proud of herself for holding out and not giving in to Jane's pestering. "There's no dress code," Maura called from inside the closet. "You can wear whatever you want."

"But I…" Jane started as she stepped into the closet, but when her eyes landed on Maura, she fell silent. Maura felt a rush of warmth flood her body at the look on Jane's face. Maura's back was turned towards the door, but Maura could see Jane in the mirror. Jane was most certainly checking her out – there was no other way to describe it. Her jaw was slack, her eyes dilated before Maura's eyes, and her eyes hadn't yet made it back to Maura's face.

Maura turned around and raised an eyebrow and smirked at her girlfriend. She cleared her throat, the noise finally pulling Jane from her trance.

"You…um…you look good," Jane stuttered, her voice even raspier than usual.

Maura laughed. "Thank you," she said. She could still feel the blush on her cheeks as she waited for Jane to continue.

Jane gave her head a little shake in an attempt to clear it. "Sorry," she said with an embarrassed laugh.

Maura smiled and took a step closer to Jane. She felt rather than heard the hitch in Jane's breath as she invaded the other woman's space. "No need to apologize. I want you to look," she whispered. "That's why I chose this outfit," she added seductively. She gave a stunned Jane a smile before giving her a soft kiss and leaving her alone in the closet. She figured Jane could figure out what to wear now that she knew what Maura was wearing, and she knew that if she stayed in that closet any longer, neither of them would be dressed in about 30 seconds.

Maura had chosen her outfit specifically for Jane. She was wearing skin-tight jeans that looked like they were made especially for her. Her cream blouse might have appeared conservative from the front, but the low swoop of the back that exposed warm skin that was just begging to be touched while the lack of a bra strap let Jane know just how little Maura had on.

Maura finished her make-up in the bathroom while Jane got dressed. Jane was already downstairs when Maura finished. When she got downstairs, it was Maura's turn to be stopped in her tracks as her eyes landed on Jane. Jane was wearing dark skinny jeans with heels, making her already long legs look impossibly longer. Her low-cut top left little to the imagination, but the leather jacket she was wearing added a touch of modesty to the outfit, hinting to the fact that what was underneath was just for Maura. What was more was that Jane had straightened her hair, and her make-up was a bit darker than she usually wore it. Jane looked sexy. It was as simple as that – and for once, Maura was allowed to look (although, ogle might be a more accurate term for what Maura was doing at the moment).

Maura was honestly shocked that they made it out of the house. All she wanted to do was touch every inch of Jane's beautiful olive skin, and she could tell by the arousal that laced Jane's every word that the other woman was just as turned on as she was.

Maura pulled up to the brewery that was their first stop of the evening. When they got out of the car, Jane pulled Maura towards her. Jane gave Maura a chaste kiss and a gentle hug. "Thank you for asking me out on a date," she said quietly.

"Thank you for saying yes," Maura teased as she rested her hands on Jane's biceps while they remained in their embrace.

"Like I'd ever say no," Jane quipped.

Maura tilted her head. She knew Jane wasn't going to say no, but she had worried that Jane might think the idea was silly. Maura gave Jane another chaste kiss before stepping out of her arms. Maura linked her arm through Jane's, and they walked towards the front door of the brewery.

Once they were seated, Maura explained, "I wanted to choose something that I thought you would like. We're actually participating in a beer tasting event. The brewery is updating their menu, so we'll get to try their classic beers as well as their new ones and rate each one. They'll use the ratings from tonight and the two other tasting events that they are having to determine their new menu. Don't worry, there's food too."

Jane laughed. "Very cool," she said with a smile, but when she didn't say anything more Maura was slightly confused. She had thought that Jane would be excited by this idea. While Jane didn't seem to be unhappy with her selection, Maura had to admit that she had been hoping for a more enthusiastic reaction, but she tried to shake it off.

They fell into easy conversation as they ordered and the first round of beers to taste was brought to them. Maura tasted the beers, but as someone who wasn't a big fan of beer, she didn't really have much of an opinion. Therefore, she wasn't paying much attention to their drinks – at least not until they were halfway through their meals, and she realized that Jane had taken maybe one sip from each of the beers.

Maura's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Do you not like the beer selection?" she asked.

"What?" Jane asked before looking down at her drinks and then at Maura's almost gone ones. "Oh, uh, no, they're good. I was just enjoying the company and kinda forgot about the drinks. Now they're warm though," she added with a nervous laugh.

Maura could not figure out what was going on. Part of her was sure she was overthinking this, but the other part of her was sure she was missing something. "Do you want to order more? We could try a different selection," she suggested.

"Oh, um, I'm good," Jane said quickly. "But if you want to, we can."

Maura put down her half-eaten grilled chicken sandwich. "Jane, what's wrong? It's okay if you don't like the beer. What I don't understand is why you're obfuscating."

Jane sighed and put down her own burger. "I'm sorry, Maura," she said. "This was so sweet of you. I know you picked this for me."

"But…?" Maura prompted.

"But I don't really drink anymore," Jane said resignedly.

"Oh," Maura said slowly. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because you put so much thought into planning tonight. I didn't want to ruin it," Jane said.

"Jane, don't be silly," Maura chided lightly. "I care a lot more that you are comfortable and honest with me than I do if you like one specific date I planned. I mean, of course, I want you to enjoy our dates, but…well, I wish you'd have felt comfortable enough to tell me at the beginning."

"I know," Jane said as she waved her hand vaguely in front of her. "I should have."

They both fell into an awkward silence. Maura didn't care at all that Jane didn't drink anymore – although, she was curious as to why – but it made her very uncomfortable that she didn't know something like that about Jane.

Jane broke the silence. "It's not, like, a big thing," she said tentatively. "I'm not completely sober or in AA or anything like that. It's just that with the kids, I got in the habit of not drinking. It wasn't like I could trade of being the designated driver with someone else. Eventually, I just lost my taste for it. I had a beer here and there after I stopped breastfeeding Harper, but I didn't like it anymore. After a few wasted beers, I decided it just made more sense to order soda or water. It's cheaper and I don't have to worry about staying sober to take care of the kids. Now, I just hate the taste. It's so bitter." Jane shrugged.

"There's nothing wrong with that, Jane," Maura said genuinely.

"I know," Jane said, shrugging again.

They moved on from the conversation, but they had a hard time getting back to their usual comfort and easy conversation. Everything felt a bit forced and stilted to Maura, and she wasn't sure why.

As they were finishing, they both heard someone call out "Jane!" from across the restaurant. The woman who had called Jane's name was walking over to them followed by a man.

"Jane, how are you?" the woman greeted when she got to the table.

"Good," Jane replied with a smile. Then, turning to Maura, she added, "Maur, this is Sarah and her husband John. Their daughter Olivia is friends with Emma and Finn. They also have a son, Liam, who is a year older than Harper and Sophie. Sarah, John, this is Emma and Finn's mom, Maura Isles."

"Oh, I've heard a lot about you," Sarah said enthusiastically. "It's great to finally meet you."

Maura smiled politely and shook hands with the couple, but she had noticed that Jane hadn't introduced her as her girlfriend. It hurt more than she had expected.

"Olivia is not happy that Emma and Finn won't be in her class this year," Sarah said to both Jane and Maura. "Honestly, I think us parents are a little sad, too. Emma and Finn make our kids smarter just by spending time with them."

Jane laughed. "We will have to get the kids together. I want to make sure that Emma and Finn can still spend time with their friends from kindergarten. Since they won't all be in the same class, it'll take a bit more effort, but I don't want them to lose those friendships," Jane said.

"Maybe we can set something up before school starts back up again," Sarah said. "I'll text you, but we need to get going. It was great to see you, Jane, and it was nice to meet you, Maura."

Maura said goodbye to both Sarah and John before returning her attention back to Jane.

"Olivia was in Emma and Finn's class. She's one of their closer friends," Jane explained, more to fill the silence than anything else.

"Hopefully, I can meet all of their friends soon," Maura replied.

"Yeah, that'd be good," Jane replied before trailing off awkwardly.

They continued to try to make small talk, but the magic from earlier in the evening was gone. Things had turned awkward, and Maura had no idea how to turn the evening back around. "Um, I had something planned for after dinner, but would you rather just call it a night and go home?" Maura asked. She cringed internally. She hated herself for offering to end their date early because she knew it sounded like she wanted to go home. She spent the next few seconds hoping desperately that Jane wouldn't want to go home, even if she knew it wasn't really fair to put that on Jane.

"Oh, um, yeah, we could just go home," Jane said, and Maura couldn't tell if she was relieved or disappointed – and she wasn't sure she really wanted to know.

The car ride home was completely silent but not the usual comfortable silence that was so common in their relationship. This was a tense, awkward silence – one that neither woman knew how to break.

As soon as they pulled into the garage, Jane turned towards Maura and opened her mouth to speak, but Maura stopped her. Holding up her hand between them, she said as calmly as possible, "Let's get inside first."

Jane nodded and climbed out of the car. Maura sighed before getting out of the car and following Jane into the house.

"I told you that I was sorry that I didn't tell you about the drinking. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. What I don't understand is why you're still upset," Jane said, her own annoyance obvious in her tone.

"I'm not…you didn't do anything wrong, Jane," Maura said more desperately than she had intended.

"But you're upset," Jane said emphatically.

"Not at you," Maura tried, but she could tell that Jane didn't believe her when the other woman rolled her eyes. When Jane started to walk away from her, Maura snapped. "Jane!" she called as she followed Jane into the family room.

"What?!" Jane snapped as she spun back around to face Maura.

"I'm not upset with you," Maura said firmly. "I-I…ugh, I hate the situation. I hate that all these people know who I am when I've never even heard of them. I hate that we don't know each other anymore. I hate…god, Jane, I was uncomfortable tonight and I hate that," Maura ranted, her voice rising in volume and pitch as she continued. "None of that is your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I just…I don't know how to navigate this."

"What did you want me to do? Never talk about you?" Jane yelled back.

"No, of course not," Maura snapped. "I just want you to give me a break now. I've always been uncomfortable around other people. You know that. And now…now, I'm meeting all these people who know who I am. I don't even know what they know about me. First, it was Emma and Finn's t-ball coach; then, it was everyone at their school; then, it was your ex-girlfriend; and now, it's friends of yours that I've never heard of. I'm not saying you did anything wrong. I'm just saying it's weird that all these people know all about me, and I don't even know their names.

"But that's only part of it," Maura continued; she was no longer yelling, but the desperation in her voice betrayed her distress. "I used to be the person who knew you better than anyone else. Logically, I knew that would no longer be true, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. In some ways, we're closer than ever, but in other ways…" Maura paused before continuing, "…in other ways, we're strangers."

Jane rubbed her hands down her face before throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. "You're right," she said, and Maura couldn't interpret the tone of Jane's voice. It sounded firm but resigned, resolute but tired. "You're right," Jane repeated. "We don't know each other anymore. I've done everything I could think of to share with you our lives over the past seven years. It's impossible for me to tell you everything, but I've tried to make sure to tell you the important parts…even the little things. But I know nothing about your life. Literally, I know that you were in Maine, then Utah, and that you gave birth twice – first to Emma and Finn, then to Sophie. I don't even know Sophie's biological father's name. I know you worked in a hospital morgue, but I don't know which hospital or even which city you worked in. I don't know anything about anyone you dated. I don't know anything about you."

Jane's face was a mask of pain and hurt as she spoke. The tears Jane was fighting so hard to keep inside were leaking down her cheeks. Maura's heart broke at the sight and at Jane's words. She could feel her own tears falling as she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. She had been so caught up in the things she didn't know about Jane that she hadn't realized how much she hadn't shared with Jane. It's not that she was keeping anything from Jane. It was just that none of it seemed important. Maura had shared the most important parts of her life from the past seven years. When she thought about her time in witsec, the only things important enough to even think about now, let alone share with others, were the kids.

Maura still hadn't decided how to respond when Jane spoke again. "Maybe we moved too fast," Jane said quietly. Maura's eyes flew back to Jane's face. She desperately struggled to read Jane's face, trying to figure out where Jane was going with this. "Maybe…maybe we need to take a step back. We don't know each other anymore. Did we jump into a relationship to fast? Maybe we should…"

"No!" Maura nearly screamed, cutting Jane off as soon as she realized where Jane was headed. "No," Maura repeated more calmly, holding her hand out in front of her as though she could physically stop Jane from continuing. "Don't do this, Jane. Do not do this. Do not make this kind of decision when you're this upset."

Jane opened and closed her mouth a few times before eventually deciding to stop talking.

"I'm going to bed," Maura said after a few minutes of silence. Without waiting for a response, she turned and walked up the stairs. She would leave it up to Jane to decide what to do next, but she wasn't going to let Jane run away from their relationship that easily.

As she went through her nightly routine and eventually climbed into bed alone, Maura couldn't keep her mind off of Jane's words. Yes, Jane's words had scared Maura, but at the same time, she had to admit that she had been expecting this. Jane ran when she was scared, especially when she was scared of being hurt emotionally. Jane reacted emotionally – without thinking things through – and she pushed people away. The problem was Maura wasn't sure how the evening had turned sour so quickly. Things had started off with all the passion, heat, love, and comfort that was so present in every aspect of their relationship, but somehow two minor misunderstandings – for lack of a better word – had sent the night spiraling out of control. Normally, neither the awkwardness of Maura not knowing that Jane didn't drink anymore nor the encounter with Jane's friends would be even a little bit memorable. How many little things had happened when they were out together over the years? Maura suspected that somehow these seemingly minor parts of the evening had tapped into lingering fears they both had.

Maura may have gotten in bed early, but she didn't get much sleep. She could see the sky lightening with the morning sun through the crack in the curtains before she finally fell into a fitful sleep. She didn't know what time it was, and she didn't know what the morning would bring. The only thing she did know was that Jane never came to bed.

A/N: Don't be too hard on Jane – remember she's been through a lot, too. I promise it will all be okay!

Also, I'm kinda surprised that no one noticed and commented on the fact that Jane never had a beer in the present day chapters over the course of 175k words (okay, that's the total word count for the whole story, but I'm not going to spend time figuring out the word count for just the present day sections lol). It's not a big thing (like, at all, lol), but it took a lot of thought to make sure I didn't slip up, lol.