Chapter title from "Friday I'm in Love" by The Cure

"Can't you get anything right, you ignorant slut? I said sugar in the tea, not honey!"

Severus's eyes drifted toward the ceiling, wishing he had the ability to send curses two floors above. It was the new normal ever since the visit to Malfoy Manor where Bellatrix had disclosed the nature of her condition. With Rhiannon not officially a Death Eater and Narcissa quite exhausted from looking after her sister's constant needs, the Malfoys had coerced Severus into having Rhiannon act as little more than a maidservant to Bella whenever the Snapes visited. Lucius and Narcissa had of course packaged the whole idea as an honor— contributing to the health and well-being of the Dark Lord's child and her mother.

Yes, "her" mother. One of Bella's first demands was that Rhiannon perform an advanced detection spell designed to read fetal energies and tell the likelihood of her bearing the Dark Lord a son. The news of a daughter had sent the woman into even more irate fits than normal, and Rhiannon bore the brunt of her ire as the messenger of the news. After the first meeting in her new post, Rhiannon had fallen at Severus's feet and begged him to save her from having to do it again. He had refused, of course. There was no valid reason why the Snapes would not want to be part of such a momentous pregnancy and birth. And the dark witch herself was in too fragile a state to do any real harm to Rhiannon; her safety wasn't at stake— merely her pride. His wife would just have to suffer through a few hours here and there as part of their greater mission. They had little choice, although Snape hated the visits she paid to the manor without him. He'd seen the way Lucius had eyed his beautiful wife for years. Rhiannon was a powerful witch, and Severus knew she could defend herself. But he hoped it would never come to that.

Extra visits to Malfoy Manor along with their increasing duties to the school meant more time away from the seaside house and from their companions. That made the fate all the more painful for Rhiannon, who was clearly in love. She insisted they start spending at least one night a week together, which had resulted in two occurrences thus far. Both had been late at night after particularly demoralizing days at Hogwarts, so the encounters themselves had been rather brief and uneventful— mostly the women rekindling their connection while he and Black watched. Rhiannon lit runic candles for power, victory, success, healing— desperate to create an armory of divine power, and she and Colleen would work each other to the brink over and over again in hopes of harnessing it.

Black would catch Severus's eye every so often with a smirk or a raised eyebrow, but he left it at that, and Severus wasn't about to invite anything further. Black would get off either by his own hand or waiting for one of the women's mouths. Both times Severus had been too tired and too preoccupied to even worry about such things. They would then sleep in a pile, shrouded in darkness beneath heavy blankets that made it hard to tell which legs and hands belonged to whom. Of course Severus could tell, if he truly wanted to, but he didn't.

"Ministry report, Yaxley," Severus said, his eyes still fixed on the ceiling. There was some sort of banging coming from the third floor. "And Narcissa, perhaps you should check on your sister?"

Lucius chuckled. "Now why would you blame Bellatrix for the commotion, Severus? Your wife is a rather wild little minx...there's no telling what she's doing up there."

Narcissa rose reluctantly.

"Yaxley...the report..." Severus repeated, barely moving his mouth.

"Pius was extremely busy and unable to attend our meeting today, but things are going well. We have tightened security greatly since the little run-in with Potter and his friends, ensuring such a debacle will not happen again. I do, however, have interesting news to share from the Ministry of Magic Archives, regarding marriages."

The Carrows' heads both jerked up, obviously salivating at any hint of their marriage law schemes coming to fruition.

"The abundance of records from the home of the deceased ceremony official have arrived with a rather curious one coming to our attention. It appears that on the day the Tonks girl married the wolf, one 'Sirius Black' was also wed...to a Muggle."

Murmurs fell over the table. Lucius's fist tightened, his eyes glancing to the Black sisters' empty chairs.

"That's impossible, Yaxley," Severus said sharply. "Does the Ministry now permit marriages for ghosts?"

"No ghost, Severus," Yaxley replied solemnly. "Signed by his own hand."

Severus allowed his gaze to drift ever so subtly to Felix Middlesworth. The blonde man blended into the dark robes near the center right of the table, simultaneously scratching his lowered head while taking sips from a flask.

"Not the first I heard of this, let me tell ya'," Middlesworth drawled. "Papers said Black was galavantin' around London all last year stickin' it in anything wearin' heels."

Severus narrowed his eyes coolly. "You make a habit of reading Muggle gossip rags, Middlesworth?"

The blonde wizard met Snape's gaze with a start, as if in his drunken state he'd forgotten all about their arrangement.

"I got Muggle relatives," he muttered, sinking lower in his seat. That earned him snickers of condemnation from every Pureblood at the table.

"So what does the Ministry propose to do about a suspicious lead such as this?" Lucius inquired. "It would seem they wouldn't have much recourse with Black if he were found— his name was cleared, after all."

Severus wasn't sure why Lucius seemed to have such a level head on the matter, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.

"The Ministry has whatever recourse it wants to have," Yaxley said sternly. "I will be sending an Auror or two to investigate leads on Black's whereabouts."

"Yes, but on what grounds?" Lucius insisted.

"Marrying a dirty Muggle!" Dolohov spoke up with a loud laugh. "It's a new era, Malfoy. Idiot wizards who would throw away their Pureblood seed don't deserve to have it anymore, if you know what I mean." He elbowed his mate Thorfinn Rowle, who snorted in agreement.

Severus rolled his eyes. Half the table dissolved into compete imbeciles in the Dark Lord's absence. He almost found himself longing for Voldemort's return just to restore a sense of decorum.

"It seems a large amount of you have lost all logical capacity," Severus remarked. "The Veil does not return its victims. Though in the case of Black, I would certainly hold sympathy if it chose to do so."

"It does seem rather far-fetched," Lucius agreed. "I watched the wizard die myself. Many of us here did."

"Is this some newfound family affection I'm detecting, Malfoy?" Yaxley growled.

"Certainly not," Lucius's silky voice replied. "I simply do not want the Ministry's precious resources wasted on chasing a ghost."

"The Ministry's precious resources are mine to do as I see fit, according to the appointment given to me by the Dark Lord," Yaxley said, his tone leaving no room for further discussion. "And I will get to the bottom of this underhanded business. Even if it wasn't Black, someone is pretending to be him, and I'm sure there's a rather intriguing reason."

"Seems like you could just ask the Tonks girl, then?" Rowle suggested. "The she-wolf. Aren't you her boss?"

"She conveniently turned in notice last week," Yaxley answered gruffly. "Gone into hiding, I'm sure. Even more reason we should investigate the lead."

The six of them had agreed that was the safest move for Tonks once the news of the marriage records came out. She was still moving back and forth between the house in Scotland and her mother's house. Her father was now officially on the run, and she wanted to keep Andromeda company. Severus was going to have to reel her back in. Just what he needed— another Black to wrangle.

Severus adjourned the meeting as quickly as he could and went to collect Rhiannon, who nearly fainted with relief at the sight of him.

"You'll come back tomorrow," Bellatrix hissed to the witch as they exited.

"My students have an exam tomorrow," Rhiannon replied tightly.

"And how does that stop you from coming after school?" Bellatrix barked.

"I'm sure she'll come again as soon as she's able, Bella," Narcissa assured her sister, who threw the comforting arm off her shoulder violently.

The Snapes escaped down the stairs quickly, only to find Lucius waiting for them at the bottom.

"Awfully quick to jump to Black's defense, Malfoy," Snape commented before Lucius had the chance to do the same.

"Took the words from my mouth, Severus," Lucius replied. "I was beginning to think that old joke from our Hogwarts days may in fact be true."

Snape stiffened. "And what joke might that be?"

Lucius smirked, drawing an arm around Rhiannon to finish leading her down the stairs. He spoke more to her than to Severus as he answered, "Severus and Sirius Black's hatred for one another was so obsessive, other students used to joke they must be harboring secret desires behind all those hexes and taunts. I heard tales of their feuds long after I'd left Hogwarts myself."

Rhiannon squeezed his arm and laughed. The witch chose the oddest times to actually play the game rather than be obstinate. Severus suspected she played along with Malfoy just to make Severus insanely jealous. He would have to add this to her ongoing list of transgressions that required future punishment.

"I'm afraid I am unfamiliar with that joke," Severus said flatly.

Lucius chuckled. "Well, there were so many made about you back in those days, I'm sure it was rather hard to keep track, eh? Rhiannon, I trust we will be seeing you again soon? Our Bella has grown awfully...well...fond of your company."

Lucius enveloped both of Rhiannon's hands in his and placed a kiss upon them with his most disarming smile. Rhiannon nodded meekly and hurried to Severus's side the minute Lucius let her go. Once they safely reached the edge of the Malfoy grounds, Severus instructed Rhiannon to take one of their elaborate apparition trails on her own, as he planned to pay a quick visit to Felix Middlesworth.

"Be careful, Severus," she whispered.

Severus dismissed her with a wave. "You think I'm frightened of Felix fucking Middlesworth?"

"No, but I'm just so scared for Sirius and Colleen," she whispered. "I know there's no one better than you to protect them, but I still worry."

"No need to worry. Just go home and make sure the dog and the wolf are dressed and ready for this ridiculous event tonight. I will already be at the very edge of my patience when I arrive."

Rhiannon nodded and smiled. "I'm so excited that you're going. It will be so good for all of you."

Snape stalked away and apparated without another word on the subject. Black's birthday was Monday, and they were celebrating early tonight. It was a bit absurd that their little commune had so many birthdays so close in succession. When Black's wife had inquired as to what her husband wanted for the occasion, he'd spent a few days mulling it over, only to come back with a request for "a boys' night out— Marauder style." Severus would surely prefer to be the subject of an Unforgivable. But in the vein of cooperation that had become the norm in this ridiculously jolly, sunshine-and-daisies household, Severus conceded. At least there would be alcohol involved, and it was preferable to another birthday in the bedroom where Black's proposal of rogue hands loomed as an ever-present possibility.

Severus arrived at the Middlesworth house just as the sun had disappeared. Felix still lived with his mother and father even at thirty, so Severus hoped he wouldn't be too late to catch him before his Mummy called him home for supper. He needn't have worried, as the sorry excuse for a Death Eater was outside the cobblestone drive that led to the residence, pissing on the remnants of a late autumn flower bush. Severus drew his wand immediately and rushed to press it to the other wizard's throat before he even registered his presence.

"Whoa! Takin' a man down while he's takin' a piss— what kinda wizard honor is that, Snape?"

"The only kind of which you're worthy, and even that is being generous," Severus sneered, his nose so close to the man's face that he was assaulted by the stench of vodka and poor hygiene. "The Dark Lord was clearly scraping the very bottom of the barrel when he recruited you last year, and I am more than happy to send you right back to that barrel and bury you under it."

"Did I get under your skin there, Snape? You Sirius Black's white...err...black knight?"

"Hardly, but Black is MINE to deal with...do you hear me? Mine. We had a deal, and you've been handsomely paid."

"Not handsomely enough, I'm afraid. Inflation and all."

Snape dug the tip of his wand deeper into the man's neck and watched him sputter and choke.

"Really, Snape," the idiot continued. "What's to stop me from telling the Dark Lord right now that Black's alive and you're fightin' on his side? Defending a filthy Muggle-fucker?"

"And your lack of loyalty to your own family is quite indicative of your level of service to the Dark Lord," Severus spat. "Untrustworthy, petty, selfish, and easily bought. In case you were wondering, those are NOT traits the Dark Lord desires of those in his service. I can end that service in a split second if I choose to do so, and one does not leave the Dark Lord's employ and live to tell the tale. Do you understand?"

"Psssh, Snape. That Muggle whore ain't my family. Not even a month after my cousin passed, she was shaggin' that nob. We don't owe her one damn thing, ya' hear me?"

"You owe me— the one who kept you thoroughly sloshed for most of the year by extorting Black. And let me assure you, Middlesworth, owing me is not a position you want to be in. So tread very, very lightly."

"Fine, Snape. What do ya' want him for anyway?"

"That is my business and mine alone. And you will not interfere again if you want to live to see another vodka bottle. Now once again, do you understand?"

Middlesworth nodded and held his hands up in surrender.

"Good," Snape said, his own voice still dripping with malice. "Now go shower. You smell like you bathed in your own piss then spritzed yourself with a vodka perfume."

Severus removed his wand from Middlesworth's throat and shoved him toward his parents' front door, then apparated for the oh-so-joyous occasion of his Marauder-style night on the town.

"So James asks Minnie how to become an Animagus, right? And of course Professor Minnie says she can't tell us that. But then she says, 'I also can't tell you there's a book on it on the restricted section, and I can't tell you Filch is going to be away from 1-3 on Saturday!'"

Black slapped the table and downed the last of his second beer of the evening.

Lupin let out a chuckle after taking a sip of whiskey. "McGonagall always had a soft spot for us, that was for sure. We wouldn't have gotten away with half of what we did if it weren't for her."

"I'll be sure to thank her," Severus said bitterly. "And launch an investigation into her discipline methods regarding members of her own house."

"Oh, lighten up, Severus," Black chided him. "Everyone deserves to have happy memories of their Hogwarts days."

"And whether they are deemed 'happy' largely depends on if you were on the giving or receiving end of the action in question," Severus reminded him sharply.

Black surveyed him with a devilish grin as their curvaceous barmaid delivered another round.

"I apologized to you, Severus, if you recall. But I'll tell you what— how about I let you pick whether you're on the giving or receiving end of our actions from now on?"

Alcohol clearly emboldened the cocky Gryffindor. Lupin seemed to agree.

"How about we order some food to neutralize a bit of this liquor?" the wolf suggested. He waved the barmaid back over to add some appetizers to Black's ever-growing tab. Severus read the description of the items on the menu and grunted. Muggles certainly had some odd tastes and evidently preferred all their food fried in heavy grease.

"So how's pregnancy sex?" the dog asked the wolf eagerly.

"That's your cousin," Lupin reminded him.

"Since when does that matter to the Blacks?" Severus quipped, feeling his own scotch start to form a distinct buzz in the back of his brain.

"Rather animalistic," Lupin confessed, blushing a bit.

"Gods, I can't wait," Black replied excitedly. "Colleen's going to wear pregnancy like a diamond tiara. My gorgeous queen."

"Tell me, Lupin, do all canines share this fixation or is it just Black being crass?" Severus asked. He threw back another sip, knowing he would need every drop to get through an evening with these two.

"Sirius's is a bit...excessive," Lupin laughed. "Some of us have mental reservations that trump our baser instincts."

The barmaid was already back with another tray of glasses, which Black accepted with a toast. "To being excessive!" he declared. "In all things...living life to the fullest...no regrets." He didn't even wait to be toasted in return before downing his next gulp.

"What do you say we play a game or two while we wait for the food?" Lupin suggested. "While we're still able?"

The three of them stumbled over to billiards first. Severus had never played billiards and had no desire to start.

"Come on, Sev, it's fun," Black said with his arm flung around Severus's shoulders. "Watch me and Remus for a round, then give it a go."

Severus shrugged off the man's arm with a glare. Muggle games were so exceedingly dull. He never understood the point of struggling to accomplish a goal physically when all you had to do was wave a wand to achieve the desired outcome. If it wasn't a Muggle pub, he'd quickly send all the balls rolling into the holes just to move this laborious process along.

"Food's here," Severus announced about ten minutes later, grateful to see the steaming plates arrive, in spite of their overall drab brown color. Everything had folded newspaper beneath it to sop up the grease. He took off toward the table and dove in immediately, wincing at the unpleasantness of a mouth full of sour cream flecked with crunchy pieces of imitation bacon. He scraped the offensive mixture from his potato with a scowl.

While he waited for the Marauders to return, Severus scanned the room for potential threats. He zeroed in on every single patron's facial expression and hand placement, looking for hidden wands and hidden agendas. With Yaxley and his crew now on a mission to find Black, they had to be prepared to react at a moment's notice. Ideally Black would need to go back on house arrest, but Severus actually found himself with reservations when it came to making that directive. A cooped up Black was even more insufferable than this current monument to celebratory excess. The man had made healthy strides toward becoming a decent human being over the past year, and another full confinement would surely start to unravel them. No, keeping the peace in the house required Black having time out of his cage. It would just make Severus's job all the more difficult.

His eyes fell on a table of four lads, probably around twenty. One was tall with sandy blonde hair and a rather sheepish grin, another shorter and more animated with his laughter. Another had short brown hair and glasses, and he was elbowing a longer-haired man with a handsome smirk who sat at his side. It was truly the Marauders reincarnated. Snape's first instinct was to check them for wands or suspicious activity, but he saw none. They genuinely seemed to be there to have a good time.

"Look over there— it's your little clones," Severus told his returning table mates. The two nodded in agreement.

"Wow, look at that, Moony," Black marveled. "Can you believe we ever looked that good?"

"They haven't even begun to live," Lupin replied. "Give them a few years, they'll start to look ragged, jaded, and worn, just like us."

"Hello, there," a voice purred as a beautiful young woman approached their table. She was a brunette, her body forced into a tight leather getup that lifted her in all the right places and exposed her midriff to their gaze. She carried a tall bottle of liquor and a bowl of limes on a tray.

"Care for a body shot? Half price tonight," she cooed, her eyes immediately gluing to Black.

"All three of us are happily married, love, and will not be partaking," Black returned, but he thrusted several crumpled bills into her hand with a squeeze and a wink. "See those four gentlemen over there, though? Take this money and show them a good time. Watch out for that little guy though — I bet he's a rat. Probably bites."

Lupin laughed so hard his drink spewed across the table to spray the back of the booth next to Severus. Some things never changed. It seemed Black would always have a target, even a complete stranger.

"I'm sobering up," Black groaned. "Let's order more."

"Pads, did you remember to take your hangover prevention potion?" Lupin asked cautiously.

"Yes, Daddy," Black smirked.

"I thought I was your Daddy," Severus couldn't help but comment under his breath. He cursed himself the minute it slipped. But he felt the nagging need to reel the over-animated birthday boy back in.

"I'm going to the lavatory," Lupin muttered, darting away with a roll of his eyes.

Black shuffled a bit in the booth and smiled, taking a stick of fried cheese from the basket on the table and slipping it between his lips.

"Daddy, hmm? I'll remember that for next time your little flogger comes out to play. I rather like being called that myself."

"I noticed," Severus growled.

Black made a point of gnawing on the tip of his snack, letting the melted cheese ooze out and catching it with his tongue. Severus sneered. The man was truly no better-mannered than a dog. A new tray of drinks appeared on the table, and both wizards reached for their new beverages simultaneously, throwing it back in one synchronized movement as they surveyed one another.

"What would our wives say if we fucked?" Black mused, fingering his glass.

"That will never happen, so it's a moot point."

"Won't it?" Black continued softly. "I admit I never really wanted such a thing until we all started sharing a bed, and I'm still not clear on labels and rules. But it could be fun, and that's all that matters, right?"

"And this is the difference between you and me, Black. On display and as glaring as always," Severus responded with a scowl. "There are plenty of things that matter more than fun."

"Yes, of course," Black replied dismissively. "But if the fun is harmless, why not have it?"

"The point being what, Black? You have plenty of mouths, hands, and holes for your abnormally needy cock. Why do you require more?"

Black shrugged, his eyes lowering to the table. "Complete the circle, I guess. Simplify everything. Figure out why the hell we've always been so fixated on ruining each other. See how good we are at sucking cock. I don't know. Any number of reasons."

The man was surprisingly lucid at the moment for someone who had consumed so much alcohol. Severus was quite the opposite. His head seemed to be swimming in a pool of images and stirrings that he wanted to hex away. His brain seemed to be fighting to occlude, but there was nothing to occlude from. Black was no Legilimens, and Severus couldn't hide his thoughts from himself, as much as he wanted to in that moment. There was no other man in the world that Severus would even begin to have this conversation with. It wasn't about a man or a cock or a label. It was about this person who had the power to drive him up the wall with anger, frustration, passion, and obsession. Much like Rhiannon did. And wanting to put him under thumb as soon as possible.

Severus cleared his throat and swallowed the last drop of scotch in his glass. "Who first?" he asked quietly.

Black raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"Who tests their cock-sucking abilities first?"

The wizard smiled beneath twinkles of blue and gray. "Well, since you are used to doling out marks to your students, perhaps you'd be more comfortable in the professor role? Daddy?"

Severus's voice seemed to walk away from his mental faculties and take on a will of its own. "We're going home. Now."

Black grinned. "But I wanted to play darts next, Daddy. It's my birthday."

"You need a dart in your mouth to shut you up, spoiled brat. Put on your coat."

Black obeyed, just as Lupin arrived and stared back and forth between the two standing wizards.

"Oh, no," the wolf said. "What happened?"

"I want to play darts, Moony," Black replied lightly.

"Well, then let's go," Lupin said, guiding him along with a hand on his back. He stopped when he saw the smirks on the two enemies' faces.

"Oh, hell, no. Really?" Lupin whined. "I'm not drunk enough to wrap my head around this."

Black laughed and threw a heavy, inebriated arm around both wizards' necks. "Then be sober enough to apparate us home."

They arrived to the house just as a few rogue snowflakes began to swirl in the night air. The house was dark save for an outdoor lantern and soft candlelight coming from window of the Blacks' bedroom on the second floor.

"How much you want to bet they're together?" Black said with a shake of his head.

"Creating cosmic children or whatever the hell it is they do," Severus uttered in agreement.

"You all have lost your minds," Lupin said with a sigh. "The strain of war is getting to all of you, clearly."

"No harm, no foul, Moony. All good vibes. Hey, thanks for celebrating my birthday like old times. I needed a night out."

Black gave Lupin a hug before the wolf continued up the stairs to the third floor. Severus continued on toward his own bedroom at the end of the second floor hall.

"Don't we need to be with the women?" Black asked, pointing to his and Colleen's bedroom curiously.

"Perhaps you do," Severus replied. "But I'm going to sleep."

Black looked utterly floored. "What? But you said we needed to 'go home. Now.'" He lowered his voice in a very poor imitation.

"And?" Severus grinned mischievously. No pleasure Black could give him physically could ever outweigh the satisfaction of seeing the man so completely at his mercy.

"And...you— you said I needed a dart in my mouth!" Black sputtered.

"I said you needed one. I didn't say you would be getting one. Good night, and happy birthday, Black."