Chapter title from "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal
Dear Hannah,
Happy Christmas! I hope you and Simon are enjoying your first holiday as a married couple. Everything is coming together for a beautiful holiday here. I hope this parcel finds you since I can't list a true return address. It's just a few lovely holiday things I found that I thought you might be able to use in your new home. We are truly sorry we missed the wedding. I would have given anything to be by your side like you were by mine. I hope someday we will be able to make up for lost time, and I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to properly say goodbye.
You are a dear friend, and I owe everything to you and your crazy stunt in the nightclub that night— giving my address to a complete stranger. It has been quite the ride so far. I just hate that it had to tear us apart. You were always there for me when Mum and Dad had gone bonkers or when Robert was angry or had run out on me again. I can't thank you enough for being my best friend, and I hope to see you very soon.
Lots of love,
C.B.
Colleen dropped her letter into the small box and wrapped it in paper before taking it to the counter. She didn't make eye contact with the clerk, as if putting a fake return address was some sort of crime. Was it? She truly didn't know.
There were hundreds of things she wanted to write in that letter instead of the vague, trite little paragraphs she'd ultimately penned. Talking about how beautiful snow was piled on sand, for example. But she couldn't give any clue about their location. She could tell Hannah that they were about to adopt a puppy for Ben, but she didn't want to run any risk of an interceptor knowing she had a child. If she and Hannah were together in person, she would come up with some way to tell her best friend that she was now in a relationship with three other people. Hannah would surely love that one, and she would certainly ask for every dirty detail. Although there weren't many of those these days.
Something had happened between Severus and Sirius since the birthday outing back in November. They were quite friendly with each other when discussing Wonderwall official business, eating dinner, playing with Ben, and other parts of day-to-day life. Granted, they didn't cross paths as much in the weeks leading up to the winter holidays, with Rhiannon and Severus wrapping up Hogwarts first term and subtly ensuring the students' safety under the Carrows' increasingly dark reign of terror. Rhiannon had even started spending some nights at the school again, now that Severus had conceded to sleeping in the Headmaster chambers.
Only in the past week had their presence at the house become more frequent. They had only invited the Blacks to bed once, and the men had seemed to go out of their way to avoid each other. Especially Sirius. He'd led Rhiannon over to the chaise and shagged her there, avoiding contact with Snape entirely, as if they were regular swingers and not a foursome.
Severus had been quite attentive and gentle with Colleen, pumping into her slowly, with lots of eye contact, soft touches, and the most tender of kisses. Lovemaking for Severus these days seemed like a desperate need for relaxation and was almost meditative. Sirius's time with Rhiannon, by contrast, seemed like a release of pent-up frustration. He'd hauled her into one of the sideways positions from the Magical Ministrations book, pistoned between her scissored legs, and came quickly. They were done before Severus was even inside Colleen, with Sirius headed back to their own suite for a shower. Rhiannon ran her own bath while Severus and Colleen finished. They did not sleep together that night.
It was bizarre enough that Colleen confronted Sirius about it the very next day, and the truth came out easily. One thing to Sirius's credit— he was always honest.
"Snape and I talked about adding a possible sexual connection, between the two of us," he explained sourly, staring out of the living room window into the gloomy gray. "I wanted it; he didn't, clearly. But he led me to believe he did— playing games, as usual."
Colleen's words screeched to a halt, but her thoughts ran at top speed, colliding into one another as they searched for a pathway through her brain. Sirius wanted Severus? He'd never shown an inkling of attraction to a man before, other than his obvious camaraderie with his school friends. But she'd always assumed that was platonic and hadn't thought to ask otherwise. On the surface it seemed all right enough; she was with Rhiannon, after all. But that was different. It was born out of their sex magic practice, and it was about Rhiannon being a freaking goddess that no man or woman could resist. At least that's how Colleen had made sense of it up to this point. But Sirius with Severus? That opened so many questions, and it seemed to shake the very foundations on which they were built as a couple. It terrified her.
"How...how did this happen?" she whispered.
Sirius shrugged. "It's just sex. Or it would be, if he weren't such a git about it all."
Colleen shook her head. "It's not, though. We live together. We depend on one another to survive. And we like each other, or seem to, at least lately. This is our life. It's a relationship. It's not just 'stick it in a hole and go back home.' This is home. Like it or not, you two fooling around opens the gates to...to..."
"To what?" Sirius challenged her.
Colleen didn't know how to answer. Her fear was talking, and it was irrational.
"To healing, if you ask me," Sirius finished on her behalf. "Letting him use me. And maybe vice versa. I can't really explain it, love. I just feel like it's an easy way to demonstrate that things have changed. That we can get along, and actually benefit one another."
"I thought that's what the alliance was doing?"
"Is it? We keep so many damn secrets between the six of us. I'm not even sure it is. I'm headed to be a guest host on Potterwatch on Christmas Eve. I can't tell Snape that. And I'm sure there's shit Dumbledore told him that he wouldn't dream of telling me. Probably because it has to do with Harry, and I'd probably dig up Dumbledore and kick him in the teeth if I knew all the plans and what he's putting the boy through. I'm smart enough to know this alliance isn't perfect."
"But dicking around with each other is?" Colleen was truly trying to understand, but it was enormously difficult.
Sirius gave a small laugh and reached for her, bringing her close to his chest. "No. I don't think anything is ever perfect. But sex can be simple. A give and a take. And between me and him, that's all it would be. I'm never going to be declaring my love for Severus Snape, any more than I would Remus, or James. And probably not even that much. You and Snape have your thing. You and Rhiannon have your thing, and of course me and Rhiannon. This just adds another line."
Sirius picked up a quill that sat on the table, dipped it, and drew something on the accompanying parchment that looked sort of like a star. He paused before it was complete, then made a show of drawing in the last line.
"See, love? Just another line. Even though it took me longer to get there."
"But what if you decide you like cock better than pussy?" Colleen said forlornly, massaging her temples.
Sirius gave her a squeeze and a kiss on the head, laughing. "Kitten, you know me well enough to know I'm mad about pussy. And you are my queen. It wouldn't matter which you had— or both, or neither. I would love you and worship you all the same. That will never change."
Colleen sighed and sank into him. He was damn good with words. The man could talk her into anything. It was maddening.
"So have you talked to Severus lately about all this, Sirius?"
He shook his head. "Nope. Not going to. If it happens, it happens. I can live without it. As you can see, we've been fine most of the time, around the house. It's just that in the bedroom, it's back on my mind again. All four of us together— really together. No limits."
Colleen tried to imagine that, and she felt a little warm. There were some very dirty scenarios she could picture, and they weren't half bad.
"Can we make it so we all have to be together?" she asked him quietly. "Like our rule for me with Severus or you with Rhiannon? Rhiannon and I can stop hooking up on our own too, if you'd like."
"Of course we'll all be together, love. I wouldn't want it any other way. And I don't think Severus or I mind you girls playing together— you're a lot younger than we are, and we can't always keep up with your appetites," Sirius joked.
Colleen took a deep breath and nodded. The assurance that Sirius wouldn't pursue this on his own made her feel slightly better. If Sirius had brought home some random dude from a bar, Colleen would have been freaked out — devastated, even. But with it being Severus, that somehow made it easier to grasp. Especially if she was also there. The man had a magnetic power, and Sirius had to be affected by it, as many times as they had already come together as a group. But each new connection forged seemed to make it harder to break away, if that was ever the plan. With all these entanglements, would they be like this forever? There were worse things, Colleen supposed.
The snow was heavy on Christmas Eve— a falling blanket rendering the waves nearly invisible. It piled into gently dimpled drifts on the dunes. Sirius was Polyjuiced into a random Muggle villager for the occasion of his guest spot on Potterwatch, using the code name "Reg." Remus was telling Lee Jordan that Reg was a new Order recruit, and the secrecy of the show was such that listeners wouldn't even need to know that much. As promised, Sirius had been perfecting an accent for the occasion. He would slip into it for fun sometimes, and Severus would give him a perplexed look.
The purpose of Sirius's spot on the show was to deliver an inspirational message rallying everyone around Harry, encouraging them not to give up, even in the boy's absence. Harry had been gone so long now that the resistance community was starting to become dejected and feel abandoned, according to Remus's reports. There was no better moment for Sirius's love for the boy to shine through the air waves, so Remus decided to take a chance and have him on.
Colleen and Tonks were given a password to tune in, but only with the understanding that Rhiannon and Severus both had to be out of the house. The Snapes had decided to supervise the Christmas Eve feast for the few students that remained over winter holidays, as meager and tasteless as it was likely to be under the new regime. Colleen and Tonks gathered with Ben in front of the enchanted wireless to listen. Tonks wrinkled her nose as she shook her wand impatiently at the machine, muttering the given password, "Marlene." She was met with static, voices crooning wizarding Christmas carols, and several things in different languages. Finally the witch landed on a youthful voice named "River" welcoming everyone to the show, and she stowed her wand with a relieved grin.
"Happy Christmas, friends and resisters! This is your host, River, along with regular guest Romulus and his special guest Reg, new to our show. We're not here tonight to dampen your holiday spirits with too many reports, but we are happy to say that the chief Death Eater does still appear to be traveling abroad, and therefore not an imminent threat to us as we enjoy the holiday tomorrow. We also continue to hear tales of Muggleborn witches and wizards who have taken to the wild rather than cow down and register with the Ministry. That's brave and fantastic, friends. We are wishing them all a safe place to rest their heads and a warm meal for the holidays. Romulus, do you have any news to report?"
"Only a message, River— a reminder to all of us who have been blessed with magic to always use that magic as a force of good. As we sit down to Christmas feasts tomorrow, our Muggle friends do so as well. And their population has suffered a great deal over the past year, with random, violent, and often catastrophic Death Eater attacks. We all can help by keeping an eye on our Muggle friends and neighbors, and being alert for suspicious activity. Many of these attacks are Death Eaters just anxious to demonstrate their power and instill fear. We mustn't let them be successful. You've heard it said that 'to whom much is given, much will be expected.' Let's use our powers to make things a little brighter out there, this Christmas and always. Reg?"
Colleen heard Sirius clear his throat and stutter a bit as he got used to speaking on a mic.
"H-hey...is thing on? Hey, there— happy Christmas, friends. I'm here with a message for Harry Potter. Harry, if you're listening out there, I just want you to know— you're loved. A hell of a lot. We know you are out there completing a mission we can't even begin to understand, and we don't need to. We just need you to know that we're here, and we're ready to fight alongside you when you're ready for us. Even...even if you don't know who we all are. And to everyone else listening— don't ever give up on Harry. He has not abandoned us — he never will. He's brave and will fight to the end. And so will we."
Sirius's voice cracked a bit. It probably wasn't noticeable to anyone but those who loved him, but Colleen could picture him on the verge of tears as he spoke, even in that silly fake accent. The minute he arrived back home, bundled up in multiple layers of robes and snow covered, Colleen threw herself against him with the tightest squeeze she could.
"I love you, Sirius," she whispered in his ear. His hand came to her cheek, fingertips soft and grateful as they tucked into her hair.
"I love you, too. And thank you. I guess you heard me, all schmaltzy on the air?"
"It was perfect," Colleen replied. "No one could give a more heartfelt message on Harry than you."
The Snapes returned some time in the night, and the six adults and Ben spent Christmas Day gathered around a roaring fire and a huge tree decorated with beautiful old-fashioned ornaments they'd discovered in attic storage. Sirius had a knack for enchanting Christmas baubles, much to Ben's delight. Santas flew, Elves did somersaults, and stars twinkled with an ethereal glow. Sirius had strategically placed mistletoe and took advantage of it frequently. Everyone's spirits were as warm as the steaming cider and cocoa that filled their mugs, in contrast to the whirring gusts of snow outside their windows.
Being the most adventurous of the group, Sirius was the one to trek through the blizzard to the shed, where he had placed a warming charm to protect Ben's gift and keep it hidden for the proper moment. They decided to give the little boy his big gift first while the adults opened theirs, to keep him occupied.
The door opened, and the group around the fireplace was immediately met with tiny barks and the sound of little nails scraping wood. Ben sprang up in pajamas with padded feet, his blue eyes wide with excitement.
"A puppy!? Can this one stay or does it change back like Daddy?" The boy tempered his enthusiasm a bit while he awaited confirmation.
Sirius laughed. "This is one hundred percent a real dog, Benji. But I can't wait to chase him around and teach him a few things."
Colleen just shook her head and smiled as the little white Westie peppered Ben's cheeks with licks. She knew her husband meant every word and would no doubt be training the pup as Padfoot rather than Sirius.
"Can the first lesson be housebreaking?" suggested Remus.
"For which pup?" Severus jested.
"Let's do the next big gift," Rhiannon spoke up, grabbing Tonks by the hand and pulling her to her feet. She darted up the steps excitedly, all the way to the extra bedroom on the third floor, which had been locked for the past few days.
The Snapes and the Blacks had pooled resources to purchase all the things on the Lupins' nursery wishlist, and Colleen had been hard at work setting it all up in time for Christmas. Baby clothes were tucked into drawers, diapers stacked in baskets, baby care potions brewed and stocked on shelves. Severus and Sirius had lent a hand building furniture, both with magic and manpower. Rhiannon had studied spells to enchant decorations, like the golden celestial mobile that hung from the ceiling and the twinkling lights shining on the Hogwarts castle mural painted on the wall behind the crib. A little stuffed owl perched on the mattress, ready to greet its new friend when the time came.
"Oh, my gods!" Tonks gasped, her eyes spilling over instantly. "This is so bloody perfect. Who do I hug first?" She didn't wait for an answer, instead starting at one end of the spectators and making her way down the line.
"We can't thank you enough," Remus agreed. His eyes and smile were a bit sad as he took it all in, and Sirius threw a comforting arm around his shoulders. Colleen knew every bit of Remus's happiness over the baby would be tinged with sadness until he saw it born healthy.
"I love the quote from Dumbledore on the castle!" Tonks said, wiping a weepy tear from the corner of her eye.
"What do the words say?" Ben asked. He was belly-down on the nursery floor, patting his new puppy's back.
Severus's deep voice read aloud: "For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. Let them swim in the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud. — Dumbledore."
"When did Dumbledore say that?" Sirius mused.
"One of the nights you broke into the castle, Black, and terrified the students within an inch of their lives," answered Severus. "We had them all camp together in the Great Hall so they fared a better chance against an escaped alleged murderer."
Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."
When they returned to the warm glow of the tree, Severus surprised everyone by taking out the gifts he'd purchased next, as well as handing a large square box to Sirius.
"That's from all of us," Severus told him gruffly. "Another group gift."
Sirius's eyes lit up no differently than Ben's as he eagerly ripped through the ribbon and paper. He pulled out a shiny helmet, keys, and a framed picture of a motorbike, a gleaming black 1997 Triumph T595. Colleen thought he might hyperventilate as the realization dawned on him.
"You're joking, right?" he asked, scooting to the edge of his armchair, waiting shakily for confirmation before he jumped.
"No joke," Remus confirmed. "It's sitting ready to go at a shop in Glasgow, as soon as this storm lets up. We've all taken turns apparating here and there to check on its progress, with all the customizations your wife insisted on. I may have slipped a few enchantments on it myself, under the shopkeeper's nose, but it will need your expertise, I'm sure."
"Yes! This is incredible!" Sirius finally leapt to his feet, yanked Colleen's hands, and lifted her up to twirl her around. "You will love this, baby girl. We're going to get the bike the second this snow stops, even it's 2 a.m."
Remus smirked. "You might want to wait until the shop is open, Pads."
"Nah. I'm a wizard, Moony. A locked door's not going to stop me. Plus it's already paid for, right?"
"Once a felon, always a felon, eh, Black?" Severus commented. "Rhiannon, open your gift."
Colleen smiled. The professor even barked orders when it came to giving Christmas presents. His gift to Rhiannon was a lovely glass bottle shaped like a sharp obelisk and filled with a dainty pink perfume.
"I crafted it for you," Severus said. "Tea, Italian winter lemon, cranberry...peony, jasmine, water lily, then a base of patchouli. I worked on it for months."
He'd listed off the ingredients factually, like he was in front of a Potions classroom, but his dark eyes were warm as they watched Rhiannon spray his creation on her wrist and give it a whiff. Colleen reached for the witch's hand and quickly took a sniff herself. She loved Rhiannon's normal perfume and wasn't sure she wanted it to change. But she immediately closed her eyes when Severus's custom blend met her senses. It was absolutely heavenly and seemed to marry with Rhiannon's skin like it was born from her own beauty.
Severus instructed Colleen to open her gift from him and Rhiannon next, the unveiling of which was met with a chorus of murmurs from around the room. It was a dark brown biker jacket, fitted and adorned with silver zippers and a fur collar. She would look amazingly sexy wearing it on Sirius's new bike, but she was curious why Sirius and the Lupins had their mouths open in shock.
"That's a dragon skin coat!" Sirius exclaimed.
"But transfigured into a biker jacket," Rhiannon added excitedly. "Isn't it perfect?"
"Dragon skin coats deflect nearly all spells!" Tonks said, awestruck. "How ever did you two manage to get your hands on that?"
"Fred and George have them too, Dora," Remus reminded her. "They wore them to Dumbledore's funeral. They're not impossible to get."
Colleen felt herself getting a bit emotional, and amazingly relieved. She wondered if it would be acceptable to wear it 24/7. It seemed with the ever mounting danger these days, it wasn't a bad idea. She hugged the Snapes tightly and thanked them, then quickly wiped away her tears and passed out the gifts she'd bought. To Severus she gave a leather-bound volume of philosophy texts — her favorites from university. For Rhiannon, a necklace featuring a four-point Celtic knot — each point centered around a birthstone— sapphire for Rhiannon, garnet for Severus, opal for Colleen, and topaz for Sirius.
"It's perfect," Rhiannon whispered. "I love you, Colleen."
Colleen kissed her cheek and helped her put it on. "I love you, too."
"On that note," Remus said lightly, "Perhaps our gifts would be appropriate?" He gave Tonks a wink and dug under the tree, tossing soft packages to the Snapes and the Blacks.
"Matching pajamas, you two, really?" Sirius laughed. He held up his— deep Gryffindor red with gold pinstripes, the pocket featuring the house crest. Colleen's were the same, and the Snapes were given a similar matching set in dark green with silver.
"Thought you could do one of those adorable family photos like in the Muggle pajama ads," Tonks joked.
Severus just shook his head, but Rhiannon immediately told the Lupins she adored the gift, happy to have something else, like the necklace, that reinforced the way she now saw her family.
Tonks gave Remus an Eternally Spotless Handkerchief with the joke that he would need it in all his teary-eyed moments as a new dad. Remus in turn gave Tonks an album with slots for enchanted photos and pages to record the baby's milestones and memories. He had already placed a photo of him and Tonks on the very first page, labeled "My Mum and Dad."
"Awww, I need to find Ben's baby book from the move," Colleen remembered softly.
She opened her gift from Sirius the same time Rhiannon opened hers, under the express written instruction of "Open Discreetly." Apparently Sirius was more keen on the idea of matching nightwear than he'd originally let on, for he'd bought the women twin lingerie sets so convoluted that Colleen thought they probably needed magic wands to get in or out of them.
Severus opened a big box from Rhiannon of what she described as "sexy Muggle clothes" in a ploy to get him out of his trademark black robes and relax a bit more often. Ben opened up several toys and books to go along with the big gift of the dog, then it was back to Severus again for the final gift— a large bottle of firewhisky from Sirius.
"Read the card!" Sirius said excitedly.
Severus sighed. "Because I think you like me better when you're drunk."
Rhiannon giggled, and Remus buried his head in his hands. With presents at an end, Colleen and Sirius began preparing the Christmas feast — some stops under the mistletoe drawing the process out a bit longer than expected. Sirius had conveniently placed a piece just over the kitchen sink, so they spent more time kissing than cooking.
"I'm going to have to get Tonks to wash the vegetables," Colleen said with a smile. "I think being your cousin, she's the only one you wouldn't try to make out with this these days."
"Probably correct," Sirius agreed. "It's just been a great day, and I'm still high from it all. The bike, the new pup, giving Moony and Tonks the nursery...even the lights on the tree, the snow on the roses, seeing the gorgeous table you set with the red and the green plaid...you just don't know, sweetheart. That gray tower...trapped out there on the sea...darkness and pounding waves...day in and day out. Cold. Black. For twelve years. When I have a day like today, yeah...I want to kiss everyone in sight. Especially you. You're the reason for all of it. My light in the dark."
Sirius kissed her again, and again. Hands in her hair, his body pressing her to the counter just like their first kiss in her flat's kitchen almost a year and a half ago. Things had been so simple then, before she knew about magic or the war. He'd been just a hot guy with a strange name and an electric touch. Now he was her life, and they'd made the most unconventional of families and homes. But he was right— the love threading it all together was one incredible, beautiful high.