Voight took a sip of his coffee, watching Lana pour packets of sugar into hers. It was a dead give away that she was still frustrated. She used the three in front of her and scowled, until Voight plucked a couple from his side of the table and held them out to her.

"Thanks." she muttered, tearing those open too. She went to take a drink and stopped, set her coffee down with a thud.

"He said he wasn't using." It blurted out of her, and Voight's brow raised.

"Your partner?"

Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose, "Yeah," she dropped her hand. "He swears the day of the accident he was clean. That he never used on shift."

Voight frowned, "Do you believe him?"

Her jaw moved as she swallowed, eyes fixed out the window, "I don't know," one shoulder twirled in a shrug, "I mean, I trusted him. Right up until I found those stupid pills. But now I found out all this time I could have been blaming him for something he never even did. How could I be wrong about him twice."

"You made a mistake, Milani," his voice had her looking back at him, expectant. "You just don't know what was it yet. If he's telling the truth, you doubted him when he didn't deserve it. If he's lying, you never should have trusted him in the first place. That's on you."

She gave a bitter laugh, "You're saying this is my mess."

"I'm saying it's your call." He leaned forward, morning light from the window slanting across his face. It was warm. Calming. She was in an instant glad a drunken confession had given him the truth, that he was here to talk to.

"Look, Lana," he continued, "You have good instincts. But they won't do anyone any good if you don't listen to them. I don't know Eric. I don't know if you can trust him. But you can trust yourself. And you need to. Or you'll never be able to do this job."

Trust herself? Her instincts. Like she had done with Martin, tried to dredge up dirt on an innocent cop? Like she had done with Eric?

If he was telling the truth, it would mean months of guilt, of anger, was just... useless.

But if he was lying, even now, after everything? She didn't even recognize the person that would make him.

She wanted it to be true. That she had been wrong and he had been clean. She wanted to believe him.

Their food came and Voight let the conversation drop, let Lana sort through all those thoughts behind her eyes. She was confused. Frustrated. Hell who wouldn't be. To learn that the guilt you had carried for months might be empty. That all that broken trust may not have been so broken after all. To not know.

She didn't mention the job offer, didn't seem willing to even deal with that subject right now, and he didn't ask.

Yesterday the man who had shown up with an offer to take Milani away had been the same one who had hurt her, cost her her job. He was the orchestrator of her biggest regrets and she would never go back to that.

Now, now Voight couldn't be sure. Eric was also her partner. The man she had loved. Who may have just removed every reason she had to say no.

With no reason not to go, he couldn't think of a single reason she had to stay.

Erin set her coffee down on her desk, and sent Lana a lengthy look. She seemed... dull. She was normally focused, active. Even when she wasn't talkative she was still alert. Not this morning she wasn't. The girl was so distracted she missed Erin's hello and Erin lifted her untouched latte off of her desk and placed it on Lana's.

"You seem like you could use this."

"Hey, where's mine?" Ruzek came in and Erin rolled her eyes at him. Attwater chuckled behind him, and pulled out the seat to his desk.

"So, what we got today, anything good?"

Lana listened to the chatter. The banter. Background noise that she rarely took part in some days but she had come to enjoy it. The way it filled the office, softened the harder moments.

It had felt foreign when she had first come here. Jokes and stories she had intentionally not gotten involved in, but they had snuck in anyway. Become a part of her life here.

She had had that back home. Connection with her fellow officers. It wasn't their fault it had been tainted by a bad memory. She could have that again. It might take a little time to rebuild it, but she could do it.

But did she even want to?

It got her thinking. She hadn't meant to make friends with any of the people here. But Erin, Antonio, even Burgess had somehow become something she would consider friends, and now even the idea of leaving hit her harder than she would have thought.

So she didn't think about it. She started on a case without considering if she really was going to leave her work. Leave that office.

Leave him.

There was nothing to leave. She knew that. She hadn't formed ties so she wouldn't have to cut them. In some stupid twist of irony she wondered if she had been waiting, hoping for the day to come where she would get to go home.

Now it was here and she had no idea what to do with it.

They were nearing lunch when Platt appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Visitor. For Lana."

She sounded entirely too pleasant, instead of how put out she usually was by having to bring in visitors, and Erin whipped around in interest.

Who ever he was, he was stunning. Tanned and blond and undeniably gorgeous and when Jay nudged her arm for staring her look said "can you blame me?"

Jay shrugged, because he really couldn't.

"Good afternoon. I'm here to see, oh, there you are."

Lana stood from behind her computer screen. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I figured it was near lunch. Thought I'd come see you."

He smiled, bright, and charming as he glanced at the group. "Are you going to introduce me?"

"Oh, uh of course, guys, this is Eric. My old partner."

She introduced the others, watched them shake his hand. He knew how to fill a room, that was for sure. But somehow, seeing him here among them, seeing the way he smiled with such command as Voight stepped out of his office to see what was going on. It felt like empty glitter.

Like his Miami sunshine didn't fit with the cold Chicago light coming through that window.

He looked immaculate, like he had taken extra care and it got under her skin. That detail. That reminder of what life with him had been like.

A particular place for both tooth brushes.

A mat for their shoes by the door.

And how freaking touched she had been that he had taken the time to set aside all those places for her in his apartment. Like it was his way of welcoming her into his life.

He was so eager. So technically correct. On the outside, a picture perfect poster child for the Miami Police Department. No one would ever dream of calling him a dirty cop. He was too perfect.

But they didn't know his secrets.

Maybe he really was better though, like he said he was. Maybe he really had worked past all that darkness and was offering her something real. It hadn't been his fault, not at first. An injury had given him those pills, he hadn't sought them out. She couldn't blame his as much as she truly wanted to.

And she had missed it.

Working with him. The simplicity. The connection. She hadn't felt that since she left home.

She knew that was a lie.

It flashed, memory of the pressure of gentle touch, whispered words against her neck. you really scared me today. Wanting to fall apart beneath him.

Of casual smiles and working side by side.

She had felt that. No matter how badly she wanted to pretend she didn't. No matter how badly she wanted to pretend that there was nothing in her heart tied to anything here, she knew it wasn't true.

Maybe that was all the more reason to leave.

Eric knew her, how she operated and what she could do. They were a team. They had fit, for so long. He seemed good, now. Clear. So different than how she had left him. What if she really could get that back?

Shouldn't she want that? She had never wanted to leave Miami in the first place. But now, she stared at the pile of folders on her desk as Eric chatted with Jay, at the solved cases and the cases that still needed to be solved. There was work to do here, a city full of people that needed their help. She had been a part of that.

But she had also been a part of the cover ups, the not so correct policies, and the looking the other way.

She had been a part of the paperwork, the cell traces. The being on hold with a judge for a warrant Voight hardly ever waited for anyway.

If she went back, if she went home, she would be a part of executing those warrants, the right way, without the worry of reconstructing the red tape after they had senselessly smashed right through it. She could be the officer she had always thought she would be. The one she had joined the police to become.

Logically, she knew she could never be that here.

It should be an easy decision. Why did it feel so exhaustingly hard?

"Lani, have you eaten? We could grab a bite, catch up." Eric asked.

"Lani?" Antonio mouthed the nickname behind Eric in question, and Lana ignored him.

"Actually I have a lot of work to do here. Maybe later?"

She smiled, and Eric leaned back, gave her space. He was leaving in a few days and needed an answer. But somehow he wasn't concerned. Lana belonged back in Miami with him. She was a good officer but she wasn't cut out for life here, Chicago crime and a questionable unit. She would realize that soon enough.

"We're grabbing a drink, wanna come?" Erin tossed her jacket over her arm and paused by Lana's desk, waiting for an answer.

"Uh, sure." Lana glanced at her computer screen, "I just gotta finish this up and I'll meet you there."

"You work too hard," Attwater shook his head, passing by and Antonio slapped him on the back.

"Someone's gotta pull your extra weight." He sent Lana a wink, "See you at Molly's."

They filed out after eachother, leaving her to fill in the last few lines of data. It didn't take long, Voight's door opening as she switched off her screen and he stopped.

"You're still here."

Lana looked down at herself like she was checking, "Yes sir. Just finished up."

"Before you go-" he hesitated, looking almost embarrassed, and Lana's curiosity piqued.

"What's up?" She pushed her chair out and stood, walking around her desk to him.

He looked like he wanted to dismiss it but she stopped in front of him, quietly expectant, and he sighed, pulling out his phone.

"Olive, my daughter-in-law, her birthday is coming up. I usually just call but I thought about maybe sending something," he shrugged, turning his phone to her so she could see the item pulled up on the screen.

She stepped closer, half holding the phone for a better look, fingers beside his own.

"I didn't really know what to get." he continued as she studied the pale green shaw on the screen. "Erin told me just go with a gift card," he chuckled some, "But Camille always liked scarves. I thought maybe Olive would too."

"Camille?"

"My wife." The way he said it. She could feel the fondness. The loss. "She always knew what to get people, I usually just had to sign a card and be done with it."

"What happened to her?" she asked softly.

"Cancer," a hard word in his gruff voice and compassion lanced her heart.

"I'm so sorry, Hank."

Voight stared down at her, wondering if she was aware. That she had stepped closer in instinctive comfort, that her fingers now covered his own.

Voight was used to not being seen, not as a person anyway. He was a sergeant, a questionable cop. People didn't waste time looking deeper and he usually didn't give them the chance to try. But Lana. Somehow that person underneath is what she saw first. Everything else, that he was a cop, her sergeant, they got layered on after.

He knew it was just who she was. She tried to keep herself apart from others, drew lines so no one could cross them, but she kept failing. Her heart kept showing through. It filled her eyes whenever she faced someone hurting, poured out of her like she just couldn't help it.

She just didn't know how much it pulled at him, the thought of being cared for. By her.

Innocent concern she would show for anyone and he was drawn to it like a man half starved.

It would be pathetic, if she didn't deserve every ounce of longing she brought out in him. But he knew she did.

He couldn't be ashamed of wanting her. Couldn't feel weak for not being able to move past this. Pretending he could would be an insult.

"Thank you, Lana," he answered softly, and her fingers squeezed his before letting go.

She didn't step back. "It's a beautiful gift. Olive should love it."

She watched Voight slide his phone into his pocket, take an idle glance at the empty office. "You got a lot done today," he acknowledged. She had wrapped up every loose end she could get her hands on, and Lana laughed a little.

"Yeah it's amazing what you can do when you're trying to only think about work."

Voight studied her, the line of tension between her shoulders. "I saw Detective Watts stopped by."

"I didn't ask him to," Lana half scowled, fingers trailing over her brow, "I have no idea what to do about him."

"Ignoring him only works for so long," Voight pointed out, and she sent him a pointed look. Like he was one to talk about running from problems.

"If it wasn't for the detective," he began after a minute of silence, pausing, not even sure if he wanted to ask. "Would you take the job?"

She looked surprised, like it wasn't something she had even taken into consideration. Her eyes, her expression, they spelled out the truth before she ever spoke the words.

She didn't know.

"Hey, bout time you showed up." Antonio waved down Herman to grab her a beer, voice raised over the clamor of a nearby table. It was packed, and Lana had to weave her way through a couple firemen to climb up onto the stool beside Antonio.

"Thanks!" she took a swig and glanced around. "Where is everyone?"

Antonio waved a hand towards the back, "Grabbing a table that just opened. I wanted to grab you when you came in. Are you taking it?"

"What?!" Lana could hardly hear him, and he stuck his chin right by her ear.

"The job."

"eek!" his five o'clock shadow scratched and she shoved him back as he laughed. "Oh not you too," she muttered, but he missed it over the noise.

"I dunno!" She raised her bottle to his, "And I'm not deciding tonight."

He clanked the glass together like that was enough of an answer for now, and nodded to where Jay was waving to get their attention. They had found a big enough table and Lana wormed her way through the crowd.

"Look who we found!" Jay yelled in greeting, turning to the man at his side and Lana resisted the urge to down her entire bottle then and there.

Eric was at their table, sleeves rolled up like a man just out of the office, and Lana slipped on a smile.

"Hey! Having fun?"

She took the seat across from him, ordered another beer before her first one ran out. Ruzek got Eric talking, about the job back in Miami and the cases they had seen. Stories tossed back and forth to one up eachother, Erin interrupting to correct the details Ruzek stretched a little too much. They seemed to be having a good time. Laughing. Blowing off steam. Everyone always loved Eric.

He told them all about how they had been partners, cute little stories designed to make her blush. Made it obvious to anyone half watching that they had been together. He wouldn't outright say it, but the looks Erin were sending her said she was gonna want more details later.

Lana was getting tired of it. She wasn't even sure of what exactly, but she finished her third beer and slid a little closer to Antonio on the booth beside her. He went to move, thinking she wanted more room but when she dropped her shoulder against his arm he paused.

She glanced up at him, brow cocked just enough for him to get the point, smile intentionally sweet and he coughed back a laugh.

He didn't know hardly any of the details but he could piece enough together. This guy had been with Lana and he had made her mad. Antonio was content to go along with just about anything.

He sat back, let his arm drape across the back of the seat behind her in unspoken question. When she inched closer again he settled it around her shoulders.

Ruzek had frozen with a fry half way to his mouth, staring at them from beside Eric like he couldn't comprehend what was happening. A swift kick under the table and he dropped his fry. Scooped it back up and kept eating like he was just gonna mind his own business.

Antonio reached over and snagged a wing from Lana's plate, responded to something Eric had said with an ease that reminded Lana she was sitting here with one of the best undercover cops she knew. This was probably fun for him.

She felt Eric's eyes on her, more than once, but she didn't bother looking back. Maybe she had been wrong about him. Maybe she should feel guilty for how she had treated him over nothing. But everything about him was overwhelming right now and she just wanted a break.

Sliding out of her seat, she headed for the restroom, not surprised when Erin hopped up to follow. Lana turned on the faucet, let cold water run between her fingers, pass over her wrists. She flicked her fingers dry as Erin finished checking her hair in the mirror and handed her a paper hand towel.

"Thanks," Lana dried her hands, trying to ignore the way Erin was leaned up against the counter beside her, smiling.

"So exactly how jealous are we trying to make this guy..."

Lana rolled her eyes, tossing the crumpled towel into the trash, shaking her head at the other woman.

"...Because I could tell stories. Like that time Voight caught you and Antonio in the breakroom," Erin gasped in mock horror, "Scandalous."

Lana's heart clenched at the name. What was she doing? She didn't want to be here playing stupid games.

"I'm not trying to make him jealous, Erin."

"Wait. You and Antonio aren't actually..." The look on Erin's face, Lana almost laughed.

"Of course not." Lana pressed her fingers into the cold counter. "I just, I wanted him to stop talking like we were something we aren't. Giving everyone the impression that there was still something between us."

"Huh," Erin folded her arms, looking Lana over like doing so connected the dots. "You wanted him to know you have a life here he's not a part of."

Lana shrugged, "Yeah. I guess."

Erin smirked, "Oh then I'm definitely telling stories."

Lana's ears burned. Erin hadn't held back and Antonio had just rolled with it. By the end of the night she had heard enough veiled stories of her and Antonio's involvement to half believe it herself.

She cut out early, waved Antonio off when he tried to walk her home. She needed the quiet.

But the quiet echoed back at her as she walked. Thoughts thrown back at her every time she pushed them away like some sloppy drunken ping pong.

Erin, Antonio. They had stepped up so willingly, even when they thought all she wanted to do was make an ex jealous. They were down to help her out no questions asked. All so she could show him something that wasn't even true.

She wanted to show Eric she had a life here he wasn't a part of? Then why did they have to lie to prove it. Make up stories about the connections, the relationships?

Because they didn't really exist.

For a tangled second she was jealous of the person in Erin's ridiculous anecdotes. The one who was such a vibrant part of Intelligence. Everything she had intentionally not been.

She had seen what forming ties did, got you twisted up so bad you didn't know what was the truth. She had let her heart get in the way of being a good cop and she never wanted to do that again.

Atleast if she went home she wouldn't be tempted. One way or another, Eric was a mistake she would never make again. She could work with him, for him, but deep down she knew she would never want him.

And maybe that's exactly what she needed.

Because she couldn't do that here.

They had been so simple, her and Voight. Safe because it hadn't mattered. But then his touch had made her feel more than she had bargained for. He had let a scrap of connection through, and it had terrified her.

He had to understand that, after all, he hadn't wanted it either. Not anything real. He had shoved her concern away first, when she had heard about Justin.

Voight had never wanted to mean anything to her.

It wasn't his fault she'd grown attached.

She neared the parking lot of a familiar bar, feet slowing as she passed the people heading back to their cars, pretending she wasn't searching.

It was dark, she wouldn't have recognized him if she hadn't noticed his car in the lot, if she hadn't taken this way home from Molly's because she convinced herself it was 30 seconds quicker.

She would have barely seen him if she hadn't been looking and he looked up as she called his name.

He stepped nearer into the ring of a street light and Lana stuttered to a halt.