Chapter Title from "Mrs. Potter's Lullaby" by Counting Crows.
Warning— canonical character deaths. I'm really, really sorry. This chapter and the next pack some emotion.
And yes, I did decide to feature my OC from my Sirius Black one-shot "Tattooed Knuckles" pretty prominently in this scene. Head over to my Works page if you want a refresher! But it's not necessary. :)
Battle of Hogwarts
POV: Sirius Part I
It was quarter to midnight as Sirius approached the castle, fire in his veins but nerves in his stomach. He could see small gatherings of wizards and witches beginning to assemble formations on the grounds. His hand held tightly to his already brandished wand, knowing a lone shadow walking across the grounds would not be a welcome sight at this point in time, even in the middle of a cease fire. He'd expected to at least see the Death Eater ranks lined up in position, but the grounds themselves had been eerily quiet until reaching the castle walls themselves. Sirius was surprised to see the suits of armor animated and preparing for battle as the frontline defense. As a student one thought of them as little more than art sculptures. But the whole castle had seemed to spring to life to defend against the greatest threat it had ever known.
Being dressed in his classic burgundy velvet rather than Death Eater black helped Sirius remain fairly inconspicuous. The units making their battle plans largely ignored him; that is, until he spotted a small band led by the tall, commanding profile of Kingsley Shacklebolt. The elegantly dressed Order leader's eyes grew wide, and he immediately reached for his wand. Logic then seemed to make the wizard hesitate, wondering what use his wand would be on a ghost. A curious Arthur Weasley glanced at Sirius next, immediately going pale.
His companions' sudden strange behavior caused the wizard in front of Sirius to turn around, and Sirius was met with a relieved smile and a hug from Remus.
"Pads! I'm so happy you're here. We're stationing forces throughout the grounds, while the professors are staking posts inside the castle. We've just sent Fred and George to guard the secret passageways, and—"
"Remus!" Kingsley admonished his friend sharply. "What is this about?" He rounded on Sirius with wand at-the-ready. "What was Rhiannon Aspenfell wearing the night she was brought to Grimmauld Place?" he demanded.
Sirius smiled. As if he could ever forget. "Jeans and sleeveless shirt— tiny little straps. Light purple, I believe."
"Kingsley, Severus Snape would know that answer as well," Arthur reminded him, his expression still examining the resurrected Sirius with fascination.
"Number of firewhisky shots I drank the night I finally bested you for your title at Grimmauld Place," Remus asked for good measure.
"Eleven," Sirius supplied easily.
"Psssh," a witch to Kingsley's left spoke up. "Lightweights."
Sirius switched his gaze to her, immediately feeling his draw drop.
"Pads, this is Elizabeth Thorn," Remus introduced her. "She's a liaison for the Beasts and Beings Division, at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures."
But Sirius was only halfway listening, instead watching the pretty brunette's familiar bright red mouth curl into a smile of recognition.
"She was the liaison assigned to monitor me under the new werewolf registry regulations this year," Remus continued, watching the interactions between his friend and the witch warily, slowly realizing there was something he didn't know.
"Bunch of rubbish if you ask me," the witch added. "But it paid the bills until I could get back to more exciting tasks, like the one I'm assigned to now. I'm on the tails of a vampire in Hogsmeade. Aberforth over at the Hogs Head has gotten to be a good mate over the last few weeks — told me you all could use an extra wand tonight."
Sirius's head was spinning. He was a bit intrigued at the prospect of a vampire so close by; they were more the type of creature you read about in textbooks and forgot. He also hoped the vamp didn't happen upon Colleen in the Shrieking Shack; with her blood kink, she'd be a goner. But he was also ecstatic to see the young Gryffindor witch again and know she was all right.
"Lizzie," he said with a warm smile.
She just shook her head. "You clean up pretty nicely, Sirius Black."
"You know each other. Why am I not surprised?" Remus sighed.
Kingsley cleared his throat. "If you'll excuse me, we have a group to assemble and a battle to fight." He took off and commanded the gathering crowds to follow as he gave out positioning orders.
Sirius wandered up to Lizzie's side. "I still have the wand." He held it up with an awkward smile. "It's a truly great one. Even better than the one I had as a boy. I can't thank you enough."
She waved a dismissive hand. "It was nothing, Sirius. I couldn't leave you alone living off the land without a wand. I see you're married." She quickly changed the subject, her brown eyes dancing to the gold band with its etched moons and diamond stars on Sirius's left hand.
Sirius nodded proudly. "And to a Muggle. I see you tied the knot as well. To a pirate?" he teased, referencing the interesting choice of erotic reading material Padfoot had caught her with that fateful October day over four years ago.
"Haha. A vampire, actually."
"WHAT?" Sirius stopped short. "You're joking, right?"
"Black! If you cannot follow commands to keep yourself alive, then you might as well return to being dead!" Kingsley barked. "Keep up!" He seemed to have taken on a good deal of Mad Eye's brashness in his new leadership post.
Murmurs of surprise carried through the ranks as they realized the identity of the resurrected wizard at their side, but everyone feared Kingsley's scolding enough to stay focused and save their questions for later. Sirius couldn't resist giving everyone a little wave, however. It felt so incredibly good to be back.
Back in Black... He was such a Muggle now.
Lizzie moved quickly to catch up to Kingsley, making it clear she was ready to focus on their mission rather than small talk. Sirius wasn't surprised. She was one of the fiercest Gryffindors he'd ever met.
"Isn't she a little young to be one of those 'witches you already know' when I introduce them to you?" Remus teased in a whisper.
Sirius shrugged sheepishly.
"Do I even want to know the story?"
"Probably not."
Remus chuckled and threw an arm around his friend. "I think Potioneers could harness your libido and eradicate sexual dysfunction from the entire wizarding world."
"Not a bad idea for a future money-making venture, when all this is over," Sirius agreed wryly. "I'm not opposed to being used for the greater good. Or just used in general. I rather fetishize being useful."
The two best friends shared another laugh, anxious for any distraction. Kingsley cast another annoyed look in their direction.
"I can't believe we're finally here, Pads. At the end." Remus said quietly.
"How's Harry?" asked Sirius.
"A great leader," Remus returned. "Still focused on the mission, searching for one of the horc— um, 'cursed objects' in the castle. But just his presence alone rallied nearly everyone together. James would be so proud."
Sirius nodded. "I was really hoping to see him, before..." He couldn't bring himself to say it or even really think it. Part of him wanted to be hopeful, like Remus had been last time the subject came up. Hopeful that when the sun came up again they'd all go for a hearty breakfast at the Three Broomsticks and dream about the future, forgetting about the past. But as Sirius surveyed the grim faces around him, he knew it would never be. This night would be forever remembered as one of unbearable pain to someone, likely to many. Sirius just wanted to get on with it and get to the end.
"Where are Rhiannon and Severus?" Sirius asked quietly.
"I was going to ask you the same," Remus replied, and Sirius suddenly felt a bit sick. There was no way in hell he could cast even a well-placed jinx toward Rhiannon, knowing she carried a new addition to their family, nor toward the father of her child. He hoped to Merlin they both had enough sense to stay away.
Kingsley announced assignments, and Sirius took his place just west of the entrance hall, where a scant patch of grass lined the edge of the Black Lake before the water began to circle the castle base. It was the spot Padfoot had sniffed earlier in the evening, near the point where Lizzie's secret passage emptied out onto the grounds. She was stationed not far away, but their formations sent Remus further east, closer to the side with his old Defense classroom and Gryffindor tower. Sirius didn't like being split up from his best friend, but he understood the need to spread the more experienced fighters' skills out among the grounds.
"See you on the other side of all this, Moony?" Sirius had bid his friend farewell with a hug and a pat on the back.
"On the other side, Pads," Remus had confirmed, and he'd taken off after Arthur.
Just before midnight, Sirius added his jet of light to the cascade of beams lifting toward the sky, casting a visible shell over Hogwarts and all who sought to ensure its defense. Somewhere beneath the shield was Harry, and Sirius dared to hope one more time that would he would reunite with the boy before the end. He gave a quick thought to Colleen, testing the abilities of their bond. He didn't feel anything particularly alarming, and he assumed if she needed him he would. Resolute, Sirius lifted his wand as a sudden surge of bright light and piercing screams signaled the arrival of midnight.
Sirius leaned against the old stone wall, casting a Lumos as the only source of light in the narrow passageway at the base of the stairs.
"Oh, fuck!" As his adrenaline subsided, he was suddenly aware of the stinging sensation in his arm where Yaxley's hex had burned his skin away. He winced and waved his wand in an attempt to assuage the pain until he could treat it properly with Colleen's potions. The dark wizard had been ecstatic to finally lay eyes on Sirius Black, gloating that he'd been the one to murder Rhiannon's birds, taking pride in telling Sirius that Rhiannon was now bound to a tree in the Forbidden Forest until Yaxley could reveal her betrayal to her father. Incensed, Sirius had unleashed a barrage of hexes and jinxes upon the Slytherin.
"What do you say we agree to a truce for now, you and me, Black?" Yaxley had choked, doubled over. Sirius had him swollen and limping. "I'd like to keep you alive, so you can see me make an example of your Muggle bitch. I thought we'd make her famous at the Ministry. A permanent fixture of sorts, if you will. We do love our symbolic art pieces — we find they keep our staff passionate about the mission."
Sirius had felt a fire rise within him like he'd never known before. Similar to the vengeful hatred he'd felt for Pettigrew so many years ago, but less burdened by any trace of past affection or memory. This was pure, unadulterated hate.
"Avada..."
"Sirius!" Lizzie had shrieked, blasting him off of his feet. She'd rounded immediately back on Yaxley, commanding him to retreat or she would allow Sirius to finish the job. She threw in a confusion hex for good measure that had Yaxley wandering aimlessly for a bit as he stumbled back toward the front of the castle to the entrance hall. The castle had definitely been breached, despite their best efforts on the grounds.
"You fucking idiot!" Lizzie had cried. "I know it's war, but haven't you suffered enough without adding the guilt of cold blooded murder to the list? Get creative with your spells, Black!"
Sirius had taken a moment to compose himself, but then he obeyed. He'd dueled too many Death Eaters to count after that, sending most into retreat, others bouncing from their losses to take on different opponents. His duels had taken him further into the castle quad, but he still had not seen Harry in the maze of bright lights, shattered structures, and bodies running in all directions. Sirius had been breathless, muscles throbbing, adrenaline at a frenzied peak when the terrible, high-pitched voice once again echoed over the grounds:
"...You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. One hour..."
There was no doubt Harry would go. He would go, and Sirius would never see him again. Harry would die never knowing that Sirius had lived, had spent years longing to see him again, waiting for the right moment. And now that moment would never come.
Sirius felt a warm ooze at the top of his forehead, matting his curls together. In addition to the burned skin on his arm, his knee felt out of whack, and he could feel a slice down the back of his thigh where his trousers were now torn. But the pain of the physical paled in comparison to the pain inside as he envisioned the young boy trudging to the forest, pushing his glasses up on his nose, slowly straightening, proud like James but still humble like Lily all in one moment. Sirius had to be there. He had to get to the forest...
Before he could struggle to his feet, Sirius saw Remus walking toward him like a wavering blue whisp, almost like the veil itself at the Ministry, only in human form. Had he had fallen? He had to have— no one knew about this place but Sirius and Lizzie. It couldn't really be Remus. Was Sirius delusional? Victim of a confusion hex himself? Sirius felt a fresh stab in his heart as he seemed to realize the truth deep down.
"Where are you, Pads? What is this place?" Remus asked, glancing around. He seemed alive.
"A hidden stairwell that connects the elves' supply closets to the dungeons," Sirius replied. "It was never on our Marauders' Map. When I broke into the castle that Halloween night, after escaping from Azkaban, Lizzie showed it to me. She said back then that she was the only one who knew the passage existed, and I asked her at the time to keep it between us. Turns out that was a good call."
Remus's half translucent form just shook his head. "Always a girl, isn't it, Pads? Well, unless it's Severus." He chuckled.
Sirius gave a tired smile that quickly gave way to a furrowed frown. "But what are you, Moony? How am I seeing you right now? Are you a ghost?" Sirius was filled with concern for the soul of his friend. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea that Remus may be relegated to such an existence for all eternity. Hell, he couldn't even fathom his best friend having passed on. He still seemed so real, so connected to him...and way too at peace for someone who had just died.
"No, I'm similar to what you were, beyond the veil," Remus explained. "Only what you're seeing of me in your world, now, is what you look like to me here. And if you were here, you'd see me as you see yourself there."
"Huh? You know I'm not as philosophical as you, Remus. This sounds like nonsense."
"Let me simplify," Remus began again. "There is a part of you that's here, with me. The part that must have remained on the other side of the veil. I'm guessing the part that continued to connect you with Regulus even after you returned. When Rhiannon brought you back, whatever magic she used effectively has you divided between planes; that part of you that is here, on this side with me, allows you to connect with me still, even after my death. Perhaps I should have been a bit nicer to Rhiannon; it would be nice to have the scales tipped more in favor of your world and live on your side." Remus gave a halfhearted smile.
"Rhiannon would have saved you if she could," Sirius assured him. "She loves her family. All of us. What about Tonks? Is she all right?"
Remus gave a small shrug. "She's all right — here. Or she will be. Lily is with her, trying to help her understand what it means to be separated from Teddy, but still with him at the same time. I...I had to leave. I couldn't stand to see her in that much pain. That was always how I felt about Dora...wanting to protect her from ever hurting. And now I fear she will be hurting forever, for Teddy's entire life..."
There were tears in his best friend's eyes, and Sirius had to sniff back and wipe away his own to keep from completely dissolving into the feeling that gripped his own heart. Sirius had worried that Teddy would be without a godfather, but the truth was far worse; he would grow up without a Mum or Dad.
"Wait," Sirius asked hoarsely, his mind desperately seeking a bright side to all this confusion. "If Lily is with Tonks, and you're here with me, where's James? I want to see him."
Remus shook his head adamantly. "James has purposely kept his distance from you, ever since the veil. You see, it seems that your experience with the veil has you effectively on a seesaw — between one realm and the next. Rhiannon's magic and her will for you to live pulled you to the side you're on now. And when you went looking for the woman from the Amortentia and found her— that destiny has acted as your anchor ever since."
"But James feared that if too much of what you love is on this side, you could allow yourself to be pulled back," Remus warned. "Your body would still be there, with Colleen and Ben, but your spirit would be detached — stuck here, with ones you loved in the past. It's like in the Deathly Hallows story we read to Ben— when the brother brings back his beloved, but she's a mere shell. James was emphatic you understand that your wife and your children are your reality, and your true heart. You must hold on to that."
Sirius wiped his eye again. "Children?" His mind drifted back to the encounter in the Shrieking Shack. He'd assumed they had likely conceived that night, but how did Remus know?
"Turns out Rhiannon was sort of correct about children on that astral plane, or whatever," Remus admitted with a grin. "The view from here is different...clearer, more integrated. It's hard to explain. It's like past, present, and future are overlaid as one, and all the connected energies of those you love are there, either moved on, or waiting to be born...either as a soul with a body, or as just a thought, inspiration, or power. In this particular case, from what James and I could gather, it's twins."
Sirius's heart was suddenly about to explode. A grin felt like it wanted to spread across his face, but it was stamped out by the gnawing pain of never truly seeing his friend again— never grabbing a beer, hearing one of his lectures, or giving him a hug. How was it that Sirius was the last Marauder, the one expected to lock up everything from their past and move on in the present without regret?
"I won't be tempted to leave Colleen and Ben and...the babies," Sirius reassured his friend, his heart daring once again to soar a bit as he pictured witches or wizards being nurtured within Colleen's soft, feminine body, her delicate hand laying atop a future baby bump, her curls radiant with the glow of motherhood, and an angelic smile gracing her beautiful face. He thought of her hiding in the Shrieking Shack now, and he realized this stairwell he'd remembered was a far safer hiding place. He cursed himself for not bringing her here.
"But I want to see James," Sirius continued. "Are you able to call him here somehow?"
Remus shook his head. "He's with Dumbledore. We both were. Dumbledore soon believes Harry will be utilizing the Resurrection Stone somehow. Apparently Dumbledore gave it to him in his will. The Hallows are real; it's not just a children's tale. Dumbledore says Harry will summon the spirits of those he needs to reinforce him in battle. That will include you, of course, since he believes you to be dead. So the part of you that's here, with us, will be called to aid Harry. I imagine you would be able to tap into that if you're so inclined, and be with Harry at that crucial moment. Then you would obviously encounter James as well. But it's imperative you not give into it, Sirius. Even if you were to...see Harry encounter Death as well. You have to stay tethered to the side you're on now— the side with Colleen and your children, the side Rhiannon pulled you to out of her love. Someday we will all be here together, and it will be a beautiful reunion. But that day is not today."
Sirius nodded. "I understand. And I'm ready to help Harry. In any way I can."
"Help ease his fears of Death," Remus instructed. "You're Harry's hero. He sees you as strong, and always unwaveringly honest with him. Let him know it's quick, and that it won't hurt."
"Of course. Let's go. What do I need to do?" Sirius was ready to jump.
"You just sit there," replied Remus. "To you it will just feel like a dream. Close your eyes and follow me."
Trivia: The second half of this chapter was one of the first things I wrote when I started this third book. I tweaked it a bit since then, but it was important to me to work out this whole Death concept before even committing to writing the book.
Obviously I needed to reconcile Sirius appearing to Harry in the forest with him actually being alive. Using the mystical nature of the Veil helped. I hope I did okay and that it makes sense...well as much as ANYTHING makes sense in those last few chapters of Deathly Hallows. I swear I still don't understand Harry and Dumbledore at the ethereal King's Cross station...
More Sirius POV to come next chapter...