AN

Please note that everybody's gender journey and experience is different.

Like many enbies(non-binary people), Raine thought they were the binary gender they were not assigned(I'm making them AMAB(Assigned Male at Birth) for a bit before realizing that they are non-binary. Raine's deadname(the name a trans person is assigned or has tied out but no longer uses) is Baran. Eda and Raine are already dating at the start of the story. I will use Raine and they/them unless, in dialogue, this includes inner dialogues as well.

I didn't want to be around people, I've been avoiding them for over a week. I was never one for crowds but, now it's worse. I've been feeling wrong in my skin, like my body isn't mine. I've been having these feelings for a while, but I haven't told anyone. I didn't understand why, so I kept quiet, but it was getting worse and worse. I figured it was probably part of my anxiety, never feeling.. right.

I took my lunch to the bard classroom. No one would bother me except for Eda, who came after realizing that I wasn't in the lunchroom. I stopped thinking of her as a person in some senses months ago. Not in a negative way. In fact, the highest compliment an introvert can give is considering someone as not a person.

"So, today's a no people kinda day hah, Baran?" she asked as she sat entered, she went across the table, and turned around a chair so we were facing each other.

"ye-yeah," I nodded.

"Ok, Baran you want to talk about what's on your mind? Your anxiety keeps getting worse." I looked down and moved my food around with my fork, with one hand as I tapped a simple beat with my other. I know that she wouldn't press too hard, but I don't like to keep secrets from her. She placed her hands over the one on my fork, knowing that the tapping helps calm me down.

"I- I don't want you to think I'm crazy"

"Baran, you know I love you, right. That won't change no matter what lies your anxiety is telling you," I looked up to see her gentle caring smile. And beautiful golden eyes. I couldn't resist.

"O-ok, I just feel like my body doesn't belong to me I-I feel like I'm not a boy, I don't like being called a boy. I do-don't know what I am, I know I must sound crazy right now," I managed to stutter out, looking away, just hoping that she wouldn't laugh.

"Ok, so do you think you're a girl?" Eda's response completely took me by surprise. I stared at her wide eyes.

"yo-you're not confused or think I'm ma-making this up or anything or think somethings wrong with me or dump me?"

"Confused, yeah, but I know with how much anxiety you have there is no way you're making this up, and have thought about it for a while before even telling me. I love you for you boy or girl," I couldn't believe that, for once, my anxiety was helpful and she was fine with it!

"Let's eat our lunch before it's time for class, girlfriend," her calling me girlfriend just felt amazing, and I know that she noticed. There was a moment where I was processing my joy as we both quietly ate.

Then in between bites, she posed another question that I did not expect even though I should have but this whole thing just felt like a dream. "So, Baran's a boy's name, you got a girl name picked out?"

I shook my head, but I was still overjoyed by the whole thing I felt confident, "How about you name me?" I felt my cheeks flush, I couldn't believe I just said that.

She let out a chuckle, the kind that drove me crazy, "well, you like coming up with new songs, so how about Melody?"

"Melody Whispers," I said quietly to myself. I like the sound of it, "I like that name too. Thank you, Eda, you're the best girlfriend I could ask for."

"Yeah, I am pretty amazing, aren't I, Melody," she smirked. Everything just felt right as we looked into each other's eyes. I almost forgot about the food. Eda would just eat in class. We were only first years, but she had already gotten just about every punishment Hexside had to offer. When I brought up the fact that lunch would end soon, she gowned, cursing school making me laugh.

"Eda, I don't think that I need to tell you, but please don't tell anyone about me," I told her as we left the classroom.

"You got it, girl," she smiled, pointed her figures at me, and made a tsk sound. I knew that she was forcing my name and that I was a girl, where ever she could, which made me fall even more in love with her.

That went so well, I started wondering if I should tell other people. I don't really have friends. I've never really fit in with the other boys for now obvious reasons and have been afraid to talk to girls. I really just had Eda. Maybe I could tell my parents? No, they're too overprotective of me. I'm sure that if I had other friends they wouldn't even let me date Eda, because of how much trouble she got into. I kept our relationship hidden from them for a month, then they were just so happy that I was happy so maybe they'll be fine with this? My mind spiraled as class started.

AN

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