It was with a pained sigh that he awoke to this reality...

The sky was clear, the sun beating down on him with a power he hadn't quite felt in a while, it was quite the beautiful day all things considered… how very mocking.

He took a breath, once, twice, the air feeling awfully thin to the kneeling man as he desperately tried to suck in what he could.

His strength left him in a single moment his body falling down with only his right hand stopping his full descent, a red liquid splashed around him then… the floor was soaked on it, the image of the clear sun turning crimson in the reflection of the puddle.

With a soundless grunt he pushed himself up, this act being far more taxing than it should, just to be able to finally look around, at the atrocities in front of him.

Bodies upon bodies surrounded him, comrades, soldiers, people he didn't know… didn't really matter.

He was back here again.

Surrounded by the dead… all due to his failure.

He broke away from the horrific visage around him, closing his eye to the world even if that image would be ingrained in his soul forever, another notch to his sins to not even have the fortitude to look upon his failures, his lack of strength.

His state wasn't much better, his own blood mixing with countless others. He should have doubled over in pain by now but he couldn't really feel anything anymore.

It was a miracle that he still took a breath, that he was even alive… though calling it that would make it seem as if it was chance alone that he remained standing…

No… that wasn't quite the truth.

His single working eye snapped up locking in towards something of importance, he could feel it.

There she stood once more, moving towards him…

All white and beauty.

To anyone else they would remark how angelic everything about her looked.

He knew better, of course.

She continued walking with measured steps, almost as if savoring her time, stepping over the corpses without a single twitch of emotion, before simply sitting on a nearby rock in front of him watching on with bored eyes.

Something started enveloping him then… white petals blooming fully around him.

He didn't fully understand it himself but he couldn't help but laugh in that moment, it was a manic thing insane sounding even to himself.

Miracle, huh.

What a joke…

All there is in this world are curses.

Tomorrow he would fight again at the front of combat, and the next day after that… until all enemies of humanity were dead…

He needed to make all these failures worth something.

He who always survives needs to exist for those that can't.

Tomorrow he will save them all… he couldn't die trying after all.

What Once Was

It was the first time he had seen them reacting this way, shuddering and trembling over him, they even outright recoiled as the singular red eye moved from one to the other. Were they feeling sickened? Perhaps they feared him now? He couldn't quite tell but it was definitely making its mark on the duo.

He tried to appear somewhat strong but he couldn't help his own nervousness, this feeling of trepidation wasn't something he usually worried but right now…

He shook his head clearing away his thoughts.

It was something he couldn't run away from at some point it was going to be discovered, the least he could do was make them understand how they were feeling.

"It's not your fault…" Shirou said calmly, gentle even "There was always something that confused me, you know, this world is completely free from the Beast's influence." he narrowed his eyes seemingly waiting for an answer that never would come, as the twins continued petrified by him.

Shirou sighed, the sound coming more out of tiredness than anything else "I'm guessing androids were made primarily to destroy or most probably move whatever was left of the Queen's maso out, it wouldn't do much good to resurrect humanity where they can still get wcs, now would it?" his hand moved towards his changed eye, engulfing it, the flower that now took its place moving and shimmering slightly as if alive beneath his skin. His jaw clenched tightly as his gaze moved to the opposite side of the room not wanting to see more of their reactions.

Popola's eyes widened, horror coloring her face "You… you think we're afraid of you?" her disbelief was clearly heard "Or even disgusted?"

"You aren't?" He couldn't help but cringe at the hope in his voice, he gathered a bit of strength and looked back at their expressions now noticing the clear worry rather than the more negative feelings he was afraid of.

"You couldn't make us think a bad thought about you If you actually tried Shirou." Popola shook her head before sitting up and walking towards him "You think we can't tell?" she stopped right in front of him a sad smile played on her lips "This is hurting you isn't it." her hand went up and caressed his marked face, completely disregarding the roots that still danced bellow his skin.

"Please stop… all we want is for you not to be in pain." she begged quietly to his ear.

Shirou looked down at her in wonderment utterly floored by her words, before slowly letting go, the blackened veins receding back, his eye losing its crimson coloring. He stumbled slightly to the left as the pressure left his body, almost as if strings were cut.

Popola merely remained there watching cautiously almost afraid to stop touching him.

"I'm fine, It's… It's not physical pain." Shirou said quietly almost in embarrassment, not being able to meet her gaze, this whole mess had him feeling a lot more vulnerable than he should be.

She stared at him for a few more seconds before letting it go and nodding, internally sighing in relief…

Devola seemed a bit more wary, still looking at Shirou in worry "Were you hated before, is that why you were worried."

"Hate is a strong word, but there was always distrust." he sighed, scratching the back of his neck in an awkward manner "Just imagine, your husband becomes a monster, your son dies petrified like a statue… and yet there's someone out there that not only survived but got stronger due to it." he shrugged in an almost bored emotionless manner, it hadn't really mattered to him how people perceived his actions "Most people thought of me as a sleeper agent, they couldn't really push away someone who didn't die but they never fully trusted me, can't say I blame them."

"Didn't die?" Popola asked now moving more freely it seemed, she didn't want to tell him but there was a certain pressure around him when he used that power, whatever it was. It was almost like her core was inflamed.

Shirou sighed again, rubbing his eyes for a second before continuing "I have been cut, burned, minced, asphyxiated you name it... and yet I was able to survive all of it. I felt hunger pains, I felt my throat dry up due to no water and yet my body showed no sign of being malnourished." he didn't seem to notice it himself but as he talked his hands moved towards different places in his body as if touching scars that were not there "I haven't aged a single day." he talked as if droning on his voice emotionless his eyes glazed as if remembering a dream.

"Shirou…" Devola murmured looking sadly at him, the pieces falling together in her mind.

"That's why it shouldn't really matter if I'm tired, this body doesn't get hurt, this body does not die." he talked more robotically at each second seemingly forgetting everything else in the room.

That was until someone brought him down to reality, his head snapping to the left, his eyes widening in surprise a red imprint on his face.

Devola herself gasped, she didn't really think her sister could…

Shirou wasn't really able to react as he was grabbed by the shoulders and forced to meet his assailant.

His eyes locked into Popola's watery ones.

"Stop talking about yourself like that, you!" she pushed him off without any real force, still enough to make him stumble slightly and hit the wall as he stood there stunned "You're always speaking about yourself as if only you have to fight, It's not fair." she grabbed her sleeves as she desperately tried to dry out her eyes.

Shirou looked down at her in surprise before his eyes softened as he heard her sobs, gently and slowly he put his hand above her hair, patting it "I didn't mean to… no, I'm simply sorry Popola."

She stopped and looked up at him her eyes still watery "You're more than just a body for war Shirou, you have a future past it… have you even thought about It. If what you say is true you're going to live for a long time." she reached out for his hand atop her head grabbing it "What place will you have in this better world you're trying to make."

Devola simply stood there quietly looking at the two really wanting to contribute but also not wanting to break the spell her sister seemed to have on the man.

Shirou blinked his mind not fully processing her question "I… I don't know."

Popola let go of his hand sighing "Yeah, that's what I was afraid off. You still don't understand that you have…." she started chuckling slightly while looking back at her sister "Doesn't really matter I guess we'll just have to force you to acknowledge it."

"Popola I…" Shirou looked at her in wonder before shaking his head, it was difficult to think past the myriad of emotions and he didn't want to make her feel worse than she already felt.

An oppressive silence filled the room as the people in it didn't fully know how to continue.

Biting her lip Devola decided to speak up "It resonated with something inside…" she recoiled as her sister and Shirou snapped their attention towards her, she coughed once before continuing "I wouldn't say badly, but it was like calling out to my core."

"I felt much of the same." Shirou nodded crossing his arms, happy from the distraction "What you two have is maso no doubt about it but from a different source."

"The thing that killed the Queen?" Devola asked, her mind going haywire "So wait does that mean..?"

"Out of everything in this world, you two can hurt me the most." he looked contemplative while he talked as if he was simply reading from a sheet of paper "If you are able to control it I honestly wouldn't really be able to say who could win between us."

Devola looked horrified by the notion, her eyes widening and her irises thinning to pinpricks as if her whole body went into a state of panic "Shirou we would never..."

He sighed, he didn't really mean to make them feel badly like this but it seems his words only caused them pain "I was just making a comment Devola, we're not going to hurt each other, don't worry."

"Shirou!" Popola said with glaring eyes "Is this why you're with us…"

"No!" he shook his head, this time glaring back at her "I would never do that, I didn't even know you two had something like this."

The two remained staring for a few moments longer before Popola relented and backed down.

"Even if that was your plan it wouldn't work." She sighed crossing her arms "Maybe it's best we don't understand it."

"And have something like what happened against the machine happen again?" He huffed while rolling his eyes "Have some faith, I meant in a fight not that I would crumble by being near you." with an almost lackadaisical manner he pointed towards the two, it was almost like he was addressing children "You two are the closest thing I felt from the dragon since that day, that kind of power isn't meant to be ignored... ignoring it might actually be detrimental."

The twins merely shared a concerned look before nodding "Was it difficult for you?" Devola asked rather meekly.

"I didn't learn anything Devola, what this is, what it wants, what it is…" his eyes turned downcast as he looked towards the back of his hand running his fingers through the skin slowly "I knew it immediately upon having it. Just be careful I've seen a lot of people lose themselves to it."

Devola pondered quietly over his statement "You think it can happen to us?"

He chuckled the sound ringing more bitter than it should "Experimentation ran rampant during the war as humanity tried to find a cure or create stronger soldiers… let's just say that most people couldn't quite make it, only ever heard of two success stories." Shirou shook his head and bit his lower lip hard enough to bleed "Humanity was grasping at straws most of the time... desperation doesn't make for clear minds."

"Did they..." Popola gulped quietly almost afraid of saying the next words "… to you?"

He frowned at the question before shaking his head "Not at the start, having an undying soldier on the battlefield remained more valuable than having a test subject, they certainly tried a few things but..." Shirou said while rolling his shoulders trying to release some tension from his body while looking at both of the sisters with an almost blank stare "There wasn't really anything they could do to me, my regeneration prevented any changes, and anything from me actually quickened the effects of wcs rather than stopping it."

The duo remained quiet listening with bated breath, the picture he created wasn't something they really wanted to imagine but they needed to do so to fully understand the person in front of them.

"After the war though there wasn't really much of a choice anymore, humanity kept dying and there wasn't an enemy to fight so no need for a soldier." Shirou shrugged helplessly, recounting his last memories of that era didn't leave him with much hope "There really isn't much to say my last memory is of a white clinical room as I went to sleep, afterwards I woke up near the outskirts of the city." he took a deep breath almost, the process actually taking a few seconds his body deflating slightly as if a weight was being lifted "A few days later I met you two and the rest you already know."

"So you don't know how you got there, huh?" Popola murmured stating it more as a fact than a question before her eyes widened as she realized something "Wait did you notice any changes in you after you woke up?"

"I'm the same as I was before I slept through ten thousand years." he said as he walked towards the table where his ruined armor remained "They couldn't change me even if I wanted them to."

"Then why even bother to give yourself away at the end." Devola forced out her voice slightly raspy, she looked positively ready to fall over even in bed but still, she remained trying to find out more.

Shirou gripped his armor his fingers denting the material, his hair shadowing his expression "What else could I do..."

Popola almost gasped at his voice… he sounded defeated, utterly encumbered by failure. To think even someone like him would feel this way, the pressure and the weight were far more than one man could hold it seems even as he tried to look strong for everyone else, even now he remained hidden showing his back rather than letting them see his full emotions.

She stepped forward with intent, she needed to be there for him…

"Popola, do you have the time yet?" a voice was heard from the outside utterly destroying the moment.

"Damn it…" Popola said under her breath, she looked towards that unscratched back turmoil surrounding her.

"Popola…"

Her attention snapped back to her sister as she called to her, their eyes met as Devola gave her a look of sympathy.

"It'll be fine okay." Her sister said trying to assuage her worries.

She looked back towards the man still standing there still slightly hunched, before gritting her teeth "I'll be back soon alright?"

He didn't say anything even as she stepped off the small room, seemingly with his attention full on finicking with his clothes though without any actual emotion behind it, mindlessly turning the objects.

Devola looked on utterly helpless on how to snap him out of his reverie, before simply doing the first thing that went through her mind. She stepped off the bed with great difficulty her body still sore and her legs shaky even still Shirou didn't notice her heavy steps as she limped towards him.

Two arms engulfed him from behind and a body almost crashed into his own so much so that he needed to stop himself before falling into the table "Devola?"

She merely gripped him tighter as he mentioned her name.

He sighed "You should be resting."

She clicked her tongue in annoyance "So should you and yet you prefer being here fixing objects than being in bed with me."

He chuckled slightly "Pretty sure that mattress isn't made for two people, Devola."

Her arms moved up as he felt her lips on his shoulder blades "Don't know if you haven't tried." she felt his grumble from behind as she rested her head near his having to stand on her tiptoes to do so "I'll just keep annoying you until you do so, you know." she shrugged "You might as well give up now."

He sighed "I guess I can never win with you huh." he smiled slightly as he turned around fully seeing her now grinning face. He pushed two fingers into her temple pushing her off without any real force before helping her walk back to the bed.

She plopped down with a content smile, looking up at him with an almost expectant stare.

He merely shook his "Scoot…"

She did so immediately even patting the bed at her side, with Shirou rolling his eyes at the almost kid-like excitement she seemed to have. He dropped down near her almost falling off the mattress, needless to say, it wasn't really made for two people.

They had to press up against each other, almost hugging, their faces inches apart. Still despite this, they both looked more relaxed than anything else.

Devola looked into his eyes before with a gentle kindness "Everything will be okay, nothing changed… so just rest for a bit okay. We'll be here when you wake up, like always."

Her soft voice seemed to have the intended effect as his eyes slowly closed and the world drowned out.

Before snapping open once again, the breeze passed through him coldly as the sun bared down on him.

He looked around for a second and sat up, taking a deep breath.

He was back here again…

In the field of white flowers.

(Resistance)

Fix this, rearrange that, make the pain go away…

How utterly annoying, still she did so with nary a complaint, it wouldn't do for someone like her to half-ass a job like this. She could, on the other hand, do quite well without the glares and angry words they muttered under their breath.

She sighed and wiped the nonexistent sweat from her brow, as she ignored the pained groans of her fellow android as she fixed yet another torn limb or two.

"C'mon only three more." A voice said from behind her she couldn't help but growl a bit as she heard those words. "Look I wouldn't do this if we weren't short-staffed as it is alright."

Popola merely stood up and walked away completely ignoring the resistance leader's word and giving her no answer.

Anemone frowned as she watched her stomp away angrily with a bored look, quickly doing the math in her head coming to the conclusion that it probably would be best not to leave her alone with antagonistic patients, she quickened her pace following close behind "Is your sister still in a bad state?" Anemone said as she once again reached her.

Popola clicked her teeth closing her eyes and stopping for a second trying to reign in her frustrations "You just… you have really bad timing."

Anemone's eyebrow rose up as she finally figured out the reason for her fellow android's mood "This is about the human I see."

The redhead merely shrugged not really willing to give a straight answer going silent once more.

"You know you're going to get a rather large pushback, right?" Anemone said carefully, her eyes narrowing, closely watching the other woman for any sort of reaction "People around here aren't exactly happy that you two are around him."

It took a second for Anemone to notice that she was no longer walking side by side with the other woman, she looked back her mouth open to continue… the words instead dying in her mouth.

Popola's hair shadowed her eyes, her mouth set in a straight line, but that wasn't really the issue she knew her words would probably make the red-haired woman angry, but she had honestly just been trying to warn her, the realization came a bit late that it would probably be better if she had just stayed quiet.

A pressure bared down on her, making it difficult to breathe.

"I don't really care whether or not anyone sees it as wrong, It's not their opinion that matters to me but try and understand one thing..."

Anemone's eyes widened as she took a step back from the other woman.

"Don't get in between us."

The resistance leader stood there petrified as Popola walked away, going past her with measured steps not even giving her a look.

The distance between the two was finally great enough for the pressure to lift as Anemone took quick and short gasps in an attempt to calm down. She looked around nobody seemingly noticing the exchange.

Grunting she patted her clothes before taking a deep breath trying to reign in whatever… happened.

Looking to the side she watched as the other woman tried to open the metal gate that guarded the storage facilities, as they had put some of the more damaged units there in case they needed quick repairs.

Anemone cringed as Popola gripped the door tightly and pushed once ripping it off its hinges.

She groaned "Better make sure she doesn't kill anyone."

(?)

It was certainly beautiful this world...

A cool breeze passed through his skin while the cloudless sky showcased an afternoon sun, soft petals floated around aimlessly taken away from the blooming white flowers that shun as the rays of light passing through them, it was quite a picturesque visage even with the countless blades and weapons struck haphazardly on the ground it didn't quite take away from the calming and peaceful scenery that this setting had.

To anyone else it would almost look like paradise, a place only dreams could make up.

Beauty though was in the eye of the beholder and to him this 'paradise' felt sickly and diseased.

His fingers dug into the ground, ripping out the roots of the flowers he sat upon, as he glared towards the horizon chuckling derisively. The 'prettiness' was but a lie for what lay beneath the flowers was a cracked and dead earth that nothing could ever actually grow out from, the weapons that once sat almost pridefully upright were now closer to the ground as the flowers grew out and surrounded each and every one of them cracking their form and holding them in place as if strings.

This world was taken over by a parasite, something that hadn't originated here, and he could do nothing but look on as everything changed around him.

"You're making a mistake." A feminine voice said from behind him.

He didn't bother turning around already knowing who it was "Am I now?"

"If you continue down this path, you will eventually reach the same place I did."

The wind quickened as it ruffled his hair around freezing his bones to the core.

His expression darkened as he crushed a flower in his left hand "Why now? Why contact me after all this time?" he bit out angrily his teeth clenching as his emotions got out of control "Everything was meaningless, it changed nothing. Why did you give me this if you knew how it was going to end?"

The woman didn't say anything for a time, the only sound being the rapid short angry breaths that Shirou took after his outburst.

"Are you done with your tantrum?" she said with an emotionless tone "Stop kidding yourself even now you're too much of a coward to give up and let things slide, you've never done and never will do enough, I simply made it possible for you to be able to continue that's all, you're the one that chose to do so even after everything."

He heard a crunching sound as she started walking stepping over the flowers as she made her way over.

"Will… will it end differently this time? Will I be able to save someone?" he asked desperately still looking over the horizon his eyes glazed as if he was looking at the abyss.

"That's not the question you want to ask, not truly at least." he felt a hand on his shoulder his eyes still glued to the scenery beyond him, unable or perhaps refusing to look back at her "But you already have, in its own way." she closed the distance hugging him from behind, his body stiffening due to the contact "The real question is when will you be happy? When will your mission be done?"

She stood up releasing him from her arms "I guess we'll both see how it ends." she walked past him her voice still emotionless "Just make sure you keep a hold of those shards of humanity you still have left, you don't want to know what happens after you lose it."

He looked at her quizzically opening his mouth to question her but he didn't seem to have the strength to do so, his eyes slowly closing even as he tried his best to keep awake.

His last image was of her white hair waving around in the wind as she moved towards the unknown.

The rest of his sleep continued on dreamless….

(Forest Grounds)

She glared down at the being in front of her as it shook in fear, her weapon nearing the… thing's neck fully ready to show how thin her patience was.

The thing as she descriptively called it was something that resembled a machine and yet not. It wore the same ball-shaped head as any other of the metal lifeforms and yet in its face was a huge grin and wide eyes quite unlike what she'd grown accustomed to the body showcased even more pronounced differences, it was skinny the limbs resembling human bones while the rest remained hidden behind rotted clothing.

Also, it talked…

…a lot.

She might kill it just for that, screw her curiosity.

"What the hell are you?" her words resembled more of a growl than anything actual human.

It seemed the being was affected by it, as a gulping sound before was heard "O-oh ummm… I'm Emil." it chuckled awkwardly as it put its hands in the air in an effort to stop the woman "Nice to meet you?"

Yo It's been a minute, yeah this chapter was kind of a bitch to write and I don't know if I'm quite happy with it yet but eh... can't really think of anything.

Anyhow this is more of a bridge chapter, I kinda needed one where I just focus on the main trio as this arc is going to focus on pretty much everyone else so not a lot of things happen other than just continuing that relationship. I'm taking a few liberties with nier lore here and there but this isn't really normal nier verse anyway.

I hope people enjoy Shirou's character as i was trying to make him more vulnerable here, kinda chipping away into his cool façade a bit, the white lady as I'm going to call her but I'm pretty sure everyone is going to get who that is even though I didn't say her name but I hope it makes sense that Shirou seems a lot more emotional around her, though that will be explained as the story continues.

Don't know if you guys noticed but it's been almost a year since this fanfic started and I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who stuck around and read it and maybe even enjoyed it, I hope you continue to do so. I made a lot of mistakes with it, I'm learning as I go but I hope the story continues to get better maybe one day I'll go back and change the earlier chapters as I've been meaning to do. I didn't really expect this story to get big and a huge part of that is due to the fact there really aren't a lot of stories in nier don't get me wrong, but when I started it I couldn't even imagine that so many people would read it, It's kinda terrifying if I'm being honest.

Big thank you to Ivan Tridelan this story wouldn't really look like this without his help.