Chapter 42 – A long night
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He was squeezing her hand so hard that both of their fingers turned white. Another thump as she landed in her bed, what was it the eight time? Sirius had lost count.
"You're hurting me."
Everyone's head snapped up at the small voice. A voice they never thought they would hear again. Izzie's hand tried to wiggle free from Sirius death grip.
"Izzie?" Sirius breathed.
"That's my name." She smiled softly and wiped the tears from Sirius face. Sirius lunged forward and crashed his lips to hers. There was no force pushing them away anymore and he cupped both of her cheeks. He pulled back, resting his head against hers, tears still falling down his cheeks. His eyes were closed but he could feel her short puffs of breath ghost over him. She's alive, she's alive.
"Mr Black, I need to check on her." Madam Pomfrey's voice came from behind him. He kissed her gently one more time before backing away. But he didn't let her go, her clasped her hand in his again, pressing his lips against her knuckles as Pomfrey looked her over.
"It seems like there is no permanent damage." Pomfrey said after her wand did complex movements over her head and heart. "But you need to stay in the hospital wing for a few days, just to be sure."
"I understand." Izzie's voice was still small and fragile.
"I need to inform Professor McGonagall and the headmaster." She said curtly, but then placed her hand on her shoulder softly. "What you did was nothing more than heroic, Isabelle. We will talk about those spells you used later." She turned to the others, Lily and James had climbed out of the bed and stood at the end of Izzie's now. "You can all stay here but -"
"We'll be quiet." James said.
Pomfrey smiled a little. "I'll be back in a few minutes." She said before she flittered out of the hospital wing.
Sirius was just about to gather her in his arms again when Regulus' eyes flared with anger, but more so with concern.
"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!? WE WERE LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT TOGETHER!"
"We weren't going to find one." Izzie said softly. "You know that you were getting weaker just like me."
"You - you died." Regulus fell on the edge of her bed, his voice was trembling, and his eyes were filled with tears. Sirius hadn't seen his brother so vulnerable in years.
"I know." She clasped her free hand with his. "But I couldn't let you die. You deserve a future with Remus, you deserve to be with your brother."
"So do you."
"You had more to lose."
"The hell he does!" Remus cried out. "We are your family, and you deserve to find out what it is between you and Sirius. You shouldn't have done this."
"If I hadn't." Her voice was still calm, and Sirius wondered how she could stay calm in all this. "We both would have been dead in a week, two tops."
"Where were you?" Sirius asked quietly, his thumb caressing her hand softly. "When you were -"
"I was in the in-between, I think." She said, her eyes found his. "I could hear my mum calling for me. And I wanted to go, to see her again." Sirius's held in his breath. "But then I heard your voice, you brought me back." She pulled his hand, tugging him closer. When his face was only a few centimetres from hers, he tucked her hair behind her ear, she smiled up at him. "I love you."
Sirius gave her a watery smile before he kissed her. The kiss was slow and sweet. Filled with angst but also love and possibilities. Vaguely aware, he heard the others shuffle and then curtains close. They were alone. Sirius laid down next to her and pulled her flush against him, kissing her a bit more firmly, his hand going into her hair, bringing her closer. "I love you. I love you so much." He said as he started to press kisses all over her face. "Don't you ever do that to me again!"
"I'm not going anywhere." She smiled and she felt Sirius grip on her tightened. "We can touch each other again." She whispered in amazement, only just realising it.
"Yeah, I think when the bond started to break with Regulus, the force that was keeping us apart broke too." He searched her face with a frown. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm a bit tired, but otherwise completely fine." Then she smiled up at him shyly. "Wouldn't mind another kiss though."
Sirius shot her a lopsided smile, making her stomach flutter before he leaned in. He couldn't get enough of her lips against his. It felt like they were made for him, perfectly moulded to fit his. He leaned his body a bit closer, hovering slightly over her as their tongues danced around each other.
"Be decent, I'm coming in!" Remus warned. They pulled away reluctantly just before the curtain opened. Sirius slipped off the bed but sat on the chair right beside her as Remus crawled into bed with her. He took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "I thought I lost you."
"I'm here." She said softly but her hands grasped his shirt firmly. They sat in silence for a while, just comforting each other with their touch. The next to join was Regulus, he crawled on the other side of her and spooned her. Again, rather stupidly, Sirius felt jealous of his brother. Then Lily clambered up the bed and laid between her legs, her head on Izzie stomach. It was quite the sight. James came over to Sirius and clapped him on the back, nudging his head to the other side of the infirmary. He glanced over to Izzie, who gave him a small smile before he followed his best friend.
"How are you feeling?" He asked in a hushed voice.
"I'm not sure." Sirius admitted, glancing over to the hugging group. "I love her so much, Pads. I never thought I would love someone like that. And the thought that I lost her... that she made the decision to end -" He took in a trembling breath. "And I love her even more that she did it to save my brother, but did she even think about me? Or about Remus, Lily or Reg? How it would be for them to lose her? I don't know... I'm -"
"Angry?" James asked carefully. "It's okay if you are. This situation isn't just black and white. You love her and you're grateful that she saved your brother but your mad at her that she didn't tell you."
"No." Sirius shook his head, his brows furrowed. "I'm mad because she thought that nobody would miss her or would get over it quickly. That the thought had crossed her mind that any of us could live without her. Because Remus can't, nor Reg. Definitely not me."
"Well, then we have to make sure she will know that for the rest of her life, that we can't live without her." James said as he grasped his shoulders, looking him squarely in the eye. Sirius smiled a little.
"I think we can do that."
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"What are those?" Lily asked a few hours later, eyeing the letters on the nightstand.
Izzie lifted her head from Sirius chest, who had climbed into bed with her the moment there was room. "Oh, they were my, uhm -" She hesitated for a moment. "Goodbye letters."
"Goodbye letters?" Lily mumbled softly, then she looked up wide-eyed. "You really didn't think you would come back?"
"I don't know." She frowned. "The spell I used, and the one I had written down for Pomfrey, they aren't really textbook material. I combined four spells together to make them. I didn't know if it would work. I - I had made my peace with it if it hadn't."
"Izzie." Sirius whispered burying his nose in her hair, breathing in her citrus shampoo.
"Do - do you want to read them?" She asked the others. They all quickly shook their heads. They didn't want to know what was in them, they just wanted her to be here. She offered them a small smile before waving her hand, the letters disappeared from the table. She pushed herself up and little and looked to Regulus. "Can I check the bond?"
"You know how to?"
"I've been researching for the past four months, of course I know." She scoffed with a grin. Regulus smiled, his first real smile since he entered the hospital wing. They both sat across from each other. Reg on one bed, Izzie on the other. Their legs were dangling from the sides. She took her wand and waved a complex pattern in the air. Multiple strings leaped out, in different colours. Regulus had a red one attached to Remus and a purple one to Sirius. She had read about the meaning of the colours of course. Red was for the one you loved; purple was for family. Izzie had more colours coming out of her, a red one attached itself to Sirius, who blushed, much to James's amusement. A purple one went to Lily, who smiled broadly. A magenta one reached for Remus, who looked confused at the colour. But everyone stiffened when a string attached itself to Regulus, it was a turquoise colour.
"How fascinating." Madam Pomfrey's voice said as she came closer, eyeing the colours. Professor McGonagall was next to her, looking at the colour spectacle before her. "It seems there is still a bond between you two."
"Is it dangerous?" Sirius asked, wrapping an arm around Izzie's waist.
"No, I don't believe so. It's nothing like the marriage bond they had before." Pomfrey mused as she inspected the string. "But due what they have been through together, they are always going to bond. It feels like a sibling bond, but not quite so."
"It doesn't feel wrong or bad." Regulus said as he looked from the turquoise string to Izzie. "Does it?"
"No, it feels like being at home, feeling safe." She smiled at Reggie. "What about Remus?" She asked the healer.
Madam Pomfrey grinned a little, even McGonagall smiled but her eyes flashed in surprise. "That is a special one, yes." Remus eyes widened in panic. "A large part of it says you have a special bond, best friends, almost family. But the red that's intertwined with it says you two have history, of a romantic kind."
"Oh, that is fascinating." Izzie leaned closer. "And correct." She nodded to the healer and the professor who eyed her and Remus curiously. Regulus and Sirius both scowled at that but neither Remus nor Izzie saw it as they looked at the string. Lily and James hid their snickers behind their hands. Then Izzie released the spell and sunk a little in Sirius's arms.
"Well, I think that's enough for tonight." Pomfrey clapped, coming out of her daze from the colour spectacle. "Everyone to their beds."
"Professor McGonagall." They all but whined.
The professor looked to each of them, but she sighed in defeat. "You can all stay here until Izzie's cleared to go to the tower. If that happens before lessons start again of course. You can't all stay here while the rest of the students are back."
"She should be back by then, shouldn't she?" Reg asked the healer.
"I believe so." She nodded. "Now -" She pointed her wand and five made were made. "Everyone off to bed, it's getting late."
It was actually starting to get early; the sun was just peaking from behind the mountains. Pomfrey closed the curtains from the windows blocking out the rising sun as she ushered them to bed. Sirius took the bed on her right, while Reggie took the one on her left. James looked surprised Remus didn't argue with his boyfriend, wanting to sleep close to her. But she knew, he would slip the moment Pomfrey and McGonagall were away. Sirius kissed her head, she closed her eyes as she felt his lips rest against her before he slipped into his own bed. A few minutes after they left, she heard several beds squeak. Through the darkness, she saw Remus slip in with Regulus. Across from her, Lily slipped in with James and lastly Sirius came up to her rather hesitantly. She bit her lower lip with a shy smile before pulling her blanket away to invite him in. He didn't have to think about it twice and slipped in carefully. He put his arm around her, pulling her into his chest, his other hand rested on her hip. She looked up at him and with a wave of her wand cast a Muffliato over them.
"Are you sure?" He asked quietly. She hummed as she shuffled closer. "Good, otherwise I would've pushed my bed against yours. I've dreamed about this for ages."
"About what exactly?" She purred against his neck, and she smiled as she felt him shiver.
"All sorts of things. But mainly you sleeping in my arms, feeling safe."
"I do feel safe, I trust you, Sirius." She kissed his neck before looking up at him. "I love you."
Sirius beamed. "I still can't believe you love me."
"What's not to love?" She asked but Sirius didn't have a chance to answer because she pressed her lips firmly against his.