Chapter 9: The Moaning Fridge

Yachim Anoos and Joseph arrived in Tel Aviv and the Mossad escorted them to a secret bunker. Yachim was very spooked by what they were looking at once they arrived. It was a tall white refrigerator.

"What the fuck is this?" Joseph laughed. "You brought me here to see a fridge? Well, I am kinda hungry."

The Mossad rushed to stop Joseph from getting anywhere near the refrigerator. Yachim glared at Joseph, and Joseph backed off. He did not want to overstep in front of the gigachad mossad agents. Suddenly, the refrigerator let out the most horrifying moan. It was a low-pitch ASMR-style moan that trembled the bunker. The soldiers approached the fridge with their guns aimed at it.

"Run!" shouted random Mossad agent #1 but it's too late and the fridge attacked! The fridge reached over and grabbed the mossad agent and RIPPED HIS FUCKING GUTS OUT!

The other agents opened fire on the fridge but to no avail. The moaning fridge devoured each agent one by one. Joseph and Yachim ran and hid from the fridge until the dust settled. It remained dormant once more but let out a nasty BURRRRRRP. Joseph was horrified, especially since he could swear he heard the tormented screams of the mossad agents from inside the fridge.

"Is this normal?" Joseph asked.

"No, it isn't!" Yachim shouted. "The moaning fridge only does this if it's provoked. It shouldn't do anything otherwise."

"Why the fuck does Israel have this technology?"

"We intercepted it from the USS Liberty in 1967," Yachim Anoos began, and Joseph braced himself for a huge lore dump.

"It was regrettable that we had to destroy a US ship, but it was worth it to capture the moaning fridge. The horrors of that fridge must never be unleashed upon the world. Unfortunately, it fell into the gaza strip's hands a few decades ago and was unleashed upon my village."

"Did the moaning fridge eat your people?"

"No, the meat from the fridge was served to the Israeli settlers as a "welcome gift" by the Palestinians. They didn't tell us what the meat did. If any woman ate the meat from the moaning fridge while pregnant, their sons would be born… without anuses. My mom was one of the women who ate from the moaning fridge."

"So you have no anus?"

"I have NO ANUS!" Yachim Anoos shouted and cried. "All my life I just wanted to shit like a normal person but alas my mom ate from the moaning fridge!"

Joseph tried to console Yachim Anoos but to no avail. He was blubbering like a baby seal now and there was nothing he could do about it.

"We just recovered the moaning fridge recently," Yachim said through his tears. "I will destroy the fridge once I get the chance, but even Israeli technology does not know how to do it. Every time we try, the fridge attacks."

Joseph was super fucking confused. Apparently not only was the fridge sentient and capable of eating people alive, but if you ate the meat it trapped inside, their children would have no assholes. Luckily the fridge was under Israeli protection. If the fridge got into the wrong hands, the entire world would be in danger. Suddenly, Joseph heard a voice that sent shivers up his spine.

"Joseph ya!" a sinister voice called. "It's me, ya, Wang Wang Ma!"

"Wang Wang Ma!" Joseph shouted. "You wokked my dog! I'll fucking kill you!"

"No you won't, ya!" Wang Wang Ma replied. "I've just come here to collect my fridge. It just collected some new meat that will sell very well, ya!"

Wang Wang Ma let out a whistle and the Moaning Fridge got up on its hind legs (idek at this point) and ran to his side as if it were a dog.

"The Moaning Fridge is now mine, ya!" Wang Wang Ma exclaimed evily. "What a magnificent day for Wang Wang Ma!"

Then Wang Wang Ma and the Moaning Fridge ran off together.

TO BE CONTINUED