Striker wonders why in the nine circles he joined the messed-up company.

Vol 3: Pilot

In the I.M.P. room, Blitzo was pacing around the I.M.P. office.

"Okay, now I know business has been a bit…slow lately. It's no one's fault, I'm not naming any names here…" he announced. He looked at one of his employees. "Moxxie."

Striker stifled a laugh as Moxxie glared at the imp boss as if to say, "What the fuck?". Kore and Seth glowered at Striker in annoyance.

"Now, does anyone have any bright ideas on how we can get business drumming up again?" Blitzo continued.

Millie raised her hand. "What about a carwash?" she beamed.

Striker shook his head. A carwash in Hell? he thought, Impossible. He sighed as he calmly explained, "Mildred, it's Hell. No one cares about cars being cleaned here."

"Thank you, Strike," Blitzo said, "I couldn't have said it better myself." Then an idea popped into his head. "Oh, what about a billboard?" His eyes sparkled in delight at the thought.

"We can't AFFORD a billboard, sir," Moxxie told him with annoyance.

"Helpful Moxxie. Really glad YOU'RE in the room right now," Blitzo said dryly as he pushed Moxxie aside. "Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?" Blitzo turned on the TV, which showed a video based on their previous kills. "Ahh, those were the good times."

Everyone in the room ate popcorn.

"I don't NEED any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week," Moxxie complained, "One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches."

"I agree with Mox on this one," Striker said, sticking out his thumb, gesturing to the little imp sitting next to him.

"Hey, excuse me, guys!" Blitzo retorted, "What's obnoxious about a super fun jingle? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spewing bullshit."

"People LOVE musicals, Blitz," Kore stated.

"True, honey," Millie said, winking at her.

Hearing what the women had to say, Blitzo became his cheerful self again. "Exactly, ladies and we're basically doing a musical." To Striker and Moxxie, he gave them sad puppy eyes. "Are you gonna crush my musical theater dreams like my dad did?"

"What?" Striker asked, half shocked.

"Sir?" asked Moxxie.

"'Cause right now, all I see is my dad's ASSHOLE talking to me, crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside!"

Striker rolled his eyes at Blitzo's ramblings.

"Are you trying to crush his dreams, Mox?" Millie asked.

"I…what?"

Millie leaned in closer to her husband flirtatiously. "I thought I knew you."

"Come on, Dad," Seth told Striker, "Don't crush Blitz's dreams."

"Oh, no, Seth. Not you, too," Striker groaned.

"I agree with Millie and Seth," Kore said with a smirk.

"I can't BELIEVE you, Mox; after I made you employee of the month last month!" Blitzo showed Moxxie a plaque with a poorly done portrait of Moxxie. "And you, too, Striker." Blitzo showed Striker a horribly done portrait of the cowboy imp.

"OK! I'm sorry, sir; a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theater," Moxxie told Blitzo.

"Yeah and no one actually likes the jingles," Striker added.

"I liked it," Kore, Millie, and Seth said simultaneously.

"Son! Honey!" Striker scolded.

"Do not…Do not agree with him in front of me!" Moxxie and Striker said in unison.

"Dad, you gotta admit you felt sorry for Moxxie when he accidentally shot a kid," Seth reminded him.

Striker lowered his head and sighed. "Yeah, that's true."

Moxxie shuddered at the memory when Millie and Kore wrapped their arms around him.

"Accidents happen, Moxxie," Kore told him sweetly.

Moxxie smiled, touched by Seth's, Kore's, and his wife's kindness. He felt like he never had kindness brought to him by someone other than Millie.

Then he composed himself as he glared at Loona, who as usual, was playing on her phone.

"I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault," Moxxie accused. Kore, Seth, Striker, and Millie glared at the hellhound, just as annoyed as Moxxie. "Dispatch is supposed to give us the RIGHT info on the target. It's very simple."

"Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie," Loona insulted.

"YOU sit! Sit on…and the d…DO YOUR JOB!" Moxxie slammed his hand on the table.

"Hey now, we don't blame our screw-ups on Loona, okay?" Blitzo walked in the room, intervening and hugging Loona, who growled at his affection, he added, "She didn't do anything wrong."

"Are you KIDDING me, sir? She's AWFUL!" Moxxie retorted.

"I couldn't agree more," Striker agreed.

"Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family and you don't get rid of family." Loona smiled at Blitzo's touching statement.

"We aren't a FAMILY, sir! YOU are the boss! WE are the employees!" Moxxie corrected, "And while we're on the subject of 'family', can you PLEASE stop finding me and Millie outside of work?"

"Come on, sweetie, it's not that bad," Millie told him.

Moxxie blinked at his wife in disbelief. "Excuse me, WHAT?" To Blitzo, he added with a glare, "Just. Stop. Doing. THAT! Stalk someone else!"

"If it makes you feel any better, Mox, he stalked me, Kore, and Seth," Striker said.

…

"Dear, where's my phone?" Kore asked, searching for her lost hellphone.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll help you find it," Striker assured her as he started to look for her phone.

"Me, too, Mom," Seth chimed in.

Then something popped under the desk. "Looking for this?" Holding the phone was…

"BLITZ?!" Kore, Striker, and Seth shouted.

Kore took the phone from his hand. "Thanks."

…

Kore and Striker were sleeping in bed together, but woke up to find someone sandwiched in between them.

"Lovely night, huh, guys?" Blitzo asked.

The only reply he got was getting thrown out the window.

…

"You stalked my parents that night?" Seth asked in shock.

"Uh."

"You did, didn't you?"

"Seth's right, Blitz," Kore told him, "This is getting out of hand."

"Yeah and what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!" Moxxie snapped.

"Calm down, Mox," Millie said worriedly, "You're gonna have another panic attack."

"I AM CALM!" Then he whimpered with his wife wrapping her arms around him.

"Shh…Shh…There…there…"

"Hey, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside of work hours," Blitzo said, making lewd gestures, "So don't judge me." He crossed his arms, looking away with a pout.

"Oh, I DO judge you, sir. Quite a lot, actually."

"Mox, he's our boss."

"Blitz, may I use the restroom?" Seth asked.

"Sure, Seth."

"Me, too," Kore said.

"I'll go, too," Striker added.

They started to head out of the office as Blitzo and the gang argued.

When the argument finished, the trio finally returned to the office.

"You guys are all fucking assholes!" a voice shouted with Seth, Kore, and Striker shocked as they stepped inside and closed the door behind them.

Oh, fuck, that little shit, Blitzo thought. I forgot about him. Then he sneered, "Oh shut up, kid, you're lucky to be witnessing this."

Moxxie pinched the bridge of his nose. "This company is such a mess."

Striker rubbed his temples. "Tell me about it."

"All right, let's get back to talking about my outfit," Blitzo said, adjusting his suit.

"Nobody was talking about that," Loona retorted.

"Which is why I'm trying to get that ball rolling. Looks good, right?"

The kid in question ripped the wires off his chest. "It's been a literal HELL pretending to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But now I WANT that! I WANT DEATH!" He pointed at Blitzo. "You are a selfish, greedy clown! And I'm a KID! We're supposed to LIKE clowns! Even the CREEPY ones!"

"Hey now, that's not very-" Moxxie protested, but the brat cut him off.

"If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit!"

"That's my HUSBAND you're talking to!" Mille shouted.

The brat just laughed. "THAT'S your HUSBAND? I figured you for a slut, but I didn't know you needed dick that bad."

Kore glared at the boy. "Where are your manners, kid?"

"Oh, you, too?"

"That's my wife, you little shit," Striker scolded.

"Don't talk to my mom like that," Seth said with his hands on his hips.

"Oooh, brave little spawn, huh?" Eddie asked in mock terror. To Loona, he pointed, "And you."

"What? What about me?" Loona demanded.

"Nothing. I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person."

Loona glared at him with a whimper and got back on her phone.

"Wow. You know, kid, you kind of ARE a piece of shit," Blitzo said with crossed arms.

Striker and the others muttered in agreement.

Suddenly, Loona's phone made a noise and checked to see what it was.

"Oh, fuck!" she smirked. "Guys, I just got a text from our client. Guess he was the right target after all."

"Who?" Blitzo asked.

"Him." Loona gestured at the boy.

"Me?"

"Yep."

"They wanted us to chill an actual child?"

"That's what they're saying."

Blitzo brought out his flint pistol. "Oh, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a god!" He cocked his gun and pulled the trigger with the kid shot in the chest.

Out of the blue, a large black horse walked over to the dead boy and flung him to the floor. Then he trotted on the lifeless body.