Chapter 16: DeSantis vs the Jaw Zombie (AOC)

DeSantis and his allies returned safely to Havana, relieved from the fierce battle in Venezuela. The fighting was over and they could now relax. DeSantis had made Cuba his provisional capital until he could go back to America and restore the United States.

President-dictator Charlie Crist was being cruel to the people of America, forcing Floridians to swim to Cuba en masse. DeSantis tried to save these refugees, but tragically, many died trying to fee.

"I hate this!" Ron DeSantis wailed to Mikasa. "My people are suffering and there's nothing I can do about it!"

"Don't worry, my husband," Mikasa replied, massaging Ronnie's shoulder erotically. "We will eventually take back America from Crist and his evil zombie minions."

DeSantis sighed. He knew she was right. They had already made great strides against Crist's international communist regime. All of Latin America was liberated and the likes of Hernando De Soto and Juan Guiado were placed in charge of their respective nations. In this uneasy peace, things were quiet. Too quiet…

"Hey DeSantis," said a guard, "we found a strange body that washed up here that we want you to look at."

And so, DeSantis crept towards the shore to examine the corpse. It was that of a young woman, but something was wrong. As he got closer, he realized she was not only dead, but ZOMBIFIED! He was looking at a zombie, perhaps one sent by Charlie Crist himself!

Suddenly, it LUNGED directed at him and he realized exactly who the zombie was. It was Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, also known as AOC. DeSantis jumped back before picking up a machine gun and firing at her.

"Stop shooting me you creep!" AOC yelled, her jaw half unhinged. "You wanna date me or something?"

"No, you ugly horse! You have an unhinged, broken jaw! What are you, a jaw zombie!?"

"Yes it is me, AOC the jaw zombie! I will end you here and now, Ronald!"

DeSantis was surprised AOC had survived the zombie apocalypse. She was even more shocked that the hideous corpse in front of her called herself the jaw zombie. She was self-aware and still thought DeSantis wanted to date her. How low did she think DeSantis's standards were? By saying that, AOC attacked Mikasa for suggesting she was a low standard. DeSantis could not let that slide. He needed to kill AOC here and now.

He bit his hand, remembering that power that he pulled out his ass back in chapter 5 or something. Ron DeSantis then turned into the ATTACK ZOMBIE. The jaw zombie would not go down without a fight, however, and bit at DeSantis's legs.

"OW!" he screeched and crashed down to the floor. He couldn't resist AOC. He had put on some weight over the years and was getting kicked like hell. Fortunately for him, he was saved at the last minute as a familiar face smacked AOC in the face with a pot… a wok pot.

"Joseph!" DeSantis shouted, leaving his zombie form. "You're back from Israel! How did it go?"

"Absolutely horrible," replied Joseph. "But there's no time for that. We gotta finish off the jaw zombie.

AOC just lied there in agony as Joseph smacked her again and again with the pot. DeSantis joined in while biting and scratching at her. At last, AOC was defeated. DeSantis was about to deal the killing blow when Joseph stepped in to stop him.

"What are you doing?" DeSantis gasped. "Out of my way."

"No, you can't become a murderer, my president," said Joseph. "That will make you no different than Charlie Crist, or Fidel Castro, or Wang Wang Ma."

"But she insulted my waifu! The hideous jaw zombie must pay!"

What will become of AOC the Jaw Zombie? Find out in the next chapter!

TO BE CONTINUED