Chapter 19: The Convoy vs Maryland Antifa

Things were going pretty well for the commies in Maryland. They had eaten and burned Congressman Andy Harris alive and purged all right-wing state officials. President-Dictator Charlie Crist rewarded them by giving them free soy lattes and canceling their student loans. Of course, since he had no money to do that he just had his secretary print more money and then their money became worthless.

These Maryland commies had no idea how much hurt they were in for as the Freedom Convoy departed from Virginia. Edward Durr told all of his trucker pals back at the crackhouse to join him, and of course, Ronald DeSantis himself was present. The commies saw the convoy approaching the state border and hissed. One commie by the name of Antifasus came forward. He was the CEO of Antifa and he meant business!

"Comrades!" he sang, grabbing his bike lock in his hand and whipping it around. "The imperialists who killed Fidel Castro are descending upon us. The racist, sexist, transphobic, queerphobic imperialists must be stopped!"

They began to sing the Internationale while holding hands in a very pansexual way.

"Stand up, all victims of oppression, for the tyrants fear your might!" they sang loudly (and poorly). "Don't cling so hard to your possessions for you have nothing if you have no rights! Let racist ignorance be ended, for respect makes empires fall! Freedom is merely privilege extended unless enjoyed by one and all!"

Before they reached the chorus, one large commie stepped out to confront Antifasus.

"What about fatphobic?" she squeaked.

"Um… what about it?" Antifasus replied apprehensively.

"You didn't address their fatphobia, sweaty. Do you have any idea of how triggering that is for me?"

"No, I–"

"Stop gaslighting me!" the fat girl shouted and slapped Antifasus across the face. The commies were all super confused as they watched Antifasus and the barrel-shaped female fight it out.

As the leftists continued picking each other to pieces, Durr and his truckers pulled up.

"Sup, fuckers!" Durr shouted as he yanked out his double-barreled shotgun and opened fire on the commies. They grabbed their knives, bike locks, and rocks to fight the freedom convoy in futility (Crist confiscated their guns).

Antifasus threw Chubby GirlTM across the street and onto the WINDSHIELD of a trucker's truck.

"Ahhhhh!" the trucker shouted as the impact of the fat girl crushed him and EXPLODED HIS TRUCK!

BOOM!

A huge explosion just happened that took out half the city block! Fortunately, no other truckers were caught in the blast.

"Truck #14 down!" shouted a voice over the radio. "I repeat, #14 is down."

"Damnit!" Durr shouted with tears in his eyes. "#14 still owed me $500 from that poker game! You damn commies will pay for this!"

Antifasus and his commies were getting beaten back by the freedom convoy. Thanks to the fat bitch's sacrifice, the damage was not unilateral. Antifasus knew he inflicted wounds on the fascists. He was an Antifa warrior, just like his grandfather.

Ronald DeSantis jumped out of Durr's truck and transformed into the Attack Zombie. He slashed at Antifa members left and right (well, they're all left but you get the idea). Finally, he attacked Antifasus, but Antifasus was quick. He swung his bike lock with all of his might and DeSantis felt it graze him a few times. He'd have to act fast to take this fucker down.

Suddenly, Mikasa arrived wearing her ODM gear. She swung around the city slashing anyone who carried a bike lock. Suddenly, someone else joined the fray who nobody expected. It was Larry Hogan!

"Commies!" Hogan shouted from atop his motorcycle. "Your judgment day is here!"

Larry Hogan ripped off his shirt and flexed his muscles. He was about to fuck up some commie shits. Mikasa gave the Maryland Governor an ODM set so he could fly around the city too. Hogan equipped it and took off at lightning speed, destroying Antifa trash. Meanwhile, DeSantis fought against Antifasus.

"Take this!" Antifasus shouted but his bike lock swung the wrong way and hit himself in the kneecap! "Owwww!"

DeSantis laughed at the pitiful Antifasus as he limped away. The truckers had largely destroyed the Antifa forces in Baltimore and were ready to keep moving forward. Canada needed their help.

"Thanks for saving my state," said Hogan. "How can I ever repay you?"

"You can join the freedom convoy," replied Mikasa. "We're headed to Canada to fuck the commies."

"Woah, are you Mikasa Ackerman from Attack on Titan?" Governor Hogan gasped. "I'm a big fan!"

"Thanks but I have a husband. I'm Mikasa DeSantis now," she replied proudly. The DeSantis name was truly an honor to have.

Larry Hogan was upset. He was jealous that he couldn't have things that DeSantis had (like the presidency). However, he also had to thank DeSantis for saving his state. The commies had ravaged it and many of them were Crist's zombies and they ate the Republicans!

"Well, let's go liberate Canada!" Hogan shouted.

The convoy drove off into the sunset. Durr led the way in his Dunkin Donuts truck, followed by his remaining 12 trucks. #14 and its driver were unfortunate yet necessary casualties in the global fight against communism. Their next stop was New Jersey, where the Dunkin Donuts CEO had originated.

In the blessed universe, Edward Durr had won his race against the sinister Senate majority leader, Weenie Sweeney. However, in this cold, arid, cursed universe, Durr lost big. Why? Because Weenie Sweeney BRIBED the vote counters! Durr wanted his revenge and now he had a personal trucker army to see to it. Maybe then his trucker friends from his home state would join in too.

As the sun set at last, one lone man limped in silence down the alleyway. Poor Antifasus was bleeding and his arms hurt. He cried tears of blood and pain. Most of his comrades were now corpses. Their commie remains were in pieces.

Antifasus swore revenge.

TO BE CONTINUED