Author's Notes: Yet another installment in the "I Belong With You" series. It's not a specific plot, more just peeks into Nathan's thoughts and feelings about Haley and their relationship.
This one is weird and not very good. (You're welcome.)
Huge thanks to missmelsie and NaleyWriter23 for their encouragement and inspiration. (If you're not reading The Lights That Guide You Home or Halo, what are you even doing with your life?)
Summary: Oh, it's so clear….. You're the only thing that I have ever been sure of... (Taken from the song "Clear" by NEEDTOBREATHE.)
Of all the great truths Nathan has known throughout his life (Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time; orange Starbursts are better than red; his children are the cutest kids in the world, and so forth), there is one undeniable, unshakable truth at the very core of his being: his wife is the best thing that has ever happened to him.
It's a simple love story: boy meets girl, girl tutors boy, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married and live happily ever after.
(Well, a little more complex than that. More like: girl is best friends with boy's hated half-brother, boy devises a plan to use the girl to get back at said half-brother, boy unexpectedly and completely falls for girl, girl unexpectedly and completely falls for boy in return, boy and hated half-brother become friends, boy makes an ass of himself a couple of times, girl forgives boy, boy asks girl to marry him, girl says yes, boy and girl get married, girl runs off to be a rock star, boy falls back on selfish ways, girl returns, boy leaves, boy returns, boy and girl circle each other, tragedy occurs, boy and girl reunite, boy and girl marry again, girl becomes pregnant, boy gets in car crash, boy and girl struggle, girl gets hurt, girl gives birth, boy and girl go to college, boy is on cusp of NBA, boy gets hurt, boy becomes depressed, girl becomes angry, boy gets better, girl gets better, boy and girl support each other, boy makes it NBA, girl becomes a rock star again, boy and girl are happy, tragedy strikes again, girl becomes depressed, girl gets better, boy and girl have another baby, boy gets kidnapped, girl goes crazy looking for him, boy is rescued, boy and girl reunite, boy and girl live happily ever after.)
But yeah, simple love story.
It's a Monday when he comes up with a plan to go after Lucas's best friend as a way to hurt Lucas and get him off the team.
It's a Wednesday when he realizes he well and truly likes her and that the plan to hurt Lucas is a goddamn stupid one and it's only going to blow up in his face.
It's a Thursday when Haley hears the rumor Brooke spreads at his dad's annual basketball party and Nathan discovers that his dad's constant criticism of him is not the worst feeling he's ever had.
It's a Saturday when he realizes he is completely, totally, head over heels in love with her and she, by some miracle, loves him too.
It's a Sunday when they marry and his life begins.
His wife is so beautiful.
That's his first thought every morning when he wakes up, his still-sleeping wife either resting her head on his chest or her hair tickling his nose as she shares his pillow.
Her beauty is more than physical – it radiates in everything she does, from the way she cares for him and their children to their friends and family, to the way she dances around their kitchen while cooking, to the kindness she shows everyone she meets.
Her beauty is in how she loves so fiercely, so strongly. How her eyes still light up when she's teaching and a student understands a concept. How she delights in everything their children do, even when it makes her want to pull her hair out.
How she gets so mad at him when he doesn't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, her eyes sparkling with anger. The way she complains when his stubble irritates her fair skin and yet gets upset when he shaves.
How she lights up every room she enters. How just one glance from her can send his pulse racing.
He's seen plenty of attractive women. But until his dying day, he will swear that his wife is the most beautiful woman to have ever existed because he knows her, has loved for over half his life, and he knows that she is so much more than her physical attributes and always has been.
(That's not to say she isn't physically beautiful because goddamn his wife is gorgeous.)
He was never one to share his feelings. Not with Dan Scott as a father. No, Nathan didn't share, he didn't express his emotions. He kept everything carefully bottled in so as not to give Dan yet more ammunition.
And then Haley came along and it was like a dam burst inside of him. Suddenly every emotion, every thought, every fear, every dream, he could speak aloud and not worry that it would be used as a weapon against him.
She allowed him to be himself, with no fear of judgment. She opened his world beyond basketball, encouraged him to be more.
He knows it wasn't easy for her, that he didn't make it easy for her. He fought, he screwed up, he tried to lay waste to everything they had built, but still she remained. Loving him, wanting him, fighting for him. She was determined to hold on to him and for him to believe in them.
She has given him so much over the years, selflessly and freely. He has a relationship with his brother now because of Haley. He has faith in himself, in his worth as more than just a basketball player. She has given him strength and determination to be the husband and father his family deserves. He has a family now, two children that he loves more than he ever thought possible and a wife who is so far out of his league he hopes she never realizes it.
He's not kidding when he told her she saved his life. He was on a path to emptiness, to an unfilled and lonely life. Now everything he has is because of Haley. Because of her strength, her faith in him, and her love.
God, he is a lucky bastard.
It embarrasses Haley when he tells her this but it's true: she is the best lover he's ever had.
(It also turns her on but she won't admit that.)
It's no secret he was a bit…friendly in high school and that she was not. Haley was fairly tentative at the beginning of their relationship, terrified one or both would take it too far or that Nathan was displeased with the slower pace.
(Which sure, maybe he was occasionally frustrated because he was a horny teenager who was dating the hottest girl in school. But never frustrated with her.)
(Besides, Haley wasn't quite as shy as she portrayed herself to be. He got hand action quicker than he thought he would.)
Up until Haley, sex for him was purely physical. Even with Peyton (there are times now he still can't believe he and his sister-in-law ever dated), it was never about her or her feelings for him. It was simply a release. The hookups before and during his relationship with Peyton were nothing more than something to do, a way to satisfy his physical needs.
(He really was a bastard pre-Haley.)
Then the shy yet feisty tutor he was crushing on became his girlfriend and everything he thought he knew about sex was flipped on its head.
For the first time, he actually cared about a girl. He cared whether she was happy, whether she was having a good day and if she wasn't, how he could make it a good day. He worried about her insecurities, that he was pushing her into something she wasn't ready for. He worried that he was getting into something he wasn't ready for. He wanted her, for more than just her body.
(That's not to say he was a complete angel because he wasn't. The porn debacle was proof enough of that.)
But for the first time, he was putting the needs of someone else before his own. If that meant waiting forever for Haley, he was prepared to do that.
(Thank god he didn't have to.)
Their wedding night is imprinted in his mind because for the first time in his life, he was making a choice for himself. A choice that he knew beyond a shadow of doubt was right. He loved Haley, more than he ever thought possible, and she loved him in return. It was the first time he felt at peace.
(The first time they had sex that night? Holy fucking shit.)
(The second and third were equally as mind-blowing.)
(But he's a gentleman and won't share more than that.)
She loved him when he didn't think he was capable of being loved. She awoke something inside of him he was sure he would never feel. She loved him when he was unsure of what he was doing, the scary adventure they call "falling in love." She loved (loves) him when he was (is) weak, selfish, stubborn. She loved him when he screwed up, when he feared he had destroyed the best thing he had in his life, and yet… she still loved him.
She loved him then, she loves him now, and that is all he needs to know.
He loved her when he didn't know even know what love was, not really. He loved her when she screwed up, when she hurt him so badly he felt like he couldn't breathe. He loved her when she came back, fierce and determined to fight to win him back. (She didn't know, couldn't know that there was no fight to be had. He was always hers.) He loved (loves) her when she is stubborn. (Maybe even more so then.) He loved her when she struggled, when she felt like she was drowning in pain.
He loved her then, he loves her now, and that is all he needs to know.
This remain the essential truth of his life: Haley James Scott is the only thing he has ever been sure of.
fin