Chapter 6

EMA

?!

"Me?" My fingertips grow icy as I try to keep from trembling. The pain in my hand is long forgotten.

He's not allowed to care for me like that…

Makoto…

Please stop…

It hurts. My heart hurts. We will never be together… Not like that.

The tears stinging the ducts of my eyes. This is all so stupid.

…

"I apologize if I came off as if I had some ulterior motive. I really do just want you to enjoy yourself, Ema. You've been working hard and this is an opportunity for you to have fun and be surrounded by company you enjoy. I would never intend to hurt you." I could sense Masaomi trying to meet eyes without any luck. "And that means I'll wait." He draws me in close so that my face buries in his chest. "Think it over... And when you're ready... I'll be here. No matter what you decide."

His cologne is soft, light, but solid, just like him.

Before he releases me to be driven home by Makoto who insists on bringing me home that instant he pulls me even closer. What he says next is only for me to hear. His whisper echoes hollowly in my ears. "There won't ever be a day I don't love you." When he distances himself again, the look on his face says he's just as surprised as I am by his words. "Take care of yourself. I'll see you at work."

My fingers of my good hand in those warm hands… and then with one final squeeze, it's gone.

...

-THE TRIP HOME-

Makoto opens the car door for me, light-hearted, and back to his usual friendly-flirtatious manner.

How can he act as though nothing happened? If his smile now is a mask or if it's genuine, I can no longer tell.

...

A while passes in silence as he drives effortlessly through the now, early morning streets of the city. The air is brisk, but without chill even though we're long into autumn.

Kaname is going to be upset we took his car. But to be fair, Masaomi gave us the keys.

"Your hand." His voice comes from nowhere. He stares straight ahead and for a second, I wonder if I'd imagined it.

"Huh?"

"Your hand. Give it to me." Unfaltering now, he looks into my eyes.

I obey without a word.

He takes one look at it, his finger gliding over my knuckles. "Em. I'm not stupid. The other one."

I roll my eyes and place the other gently in his palm. It's still tender but surely some ice will numb it away.

"Makoto," I crack the silence.

"Who." He says it rather than asks.

"I won't ever see him again. Let it go." I huff. "It was purely incidental."

He frowns. I hate the way that makes my gut twist "What happened." Again, it's a question, but not.

"Nothing. I can handle myself." I don't mean to snap at him but the entire night's chaos has been something else. "Besides, this is minor. It doesn't even hurt."

"I don't say it because you can't handle yourself Em. I say it because I can't handle seeing you like that." He says it as a matter of fact. "Even if it's not a big deal to you, it is to me."

I have nothing to say for a while. He doesn't seem to either.

"Makoto..."

He hums for me to continue.

I venture into the open… "Who am I to you?" The question had been swirling somewhere in the deep pit of my stomach and to finally voice finally quells those gusts.

"What you have been from the very beginning." He answers vaguely, gazing away from the road to meet my eyes for a second. The light dances in his opaque irises and the wind dusts his feathery hair to outline his charming face.

I think he knows he's being elusive.

"I was beginning to think you had gotten amnesia... But now I think you really are insane." It's no louder than a mumble. I draw in a wistful breath, thick with nostalgia. "Back then we were just kids… You said we'd always be together. Even when we're not… You use to say that you'd be my knight in shining armor if I could promise to be your princess." I monitor his expression as a tug pulls at the corner of his mouth. "It's a foolish thing huh. We were only kids back then. We couldn't have known..."

He grins, chuckling fondly as the streetlights waltz on his fair skin. "Glad you remember." His eyes seem to sparkle now.

"But things are different now!" I almost regret snapping at him with the painfully obvious. "You know as well as I do, we can't keep a promise like that..." He absolutely frustrates me. "How am I supposed to forget you…? To learn to have affection for another? To tell lies like that I've only known yousince university?!'We're siblings now that your father is married to my mother- They're married Makoto!" Those dreadful words make it out of my mouth. We both knew it before, but saying it somehow makes it feel that much more real.

That much more painfuly real. I catch my breath before continuing knowing I'd make an early forfeit to tears if I stopped now, " Why do you even pretend you could care about me? We can never be more more than siblings!" I swipe at my nose, feeling my face is becoming a horrible mess. "I can't move on if you're… always here!"

I wipe at my face. But nothing seems to be able to slow the faucet of words streaming from my mouth. It all comes out now. "It hurts. It hurts so much sometimes… To be so close to you. To want to reach out to you... But never be able to..."

The car screeches to a halt beside the curb in the empty city streets near the dormitory. His eyes brew steely molten and he looks fiercely at me. If I didn't know better I would have thought him to be angry.

"I never intended on moving on. I care for only you, Ema." His face lightens a bit as a soft grin sweeps his face. A sad grin. A pained grin. "That's fine by me, it really is. You don't have to believe me, but I think you know. It's enough for me to be your knight. Even if you can't feel for me, I'm not going to betray that promise I made to you." He pauses briefly, eyes flickering away and then back to mine.

For some reason him saying that "Even if you can't" it breaks me.

"But don't ever forget about me… Don't hint at such a painful idea…"

"Makoto… Please stop… You know this doesn't end well for either of us..."

How can I say that? He's looked out for me. Cared for me. All of this time he's been fighting to continue the love we had for one another. And even now, I'm dragging us the other way. All because he can control his emotions in a way I never could.

His lips draw taut. The silence binds the air. At last, he lets out a scoff, "Don't say such harsh things, Em."

"But-" I start. Why can't he take anything seriously?

His index finger brushes my lips. "Enough already." A hurt look softens his sharp features that indulge in the moonlight's caress. "Please. I know."

He seems to plaster on a smile, as he raises his eyes to the dormitory.

I hadn't even realized we had arrived.

"Well, we're here… Off you go Em," he says warmly as if we were talking about something far more trivial. Like the weather or lunch. "We can…" He trails off shifting his face in the shadows, "Talk about this some other time."

Those words seem to be the only indication that the conversation even took place.

I slip out of the car, clicking the passenger door closed behind me.

"Yeah Mako… I suppose nothing is better than a little walk down memory lane." I immediately regret the sarcasm that edges into my voice.

MAKOTO

She hasn't called me Mako since… Since Dad and Reema got married. When our last name officially became… Takahashi-Hinata.

-FROM UP ON THE BALCONY-

SUBARU

I watch, unable to take my eyes off the way her wavy hair caches the moonlight and weaves in the wind out of her loose braid. I never knew a sight so simple could be so heart wrenchingly beautiful.

I can hear my heart pounding in my throat.

And yet.

I cover my mouth with a hand, otherwise I was sure I would have choked.

I didn't mean to hear that. I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd stayed inside until I'd fallen asleep again. But they were talking with the car windows down... There's no way I could've ignored that. Was it a justification for eavesdropping…? Perhaps?

They're siblings by law not by blood…? Just who does he think he is?

MASAOMI

Riiiiiing rinnng,

At this hour? I rub my eyes, squinting at the glow of my phone screen.

Subaru? Why so early in the morning? It's still dark outside- 5:32 am. I hastily tap the green answer icon. "What?" I ask, but I know it sounds more like a groan than anything. I ruffle a hand through my hair, turning onto my side.

I've only gotten an hour of sleep… What a long night...

"Masaomi, I haven't been able to sleep, I need to tell you… "

"Tell me what Suub?" I gurgle out.

Makoto- Ema- they're siblings!" The static of his whisper makes me hold the phone further from my ear.

"W-what are you talking about?" I ask, rubbing the knots out of my brow. None of what he's saying is making any sense.

"I.. I overheard them talking earlier tonight. Ema and Makoto… are siblings. Hinata and Takahashi married- they are siblings by law..."

"I'll talk to you later, Subaru. Get some sleep." I hang up hastilier than natural.

He dare use his excuse as a brother to get close to her and make such uncalled for advances. He's hurting her in a way no one deserves to be hurt. Least of all her. She doesn't deserve this.

Part of me feels sorry him, the other, much larger, rational part hates him.

SUBARU

I thought I'd feel a little better after telling Masaomi. But I feel exponentially worse.

If I asked her out, then Masaomi would be pissed. This is a situation with no right answers...

"Why the tense look, Subaru?" Makoto scares the daylights out of me, his grin, the radiant kind that pulls his eyes closed. "You did want to join our study session… It was your idea. Right?"

My nails dig into the fleshy part of my palms. "Yeah. Y-yeah. I did." I meet his eyes levely.

"Okay, then, just let me know which problem's frustrating you," Ema is suddenly leaning into me, scanning my paper-Damn she's as oblivious as hell.

The soft brush of her arm, that passes my chest is enough to send shock through my veins.

"O-okay. This one. Can you show me how to do it?" I try not to stutter as I point to an equation.

"Allow me to," Makoto offers, a clever glisten catching in his eyes as he shifts.

I scowl at him.

"Here, trade seats with me Ema so I don't have to talk over you."

"It's alright, I don't mind showing him how to do this one," her smile, gentle.

"No, I insist. You need to be doing your work," Makoto taps her nose with his pencil. It's an out of place move for someone that's suppose to be her brother.

With a groan, she stands and switches chairs with him.

MAKOTO

Not far into my explanation, Subaru's teammates turn up. I heard them as soon as the double doors creak open.

Such a rowdy bunch. I do my best to ignore them.

But it's hard to.

"Hey! Subaru! So this is where you've been! We've been looking everywhere for you man. What are you doing in the library? You're gonna be late to practice and coach won't be too happy." It's a clamor of tallk from all directions.

A taller lean guy bounces the basketball against Subaru's back. "Hurry up, let's go. I'm not running laps cause of you again Suub," He jokes.

"Yeah, I'll be there Daichi. Don't sweat it, I just need a few more minutes," Subaru quickly brushes him off without as much as a second glance.

"Ah, fine. You got thirty seconds."

It's not enough time for even me to finish this problem, much less explain it to him.

For just about ten whole seconds the player is suddenly and uncharacteristically silent. I'm grateful for the quiet if nothing else. Then-

"She's cute."

Subaru looks up and I do too. He's pointing all to casually at my Ema…

She's fallen asleep on top of her papers. The other boys crowd around.

"Pretty hot." Another of the guys whispers elbowing the one that's Daichi. "Too good for you, eh Suub?"

Daichi chuckles. "I'm not surprised. She's your girlfriend, yeah?" The one called Daichi looks at me. "Hell if it's you, you could have any girl in this whole school." He scoffs in a way that is too dry.

I try to suppress the instinctive flinch of irritation welling in the pit of my stomach. "Well, no." I turn back to Subaru's math problem. Ignore him.

"Well, definitely not your girlfriend, huh Suub," the irritating blonde-Daichi- laughs. He runs his fingers through her locks of loose, wavy hair. My skin prickles. No one is allowed to touch her. I fight the urge to rip his hand off of her.

This jealousy… It's become so irrational.

SUBARU

Enough. I stand, reaching over Makoto and grabbing Daichi's hand. "Please. Don't." I'm almost frightened by the tone of my voice.

"Oh, woah, easy Suub," Daichi says, wincing at the force of my grip.

I didn't realize I was hurting him… I immediately loosen my grasp.

He stumbles back, rubbing his wrist, "What's the big dea-"

"What are you doing?" A voice rings through the library. No one so much as moves or makes a peep.

I know that voice anywhere and a wave of dread washes over me.

"I told you to find my brother, and what are you doing?" Orange hair catches the gleam of the midday sun that shines through the windows. His violet eyes pierce through the guys to me. He has an uncanny knack for always knowing how to target me. I wouldn't be surprised if there were some sort of GPS attached to me somewhere.

Why can't I just disappear.

"We're you personally hiring Sherlock Holmes to track him down? I give you one task trying to help you save yourselves from Coach's running, but I'd be damned if I helped you now, wouldn't I? You really wanna run don't you?" His tone is enough to make the guys stand up straight.

Natsume would make a damn good drill sergeant if he wanted to be.

I don't need to look to sense those violet eyes narrowing in. He sees me. His target is on lock.

There's nothing I can do to escape what's to come.

"You can never expect to be great Subaru, if you busy yourself with nonsense like this." He rubs his forehead like a disappointed father. I could already feel bad for his future kids. "Stop messing around. Come on."

It comes out before I can stop myself, "Shut up. You have no right to tell me that… You quit the whole team when you were in college. And yet you wanna tell me what I should be doing?" The hipocracy is something else. "Showing up all of a sudden and acting like you care. You only come to my practices when it suits you anyway! I'll do what I want with my time!" My jaw aches and I realize how tight I've been clenching my teeth.

My shoulder connects with his as I pass him, and I could care less. "Who died and made you king?"

I could care less... until he grabs my wrist.

"What did you just say?"

EMA

I wake up at the volume of his voice, I must have dozed. I turn around just in time to see Subaru's fist connect and send a flurry of orange hair to the ground. Subaru runs.