Chapter 8: Old Wounds
As I finished up my rounds, I sent our med droid to my quarters to inspect Ren. If Ari had lost his temper, I was sure the twins had roughed him up too, and I didn't want to provoke him any further. The Force blocking cuff was the most effective tool for the job I had ever seen, but that didn't mean the cuff and bindings were foolproof. And while I was pretty sure I could take him, I knew most of my crew was no match for him.
By the time Malek was showing me her finished work on the hyperdrive, I was itching to get back to my quarters. There would be a message from the General awaiting me on my data pad. I tried my best to pay attention as Malek showed me the wiring she had repaired. She had done a perfect job, she always did, and I appreciated her showing me - she knew I liked being updated on repairs as Captain and former mechanic of the ship - but my thoughts we elsewhere the entire time.
After witnessing as much wiring as I could without beginning to tap my foot impatiently, I found an excuse to return to my quarters for the night. Enris was in the hallway with my food when I arrived, and I was relieved to see it was a smaller spread than the day before, but there was plenty of food and wine for both Ren and I.
"I trust it's not poisoned." I said, jokingly as the door opened to my quarters.
"Regrettably so, yes, Captain." Enris said, shaking his head just a bit.
He refused to look across the room where our med droid was tending to a bruise on Ren's cheek, keeping his eyes trained on the cart in front of him instead.
"I'll take it from here, Enris." I said, rather than making him walk so close to his mortal enemy.
"Are you certain, Captain? I would be happy to serve you." He objected, though I could tell he was relieved.
"Yes, you are dismissed." I said, pushing the cart using the Force towards the table and chairs where we would be eating. It was a misuse of the Force that would have earned me a scolding from Ahsoka, but I wagered my present company wasn't going to lecture me on proper use of the Force, though he did appear to quirk his brow from across the room.
Giving my data pad a longing gaze, I decided it would be best to wait until after dinner to check my messages. I set my bag down on my desk and headed to set the table instead. The twins gave me a smile, rising to their feet and removing trays from the cart before I could lift a finger.
"Hey, Boss." They said in unison, and I was sure I saw Ren's head whip into our direction out of the corner of my eye.
"Say, where to next?" Ezra asked, setting wine glasses that looked comically small in his massive, clawed hands onto the table.
I struggled not to glance over at Ren, careful in my answer. Ren knew we were meeting with the Resistance, but I wasn't keen on giving too much away.
"There'll be a briefing in the morning." I said, thankfully saved from any further questions as K-9 walked in, blaster resting at his side. "For now, you two are dismissed for the evening."
We would have a discussion tomorrow about not provoking Ren and carefully following my instructions, but for now I just wanted to eat and prepare for my upcoming meetings.
"This guy gives you any trouble," Dezna gave me a serious look, holding one of his fists in his massive hand and popping a knuckle. "You just give us a call."
There was a time when I would have been insulted to think any of my crew members thought I couldn't handle myself, but I knew Dezna just really wanted an excuse to beat Ren up. Not to mention, the twins were like family, I supposed they had the right to worry just a little.
"You got it, Dez." I assured him. "Night, boys."
"Night, Boss." They said together, giving Ren one last glare before leaving.
I sat down and uncovered the metal dish that Enris had left as the main course while K-9 took to untying Ren from the bench.
"You need to tell your henchmen to pay closer attention when tying him up." K-9 said, careful working through the knots with one hand while pointing the blaster at Ren with another. "Not all of them were fisherman's daughters."
K-9 was particularly outspoken. It was part of his rewiring out of his imperial programming, but also something I permitted as my oldest friend and fellow crew member. He rarely challenged me in front of the rest of the crew, but he was quite opinionated in private.
"I'll have a talk with them about it." I said, distractedly eating the soup in front of me, some type of vegetable bisque.
"Or don't." Ren spoke up, settling in the chair in front of me. The large bruise on his face was fading into a mottled green-ish brown. Ari really hadn't held back.
"Quiet, you." K-9 said, lifting his blaster to be level with Ren's head. "Permission to shoot, Captain."
This only earned him an exhausted glare. K-9 also always thought he was being funny. He lowered the blaster with a shrug of his shoulders as if to say, It was worth a shot.
Ren uncovered his own platter and began digging into his soup with gusto, either having overheard my conversation with Enris or ignoring the possible poison situation all together in favor of his hunger. We passed most of the dinner in silence as I also devoured the soup and fresh bread left for us. Through my racing thoughts mixed with the chaotic Force signature rolling off of the man in front of me, I was vaguely aware that I smelled like shit from my day of training. My shirt was stained with sweat, some hair still sticking to the back of my neck. But pirates weren't exactly known for our cleanliness, and I wasn't particularly concerned with what Ren thought about my hygiene.
"I thought you said you weren't a Jedi." Ren said, leaning down to eat a spoonful of soup over the bowl. It could've been my imagination, but it looked like the corner of his mouth quirked into a familiar smirk. He cast his eyes towards my desk. "Certainly looks like a Jedi text."
Following his eyes to my bag, I saw where the text I had borrowed from Ahsoka had slid partially out of my bag, the spine of the book revealing its ridiculous name. Thinking carefully about my answer, I lifted the wine I was drinking to my lips. I knew exactly why I wasn't a Jedi, but it seemed a difficult concept for nearly everyone else to grasp.
"I fundamentally disagree with the philosophies of both the Jedi and the Sith. I believe that life is full of emotion, passion, and chaos, that it is attachment to friends, to family, to lovers that make life so fulfilling, that to strip oneself of these things is not to better understand the Force but to limit it." I said, doing my best to articulate my relationship to the Force. Ren narrowed his eyes, his head cocked slightly as I continued. "Harmony is not exactly my way of life, neither is humility. I revel in my victories. I scorn neither the pursuit of power nor of knowledge, but I will dedicate my life to neither."
Ren's brow furrowed slightly as he seemed to consider my words, his Force signature was perhaps the calmest I had experienced it yet. We sat in silence for a few moments as I tore at a piece of bread, dipping it in my soup as I thought about reading his thoughts. They were uncharacteristically quiet for a man that appeared so troubled.
"Where did you find the book?" He moved his hand to pick up his wine glass. "The physical texts are hard to come by."
I finished chewing on a bit of bread, thankful for the action making it so I wouldn't answer too quickly.
"A temple on Ilum." I replied, citing the first place I thought of.
Ren narrowed his eyes, the edge of his mouth quirking like he wanted to grin.
"I've been to the temple of Ilum. There are no texts left there." He corrected, and I could feel his pride swell a bit as he caught me in the lie. "Where did the text really come from?"
"You went there with Luke?" I asked, avoiding his question, adding. "Skywalker. Or are you raiding temples all by yourself now?"
Emotion surged through the Force at the mention of his former master. His anger was almost palpable in the air to the point I found a question forming so prominent I had to refrain from asking - What did he do to you?
"You're avoiding the question." He said, his voice oddly calm despite the crackling contempt in the air.
"As are you."
He sat back in his chair, pushing his plate forward just a tad, as if to say he was done, though he did reach for the wine glass once more. We finished the rest of the dinner in silence, me trying my hardest to read him without using the Force, and him carefully calming his mind - his face revealing nothing but contempt for the subject of our conversation. When we finished, K-9 monitored the Prisoner's trip to the fresher, and I finally had a moment alone to check the messages on my datapad.
There were several messages from the Captains of the council that I scrolled through in search of one particular response.
XSALO882
Leia's private comm.
Nervousness built in my stomach and knotted in my chest as I stared at the unopened message. In the bathroom I could hear that Ren was in the sonic, and I was sure I was hearing K-9 talking, though his tone was unconcerning. It was either open it now in private or later in scrutiny.
Captain,
I am glad to know that the Kingship has chosen to contact the Resistance with such precious information.
The General's upbringing as a princess and years as a politician shone through her words.
We would be happy to make an arrangement in exchange for the release of Kylo Ren and any information you may have on the First Order to the Resistance. I will be on Chandrila for the next two days if you would meet me on the Resistance base there under the terms you have already agreed to. Please notify me as soon as possible so that we may prepare for your arrival.
-General Leia Organa
The tension built in my chest deflated a little. The ship had already set course for Chandrila; we would be there by morning. The feeling of tension dropped low into my stomach at the thought of meeting with General Leia tomorrow, but the faster I met with both the Resistance and the First Order, the faster the Kingship could decide what to do with Ren, and the faster he'd be off my ship. My fingers twitched over the keyboard.
General,
I will arrive at your base next day cycle at 10:00 sharp.
-Captain Selene Dare
Ren and K-9 emerged from the fresher just as I hit send. I eyed Ren wearily, half surprised he hadn't tried to make an escape attempt, and followed them over to the bench to tie him up. Ren's wrists were reddened from the ropes and the skin around the cuff was swollen and irritated, but I could not be empathetic. I bound his hands quickly, tightening them with a hiss from Ren.
My shower and preparations for bed were uneventful, and, while I thought I would have exhausted and ready to fall into bed, I found I was still full of the nervous energy that had been plaguing me for days now. Picking up the personal datapad I kept by my bed, a horrible habit that affected my sleep nearly as much as my nightmares did, I began scrolling through the series of messages I needed to reply to. Most of them were fairly simple responses, updates on when I would be arriving at King's Cove. The council of Captains was convening there to discuss Ren's fate…the fate of the Kingship.
Turning off my datapad, I sighed heavily. My nerves were not abating, and my thoughts raced, my mood not improved by the human dark cloud of chaos glaring at me from across the room. Eventually the exhaustion from the rest of my body sunk in, my mind drifting into a light sleep.
"He can help her understand what's happening to her." My mother pleaded to my father, who paced back and forth across the living room. "She's a danger to herself and others like this."
"A danger?" Paps retorted, raising his voice before lowering it again. He stopped to turn and face my mother. "She's eight years old, and you think our daughter is a danger?"
"You saw what she did to you!" My mother flung back, and it felt like a knife through my heart.
I pressed myself against my hiding spot in the hallway as the events of the night before flashed through my mind.
Mom had had an event we were expected to attend as family…another one of her stuffy dinners where we had to dress up and act our very best while adults ignored us or prodded us with questions the whole night. It was our third this week, and I felt like I was going to explode. We were never given a choice in these things, and they were pure torture. I didn't feel like putting on some silly dress and telling fifty strangers my name and age and being griped at about my manners. Not to mention mom came home angry from every dinner about something some diplomat or other had said.
Both the nanny and mom had already tried to get me to put my dress on and I had refused. It only made me angrier when they sent Paps in because I knew he was going to try to bribe me into it.
I was still angry at the Nanny calling me "pompous" and the yelling match I'd been in with my mother.
"Come on now, Kid. It's just for one night." Paps pleaded.
"That's a lie and you know it! I'm not going to anymore stupid dinners!" I yelled, stomping my foot. I was tired of being paraded around like some sort of show pony just so mom could get votes. My anger built and built until it felt like a palpable thing in the air around me.
"Young lady, "Paps said, pointing an index finger down at me as I scowled up at him. "You are putting on this dress and going to dinner and that is final."
I'm still not exactly sure what happened next. The anger had built to bursting within me, so I had screamed with the unfairness of it all, a feeling like energy overflowing from me, all of the anger releasing at once. When it was over, I was out of breath, my throat raw from the force of the scream, and I opened my eyes to see Paps, only he wasn't standing where he was a moment before.
He was sprawled on the floor near the wall behind him. His eyes were as wide as saucers, his face full of fear as he looked at me, trying his best to regain his breath.
The breath I'd knocked out of him when I flung him against the wall with the Force.
"Paps, I-" Was all I was able to say, before I was choked up. Horrified by my own actions.
I had hid in one of the guestrooms' wardrobes crying all evening until my brother had found me and told my mother.
"Luke will be here tomorrow, we can at least discuss it." I heard my mother say, pulling me from the memory.
"I'll be flying to Naboo tomorrow, we can discuss this when I get back." Paps retorted before mom flew into a whole new discussion of his frequent absences.
"Aldi?"
There was a tug at my hand, and I looked down to see my little brother staring up at me, his brown eyes rimmed with tears.
"What is it." I snapped, my anger at my parents creeping into my whisper.
The little boy hiccuped, pulling his stuffed Wookie closer to his chest.
"I had a bad dream again…" He whimpered, and I could feel the fear rolling off of him in waves.
A tear I had been blinking back slipped down my cheek, but I turned away, tugging my brother down the hallway before he could see it. I guided him up the stairs listening distantly as he described what the dream was about, and I assured him that everything was alright. He crawled into bed with me, falling fast asleep at my side as I lay awake.
In the darkness of the room, a coldness crept in, a fear that I kept in the recesses of my heart and mind. The voice crept in quietly at first, distant, but growing the longer I lay awake in the darkness.
They don't love you. They're sending you away. It crooned. The voice sounded sad, kind, but there was something false about its empathy.
I shut my eyes, pulling my brother closer for comfort.
You saw how he looked at you. They think you're a monster -
I was startled awake by a sound like a shout, and I sat bolt upright in bed, my eyes quickly adjusting to the dark to see Ren sitting, still tied up, across the room, heaving heavy breaths. K-9 was standing, blaster at the ready, but thankfully appeared to understand he had just awoken from a nightmare. Deja vu filled me even as the dream faded from my mind. I turned to read the clock.
5:00 am.
Today was the day. After seventeen years it was time for a family reunion.
Author's Note:
I'm just gonna leave this here...
But seriously, you can expect more regular updates, at least for a little while. I'm currently editing future chapters to post, which should come in the upcoming days. Further explanations on Dare's background in the upcoming chapters. Thanks so much if you've read this far.
Sincerely,
Captain Dare's Metal Arm