Chapter 9: Reunion
The shuttle craft I was piloting floated in the space just outside the atmosphere of Chandrila. The Andromeda was not far, still remaining deep enough in space to avoid detection by New Republic officers and Resistance fighters on patrol.
I glanced at the time:
9:47 standard galactic time.
I had arrived around an hour ago, only to spend the last hour agonizing over the many possible outcomes of this meeting. Although I had said 10am sharp, I had wanted to arrive sooner to deal with whatever welcome wagon the Resistance would be offering. They were sort of a grab bag in that they might cuff me, or they might welcome me diplomatically - it depended on who my mother would put in charge of it. But every time I went to comm the base to clear for landing, the knot in my stomach bubbled up to my throat and threatened to strangle me.
Seventeen Years.
It had been seventeen years since I had last seen my mother - since she had last seen me. Between the concussion that cost me my memory for years after our separation and my own efforts to conceal myself in the Force, I had not sensed her presence nor she mine since that fateful day. I had already spent too much time mulling over my regrets and the painful past that kept us separated. It was time to reconcile who I was with who I am now, and there was no escaping this time.
I gripped the comm already in my sweating palm, and took a deep breath before typing in the code to connect me with the Resistance base.
"This is Captain Selena Dare requesting permission to land, please advise." I said, managing to keep the shakiness out of my voice. It was an art I had practiced and perfected over many years, but one that seemed particularly hard to recall now.
There was silence on the other end for a long moment. I could hear the beating of my own heart growing louder and louder in my chest, the rushing sound of it drowning out the quiet of the cabin.
"Hold your position. You will be escorted shortly." A young woman said sharply from the other end.
Escorted. They weren't messing around.
I did my best to distract myself from my thoughts in the meantime - straightening my clothes, my posture - anything to take my mind off of what was coming. I was in the middle of breathing exercises when a familiar voice buzzed over the comm.
"Wellll, Captain." He said the title with disdain. "Your entourage is here. After you."
Is that?...I discarded the thought - now was not the time. But the familiarity rubbed against my consciousness even as I tried my best to focus on the situation at hand.
I looked out my visor mirror to the orange-helmeted pilot to my left and simply nodded in response. I slowly guided my shuttle into Chandrila's atmosphere, taking a moment to admire the landscape of one of my many former home planets. X-Wings settled into positions on either side of me as I followed my memory along with the Force to where I knew the Resistance base to be nestled into a valley between a series of mountains far west of Hanna City.
The x-wings left me for their own designated landing pads as I was signaled into position on the busy tarmac by a young woman. My comm buzzed again with the sharp feminine voice I had first communicated with.
"Stay in your craft until you receive further instruction."
Landing the craft with ease, I turned off the engine and sat back against my seat watching the base around me with interest. I wasn't exactly surprised to watch what must have been lower ranking officers began to clear the area with efficiency until even they disappeared. All that remained were the pilot who had first greeted me, a few officers, and some muscle in case things got nasty - at least that's what it appeared to be. The group began to gather close to my shuttle. Either the General wanted to keep our little meeting under wraps or was afraid of the damage I might cause if provoked - perhaps a little of both. Several glances were cast my way as they murmured and gestured amongst themselves. If the General had given instruction, they appeared to be questioning it. I suppose my reputation did proceed me - especially after this little First Order ordeal.
"Come out of your craft slowly, with your hands raised." Came the voice again, as the huddle appeared to reach a decision and approach the door of my craft.
This is ridiculous. I thought, but, nevertheless, steeled myself and opened the door of the shuttle following instruction.
The cold light of day shone into my eyes as I stepped down from the shuttle door and was immediately grabbed by the wrist and wrestled into hand cuffs.
"Nothing personal, just no telling what you'll do." That pilot's voice came close to my ear as he secured the cuffs and unclipped my saber from my belt.
It all came flooding back now, shaking my focus for a moment. That night on Florrum, I had been looking for crew members to populate the recently decimated population of the Andromeda. He had done quite the job of trying to convince me just how good of a crew member he would make - that pilot. I thought, and a low laugh escaped me.
My eyes focused and I turned to look at him as he began pulling me by the arm into the base, the other officers flanking us.
"Something funny?" He asked, all righteous now that he was a Resistance officer, and not some space rat looking for a pirate crew. What was the name he had given me? It had been a fake. I wondered if he still went by it.
"No, not at all." I said, feeling more composed than I had all morning. This funny coincidence appeared to be all that I needed to forget for just a moment how nervous I was.
We entered the base and navigated down a series of hallways. Slowly, then all at once I began to feel her presence in the Force press against my shields. It was not the invasive assault that Snoke or Ren's had been, but it was forceful nonetheless. Serious, strong, but with a familiarity that almost pushed me to tears.
Not now. I scolded myself. But they would come, sooner or later, regardless of how hard I fought them.
The pressure became all consuming as we neared a hallway, and I had to steel myself to keep from turning away. From running, far and fast, as I had for so long from this reunion.
The door at the end of the hall practically glowed with her presence, and somehow, I found it within myself to numb myself against it. To push past the ideas of whatever might lie beyond that door, and step back into the persona I had sunken so deeply into. To embody the confidence and swagger of Captain Dare.
The muscle and officers walked past us to stand on either side of the door to her office, and the pilot gripping my arm opened the door with a smirk. I somehow glued my eyes to him for a moment, procrastinating seeing her a moment longer.
"After you." He said, once more.
My head turned, and I found my eyes drawn like magnets to her gaze, steely and all-seeing, as my feet moved without my permission guiding me closer to where she stood behind her desk. The room was broad, but not extravagant, and my instincts to survey it for threats and exits overcame the magnetism of her figure as the forced me to a halt.
I found it was blessedly devoid of 3-P0. I think I may have dissolved into tears had my childhood friend and mother overwhelmed me in the same room.
"Captain Selene Dare, General." The pilot said, his eyes dancing despite the seriousness of his features and tone.
I could feel her eyes upon me, my heart beating rapidly, even as she spoke.
"I didn't tell you to cuff her." She said. Her voice was tired and rough with age like the rest of her features, yet, similarly, it had not lost its lilting grace.
"General…" The pilot began.
"Now, Dameron." She demanded, and he obeyed, releasing my wrists of the useless device which falsely held them. Then, "Leave us."
"But-"
"Now." She barked.
Only a moment after he had closed the door she rushed past me to lock it, the scent of her old parfum wafting past me as she did so. There was a tension to her now, one I had not recognized sooner while absorbed in my own anxiety, but that now permeated the air as she remained turned towards the door and away from me.
I turned fully towards her and felt her soften imperceptibly through the Force. She turned, and I was paralyzed with fear as she stepped towards me until she was only a foot or so away. I was taller than her now, but she did not look up at my face as she approached. My chest rose and fell with heavy breaths that I could not hide as she lifted her hand to take in it the Kyber amulet that rested above my breast. The Amulet of Alderaan. Her's that she had entrusted to me only days prior to my disappearance. The Force glowed and swelled with pent up emotion.
She held it for a moment before raising her hand and her eyes to my face, searching it before a tear escaped her own eyes and she rushed forward to grip me in a fierce hug.
"It is you." She whispered in what was nearly a sob. "It is you."
Words caught themselves in my throat, replaced by tears running down my cheeks. My arms stayed locked at my sides by her embrace, but I leaned into her, opening up my own presence in the Force for her to understand.
"It's me." I whispered back, scarcely wanting to admit it and at the same time wanting to shout it from the rooftops.
"Aldarris." She said my name like a prayer. "My Dare, you're home."
"I'm sorry." The words were escaping me before I had the chance to stop them. They poured from my lips over and over again. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I-
She hushed me and pulled away, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Oh, my Dare. Don't be sorry." She said, and there was a smile on her face and tears in her eyes as she said it. "All that matters is that you came back. That you're here."
Fresh hot tears streamed down my cheeks at her words, and this time it was I who pulled her into a tight embrace. I buried my face in her graying hair for a moment - it smelled the same as it had when I was a child. For the first time in so long I felt my mother's energy surround me in an overwhelming embrace.
But I hadn't come back. For so many years I could have, and I didn't come back. I wanted to say, but all I could manage were quiet tears.
We both composed ourselves a little bit. I let her go, and she offered me a handkerchief which I accepted. She guided me over to a seating area and sat close to me, her hand on my knee. I could feel her warmth through the Force, but also a nervousness, an edge, a need to know everything that had happened since she had last seen me as a little girl. We were both quiet for a moment, just taking one another in. Her presence was almost all consuming, both as my mother, and as the commander of men that she had always been. She smiled at me, tears brimming her eyes.
More tears fell down my cheeks that she wiped away without a word. The intensity of the moment did not fade, but it became more bearable. Finally, I felt able to speak.
"I don't know what to say." I said, honestly, not knowing where or how to begin.
"Where did you go?"
Author's Note:
This story has been nesting in my brain since just after TFA came out, and I saw the prompts "What if Han and Leia had a daughter?" and "What if Ben Solo had been a smuggler/pirate like his dad instead.". I wanted to explore the idea of a space pirate kid, but I also want to explore the family side of this. What would it actually be like to be a Skywalker/Organa/Solo? What are the pressures and family disfunctions that come with those legacies?
On a lighter note, I was today years old when I realized that Dare having a metal arm is the space pirate equivalent of an Earth pirate having a hook hand. Also, this character has been in my head so long I cannot remember if this was intentional or not. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.
Yours Truly,
Captain Dare's Metal Arm