11. Mrs Scamander & Professor Longbottom
It was Saturday and Neville had been in his bed all day. The only reason that could make him get up would be to grab yet another shot of Firewhisky. That had been his routine for a few days, since that had happened. He had been isolating himself and getting wasted all the time, not even bothering to show up to his classes. In fact, he hadn't even informed Professor McGonagall that, he just didn't go. He knew Professor Sprout had been covering his absence, for his mother grew too concerned and invited her, Professor McGonagall and his grandmother, Augusta, to stage an intervention, but he solemnly ignored them.
Besides the four of them, there were three other women trying to get him out of his reclusion. Hannah had called from Germany some two or three times. He had talked to her on that fateful day, when he called everyone he knew who could perhaps provide him with answers. That day, she'd explained to him everything she knew about Luna's situation, which wasn't much besides the fact that the person responsible for her dark magical wound was actually her husband, and that Luna had begged her to keep it a secret.
The other was Rose, who had visited him to try to cheer him up and get him back to teaching, probably on Hermione's request, who he figured should be inhumanly busy, or else she'd come in person. "Come on, professor!" Rose said. "All the students are asking for you! Everyone is dying to see you again!" 'Garbage,' he thought. "How can you leave Gryffindor without its Head of House!?" she uttered. 'Ask McGonagall,' he thought. 'She's downgraded me, didn't she tell you?' The young woman would always make a point to show up and force him to talk to her, to try to cheer him up, and even, if possible for the insatiable know-it-all, to show exaggerated interest in Herbology. He sincerely appreciated that; she had always been one of his sweetest students, though he'd rather be left alone. Whenever she'd ask how he was, he'd just blatantly lie.
The third one was Ginny, who had been calling him about four or five times a day. However, when he realized he wouldn't get any more answers from her besides what she had already told him when he first broke her the news that Luna had been cursed, he started to decline all her calls unceremoniously. Most of the time, he'd just keep his phone off, since he didn't know how to turn on the vibration mode.
This time, uncharacteristically, his phone was on, for he had been playing Tetris. It started to ring, startling him freakily, which caused him to crash his head against the wall. Angrily, he decided he wouldn't turn down the call, but he'd answer it and argue with Ginny; she'd been deserving to hear one or two from him.
"Get the hell off my back, Ginny! Don't bother talking to me ever again! You've left me in the dark through all these years, how dare you call yourself my friend!? I've never been more furious than I am right now! If you don't have any answers for me, I won't talk to you either! You should try your luck stalking someone else, you may try Brazillian quidditch stars Ronaldinha and Marto, who have just arrived in Sweden! With me, rest assured you'll never talk again! Get lost!"
"Huh..." a voice that didn't belong to Ginny rose from the other side of the line. "Well, it's not Ginny, but I'll pass it on when I see her..." Neville couldn't believe his left ear. Had she really called him? "By the way, she's written a full-page article on Ronaldinha and Marto, it came out today, didn't you read it? Well, I did. I read the Prophet front to cover every day now. Every newspaper that falls into my hands, actually..."
"Luna...?" he gasped. "Is it you?"
"Hello, Neville," she giggled. "It's so good to hear your serene and sweet voice again..."
"Er..." he babbled, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Luna, I didn't want to shout at you. Did Ginny ask you to call me? If so, that was very irresponsible of her... everybody says you shouldn't talk to me, it may trigger your curse. I apologize, but I'll hang up on you..."
"Don't do that," she broke him off. "It won't trigger anything, Neville. We've talked for a long time in your office before the curse could be triggered."
"Er... huh..." Neville babbled a second time. "It may be dangerous, Luna... are you sure? McGonagall said..."
"I know what she says," she told him in a reassuring voice. "McGonagall, Narcissa and the healers are just being cautious, but it's much unlikely that just talking to you, even more by the muggle device, would trigger the curse. There are indeed some curses which can be triggered just by the mere thought of betraying the spouse, but that's very advanced and archaic dark magic, and I doubt Rolf knew something such as this. Will you talk to me, then?"
"Er..." he babbled for the third time. "Well, you just convinced me..." he smiled widely against his cellphone. "How are you, Luna? Are you up on your feet yet? When did you get out of the hospital?"
"I'm great, Neville. More than great, actually..." she paused for some seconds. "I got out of the hospital yesterday, but I've been feeling better for a couple of days now. Actually, I had a total blast in the hospital," she chuckled. "Everyone in St Mungo's knows me, and it's so nice to be around so many people again..." his heart clenched as he deduced her monster of a husband had been forcing her to keep recluse. "I'd ask how you are, but you've already told me you're furious..."
"That was just because I thought it was Ginny. With you, not even close. Actually..." tears threatened to fall from his eyes as he remembered the helpless state she'd been in the last time he'd seen her. "Luna, I'm so sorry..."
"Don't be, Neville. You have nothing to be sorry for," she said in her standard dreamy voice. "I'm calling to thank you, Neville. You've set me free..." he didn't say anything, for he knew his voice would come out cracking. Taking notice of the lingering silence, she decided to go on. "When you thought you were talking to Ginny, you mentioned you wanted answers... well, that's the second reason why I'm calling you. You may ask me anything. I'll answer it all. That's the least I can do to thank you."
"No..." Neville mumbled. "No, Luna... I... I just realized you don't owe me any answers. I was being silly. I don't know why I felt entitled to know, but... I never was... I... er... you have every right to keep it a secret from me. Also, I don't want to make you think back on... well..." he didn't bear to specify what.
"It's fine, Neville. Seriously. I'm truly bursting with joy, nothing could possibly kill my mood right now."
"I don't deserve to know anything... after everything I did to you, it's no wonder why you'd want to keep a distance..." he rambled in a choked voice. "If I hadn't been the worst person to you in the first place... if I had taken proper care of you... you'd have never been through all of this..." Neville buried his head in his pillow. "In the end, it's all my fault...! I as good as pushed you in the eye of the storm...!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Neville," she laughed sonorously. "We can't change the past. Actually, we can, but it'd be very irresponsible. Like that time when Albus teamed up with Narcissa's grandson and they both saved Cedric Diggory from death, then you ended up dying, then Harry ended up dying... which ultimately caused You-Know-Who to survive. D'you remember that?"
"Damn, Luna!" Neville laughed as well, albeit crying still. "I'm on a sad page here! Don't make me laugh... I don't think I believe that has really happened, it's just so farfetched..."
"Indeed. It almost seems..." she drew closer to the phone and whispered the most silently she could. "It seems something invented by dad and me."
"I beg your pardon!?" Neville almost fell out of his bed. "What!? Did you just call yourself...?" he thought 'crazy' but didn't say it. "Did I misunderstand...?"
"Oh, whatever you thought, I am," she said, nonchalantly. "And dad as well. The twins might be."
"What?" if possible, he was more bewildered than the first time he heard it. "That's it? You'll just agree to everyone who's ever called you Loony? For the record, I never thought you were!" he rapidly added. "I swear, Luna, no matter what horrible things I might have called you that night..."
"The clinical term is delusional disorder, I guess..." she explained. "I have a somewhat hard time setting reality apart from my thoughts..." she sighed. "Nowadays, however, I strive to resist it." Neville's mouth was shaped like a capital 'O'. He never thought the day Luna would renounce the Crumpled-Horned Snorkack would come. "Well, Neville, I understand you don't want to ask anything, but, since you're my friend, and now you're Lysander's friend as well, I'd really like to share the whole lowdown with you. Let's just talk, what do you think? I'll just speak my mind. Unless you're otherwise engaged, of course. Do you have time?"
"I... I have absolutely nothing else to do. I've been in bed all day," he adjusted himself comfortably and covered himself with the sheet. "I'd really appreciate 'just talking'."
"That's good news," she straightened herself as well, dwelling deep in the armchair she'd been sitting on. "By the way, I'm plainly aware you have always considered me loony too, Neville. You don't need to lie to me about it anymore. You were just too kind to confront me." That was true, he couldn't deny it. "I really thought back then you were the only one besides my dad who regarded me as a normal person. I confused your efforts to protect me from being harassed with active support for my delusions, which couldn't be farther from the truth..."
"Luna..." he wheezed. "I'm really sorry..." how could there be even more for him to be sorry for? He felt he would explode with sorrow. "Look, Luna... you may be right... but I did think you were normal. I do think, actually. You were just... just a little different, that's all." She smiled against the phone upon hearing that. "I'm sorry the way I acted gave free rein to it, I should have suspected you could be struggling with it..."
"That's what I guessed you'd say. It's so like you..." she chanted, joyfully. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I've been to alienists since I was a kid, but I never gave what they said serious consideration. You couldn't possibly have said anything to help."
"I'm not suggesting I should have confronted you, but maybe I could have talked to you... reasoned with you... if I had spoken gently to you, don't you think it could have helped?"
"Her Grace has been reasoning with dad since before I was born, Neville. Also, remember how much effort Hermione has put into 'reasoning' with us. It never brought us any good. In the end, both of them just gave up and went along with it. By the way, recently Her Grace's told me my mom was normal. Well, almost as normal as one can be and yet marry my dad. I had never noticed she was different from us, precisely for she never sought to 'reason' with us. She had always accepted us without any restraints, just like you."
"Wait... then..." he felt touched by what she had said, but he sought to regain composure quickly. "Why do you give them any credit now? The alienists, I mean..."
"I wouldn't say I give them much more credit than I used to. I'd estimate 85% of their reports is pure garbage," she giggled slightly, to which he reciprocated. "No, I'm serious. I'm obliged by the Ministry to talk to them, but they'd paint me as a wild maniac if I talked about any of the things Rolf used to do with me..." she closed her eyes to fight the tears she felt coming, but they decided not to fall when she told herself, 'There's nothing to be sad about... it's all over... it's in the past.' "So, I began to act as if everything were fine, and they finally started to believe I was getting better. I'm even allowed my wand back!" she chuckled discreetly, but this time Neville didn't find it any funny. "Recently, I've been granted to make financial transactions as well. They're hoping I can be a fully-fledged member of the wizarding community."
"This is horrendous, Luna! What will they say once they're told you were speaking the truth all along? Will they apologize to you? You have always been an exemplary member of our community, Luna! Whether you believed in nargles or not, it never made you any worse... you have never done anything but good to anyone! You helped to defeat You-Know-Who, you helped my mother recover consciousness and come home from St Mungo's... not to mention thousands of others who have benefited from your research! Not allowing you a wand?! That's absurd!"
"Oh, nargles were never the problem. I talk about nargles all the time with them. They regard it as I sign I'm getting better," Neville let out a discreet surprised grumble, for he figured she couldn't see his puzzled face over the phone. "You see, when I was a teenager, they always found I had something more than mere eccentricity, but they thought it was so mild it almost wasn't an issue. Now, however, they were convinced the influence of dark magic has worsened my condition considerably, so I seek to sound more like I was back then."
"Oh..." it was everything Neville could find to say.
"But they're wrong. Strangely, I'm much saner now."
"Well, one can see that," he agreed, suddenly feeling remorse for that time when he ironically suggested that dark magic had miraculously 'cured her' of her lunacy. "You appear to be as sharp as ever. Er, why do you think it didn't affect you? Dark Arts tend to mess badly with one's mind... my mom can attest that..."
"It's the boys," she answered, decidedly. "I can never afford to fully dwell in my own thoughts, I have to be always on the alert. I only think about how to keep them safe now. Well, I might have traded imaginary creatures for severe anxiety and panic attacks, but it's a small price to pay for my children's well-being." At least she didn't finish that with a laugh; he always felt utterly heartbroken whenever she talked so nonchalantly about her misfortunes. "However, the alienists jumped on concluding that my constant state of terror was a symptom of a severe form of psychosis. Losing my wand was not even that bad. The real thing was when I almost lost my boys..."
"Lose the boys!?"
"You didn't know? How much did Ginny tell you?"
"She didn't tell me that," he jumped to his feet and began pacing around the room. He still felt he didn't deserve answers, but he wanted them so bad he wouldn't stop her. "The only thing I know is that... he..." he didn't want to call him 'your husband', for he didn't deserve it, "...is the one who's caused your dark magical wound. And that he is violent in general. She didn't specify much." He strived to think back on every piece of information he had. "Well, I also read about that Statute of Secrecy scandal on the news."
"In short, the story goes like this... at some point, I did try to divorce Rolf. The problem was that the Ministry wasn't so understanding of my condition..." Neville listened attentively to every word she said, as if trying to make up for the decades he'd lost with her. "I had been enduring his abuses for years, but, when he decided to raise his wand against my children, I decided I've had enough."
"Oh... I understand your behaviour that day now. You were afraid Lysander could mindlessly tell me something..." he crossed his arms, concerned about his student. At that moment, he made up his mind to return to the school next Monday morning, with no excuses. The kid was probably going through a sensitive time, and he knew he didn't have many friends to rely on. Of course, he wasn't alone, he knew he wasn't the only teacher at Hogwarts who cared for him. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but recall the boy had made a point that he was his favourite teacher; not Flitwick, who had known him since he was born, who he had been named after, with whom he shared the worshipping of Ravenclaw, but him. Actually, Neville thought he'd better go back earlier. He'd go tomorrow morning. "He's a good kid, Luna. He's kept your secret. I didn't know anything."
"He's the sweetest," Luna stood from the armchair, pacing to a cabinet upon which several picture frames lay. She grabbed one of them and relished in the image of her adored twins. "He's clueless sometimes, but he tries so hard to listen to everything I tell him." Luna sighed. "Unfortunately, Lorcan..."
"Lorcan...?" when she didn't continue her sentence, he encouraged her to go on.
"I had no intention to press charges against Rolf. All I wanted was to divorce him," she changed the subject, resuming the story she had been telling. "He didn't agree to it, though. I had to bring up his violence. However, Rolf's defence brought up the issue of my mental health. In the end, they concluded I was delusional and disregarded all my claims..." her voice started to crack. "The judge decided to grant Rolf the custody of Lorcan..." she sniffed hard, "...though I couldn't let it happen, Neville. I could never leave my own child alone with him... I just... I could never..."
"Luna, don't. You don't have to tell me any of these," he said, emphatically, as much as he had been dying to know it. "Please, don't cry... I was right, you shouldn't relive all these things..."
"Lorcan's betrayed me," she went on. "The Statute of Secrecy story you read on the Prophet was a scam. Lorcan's told the whole Auror Office he had caused my dark magical wound, that he, and not his father, had been assaulting me with dark magic." Neville was so shocked he failed at producing any sound. "He pleaded guilty in his father's stead. Rolf, for his part, pleaded guilty to negligence, since he had the duty to keep his underage children from performing magic. However, at the end of the day, that only meant he successfully got away with all his crimes against us."
"This can't be true, Luna! Didn't you just say... d'you... he's horrible to the boys as well, no? Lysander hasn't told me anything, but I clearly noticed he doesn't take his father in high regard. How could this happen, Luna!? Besides, how could any auror believe this kind of garbage!?"
"The twins are much different from each other, Neville," she wandered around the room for some moments before she mindlessly found her way back to the armchair, still holding on to the twins' portrait. "Lorcan, unlike his brother, worships his father... he mimicks him in everything. The fact was that Lorcan was really trying to do magic out of the school with his father's consent, even dark magic, I reckon. Though he's never brandished a wand against me. Quite the contrary... Rolf assaulted not only me but Lorcan as well, he cast the Cruciatus Curse on him. That was the last straw that made me file for divorce... I'm afraid, however, not even that made Lorcan realize the truth about his father."
"D'you think..." Neville didn't know how to put it in a way that wouldn't offend her. "D'you think Lorcan's still messing with dark magic? After all, he's gone to Slytherin..."
"What d'you mean by that!?" Luna seemed slightly hurt. "Going to Slytherin doesn't necessarily mean anything... Albus was sorted into Slytherin, Narcissa's grandson as well, and they're both nice kids."
"Right..." Neville decided he'd better not argue with her about that. He rapidly sought to figure out a way to change the subject. "If you promise you won't try to sell me Narcissa as a good person, I'll agree with you," Luna chuckled, and Neville thanked Merlin he'd managed to lighten up the mood. "Is there any visible reason why he likes his dad so much? Maybe Rolf is good to Lorcan, maybe he's trying to conceal from him what he used to do with you..."
"I doubt it. Rolf does give Lorcan attention. He sure appreciates the praise he receives from our child. But... when goes berserk, he doesn't mind who the target is. Rolf's been violent to Lorcan much more than he has to Lysander... he seeks to stay out of his way more."
"Then... why? Well, maybe it's just the way things are. Children seek the love of their parents no matter what..."
"I have a hypothesis... but maybe it's just my mind playing games with me..."
"Tell me, Luna."
"I suspect Lorcan's struggling with reality. He can't take Rolf for what he really is because he is too attached to the idea of the father he adores."
"Wow... that makes sense," Neville said, stuck with surprise. "But Lorcan doesn't seem to be... you know... what I want to say..." he expected Luna to cut him off before he had to say what. He was utterly disappointed that she didn't. "He seems to be different from you, if you know what I mean..."
"I can't know for sure... but he and Lysander are despite everything identical twins. I don't know if the disorder is solely caused by genetics, but I'd say there's a good chance he's like us."
"Are they?" Neville questioned. "They indeed look alike, but they don't seem identical to me. It may be the hair that makes me think that. Is it natural? Or is it just a different hairstyle?"
"None," Luna replied. "I suppose you remember the reason why my hair is silvery."
"Of course," Neville rushed to explain, as if he were a boy once more and Professor Sprout had just required information on some fascinating plant. "It's enchanted. One of your many inventive ancestors was trying to invent a spell to prevent hair loss. Instead, he accidentally enchanted his hair. So, all his descendants have hair exactly like his."
"Correct," sounding as much like a teacher as he had sounded like a schoolkid, she as good as could have granted him 10 points for Gryffindor. "There are only two known situations that interfere with the enchantment. The first one is if the person is a squib, which is not Lorcan's case. The second..." she paused, fearing the reaction she'd get from him, "...if the person is messing with dark arts."
"Er..." Neville really didn't want to take another chance at discussing Lorcan's involvement with dark magic. It was clear how sensitive she felt towards it. "I recall it now. You told me Death Eaters expected you to share the secret of enchanted hair with them, and they didn't like it when you told them it wouldn't work." He coughed up, trying to buy more time to decide how to keep the conversation going. "So, please, go on with your theory, Luna. You were telling me...?"
"Somehow, I feel he is aware that he is like us, but he doesn't want to," she resumed talking. "Maybe looking up to his father represents that for him, a way to distance himself from us. Even if he resists his disconnection from reality, his mind may be deceiving him regarding his father's true nature..." Luna gasped, mournfully. "All I can tell you for sure is that it was the reason why I took so long to understand Rolf's true nature. It felt to me that the person destroying everything in which he laid his eyes wasn't really my husband, it appeared to me as a separate entity."
Neville clutched his eyes forcefully, haunted by the memories of Luna begging him to stay that dreadful night, imploring him for his forgiveness, holding on to him with all her physical strength. Could she have disregarded his disgraceful attitude as well? Could she have also elaborated in her mind a way to absolve him for his sin? Did she blame it on the alcohol, on dark magic, or perhaps on herself, for having cheated on him?
Or worse, what if he had been horrendous to her all the years they had been together, but she had been unable to realize that due to her condition? 'No,' he told himself, albeit not completely sure. 'Now I am the one letting my mind play tricks on me. Ravenclaw's portrait was there all along, yet she never complained.' Nevertheless, he realized all the years they had been together he never had the slightest clue how tremendously exposed she had been before him. He had always perceived her as a bold, powerful and talented witch, not as someone so vulnerable to violation. Had he wanted to deceive, to restrain, to take advantage of her, perhaps he would have pulled it out and she wouldn't even realise something was wrong.
"I used to believe there was a way I could fix it, that somehow I could kill the monster and save my husband..." she continued. "Ultimately, when I saw him aim his wand at my children, I knew I had been sorely mistaken." Neville forcefully swallowed in, an attempt to vanquish the dryness in his throat. However, even though he had proved it was still possible to get something down his throat, no sound, or even air, would come out of it. "Say something, Neville..." Luna requested.
He leisurely drove back to his bed and lay on it, yet no words came to his mind. "I can't," when he finally succeeded in producing any sound, it came out craking and choked.
"When I lost my child, I had to resort to the only possible way to be with him," she resumed her story, resigned that he wouldn't speak his mind. "I went back with Rolf."
"So... you were not exactly his wife," sitting on the bed, Neville stated more to himself than to her, rationalizing out loud. "You were his... hostage."
"That's pretty much it."
"That's... wow..." he rolled on his bed, hugging his pillow. He closed his arms and made believe it was her. "Luna... I couldn't be more sorry..."
"For the 50th time, don't be. Just believe what I'm telling you, that you've done something good to me. Neville, the thing I've wanted above everything else was to live peacefully with my children. To live without fear. Without you, this would never be happening."
"I thought you were happy with him..." once more, he said more to himself than to her. "I thought... you were better with him..."
"Well, you clearly thought wrong, Neville," she told him, aloofly as always. "To be honest, for some time, we've travelled the world pursuing creatures no one had ever studied. That was undoubtedly a good time. I found he treated me nicely then, but he had always been double-crossing me, even though I couldn't see it."
"I wish you had left him..." his mind clearly warned him he shouldn't say it, but the words escaped his mouth before he could help it. "I wish you'd left him for me... I wish I could have protected you, taken care of you..."
"I wished for something as well. I wished you had hurried back for months following the night when you left me," she said in her perfect casual dreamy voice, but she didn't do so spontaneously. She forced herself to it, for she had to make a point that there could never happen anything between them again. She couldn't let not even one ounce of grief or longing appear in her speech. "You never did. I couldn't help but lose all hope you'd ever take me back."
"I'm sorry," he hurried to say. "Huh, I know you've asked me not to say 'I'm sorry' anymore, but I have to apologize one more time. I definitely shouldn't be telling you any of these... that's absolutely the last thing you'd be wanting to hear right now..." He let go of the pillow he had been holding. "I got carried away, I didn't think straight..."
"If you mean it as a question, as in 'Why didn't you come back to me then?', I will answer it. If you're instead suggesting we should go back together, it's impossible. It's too late now. The curse is unbreakable."
He buried his head into his hands, tears strolling mindlessly down his face. This couldn't be true. There had to be something that could be done. He knew he could cure her, for his love for her was larger than life. He was no better of a healer than anyone else, but he was better to her. All these years he had found she was better without him; that he didn't deserve her; that he didn't deserve anyone at all, actually, he also found Hannah to be better without him. Nevertheless, now that he knew the truth, his heart urged her to give her its love... only to hear it couldn't.
"One time, you told me you would never give me up without a fight..." taken aback, Neville almost let his phone fall from his hand. He had forgotten, but it was true, he had told her that. "Yet you didn't. You didn't even try anything to win me back. You couldn't possibly think I'd consider rushing back to you bearing two children of another man."
"I wanted to come dashing to you the very moment I saw you falling..." his vision became blurry from the tears he didn't have enough might to suppress. "No, I mean, the moment I threw you. I..." his voice started to break. "I'm a monster... I'm no better than him... I couldn't even look you in the eyes...!" he sniffled out loud. "Wait..." Neville stopped talking as realization dawned upon him. "D'you mean 'bearing' as in..." yet another time, his voice failed him.
"As in exactly what you're thinking, yes."
"No," Neville murmured, sceptically. "He didn't do it." Neville got up again and paced to the window, opening it widely, to keep himself from suffocating. "No... not when you carried his own children..."
"That was precisely when he caused my wound," she said, aloofly, sounding too accustomed to that horrendous memory to Neville's taste, which only increased his panic.
"No..."
Whilst he still struggled with that bizarre revelation, without finding words to describe how disgusted he felt right now, her voice sounded in his ear again, "I think now you're up to date, Neville. I told you almost everything I wanted you to know."
"Why do you want me to know all of that, Luna?" dizzy, he trembled as he grasped the ledge of the window forcefully, reeling on it to keep himself from falling. "Why did you keep it a secret from me all these years and now all of the sudden you've changed your mind? Is it only out of gratitude?"
"No, it's not," she trembled as well, dreading as she perceived the moment of the truth getting nearer. She began babbling, a vain attempt to postpone it. "When Rolf forbade everyone in Magical Natural School from calling me Loony, it made me think he accepted me as well... even more than you, Neville. He'd tell me that other people couldn't keep up with my brilliance, that I was special, that we were superior to everyone else there... though, in reality, he always found me to be a freak, and he actually despised that side of mine. He's always sought to change me, he never truly accepted me."
"Wait, are you trying to justify yourself for having cheated on me, Luna? If so, stop it. I've let you down the moment you've needed me the most, Luna, you don't owe me any explanations..."
"No, I'm not," she whispered. "I'm not trying to explain myself. I'm trying to explain Rolf to you. I kindly ask you to pay much attention."
"Alright..." he replied, suspiciously.
"I was indeed a good research partner to him, so good he wanted me for more than just research. I was useful to him. He'd have me do tons of his work for him, he'd take so much credit for work I did on my own... however, he'd never let me lecture in front of the public, for he was too afraid I'd say something bizarre. Also, for years I acted more like his mother than his wife. He always had anger outbursts, even before we got together. He used to be very infamous for his temper, but I could always stop him from destroying his own work, from throwing tantrums at Natural School whenever he was contradicted. The whole scholarly community, including his own family, thought Rolf to be much more palatable when with me. At some point, and that was when you and I were still together, he couldn't really do without me anymore..." she gasped. "What I mean is... he's always been out to get me. Out to get us, to be precise. He had an agenda to break us up."
He stared at his own clenched fist. He felt on the verge of erupting with resentment. "Damn." he snarled. "So..." he made an effort to drive his mind back to their conversation. "You reckon he may be out to get me still?"
"He would, but he'd have a hard time getting out of his imprisonment. However, it wouldn't hurt to be alert," she straightened herself, mustering the strength to tell him the worst part. "There's yet another reason I'm telling you this. Haven't you figured it out? I mean, in the past, you came to that conclusion yourself."
"No, I haven't," he had started to feel really worked up, but he definitely didn't want to be rude to her. "Could you just tell me, Luna?"
Feeling tense, she brought a hand to her head. "If you don't swear you won't freak out, no matter what I say, I'm not telling."
He hopped as though the floor was lava when he heard that. "Merlin's most torn pair of paints, Luna! Now I'll really freak out!"
"You told me you wanted to take care of me, didn't you? Now you tell me you can't even promise me you'll calm down!?" she sounded heartfelt. "Can't you do that for me?"
Neville inhaled and exhaled at a slow pace, seeking to focus his entire will to settle down. "Sorry. I'm relaxed now. If that's what you want, I'll give everything I have not to freak out."
"Don't you remember...? What you told me that night?"
'Merlin's sake!' he cried out in his mind. 'Yet you won't tell me!? Bloody Diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw whose pupils never have any answers, just questions!' He didn't say anything, though.
"That he might have been the one who..." Luna's voice died. He could hear her sobs through the phone. When she recovered her ability to speak, she barely produced something more than a blow. "...our unborn daughter..."
For the 50th time that evening, Neville ran out of words, having drowned in a sea of grief, but Luna knew he was still on the line, for she heard his heavy breath through the line. He stumbled his way to the bottle of Firewhisky he'd been drinking the whole day, pouring it generously into a glass. Thus, he drank it almost at once and promptly began pouring another round.
"Neville, you're drinking, aren't you? I can sense it. Please, don't," she pleaded, sounding much like she did the night he left her. "I'm still talking to you, I need you here with me."
Readily, he came to a halt, "It's just..." he croaked, "...it's too painful for me to bear, Luna." He fought his tears. "I can't... this can't be true..."
"I know it hurts," quietly, she cried as well. "Do you think it doesn't hurt me too?"
"We were so happy, Luna..." he hoarsely muttered. "Never in my life was I as happy as when I thought you and I were going to have our own family..." he paused to dry up his tears. "I shouldn't have taken my eyes off you not even for a second... Damned Merlin!" he shouted, attracting the attention of his mother, who came falteringly in her wheelchair to check what was happening with her son. "It's fine, mom..." he said, swallowing his tears and striving to get a hold of himself, as he spotted that the once closed door was now ajar. "I'm just talking to someone using the muggle communication device, you don't need to worry. Thanks for checking on me," he struggled to smile at her.
"That's why you have always been entitled to know, Neville," she concluded. "You've been part of this since the beginning. I'm sorry I kept you in the dark, but I had to. I needed to protect you... and my children, and myself. So, please, Neville, I ask you, don't do anything reckless. If not for me, do it for your mother."
"She wouldn't take much longer to be born..." he kept on mourning. "How far were you when that happened? It was the beginning of the third trimester, right? I should have stood home with you, Luna..." he moaned hard. "I should have... I should have foreseen it! How could I not suspect he might do it!? Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he slammed his own fists against his head. "I'm a damned thickhead...! It's all my fault...!"
"Neville, it's not your fault," she told him, resolutely. "It's always been his fault, Neville. You've been nothing but lovable to me when I was bearing our daughter. It happened at the end of the second trimester, by the way. It takes very powerful dark magic to cause an abortion so far ahead. Not even Trelawney and Parvati could have predicted Rolf knew how to do it. It took me years to figure out he was a dark wizard, Neville." She took a deep breath. "Did you hear what I asked you? Will you promise me you won't do anything reckless?"
"Why do you want me to promise you that? You're afraid that Caveman will knock on Rolf's door and ram Gryffindor's sword through his belly?" she didn't respond. He realized he had started to take it out on her, but, on top of all the unbearable sorrow he felt, she had rubbed salt in a wound of his. "Cause I don't know how to solve things without recurring to brute force, that's what you think?"
"No, Neville," she responded so patiently and sweetly that he instantly repented his attitude. "I don't think you're a caveman, but you would definitely kill to protect the ones you love. But she's already gone, Neville. It won't bring our daughter back."
"I'd kill him to save you from the clutches of him. But I'm not going to do anything now." Recalling she had asked him not to apologize anymore, he decided to speak gently to her as well to demonstrate his regret, "I promise you, Luna. You have my word."
"Thank you, Neville. It'd hurt me dearly to see you end up in Azkaban in vain."
"How do you think she would have been?" he tossed himself on his bed again, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. "If she was alive, she'd be about James' age..." more tears welled in his eyes. "I wonder if they'd be good friends... or if they'd be like cat and mouse such as Rose and Albus..."
"I don't know, but I do know she'd be a good daughter. I feel like she's never truly left me, Neville," she said, resembling good old Loony Lovegood more than ever. "She's always watching over me..." she wheezed. "There were several times when I thought everything was over, when I thought I'd die, when I thought I couldn't save my boys... but something inexplicable happened. I know it was her. I know she's become an angel... and she's watching over me." She hesitated, for she felt self-conscious about sounding too loony, but she continued. "I know it might sound foolishness, but if only you'd seen it... you might ask Lysander, he'll tell you I'm not lying. Rolf was just about to cast the Cruciatus Curse on him when a blinding white light surged completely out of the nowhere, I even thought I had died... then the next thing I saw was Rolf lying unresponsive on the floor. It was her. I know it sounds crazy, but..."
"No," Neville interrupted her. "It doesn't sound crazy at all, Luna. I do believe what you're telling me. I do believe she's become an angel." Luna widened a smile, just like she used to do back then whenever anyone stopped by to listen to her farfetched stories. "I believe she is your guardian angel, Luna. Thank you for sharing that with me... it makes me feel somewhat better."
"She may be watching over you as well. She's guarding all of us. She was the one who made you find me that day... she was the one who drove McGonagall to find us in your office... she was the one who made you tell Ginny I had been cursed... if you hadn't, I'd still be stuck with Rolf by now... everything is working just fine for us now. I know it's a sign. I'm confident he will be out of options after they hear me on Monday, he'll have to plead guilty."
"You'll be heard on Monday? Are you nervous?"
"Not at all. It'll be an endgame for him. I hadn't been out for the whole week before I escorted Lorcan back to Hogwarts, and I have good reason to believe I didn't carry any curse before I picked him up the day he was suspended."
"What good reason?"
"That's... a little embarrassing..." she nervously played with her hair, mindlessly hiding her pink cheeks. "Talking about it might trigger the curse... let's just tell Rolf caught me in a compromising situation... and he didn't like it..."
"Oh..." Neville's cheeks turned pink as well. "I think I got it, you don't need to elaborate any further..." He had to strive to drive his mind out of the compromising situation she had been in. If he had been the one to find her like that, he would have loved every bit of it...
"Well, let's just say this 'compromising situation' didn't trigger the curse," she explained. "I figure Rolf didn't expect me to actually cheat on him. To be honest, not even I would have bet on that. I was too terrified of him. He was probably mad just because I was cheating on him inside my mind, is it too crazy? He probably thought the curse would be triggered at home. He might have even expected the curse to be triggered when he and I were having sex, for he might have noticed sometimes I pretend he's..." she paused before she could thoughtlessly say 'you', "someone else..." she said instead, "to make it bearable. That's why he was so sure you hadn't been harmed. He made sure to choose a curse that wouldn't harm the man, so it wouldn't harm him accidentally."
At this moment, the sorrow he felt for her reached a new peak, his heart bleeding more and more at every word she said. Apart from not being allowed a wand, not being allowed to manage her own finances, not being allowed to decide if she wanted to divorce or not, not being allowed the custody of her son, not being allowed to socialize freely with people, not being allowed to live in peace, not even being allowed to have their daughter, she wasn't even allowed to pretend not to be violated. Albeit hard to believe, that maniac relished in Luna's pain. That was the only possible explanation.
His heart needed to hear her say if that 'someone else' she had been thinking was him. But he couldn't keep on that subject any further, it was the riskiest their conversation had gotten since the beginning, and the last thing he wanted was to trigger her curse another time. Instead, he decided to confess his love for her indirectly. "Let me take care of you..." he pleaded. "I can heal you, Luna. You know how powerful the healing magic I produced on you can be... let me try to heal you again..."
"I'm afraid that won't be possible," she denied, polite albeit decided. "Your healing powers may trigger the curse."
"They didn't that day. The curse was triggered much after I was done casting enchantments on you," he cleared his throat and raised his voice. "Please, let me try it. Also, I know I can break this curse, Luna... I'll find a way, I promise..."
"Please, Neville, don't make promises you can't keep," she responded, calm but sharply. "As Professor McGonagall may have told you, you're probably right to think that the curse could be more easily broken if my dark wound is cured, but I can't afford to take such risk. I'm far from healthy and I don't know if I would survive if the curse was triggered a second time. I beg you to forget that idea. I have two young boys to look after. They are the love of my life." Her eyes stopped by the frame of Ravenclaw's portrait, who had been the entire time pretending to be sleeping, but Luna knew her too well to believe she'd lose the opportunity to overhear her conversation. "To be loved by a man just isn't for some people, I guess..."
'But you are,' he thought but didn't say. 'Deeply.'
"You should go back to Hannah, Neville," Luna suggested. "She is such a good person. She's so fun, so full of life. Just forget about me, Neville. Why don't you leave it all and reunite with her in Germany? And don't tell me she's better without you."
"In fact, she is. She's having the time of her life there. She's living her dream to be a brewer."
"That's fantastic, Neville. You both have always shared the..." she hesitated, not so sure if that was good news or not, "...love for alcohol."
"Do you really reckon it's a good idea for me to leave everything and move to Germany to be a brewer? Even though I have had problems with alcohol in the past? Also, I have mom to take care of... she's been great these past years, but I really doubt she could learn another language."
"Erm... probably not," she admitted. "Do you understand my situation, then? Just like you have to put your mother first, I have my boys..."
"What can I do for you, then? From afar. To make up for all the time when I didn't care for you. If there is anything I can do... to lessen your pain... just tell me..."
"Well..." she had been hoping she could ask him that, but she had felt too shy to do it. "Would you look after the twins, Neville? Unfortunately, you will be seeing them more than I will. Nothing would make me happier than living peacefully with my boys and my dad, to have them come back from the school and stay with me... but that would be very selfish." Ravenclaw opened her eyes in her framework, making herself ready to start a sermon if Luna insisted on the outrageous idea of depriving the boys of academic life. "Could you look after them, Neville? To make sure nothing bad ever happens? Could you be their guardian angel as well?"
"Consider it done, Luna," he told her, standing up readily. "I'm going back to the school at this very moment. That is, if I still have my job after skipping so many classes." Both of them cackled at the remark. "I'll be Lysander's best friend, Luna. I'll care for him the way I didn't have the chance to care for our unborn daughter."
"Thank you so much, Neville... I know you're already a good friend to Lysander, and I've seen how good care you take of him... but I actually meant both of them."
"Oh..." taken aback, that's all Neville could respond.
"Could you watch over Lorcan too? I know he is troublesome, but..." she stuttered. "He's been for years desperately seeking the love of a father who gives him nothing but violence. It's not his fault, Neville." Her voice started to fail, but she forced herself to go on. She had to say it, she needed him to know. "I reckon he was victimized by the curse Rolf cast on me when I was pregnant... I suspect he has struggled with the influence of dark arts since before he was born, not to mention our condition."
"I will, Luna," he agreed, resolutely. "He is yours, so how could I not care for him too?"
"You don't need to be his friend," she advised. "Rolf's probably told him horrible things about you. He won't be receptive. Not even Flitwick he respects. Also, I'm under the impression he suspects you have something to do with his father's arrest, be on the alert. I'm only asking you to watch him from afar, that's all. To make him understand he is loved is a task only I can be charged with."
"Alright, Luna. You know what? I'll talk to Albus and Scorpius. I assume Harry and Ginny are Lorcan's godparents, given that Lysander's are Ron and Hermione. Also, since Narcissa is your cousin, that means Scorpius is too, right? So, in the end, he is also related to Lorcan..."
"I think Lorcan and Scorpius' relation is that of third cousins..."
"Close enough," Neville said, playfully, heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth. "Lorcan might listen to them. They're older, and they're in Slytherin as well. He might not feel like listening to Scorpius, he's Head Boy after all, but I'm sure he'll give Albus some credit."
"Thanks, Neville," Luna smiled. "That is really a good idea."
"How's Lysander, Luna? Do you think he suspects me to be involved in his father's arrest as well?"
"Oh, don't worry about Lysander, Neville. He is more interested to know if you're alright than in his father's arrest. He's been asking Flitwick about you every day. Her Grace's told me he's always the last first-year to arrive at the common room at night, he's always busy until late taking care of your plants in your absence," one lone tear travelled down Neville's cheek. Had Rose specified Lysander was asking for him instead of appealing to students in general, he would've rushed back quicker than Roderick Plumpton in a quidditch match. "Didn't he write to you? He owls me every day and he's actually asked if I possibly knew if you were alright." Actually, he didn't know, for he hadn't been checking his mail. Promptly, he trotted to the pile of letters his mother had stored for him, and there it was, the little boy's clumsy handwriting. "I'd say he does suspect my illness and your absence are connected, but you don't have to keep anything from him. He won't blame you for Rolf's arrest. He knows he's brought that on himself."
"Luna, are you sure there isn't anything I shouldn't keep from him? Even that we had... erm... what we were doing in our office? He's too young, don't you think?"
"Oh, I do. I meant you may decide what you want to tell Lysander or not. You told me you would take care of him as if he were our own daughter, so, I trust your judgement completely."
"Thanks, Luna," he said, seeking to cover up the emotion in his voice. "So, I'm heading to the school right now. If you need to tell me anything else, please send me an owl, the muggle device goes haywire in Hogwarts. We can call people using a simple spell, but we can hardly answer calls."
"Alright, Neville. Thank you for everything. Have a very good evening."
He felt like bidding goodbye confessing his love for her, but he was resigned it was over. She needed him to be over her. She didn't need to be with him, she needed him to let her go. "You too, Luna. Take care."