Chapter 6 – The One Where They Fight Elsa
Dean and Donkey walked down a crumbling street lined with ruined buildings. It was easy to tell that the city was once prosperous, but that time was long gone. Demons watched them from inside the buildings and the shadows between them. A monster hunter and a talking donkey traveling together through Gary, Indiana. It sounds like the setup to a bad joke.
Donkey looked at the cracked road ahead. "So Dean," he said. "Do you mind telling me how there's a Gary, Indiana in Hell? And how the hell can it be Gary, Indiana without being in Indiana?"
"It's the same city," Dean explained, still looking ahead. "The Gary on Earth is just its corpse. You see, even cities have souls and when a city dies it gets an afterlife as well. Except that most cities go to Heaven. Gary is the only town to ever go to Hell. Probably because it was shit anyway and somehow managed to make Hell worse just by being here."
Donkey nodded. "That makes sense."
They continued walking through the shady-ass town. As they traveled, Donkey couldn't help but think about how he was going to explain this to Shrek. Surely Shrek would trust him. The problem was that Shrek wouldn't know he was the real Donkey. Of course, Elsa could always just double kill him when he and Dean confront her. And even if they won, how the hell were they supposed to escape Hell if the Devil's dead? It just seemed hopeless. But, Donkey refused to give up. He was as stubborn as a donkey, as the saying goes.
Donkey was snapped out of his thinking by the sounds of a crowd. The streets had been growing fuller as they walked through the ruins. Ahead of the pair, it was now clogged by a large crowd of demons. They paused, unable to continue any further.
Dean looked down at Donkey. "So, think you could turn back into Barry and fly us over?" he asked.
"No, I can't," Donkey said with a scowl. "And quite frankly, I'm a bit offended that you would even suggest I turn back into that body-snatching dick."
"Well, it's just that Barry was more useful," Dean said. "I mean, he could fly and, uh, he had hands. Which is something you lack."
"Well, you know what? Fuck you too," Donkey said, indignantly. "Why don't you use your demon hunting skills to clear us a path? Oh wait, I haven't seen you kill a single demon while you've been down here. I have seen you get killed by one, though."
"I can clear us a fucking path," Dean grumbled. He marched forward and shoved aside several demons, pushing his way into the crowd. He paused for a moment and turned around. "Hurry the fuck up, ass," he said to Donkey.
Donkey, not wanting to get left behind, quickly followed Dean into the crowd. They continued forward for some time, Dean plowing a path through the demons as they went. They got a few nasty looks, but that was it. Lesser demons knew not to fuck with a Winchester. Eventually, Dean and Donkey made it near the front of the crowd. Ahead of them was a stage with a small podium on it, set up right in the middle of Gary, Indiana. More than a dozen demonic guards stood in row in front of the stage. Killing Elsa was going to be tricky.
The crowd went quiet as a silver-haired woman in a blue dress walked on stage. Queen Elsa. She confidently walked to the podium and leaned into the microphone.
"The Devil is dead," Elsa announced to all of Hell. "I killed him myself."
Silence dropped over the crowd before a deafening uproar spread through the city. Donkey wasn't sure whether they were cheering or angry. Elsa seemed to be annoyed as she leaned back into the mic and took a deep breath.
"SILENCE!" she screamed through the speakers. The crowd calmed down once more. "I am now your Queen and I will not have my new subjects acting like animals! Now, I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Queen Elsa. In life I was the Queen of Arendelle. And in death I shall be the Queen of Hell."
Looks of confusion spread throughout the crowd causing Elsa to sigh. "I should've figured that none of you would know what Arendelle is and that is precisely why I am doing this. Arendelle is a small country, barely more than a city-state, wedged in between Norway and Sweden on the coast. We've been overlooked for our entire history and I thought that enough was enough. I gathered Arendelle's entire military into one room and began making plans to invade Oslo and seize control of Norway. My sister, Anna, found out and tried to stop me. She said that our 50 soldiers were no match for Norway and their allies in NATO. And so I turned to dark, ancient knowledge and discovered that Hell was real and had infinite soldiers. I then killed myself and, being rich, naturally ended up down here. I killed my captors and took Hell for my own. Now I will unleash the legions of the damned onto Earth and then finally, all of Scandinavia will be under the control of the new Arendelle Empire! And then, the whole world will be ours for the taking!"
The crowd cheered, bloodlust audible in their voices. The demons of Hell had been wanting to invade Earth for a long time, but the Devil's pact with God had been preventing exactly that. But now, the Devil was gone. And Elsa had no pact with God.
Dean leaned over to Donkey. "This is bad," he muttered. "She's a fool if she thinks the demons will stop at merely conquering the Earth. They want to destroy it, and they will if she opens the gates to Hell and sets them free."
Elsa spoke back up and the crowd silenced once more. "Now, I have no idea what all of you are cheering about," she said with a smile. "There is no place for simple sinners in Arendelle. I came here for the Infinite Legion, not you weaker demons. In fact, I think I'll dispose of you all right here and now."
The crowd hardly had time to be outraged at this before Elsa threw out her hands and sent a massive wave of ice and snow out into the city. Dean swore while quickly pulling out his gun, which he then used to shoot the demon next to him right in the head. He grabbed the demon's corpse before it could even hit the floor and threw it at the ice tsunami coming toward him. As soon as the dead demon hit the ice, the plotdevicium in its blood detonated, splitting the ice wave like Moses splitting the Red Sea. The wave narrowly passed on either side of Dean and Donkey, with them just inches away from death. In just seconds, Dean and Donkey stood alone in the cold and twisted ruins of Gary, Indiana. Millions of souls had been annihilated in Elsa's attack. Elsa herself still stood on what was left of the stage, staring at the two survivors with a cold look in her eyes.
With a click, Dean aimed his silver pistol for right between the witch's eyes. "Ice this," Dean said, immediately thinking that it sounded cooler in his head. He pulled the trigger. Almost as soon as the bullet left the gun, a thick icicle grew out of the ground right in the bullet's path. The ice cracked as the bullet collided with it, but it held firm, stopping the bullet from reaching its target. Elsa smirked as she made a subtle hand movement and the large icicle lifted off the ground, pointing itself at Dean.
"Well, shit," Dean said right before being impaled.
The icicle went through the center of his torso, nailing him to the ground in a spray of blood. His gun clattered as it hit the hard ground beneath him. Donkey, who had been frozen by fear since Elsa's initial attack, quickly rushed to Dean's side. Blood pooled out from under Dean and spread around Donkey as he stood. Donkey was at a loss for words.
Dean coughed, blood now running from his mouth. "Donkey…" he struggled to say in a pained voice. "Kill her… Protect them… Sam… And Shrek… You can do it… I believe… In… You…" Dean went silent as he died for the second time. His soul faded from existence, leaving behind a bloody icicle stabbed into the ground amidst a pool of blood.
"No…" Donkey whispered to himself. Dean was wrong. Donkey couldn't kill that. And besides, what use would belief be in Hell? Elsa raised her hand to kill Donkey as well.
Just then, the ground began to rumble. Elsa turned to look and a wide grin spread across her face. Donkey looked over, too. And he saw it. The Infinite Legions of Hell, stretching across the red landscape and past the horizon. The shaking of the ground grew more and more intense from the footsteps of endless demon soldiers.
Elsa's terrifying grin continued to widen. "Yes!" she screamed. "It is time! Time for the Gates of Hell to flood open and drown the world in blood! May Arendelle reign forever!"
Armageddon had begun.